She loves me, she hates me, she loves me, she hates me, she kind of likes me, she loves me, oh wait

Hey guys, this is my first post in this forum, I'm just looking for a general opinion. Now I kind of already know the answer myself, I've talked to friends who have pretty much said end it and get out while I can but it's just not that simple for me. Let me start by giving you some background information on the situation.

I met this girl in Spring last year and we hit it off big time, we'd see each other most days, stay at each others homes. She told me she was pregnant and we went for check ups etc. We found out that she was pregnant. I stuck by her and said I'd stick with any decision she made, she went for a check up and we found out that the baby could not have been mine because of how far along she was. She made the choice to terminate the pregnancy and I was there with her every step of the termination. After that things wen't back to normal, she said she was so happy with me and that I was the only person who came to help her when she needed it. We work together and the past 4 months have been an emotional rollercoaster, she gets angry when I text her, she gets angry when I go over to say good morning to her in work or ask her if she want's anything when I go to the shop at lunch. She flat out ignores me for days on end and when I eventually go to see her to find out what the hell is going on she is angry at first but then usually ends up saying she is so sorry for making me feel this way. She has very low self confidence and self esteem and this really makes me angry more than anything because I can see something great in her, every time I try and tell her this she basically cuts me out completely for a few days.

I'm at a loss here and I really do not know what to do or say. She's asked me to leave her alone, no mention of breaking up, I've not spoken to her properly now for 5 days just the odd text here and there but she barely replies. I don't want to just leave this girl go because I care about her and we've been through quite a lot together. I kind of feel that maybe it's just me thats in the wrong here, maybe i'm the one that is being too "soft". I have never been this way with any other girl before, and it is definitely not my first relationship. I literally feel like my head is going to explode. Part of me is thinking just end this, do not do this to yourself. But at the same time I care about her so much.

A few weeks ago, she came over and would not talk to me, basically told me I make her scin crawl and then went home. This weekend I went to see her and we had a heart to heart, she cried saying she was so sorry for putting me through everything again and that she loves me and does not want to lose me. This week it has gone back to her ignoring me, telling me to leave her alone and not to contact her. It's an emotional roller coaster.

My question is guys, has anyone else been through something similar, what did you do, did you just cut and run or weather the storm and hope for calmer waters? I know the decision is ultimately mine but I would really like some input from outside sources!

Misery rant over! - That felt good. Thanks guys

reply to post by Nerf


One key may be that you work together. That's hard, to see someone at work everyday who you both love and hate and makes your skin crawl. She's just a mammal who needs love once in awhile, and needs to be alone or with other people once in awhile. Give her as much space as you can and let her come to you whenever she wants to, and then go away whenever she wants to, that's my "Dear Aleister" advice.

When I get like this it usually means the power balance in my relationship is outta wack and I am well out of line....
The only reason I would treat a guy like this is if I have little to no respect for him.

Basically you are her b*#%h (that's how she sees it subconsciously) and you need to move on.

If its not too odd what is yours and her star signs?

I would guess she is in need of someone to lean on and provide some sort of stability and nothing more.

It up to you whether you can be there for that support or not.

I don't think anyone here is able to say whether that is a matter of using you or not.

Personally I would try to simply treat her as someone you care about and want the best for but try to leave it at that.

Then again, I could be completely wrong

In saying that, there certainly is a line to be drawn in the sand at some point. You are not here to make someone else happy at your expense.

Well she obviously doesn't respect you. Forget all about her. Make sure if she ever needs you your absolutely not there at all.

you were used .. she got what she wanted. time for you to move on and dont look back ... theres plenty of better women out there ...

Listen to these guys ^^^^

There's a reason I've been used by women over the years and that's because I took the soft approach like my earlier comment suggests.

Originally posted by wagtail
When I get like this it usually means the power balance in my relationship is outta wack and I am well out of line....
The only reason I would treat a guy like this is if I have little to no respect for him.

Basically you are her b*#%h (that's how she sees it subconsciously) and you need to move on.

edit on 1-3-2013 by wagtail because: (no reason given)

Yeah, I am definitely sensing a power imbalance here. I've had stuff like this happen before and I just cut my losses and leave it as a friendship - just do it tactfully. I suggest working on finding yourself, not just like material or financial success, but a life that makes you happy - I have a lot of friends I hang out with that I've known for years, they are a lot more constant than the relationships I've attempted.

Basically, you need to gain enough confidence somehow that you can meet your next girlfriend on even ground and also not put up with any #. I mean, if you are happy without a chick, and then the girl you are dating never texts you back, you would be like "What the hell? Well, I guess this isn't going to work."

And then you can be like "Hey look, if you don't want to communicate, I'm not going to be able to continue this relationship - so what's going on?" and you know, try to approach it in a tactful yet direct and honest matter, and then if it seems like it isn't going to work out, just dump her.

On a side note, if you are trying to tactfully get her to respond to some text messages, the relationship is basically over. Also - don't text. Texting ruins relationships. Try to keep communication to in-person or phone calls.

Once again, if you are tactful enough about it, you two can be friends and try something again later . . . but if she tries to use you, or isn't reliable, etc. you might want to consider making a case for not hanging out with her anymore.

reply to post by Nerf


Well if you don't even know if she loves or hate you, it is not worth your time to be with such a person. That is just my opinion

reply to post by darkbake


And yes, I have had this sort of thing happen all of the time when a girl will insist on texting me instead of hanging out in person. And you know what happened to everyone that used to text me? They disowned me - humans have been developing verbal and body language communication skills for millennia - texting is a joke.

For one, the two of you are never really apart. For another, if she doesn't want to respond to you about something important or is lying to you, all she has to do is not text you back. For another, if she isn't willing to hang out in person, you are basically talking to your cell phone. Let's not forget that by not having access to her body language, your text messages could be misinterpreted, or you might say something that you wouldn't have in person.

In short, I would use texting for things like "When are you free?" and "Want to get coffee at noon and hang out later tonight" only. Refuse to communicate with your next girlfriend unless it is in person or on the phone otherwise.

This could be helped by finding a girl in the physical world, and not the digital world as well -

There is only one person that I can text and have a coherent, meaningful conversation with and that is my friend Griffin whom I have known for half a decade. We lived together before, and we have spent countless hours hanging out in person.

Everyone else thinks that they can get away with texting as a main form of friendship, but their texts are lame, like "Idk" and "maybe" and "cool" without any substance to them.

If your girlfriend can't hold a conversation or have anything meaningful to say, it might totally be time to move on as well. Think of it like a friendship - I mean seriously. Girls are people, too.

Is this someone you would want to spend your time with if they were a guy? Or are you bored out of your wits every time you hang out with her but put up with it because she's a girl? If your answer is the second one, then you need to dump her once again and try to learn how to approach the next girl differently.

reply to post by Nerf


Hey there,

I have pretty much been in the same situation as you for the past couple of months. And i completely understand HOW you feel. I too feel my head is going to explode and i havent spoken to her for about 8 days now, i send her messages and she barely replies, or when she does...its like a non engaging 'cold' reply. Yet when she calls me she is all bubbly and happy and makes me feel like she is very interested in me and she has told me how much she likes me.

I havent spoken to my friends about the situation, but i have made a descision in my head that because im finding this kind of behaviour unsettling and unstable i cant see a future with her. I mean, if its going to be like this then im going to be the guy who will end up getting hurt and i dont need that kind of emotional stress....i care about her a lot and i made every effort to let her know this.

I dont know exactly what it is thats causing this behaviour i find it very unusual, its almost like she is bi-polar but i highly doubt it lol, she seems normal enough most of the time, but then shejust spends days not talking....or not replying and gets very angry with me sometimes for no reason if i ask her why??

My advice is to get out while you can, otherwise you will end up getting hurt further down the line, i realise you might like her a lot....but sometimes you need to put youreself first and realise how much damage she might do to your mental health!

you will soon forget about her and find someone else i promise, time is a great healer....its your choice though

Good luck

I personally wont be contacting her again, and if she decides to come back to me and apolagize for this behaviour, im going to tell her very gently how i feel and end it there without being too harsh.

I saw this thread and couldnt believe how similar your situation was to mine!

reply to post by Nerf


She's enjoying the game of mind f*ck my friend, sounds like a secret control freak to me.
In the immortal words of iron maiden "Run to the hills.....Run for your life"

Cody

reply to post by wagtail


no it's not too odd at all, I'm a Scorpio she is a libra. thanks for all the replies guys I will be completely honest and say that the majority if not all are right. There is little to no respect from her in this relationship and it seems as though I've "served my purpose", so to speak. I'm gonna let her be for a while an see if anything changes. I Kind of hope it does but I won't be too shocked if it doesn't. I sense there i something else going on but that's not really for me to decide.

reply to post by ISeekTruth101


Ha it does seem like a very similar situation. Right now I feel as though the best thing to do is just leave it. I've tried and tried and I can't be bothered anymore! I have also considered the fact she is bi polar but I doubt that too! anyway, thanks for all the replies again, it's given me some insight! Much love!

Nerf - this is just my opinion but I would recommend not being in a romantic relationship. If you are being treated this way believe me when I say it will not get better - ever. If anything it will become worse and harder and you will perhaps still love her (or grow to hate her) and hate your entire life and always be the one giving your all and your soul to this person and relationship. And if kids enter the picture... well that changes the entire relationship. Kids are a blessing and there is nothing like being a parent and so just know that your heart and mind become obsessed for your child (because they are vulnerable and it's up to you to ensure their safety and growth and hearts are happy) but if you are in a bad relationship it is pure agony to try to be the best parent you can be while your partner isn't there for the child's needs/yours and is destroying this little person's life and security as well as yours and it can be devastating. And through it all you feel that you are unloved and yet you feel it is your responsibility to still care for her. You don't deserve being treated any less than precious. That is what real love is. Real love means treating the other person like you wish to be treated, and with respect and you always put that other person first. As you are doing... but not getting anything but abuse in response. It is up to her to make her life worthwhile, you are not there to save her or make her life better. A relationship is to share life not carry someone else in it. This is all said with genuine concern for your happiness in life and not to put her down. Sounds like she's got emotional issues or is playing a mind game with you. I say to keep your distance. Take care.

any updates? =)

I think she may be feeling guilty for terminating the pregnancy, and blaming you for it. I know it sounds silly but, she is a woman, they're brains don't possess logic most of the time.

Either that, or she's using you.

You should probably cut your losses and kick rocks.

She sees you as the "nice" guy and doesn't want to hurt you. She doesnt' really care about you otherwise she wouldn't treat you this way and she would have been more honest about the pregnancy thing. There is no way she didn't know it wasn't yours. Sorry I'm female and you always know these kinds of things unless you are sleeping around!

I have dated a guy like this and he always apologized then ignored me. He only wanted to talk to me when he wanted something. I was stupid enough to fall for it til I realized he was just using me. Sorry but she is too. Cut your ties with her and leaver her alone.

You deserve someone who will not treat you like this and respect you. You deserve better!

Good luck.

As a female, girls like this tick me off because they give women a bad name. She is emotionally abusing you. You need to get out of there. You sound like a great guy and need to find someone that deserves you. Someone who tells you that you make their skin craw does not. You don't say that kind of thing to someone you care about period.

do the same to her for a pre-ordained amount of time and if it passes the point where she doesn't equalize the feelings then move on right away..