I honestly don't know what to do... Not my typical thread...

reply to post by jhn7537


Dude set her butt up, next time she goes out of town follow her, if you can, get pictures of her cheating, have all the evidence you can, before confronting her and when she lies...and she will ,..show her the proof!!! and be filming it when you do!!!....also talk to a lawyer first...(common in law marriage can bite you in the butt!!) if not she gets 1/2 of everythng you have together ..My wife looked me straught in the eye said i love you!!! kissed me on the lips!!! and just got through screwing the guy!!! then I showed her my Evidence...Priceless!!!!!! they will lie their butts off, play you like a fool, and never look back!!...get you a lawyer first!!! protect your assets house car everything you worked hard for first!!,.. get a private investigator too ...EVIDENCE !! Its what protects You!!

Good Luck

reply to post by jhn7537


Please dont listen to all these people saying "just ask her be honest ALL THAT IS CRAP!!. Get your EVIDENCE FIRST PROTECT YOURSELF FIRST

Not to be dissing everyone else on all the happy go lucky stuff!!! This aint a fairy tale this is real life and sometimes real life sucks bigtime!! this guy has to protect himself first!!! Theres absolutly NOTHING wrong with doing that especially before getting or considering marriage or breaking up!!!

reply to post by StumpDrummer


No, the last two posts you just posted is nonsense, spying on her crap. also you keep saying lawyers and assets etc. the OP is not married to this girl.



1) Be prepared to break up with her and never speak with her again.

2) Look her in the eyes, and ask her if when she is going on her "business trips" she has been cheating on you. Before you bring out that question, you can sugar coat it such as "you know ive invested so much time in this relationship, you know I love you and care about you, but I need to ask you this because of some inconsistencies with some actions and behaviors that have been occurring in the past and lately, its been eating me up, and I need to know the truth"....

3) Judge her reaction very well, youve known her for a long time, you should be able to tell when she is lying, if she gets emotionally upset, then.. that is uncalled for on her part, she could easily say... "no, im not"...
maybe it would help to mention some of the things that have you worried, like her saying she likes to flirt.

Sorry to say, but imo it sounds like she is hanging out with that dude, you have given too many clues and coincidences, to many pieces of the puzzle that would fit nicely for that not to be the case. If this was some long lost childhood platonic friend that she just likes to catch up with, idk, maybe she could have just told you that instead of lying. which is another issue, she is lying to you, because you know she didnt use her company card. What industry does she work in, and could you find out through her company website at all if there is a legitament business trip when she is going? Maybe make up a new email address, and email a head of the company or something idk.

reply to post by jhn7537


Got any ATS friends in Texas? Im sure you can find a "like minded" man or woman to help you gather the evidence you are obviously in denial of. I know this much, if this started a year ago, then your two years behind her. There is no catching up . She decided long ago the path she is taking. Catch then confront. You confront now, she will turn the table right around on you and ALL OF THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR FAULT. She will blame you for everything, even the breakup. And you for a while will accept this as fact. Till you get your head out the fog, and realize you did'nt cheat, she did.If all else fails, she got a sister?

OP, I hope this isn't horribly inconsiderate, but I was wondering, if when you have had the chat, if you can come back and tell us how it went? Some of us have been checking in regularly to make sure you're ok

Originally posted by SilentKillah

Originally posted by Char-Lee
reply to post by jhn7537

 

I found out by credit card charges which made no sense. I did the book keeping for our business so I had a reason to look. He lied each time I decided to ask about something but finaly I got the courage to LOOK.

This right here kills me. My wife has a reason to look at whatever she wants because I'm her husband and I gave her that right as soon as I said "I Do". There's no infidelity with money. There's no hiding. It's open communication. I chose it... she chose it. Business or not, if you're married, you should feel the same way. Eased a lot of stress off of my back these past 8 years... that's for sure. The first 4 or so where pretty rough.

Of course jhn7537 hasn't crossed that line yet. but you live and learn.

When I remarried I made sure we were on the same page. Nothing is secret, nothing is private, nothing to personal. He feels fine with being as I have always been in both marriages. I am always surprised when wife's say someone "snooped" in their purse or computer or whatever, I have never had a secret from my loved ones not even my kids.

Originally posted by Lulzaroonie
OP, I hope this isn't horribly inconsiderate, but I was wondering, if when you have had the chat, if you can come back and tell us how it went? Some of us have been checking in regularly to make sure you're ok

He will come back here once he gets things all straightened away. After all, it would be the right thing to do at this point. Right?

I'm in central Texas....just saying that to stoke the fires.


When any relationship reaches a point of distrust it is the fault of both parties.

I'm not going to solely blame her for her decisions there is always 2 more sides to anyone's story, some have mentioned 7 years is a very long time to date someone and leads me to believe there was a serious commitment issue present.


It's this indecision that has drove her away, an indecision to commit and an indecision to take life more seriously. The same indecision that has you thinking of a P.I. and looking at apartments. This lack of confidence is a serious relationship killer, ask yourself, how confident do you feel? Can you bring yourself to a level of total confidence necessary to go on in life successfully, to not get hung up over a mere female passerby in the journey that is life? Are you the most important person in the production entitled " your life "?

We're all different, I'm actually the product of proximal parenting and child abuse symptoms, I've never been dumped and I've always ended the relationships. This is trust issue and problem that I can recognize and work towards undoing with every seemingly difficult and strenuous choice I make. It's a problem that I know I must be perceptive to avoid and patient enough to undo decades of ingrained behavior. (possibly genetics)


Methinks you have a soul searching journey coming next, it's time to find who you really are and what you really want in your life.

Ugh, still no update?

Hope it went well OP, but we're all here fearing the worst! Talk about a cliff-hanger!

``ok Bro im gonna tell it to you straight. Heff is right 100%.
But what you have to do bro is take a big cup of concrete and harden the hell up, because when this goes down if you get blind sided you will go to water, and you are the one now that has to end it. get all your affairs in order, your bank account details if you share any accounts, all your passwords get them changed, any bills that are joined get your name off them and get ready to bug out. your time is up bro and her plan will be to dump it all on you and bail.
check all your utility bills and make sure they are up to date.
this could end in a very very bad situation for you if you dont have your head on straight, save your emotion to let out with your mates when your having a drink and get out in one piece, clean.
and dont think her family and friends dont know, maybe even some of yours, they just cant bare to tell you, save the questions for later.
just get the stuff out that's important to you,your memory's, old stuff, everything else is #, you can start again
and dont take her back, you think you feel like your being eaten from the inside out now, if you take her back man she will be like it never happened in a week telling you to move on, giving you no answers, it will kill you on the inside.
dont worry once your out it will take at least 3 weeks its like withdrawal but you will be ok, i done it the hard way, you have an opportunity to get out, and take the upper hand, and catch her off guard. don't let it pass. if she gains emotional control over you she will use it to her full advantage to manipulate you.
and bro, one last thing, she will lie about everything, everything, she wont even be the person you thought she was. im sorry man.

Originally posted by PLAYERONE01
``ok Bro im gonna tell it to you straight. Heff is right 100%.
But what you have to do bro is take a big cup of concrete and harden the hell up, because when this goes down if you get blind sided you will go to water, and you are the one now that has to end it. get all your affairs in order, your bank account details if you share any accounts, all your passwords get them changed, any bills that are joined get your name off them and get ready to bug out. your time is up bro and her plan will be to dump it all on you and bail.
check all your utility bills and make sure they are up to date.
this could end in a very very bad situation for you if you dont have your head on straight, save your emotion to let out with your mates when your having a drink and get out in one piece, clean.
and dont think her family and friends dont know, maybe even some of yours, they just cant bare to tell you, save the questions for later.
just get the stuff out that's important to you,your memory's, old stuff, everything else is #, you can start again
and dont take her back, you think you feel like your being eaten from the inside out now, if you take her back man she will be like it never happened in a week telling you to move on, giving you no answers, it will kill you on the inside.
dont worry once your out it will take at least 3 weeks its like withdrawal but you will be ok, i done it the hard way, you have an opportunity to get out, and take the upper hand, and catch her off guard. don't let it pass. if she gains emotional control over you she will use it to her full advantage to manipulate you.
and bro, one last thing, she will lie about everything, everything, she wont even be the person you thought she was. im sorry man.

I understand what you're saying but these decisions are one of the hardest to make. You're heart doesnt care about better judgment or what you tell it. You will have better luck getting a brick wall to listen to you then you're heart. What I leaned is that it if you were in love it takes about half the time you were together to get over them. So if you were together for 4yrs its takes about 2yrs to get over it. With that being said does anyone ever fully get over losing a true love, NO...

Its illegal to punch someone but its not illegal to break someones heart, funny since emotion wounds hurt far more and far longer and never fully heal.

Now to the OP. The best advice I can give is NOT giving you advice. Ive been in you're place. You should NOT take anyones advice on what you should do. Nobody knows you or her more then you. "Once a cheater always a cheater" not necessarily. People are capable of learning from their mistakes. Sometimes it worth giving someone a 2nd chance. If I loved someone and she loved me in this situation I might try counseling to get to the root of the problem then make my decision. Dont rush you're decision.

Im soo sorry for what you are feeling, you are torn between what the brain is saying and what you're heart is saying. Ive been there. Good luck

The OP is off discussing whether lady goo goo is Mick Jaggers daughter and has no time to update the people who tried to help him when HE posted his thread here.

Shrugs, maybe thats why she wondered to a bigger chunk.

Hey guys.... To give you all an update, I approached her and the conversation didn't go well (as many expected)... I laid it out there, I told her exactly how I felt, and received back a lot of denying on her part. I told her that regardless or whether she was or wasn't cheating on me that the trust (and fun, to a certain degree) was gone and that it was time to go our separate ways. I didn't want a big fight, I just told her that her actions hurt me and that I felt that I deserved better. I still love the girl and I would be lying to you if i said it would be easy to get over her, but I feel that I made the right choice. Time to close one chapter and open up another.

I want to thank each and everyone of you who commented on this thread. Your insights helped me see things a little clearer and helped me get the courage to do something that I was putting off for a long time.