Soul Mates!

So I was having a conversation with an old friend of mine about 3 this morning. And I brought this subject up because I was thinking of my probable soul mate and how ridiculous it could be. Just taking a innocent subject and adding extremes into it.

I asked: What would you do man if it was possible to know for sure who your soul mate is, and you found out that it was some chick addicted to heroin laying in some alley who has sex for money?

He said something that made me change the scenario. So I said ok how about this. You where your at now. What if your soul mate was someone who has all the chances in the world of being in the white house she's some politician. But here you are living your life.

The thing about it is. That's not to far from the truth. A lot of people's soul mates are in social circles and working classes of people that they'd never expect. Which is why long term marriages will be a rare thing when the older generations die off.

My grandpa was a poor boy from the south who ran into my grandma who was poor from the south she had starved many nights. My grandpa came from a family where he had 11 other siblings. He got a job at GM but he married someone who didn't have nothing.

But I want to point this out. Because this is what brought this up. My probable soul mate told me when we was last together that she just wanted to lay around the house and be lazy!

Now let me paint this picture. She weighs like a 200lbs now. And I'm not judgmental about that but it is a little bothersome. Anyway imagine that your at work. Your wife who is obese is laying around the house not doing anything. She doesn't know how to cook except tombstone pizzas and microwave chimichangas.

So your not coming home to good food! Not like you should when your supplying the funds. Now mind you I had to clean HER room. Yeah!

So I might have to clean the house when I get home after I make something good to eat. On top of having to work everyday.

It don't stop there! What if she's still hanging around bad influences who I don't think will be happy until they all can fit the largest part of a ball bat inside them.

So I asked my friend! Knowing that is she really worth worrying about whether or not shes cheating?

Anyways shes went to 3 different colleges now! I'm wondering how many colleges does it take to get a degree in the same profession you took at all 3 of them.

Been with a guy for 3-4 years who hasn't moved her out of her moms house or married her!

I'm asking myself if I'm with someone for 3yrs or more and we been living together why wouldn't I have married her by now or moved her out of the house?

I wouldn't be in that situation we'd been moved out as soon as possible. Maybe had a kid. I mean by now she should have graduated and got a degree. How long does photography take? I rest my case.

My grandpa told me something I had in the back of my head. As we discussed this because I wanted to see if anyone else notice that this guy has to be a homosexual.

Now I'm not judgmental on homosexuals unless there the kind that try to attack straight men who are the exact reason why they get left in cornfields to die!

Anyways. It was said that they are users. Now think back to what I said about laying around being lazy.

I just think that people really need to think about who there soul mate is. It might not be someone you expect. It might be someone totally opposite of what you would want.

And I say that with conviction!

Maybe I'm looking for a witch!

Why do people feel the need to marry, let alone put labels on their relationships? It's so stupid and possessive. The idea of having a soul mate, by the way, is self deception at its best. There are people with whom you are compatible, and people with whom you are not. As you grow you'll often find that you don't value the same things in people that you did a few years ago. Perhaps you become less superficial, perhaps you become more self-reliant, etc. This means that the kinds of people whom you like, and those who like you, will change.

Soul mates are a piece of fiction. There are a great many people we could be compatible with in a relationship type scenario. The concept of soul mates sells a lot of movie tickets and greeting cards.

Love is not just a feeling. Feelings are temporary, they come and go and change over time. Love is a feeling put into practice and played out in real life. Love is action. Love is putting another before yourself. Love is sticking through the times when the 'feelings' might seem lacking. Love is real and tangible, not something that is unattainable for those who are capable of choosing love over self. (That's very hard to do).

I'm not surprised to see marriage and relationships slowly going the way of the buffalo. We've raised a society of people thinking life is like a romantic comedy.

Well here's my reply and future reply to what looks to be the most common statements and opinions in this thread.

If you don't believe in soul mates there are 2 reasons.

1. You haven't truly fallen in love. If you haven't truly fallen in love then either you haven't the life experience yet. Or your fishing in the wrong gender.

2. You lack the mental capacity to love. Meaning most likely you are just stone cold. Which I would then again suggest you just haven't the life experience or your fishing in the wrong gender.

Here's why! I found soul mates to be real through meditation, life experience, and I have found someone who I truly love. I would give an eternity to be with them for a day.

The thing about it is. Sitting at home right after graduation and having the most pitiful social life one can have when looking for love. Of course you won't believe in it. You know why? Cause you expect someone to hunt you down who don't know you and your just going to fall in love.

Or you go to a party sit in the back room and expect someone who hasn't met you to just walk in and tell you your the one.

Sorry it doesn't work that way. You can't become president sitting at home!

Love is real! I know someone right now who I love to death. I know someone else who could possibly take her place. And while my love for the one will always be true. I suspect she was just a primer for the ultimate one who if I could get close to would tell me everything.

Dreams, and Meditation.

When you can feel it and experience it in life. And then have meditation and dreams back it up.

There's no doubting it.

Originally posted by slowisfast
I'm not surprised to see marriage and relationships slowly going the way of the buffalo. We've raised a society of people thinking life is like a romantic comedy.

Spot on bud

Best thing I heard the all day.

reply to post by XsweetNspiceyX


"Love is real! I know someone right now who I love to death. I know someone else who could possibly take her place. And while my love for the one will always be true. I suspect she was just a primer for the ultimate one who if I could get close to would tell me everything. "

This is not love. This is manipulation.
You're young(Based on your words), you'll learn.

reply to post by XsweetNspiceyX


I was once truly fallen in love, I loved her with all my heart and she was the whole world for me. We felt like we were meant for each other and we actually found that which we were searching for.

Not going to get to anymore details than that. But seriously...

There are some things in life which are more important than what our friend here mentioned earlier, about a society believing that life is some kind of a romantic comedy. Life outside this context is very simple, it is not about the pursuit of true love because there's no such thing, people's change and the person you love now might not be the same in the future, and you love the person for what he is at this very moment, and not the moment that's going to happen in the unknown future.

This has to be understood, love is not a fixed thing. It is quite a flexible thing. Just like sometimes you really love someone, sometimes you love him but not so much. Sometimes you don't understand what you found about this guy anyway.

And none of it is a bad thing, even if there's no such thing as a special love reserved for ONE person in your life till death, the person you are now currently with and sharing tremendous love for each other is right for you at this very moment, as you may realize that you'll get from that person what your soul is needed for the sake of her spiritual development towards liberation.

Of course not of all it is true for everyone, perhaps in your experience there is such thing as soulmates and you feel it in every cell of your body, good! Go with that We have no right anyway to tell you about your truth or not, it's just that some of us have realized the amount of brainwash of modern society, mostly preached by fancy Disney films and the already discussed romantic comedies (which are probably derived from Disney films)

In my experience, I don't believe there is necessarily such thing as soulmates, nor there is any requirement of either the body or the mind for a "second half" or someone whom you might feel "complete with". That is just society nonsense, truth is we are well perfect the way we truly, and when we fight the contemporary belief of something missing we start or looking for soulmates or basically something that will put us out of our misery.

Sorry if it's a bit deep, but it's ATS so i'm allowing myself to go deep down the rabbit hole.

If you believe in the concept of "soulmates", then bully for you.

Those of us who are much older and wiser know better. The funny thing about relationships is, you may feel that you have found your soulmate, but do they really feel that way about you? Only in the movies have I seen where two people feel exactly the same way about each other, at exactly the same time.

In real life, one is usually more in love than the other. It tends to flucuate back and forth, if you're lucky. You never, EVER truly know another. You can be with them for decades and never truly know them.

As was pointed out above, love is a verb. To classify it as a noun is misleading and confusing. Love is doing. Feelings are okay in the beginning, but to base a lifetime on them is foolish. As we grow older, our feelings change. Infatuation is just a trick of nature to get people to procreate, it is an infusion of pleasurable neurotransmitters, and it doesn't last.

True love is dealing with somebody day after day, even after they get on your nerves, gain weight, have issues, say hurtful things, screw up, and lose their youthful looks. Love is a choice.

Don't confuse infatuation with love!

I had a friend from India I used to work with. Her parents picked her husband for her. She grew to love him, and he her. They made an agreement to be together, to start a family together, and to thrive together. She told me that this is why most American families are broke, because couples do not stay together, so their wealth keeps being diminished with each split up. She laughs at our romantic illusions and says that Americans are all like teenagers their whole lives, silly and following romantic follies that lead nowhere.

At first I was insulted, and then I had to agree. Ideas like "soulmates", "the love of my life", etc., are just illusions. Infatuatory dreams.

I think choosing to love is deeper and more meaningful. To assume that those who do not believe in these things are cold and cannot love shows a level of immaturity. When the hormones stop talking, true love kicks in, if you choose it. If not, you assume that person wasn't your "soulmate" and you're off to the next partner.

When you find that soul mate, you'll know. The people who don't believe never found theirs. As for marriage, think that just shows the other person that you really trust them. Let's say you live with a person, but are not married, would you feel comfortable in giving them access to your finances? Or letting them sit around the house and do nothing? Can you really picture yourselves sticking it out until you die?

Think most people rush in marriages without thinking it through. That could be the reason some are against it. They thought marriage would automatically make things go smoothly, but it didn't for them.

You can usually tell if a person found their soul mate when one of them passes. They usually follow their soul mate within a year.

reply to post by FissionSurplus


You know, Fission, I've never said this but I really appreciate having you around. You've dropped little nuggets of wisdom along the way that I've been able to assimilate I to my own outlook on the world. Thank you!

Basically with soul mates being a dieing concept say hello to the future!

Social Security

Welfare

Food Stamps

Child Support

With it being this way and since a lot of men are left to support themselves without financial aid. They end up in prison over child support. They lose there jobs and then have to find a new job just to end back up in prison. Why?

Because all women have to do is go to a bar find someone with cash to screw. Get pregnant and then go after his money. If he has none he'll most likely end up in prison! Why? Because nobody cares who they have sex with as long as they look good and are good liars.

Originally posted by FissionSurplus

True love is dealing with somebody day after day, even after they get on your nerves, gain weight, have issues, say hurtful things, screw up, and lose their youthful looks. Love is a choice.

I think this about sums up my view on love in general - wanted to quote the rest of FissionSurplus' reply, but this quote stood out the most.

As for the concept of a soulmate, I have never seen any two people "meant" to be with the other (with the exception of arranged marriages). I can't even say that about myself, as my GF & me are almost exact opposites. Even most of my friends broke it off after being together for years.

Just like with most things today - sometimes you have to work at it in order to be happy. For example, why not try to help her learn how to cook? Or how about suggesting you both do some kind of exercise - It doesn't even have to be "labor" exercise, but maybe just a walk around the block every night. Contrary to popular belief, you can grow to like them?

However, I will also say this - If you do love the current person you are with, give him/her a second chance if you're not happy the first time - It helped in my case (I was in pretty bad shape, because the fact that we are opposite was making me unhappy - after the second change, we both worked on our issues, and our relationship improved significantly). She still isn't my soulmate, but she's pretty close.

-Fossilera

Define soul OP.

People don't find their soul mates, they earn them. You find someone you're compatible with on a superficial/societal level and then you get to work with it. Forget marriage. That's a legal contract that has nothing to do with nothing. You work on the deep stuff that society has nothing to do with. You work on your relationship for a few years and then you sit back and take stock. If for any other reason, to see how much both of you have changed. Because we all change through life. The couples that stay together are the couples who find a way to change together. At the same pace and in the same fashion. Some couples really do try, but they just aren't able to do that. They're not soul mates. They may end up as friends with benefits, but that's nothing you can really sink your teeth into.

You stick with someone for 30 or 40 years using the methods that were laid out here, and I can all but guarantee that they are your soul mate. You can't just look at someone initially and tell though. It's one of those things that creeps up on you and gets into you when you least expect it. Even though you did work on it decade after decade.

Just my 2 cents.

Maybe i just don't get it but...
the soul has a gender ?

Originally posted by XsweetNspiceyX

If you don't believe in soul mates there are 2 reasons.

1. You haven't truly fallen in love. If you haven't truly fallen in love then either you haven't the life experience yet. Or your fishing in the wrong gender.

2. You lack the mental capacity to love. Meaning most likely you are just stone cold. Which I would then again suggest you just haven't the life experience or your fishing in the wrong gender.

Hahahhaha.

Really? "you haven't had the life experience"? Is that your final answer?

I'm guessing you are under 25? I bet I'm twice your age.

And I'm a neoplatonist. That means I believe in a soul, in a higher unseen reality behind this world of the 5 physical senses. I also believe in fate, destiny, or more bluntly, God's plan.

But I don't believe in soul mates. And neither does my wife of 2 plus decades.

Love is a choice (unless it is coerced, in which case it isn't love). What you are thinking about is a feeling. And the feeling is really about YOU, and your feelings when things are going well with the other person.

The whole idea of soul mate boils down to the pretty fiction that the "right person" would magically understand you; that you two would never fight, and that love would be effortless. The hope is that the soul mate would be endlessly forgiving, endlessly interesting and adoring of you. In other words, if you had that other person, you wouldn't have to grow up or apply yourself in a relationship. THAT isn't love, it's infatuation.

LOVE is the act of putting more into a relationship than you get out of it. And that is a choice; so love is a choice, See? I LOVE my kids. I put energy into my relationship with them that I'll never get back; but that's OK because they are worth it. Likewise, I LOVE my wife. She is an incredible woman, and she is worthy of all the best in me. I invest my life energy in her because she is worth it. And I don't care whether I get more out of the relationship than I put into it. I'm not in the relationship for my own sake.

My life experience (probably twice as much as yours) has taught me that you can love ANYONE, if you try hard enough. The question is, are they worth it?

Now, my wife is worth it. She isn't perfect, and sometimes I have to really work at staying happily married to her. But I choose to do so, and always will, not only because of the person she is, but because of who I am, I am the kind of man who is spiritually mature enough to weather the highs and lows of marriage, to stay with her when the tide comes in and when the tide goes out, too. That is true love. Someone said it this way:

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Sounds like something Hollywood sells us.

"I'm not in love but I'm going to # you, til something better comes along" seems to be more correct.

I'm sure there are soul mates.

There sure are a lot of cynical people in this thread. I've had a lot of messed up situations too, and I've seen even more, but I still know there's one person out there perfect for me.

Will most people find their soul mate this incarnation? probably not.

reply to post by XsweetNspiceyX

If you believe in soulmates then I suppose you would believe in souls. If such then what would be your definition of a soul?

From all that you said, I would say that the worst outcome may be if you actually found your soulmate. And since that is going to happen regardless then it ain't going to be pretty. Look to the mistakes and pains in your life and you will find your soul in them and by extension your love.

So to answer your question...Yes, you found your soulmate, and it aint likely that its going to turn out good or be all that pretty. Such things never are, only in the stories and movies. And that's why they are there because if they existed in real life then they would not be in the stories and the movies, if you have to constantly impart it or hold it up to some sort of light, that just means that it was never there to begin with. Love...Soulmates and all that are just created concepts held up by the most flimsiest of things, those thing usually being emotions and the ego...It is all transitory, and things change.

I would suggest finding someone who you can life with for few years without it coming to blood and tears, and then work your way on up from there. And make no mistake about it, it will be work.

However you have already set the bar, expect it to come crashing down at some point in time, sooner rather then later. If you are lucky that is, if not..Then it will be later rather then sooner.

IMHO Your soul mate would not be someone who does or even did things you morally object to.
ie heroin addict or prostitute.
That would indicate they have a different set of logical parameters working in their brain. At some point in the future they would make decisions that go too far against the grain for you.

If you want to know what someone will be like in the future look at what they were like in the past.

reply to post by samkent

Ya exactly what is the definition of soul? It was not specified at all, however I know what the op is talking about, and its meaningless, the worst outcome would be something like that came true. And it would be like running head on against a wall, not a very favorable outcome at all. Besides if you look at things you will see that not only have people not been with each-other who were of extremes, ie dates, marriages, whatever you want to call it.

But it has never existed in the entirety of this existence, and ultimately it can not. To put it in other terms, birds of a feather flock together, the cool kids hang with the cool kids, the nerds with the nerds, moviestars with moviestars and people in the circle and such and they all married or date within the circles there in, etc etc, and even in that there are smaller classifications everybody puts themselves in, and the same can be said of every single type of human walking this planet, and that has ever walked, or will be. So the op is right, the question is madness and there can no more be soulmates then can oil and water be the same thing in the same glass. The thing he purposes does not exist, and never has, the closest to something like that would just be simple things like you share the same sort of hobbies and interests, but all that to is just a roll of the dice and transitory, merely something that was there for the moment, and will likely be gone eventually as things progress from moment to moment.

Like everything else its all in there head, and if soulmates actually existed or if humans were actually capable of that it would be a sort of hell, because none of it is conducive to the world and reality we life in.

To quote the op, when every word you say and everything you do is a contradiction, what is there to be expected? And if she is not the ultimate one? Will the next one be it? And so ever on, ect, ect, its just logic that goes in circles to satisfy an ego constantly justifying itself and rejustifying itself, because it needs to quantum lock itself into a solid state and solid realty to function, ie there mind must be set.

Love is real! I know someone right now who I love to death. I know someone else who could possibly take her place. And while my love for the one will always be true. I suspect she was just a primer for the ultimate one who if I could get close to would tell me everything.

Its all in peoples heads, a bunch of hairless apes running around doing things to justify the things they have done, only to constantly end up rejustified it over and over again for as long as it takes or till they get to old and tired to constantly keep doing it. It leads to one crazy ass world...It seems misery really does love company, or else none of us would want company.

And if you put it that way the op is right soulmates do exist, its not a mystical thing, its but a logical conclusion to a bunch of trials and errors in all facets of the thing we call life. In such case then saying find somebody who has and shares the same morals and ideals or hobbies as you is saying the same thing as find your soulmate...Because really humans are nothing more but those things loosely strung together and have different tags attached to them. Birds of a feather flock together, and in all of existence that seems to have been the case, and when one thing changes in that aspect the whole things must either change with it or fall apart....And that is what we are seeing day in and day out, especially on this relationship thread. illusions some in the making...Others in there unmaking...And yet others in there reforming. But ultimately its all still in there heads.