Actual Movies I Won 't Admit to Having Seen, A Collection.

This is a multi-purpose thread. Of course, it will broaden your cultural boundaries. Having seen one or more of these will make you an entirely different person. Or, you might even just smile at the titles.

Out of consideration, I will not furnish the links in public, but I will in private, or you can find them through fairly easy searches.

To be selected, a film must not have been a catoon or anything else not using human actors. It couldn't be a music video or a story about a band, and it had to be movie length (at least 40 minutes). If it's in quotes, it's a movie title.

This may become a cultural repository, please add your own.

First off, dealing with a perennial favorite on ATS, zombies, we have "Cannibal Campout." And who shows up at these? Members of the "Hillbilly Cannibal Bloodline." Sometimes they are joined by "Bloodsucking Nazi Zombies." When the bloodsuckers show up, they usually invite some vampires, but children are not allowed. After all, "Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things." Sometimes, too, adult conversations take place such as "Is There Sex After Death?"

The only thing they worry about at these events is the appearance of "Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter." This is not just any Jesus Christ, this is "Ultrachrist." No, wait, there is one other thing. As with many other Western campouts, beans are a staple at the meals. Then they have to watch out for "The Human Vapor." If you need to know the results of that, just watch "F.A.R.T. The Movie." But that's not all they have to eat, there is also "Blood of Ghastly Horror," always a big favorite.

Vampires and zombies are not the only creatures seen, by our unenlightened society, as monsters. "The Giant Behemoth" is a special case. You are no doubt acquainted with small behemoths, or tiny behemoths. This is a big one. There is individual initiative as well. Why do you have to travel to a castle when there is "Creep Creepersin's Frankenstein" much closer? Do you remember the nightmares you used to have at summer camp? Well, "Monstroid: It Came from the Lake" is why. And not every monster has to be traditional. A favorite is "The Cars That Ate Paris."

Of course, movies often use women as an attraction for certain audiences, and these films are no exception. Some of you men may have had problems with a messy divorce, or even just a ridiculously expensive date. For you, there is "The Leech Woman." And if you are interested in a woman who has a secret life, we have "Frankenstein's Great Aunt Tillie." The literary among you may prefer "Siberian Lady Macbeth," while the cruder among you might prefer "Bitchslap Catfighting She Babes." In any event, sex is always a big seller, so you might want to consider "Sins of the Fleshapoids," or "Invasion of the Bee Girls."

Some films are geared especially to ATS members. Such hits as "Fat Stupid Rabbit," and "Peter Rottentail." (Sorry, I couldn't resist.) And for the membership in general, we have "Aspiring Psychopath." There are a few members who don't join in the rush towards mental illness, for them there is "Screaming for Sanity." Be aware, however that that might be counter-productive.

Unfortunately, crime and occasionally brutal policing can affect our lives. "Holla if You Hear Me Kill You," provides valuable advice, but I hope you don't get "Dirty Cop No Donut" to investigate. He'll be there to look things over as soon as he's done with "Donald and Dot Clock Found Dead in their Home."

You may think you have bad luck but what about those in "Tombs of the Blind Dead?" Blind and dead? That's tough. What makes it worse is "I Spit Chew on Your Grave." You can't even push up daisies, they won't grow through that.

Sure those films seem pretty bad, but wait until you see "Worst Horror Movie Ever Made: The Remake." Remember that sequels are supposed to be worse than the original? This one is.

But if your spirits are down, you can get a real lift by watching "Scrooge's Rock n' Roll Christmas." It's a favorite among, well, I don't know who exactly. Would Scrooge do well in a duet with Elvis?

Again, please add your own. It would be a valuable service.

With respect,
Charles1952

Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies Glad i dindnt pay anything for it boooo

Mine is particularly ugly. One of my friends works for a security company and, as it happens, her posting for awhile was at nights in a Wal Mart. I used to go visit her at work, from time to time, whenever I found myself in need of purchasing anything at night. It was rather fun and had benefits - first she is pretty cute. Secondly, she'd always let me know what stuff Wal Mart had put into deep, deep discount/clearance - particularly in the electronics department. For those not in the know, individual Wal Marts will sometimes find themselves in possession of too many of any given item and will basically give that item away, for next to nothing, until their stock is at the right level. They don't advertise it, throw up any huge signs, and often don't even change the price on the shelf. They just change the price in the system.

As it happens, I love movies and used to buy a lot of DVD's. One night, while visiting this particular friend, she updated me on what things were going at a highly reduced price that night. Well, this was right about the time that Twilight came out on DVD and was selling for like twenty bucks. This particular night? Five bucks for the plain version, as Wal Mart had just gotten in a shipment of some sort of special edition DVD for the movie.

So, sadly, I caved and figured "Hey, five bucks is nothing".

Therefore, in true 12 step, shame ridden fashion... Hi, my name is John... and I own a copy of Twilight.....

reply to post by Hefficide

Dear Hefficide,

As usual, you have provided us with a deeply human and readable story. I can only blame myself for not making my purpose in this thread clear. There are people who enjoyed the movie, and it is possible to utter the word "Twilight" in public without embarrassment.

Now if the movie had been titled "I Ate the Heart of the Alien's Zombie Niece at Twilight," I would have welcomed it with open arms. As it is, you are condemned to live with your shame. Time will ease the pain, however. Be brave.

With respect,
Charles1952

"Furry Vengance".....i was made to sit and watch it with my kids, and to this day my youngest is closely monitored when choosing family films to watch.

Biggest pile of kack i've ever seen, cringeworthy is an understatement!

CX.

reply to post by charles1952




I disagree Sir. I made the mistake of mentioning this fact in ATS chat and there are ATS members who still come at me with statements such as "Pfffft what do you know? YOU own TWILIGHT!"

There is a cloud hanging over me, forever, because of it.

But if we're going on title alone? I've got a few of those as well....

Zombie Strippers
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
Vulgar
Netherbeast Incorporated

I can dig through my DVD's and find more.

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by charles1952

 

I disagree Sir. I made the mistake of mentioning this fact in ATS chat and there are ATS members who still come at me with statements such as "Pfffft what do you know? YOU own TWILIGHT!"

There is a cloud hanging over me, forever, because of it.

But if we're going on title alone? I've got a few of those as well....

Zombie Strippers



Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
Vulgar
Netherbeast Incorporated

I can dig through my DVD's and find more.

It could be worse Heff I admitted that Tiffany's I think we're alone now gets stuck in my head.
And I will never take the little mermaid out of vampire, crusader, monty python,samuri, excorsicm heavy dvd collection.Still to watch zombie strippers but rest assured it's there riight next to "they live"