Respect my Personal space

Greetings ATS

Yesterday i went with friends to a bar to drink some beer and have some quality time with some music and other friends.
Now i am usually the Silent strong type when going to these establishments.
Because i have less self esteem then other people i usually stand in the background calmly drinking my beverage and chat with friends.

and to be Honest i dont want to be in everyone's spotlight.

But at some point people start to get drunk and act like pigs , one guy was touching me a few times , and became very annoying , mostly when i am standing somewhere people try to claim the personal space by gently trample the location with a group of friends.

Usually this does not really bother me but i got so cornered that i almost fell over because i had no room to stand anymore.

My personality doesnt allow my self to get mixed up in these things , and i am probably more calm then "normal" people when dealing with these situations , because when i am put in very agressive situations my ADHD will cause me to snap because of the overload of stress and i turn into a raging bull.

And because i am almost 2 meters tall and doing heavy lifting as a job and going to the gym atleast 3 times a week i am not the weakest.

Because i am very well aware of these facts i run a tight ship when it comes to these emotions and havent showed much acts of agression over the last decade.

But at some point even i will be sick of being trampled and will start making a stand , but i really dont want to hurt anyone no matter how discusting they are , everything inside me screams wrong when thinking about solving it in a physical matter aka fistfight.

But how to solve it then ?? because reasoning with harrasing drunks in my book is out of the equation.

TheGreazel.

Most places have bouncers so just let them do their job as they're probably already watching the asshats just waiting for an excuse

or you can just deck them out, probably quicker but you'll get banned from the venue so not as good an idea if you fancy coming again, or my favourite with some idiots was to mention thats where the bottle that collects my AIDS runs and they won't go near you for fear of catching it or something similar that'll have them gone in seconds

reply to post by TheGreazel


The low self-esteem is what's working against you. In environments like bars, the way one carries oneself is most of the battle. Stand tall, make eye contact, and feel confident. That will keep most of the unwanted trespasses down to a minimum. Drunks tend to get touchy feely - so you've got develop a bit of talent about telling people to get the Hell away without offending them. Often just saying something like "I'm almost empty, time to get another" will distract them from their trespass.

For those who are trying to be invasive? If eye contact and hints don't work - all that you can do is to politely let them know that they are in your dance space uninvited. If they don't listen then the next step is either to leave yourself or very clearly tell them that it's nothing personal, but they need to back up.

If that doesn't work? Then they were looking for a fight to begin with and oblige them or not at your discretion.

Not a whole lot you can do. If you friends respect your uncomfortable feeling in certain bars, could you all go to a less packed place?

Im not a fan of having my personal space violated either, worst for me is standing in a cue. Specifically airport customs lines with many nationality's with differing ideas of how close personal space is! Ive found the worst offenders for flying in my space are Indian/south Asian people - very close (to the point of actually touching me), one fat business man once was 'bopping' me with his fat belly - he didnt seem to care despite a look of horror on my face. Of course, had it been an English speaking person i WOULD have said something, so i just kept my mouth shut and rode it out, very uncomfortably.

So theres not much you can do besides medication or simply training yourself to bite your tongue, perhaps put your self in MORE situations like that and just take a time out for 5 mins outside if it gets to much. I know that my comfort zone while still the same distance, i can cope longer than i ever used to with people violating it.

Don't hang out with drunks.

reply to post by kaylaluv


What fun would that be???

I take that you are a bloke?If some guy touched me in a bar the hand would be out!
Hell even if I was a woman the hand would be out,touchy feely friends are bad enough but touchy feely strangers,the hand is out.
Go for the raging bull carry on next time.

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by kaylaluv

 

What fun would that be???

Yes, it's so much fun getting harassed by stumbling, drooling idiots!

I used to go to bars with friends when I was young and single. I never really liked it, but thought that's what you have to do to meet someone of the opposite sex. I much preferred going to someone's house to hang out, drink, and listen to music.

Now, I'm married (did NOT meet him in a bar) - and relieved to not have to do the "meat market" routine ever again. I'll still go to a bar, but I'm usually with my husband -- and we always leave before the drunks really get going.

I lost the plot in the super market a couple of weeks back.

I served in the IDF and have seen more violence than any one person should if a lifetime, so I try and avoid it if possible.

I'm quite slight but well trained in self defence' I went to the basket only checkout only to find a lady unloading a months worth of shopping, I was in a rush and pointed out she was in the wrong queue, her husband arrived and dumped more shopping in the trolley. I pointed out that again that they were in the wrong queue.

Words were exchanged and he grabbed me, as he tried to throw me against the wall he got a rather neat upper cut and went down like a lead balloon.

I'm usually a very passive and cool guy and take things in my stride.

But touch me in a bad temper kind of way and

Personal space is exactly that and should be respected.

If the red mist descends and you do end up in a fight. The first thing you do when you feel safe is put your hands in the air to show the cctv no weapons were involved and you are compliant, sane, and ready to explain what happened.

Just a thought

Cody

reply to post by kaylaluv


Maybe some of us go to bars for the meat market thing?
My motto is stay away from the horse meat and you'll be fine.

Originally posted by TheGreazel
Greetings ATS

Yesterday i went with friends to a bar to drink some beer and have some quality time with some music and other friends.
Now i am usually the Silent strong type when going to these establishments.
Because i have less self esteem then other people i usually stand in the background calmly drinking my beverage and chat with friends.

and to be Honest i dont want to be in everyone's spotlight.

But at some point people start to get drunk and act like pigs , one guy was touching me a few times , and became very annoying , mostly when i am standing somewhere people try to claim the personal space by gently trample the location with a group of friends.

Usually this does not really bother me but i got so cornered that i almost fell over because i had no room to stand anymore.

My personality doesnt allow my self to get mixed up in these things , and i am probably more calm then "normal" people when dealing with these situations , because when i am put in very agressive situations my ADHD will cause me to snap because of the overload of stress and i turn into a raging bull.

And because i am almost 2 meters tall and doing heavy lifting as a job and going to the gym atleast 3 times a week i am not the weakest.

Because i am very well aware of these facts i run a tight ship when it comes to these emotions and havent showed much acts of agression over the last decade.

But at some point even i will be sick of being trampled and will start making a stand , but i really dont want to hurt anyone no matter how discusting they are , everything inside me screams wrong when thinking about solving it in a physical matter aka fistfight.

But how to solve it then ?? because reasoning with harrasing drunks in my book is out of the equation.

TheGreazel.

I come from an irish family, so my take will be different than yours probably, but drunken fist fights are a family tradition going back for ever, and I dont think my children are gonna turn that around either.

My grandfather after I got into a fight with my brother and two of my cousins when I was a kid has stuck with me.

"Boy there is nothing wrong with a good old fashioned ass whoopin, it tends to do wanders to help ones priority ordering process" or another of his pearls" ya you got punched in the face and beat up a little, what did we just learn?

reply to post by TheGreazel


That is why I only drink at home,with my husband,on date night.
We have a couple of drinks and watch old sci-fi movies from the 50's!

reply to post by kaylaluv


What she said. Get out of the bar scene.

Good rant.

I even have my personal space invaded at the grocery store, standing in line at the checkout. People will get so close behind me that they are actually touching me. So I pull my elbow away from my body and turn around quicklyso that they get the elbow somewhere on their person. Then they figure out that they were too close.

Originally posted by butcherguy
Good rant.

I even have my personal space invaded at the grocery store, standing in line at the checkout. People will get so close behind me that they are actually touching me. So I pull my elbow away from my body and turn around quicklyso that they get the elbow somewhere on their person. Then they figure out that they were too close.

I hate that too. Several times, I have gone around the checkout counter to bag my own groceries. Then when I return to the card machine to swipe my card, the person next in line is standing right in front of it! Excuse me, did you not think I was going to go back over there to pay?!?! I give them a long, dirty look -- they'll back off, but they look so surprised at my displeasure.

reply to post by TheGreazel


When you are drinking at a bar around people who are drinking at a bar, you cannot expect much personal space. If that is a problem for you, do not go.

Fascinating!

I dont drink, but I go out with friends or with the husband at times. People wont paw you if youre self confident, but drunks dont usually pick up on that. Don't want pawing... or cant tell em to GTFO.. dont go to a bar. My husband is a big aggressive guy. We were walking down an aisle in a bar here and a guy backed up, bumped into my husband and, of course a drunk being a drunk, he got mad and grabbed my husbands shirt. I didnt feel like dealing with a fight.. which my husband would have murdered the guy... I just touched the guys hand, smiled and said, " Sorry, he is married, he doesnt like guys"... talk about a mind boggled drunk. Besides, it was funny as hell.

The grocery store check out thing is odd to me also. Ive had that happen numerous times.. and Ill just ask them to move ( which they do) or say " Hey.. youre paying for MY groceries.. YAY!" They move. Most people dont even realize theyre idiots until you point it out anyway. There are times I am more aggressive, but for a rude fool in a grocery store? Its not worth the effort or aggravation, IMO.

Originally posted by kaylaluv
Don't hang out with drunks.

I was thinking more of, don't hang out in bars. Know yourself and where you fit in - or don't fit in. I don't like being around drunks or being in a place with a higher chance of violence breaking out. So, staying away from these places is just the right thing to do for some of us.

Originally posted by Advantage
Fascinating!

I dont drink, but I go out with friends or with the husband at times. People wont paw you if youre self confident, but drunks dont usually pick up on that. Don't want pawing... or cant tell em to GTFO.. dont go to a bar.

My husband is a big aggressive guy. We were walking down an aisle in a bar here and a guy backed up, bumped into my husband and, of course a drunk being a drunk, he got mad and grabbed my husbands shirt. I didnt feel like dealing with a fight.. which my husband would have murdered the guy... I just touched the guys hand, smiled and said, " Sorry, he is married, he doesnt like guys"... talk about a mind boggled drunk. Besides, it was funny as hell.

The grocery store check out thing is odd to me also. Ive had that happen numerous times.. and Ill just ask them to move ( which they do) or say " Hey.. youre paying for MY groceries.. YAY!" They move. Most people dont even realize theyre idiots until you point it out anyway. There are times I am more aggressive, but for a rude fool in a grocery store? Its not worth the effort or aggravation, IMO.

If that was directed at me

It was so worth it

Principles are worth defending

Not enough people stand up for their rights
Those that think they are better, or just think they can take advantage and walk over others, occasionally, get a lesson in decorum and honour.

Love, truth and honour.

Use it or lose it

Cody

Originally posted by cody599

Originally posted by Advantage
Fascinating!

I dont drink, but I go out with friends or with the husband at times. People wont paw you if youre self confident, but drunks dont usually pick up on that. Don't want pawing... or cant tell em to GTFO.. dont go to a bar.

My husband is a big aggressive guy. We were walking down an aisle in a bar here and a guy backed up, bumped into my husband and, of course a drunk being a drunk, he got mad and grabbed my husbands shirt. I didnt feel like dealing with a fight.. which my husband would have murdered the guy... I just touched the guys hand, smiled and said, " Sorry, he is married, he doesnt like guys"... talk about a mind boggled drunk. Besides, it was funny as hell.

The grocery store check out thing is odd to me also. Ive had that happen numerous times.. and Ill just ask them to move ( which they do) or say " Hey.. youre paying for MY groceries.. YAY!" They move. Most people dont even realize theyre idiots until you point it out anyway. There are times I am more aggressive, but for a rude fool in a grocery store? Its not worth the effort or aggravation, IMO.

If that was directed at me

It was so worth it

Principles are worth defending

Not enough people stand up for their rights
Those that think they are better, or just think they can take advantage and walk over others, occasionally, get a lesson in decorum and honour.

Love, truth and honour.

Use it or lose it

Cody

To me, there is a huge difference between dealing with an idiot and "defending" principals and honor. A few around here know me personally.. Ill fight when its called for.Im very capable.. but that doenst mean that I have any right to appoint myself the defender of what *T** think and impose it on everyone else with my fists.

When you put yourself in a position where you KNOW there will be drunks.. you should have the foresight to know these things occur. Its ridiculous to place yourself in a position to fight when you know youre entering into an environment where certain things you have a problem with are common. No one appointed you defender of all thats right and good in a bar concerning your "personal space". People are free to be morons, if I dont want to deal with them.. I certainly dont go where I KNOW they congregate. Thats like going to a swingers club and getting all bent out of shape and crying foul when someone asks you to sleep with your wife. Rule #1 is that you arent oblivious to what youre walking into. To expect everyone to cater to you is childish and unrealistic regardless of what noble spin you attach to it.

If youre in a grocery store and want to punch everyone for rudeness.. thats foolish. It smacks of self importance and arrogance. I didnt have to raise a finger and shamed the idiot in front of everyone. No police, no problems... also didnt ruin my day. Many people have no clue concerning common courtesy or interpersonal communication. Its not my job and I have no arrogant inclination to school all of them.

I dont tend to let others have ANY control over me or my actions ( and the few times I have.. Ive had a great attorney) and Im old enough to be able to figure out the outcomes of places I intend to involve myself and accept those risks... not whine about it later.