posted on Oct, 25 2004 @ 08:50 AM
Sending Old Men To War
If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City
and Washington DC.
But, I'm over 50 now
and the Armed Forces say I'm too old
to track down terrorists.
You can't be older than 35
to join the military.
They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
You shouldn't be able to join
until you're at least 35.
Researchers say 18-year- olds think about sex every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex
a couple of times a day,
leaving us more than 28,000
additional seconds per day to
concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough
to be cranky,
and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy
we'll complain them into submission.
"My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!"
"Where's the remote control?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until
you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other hand,
has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer
by the time he's 35 and
a jaunt through the desert heat
with a backpack and M-60
would do wonders for the old beer belly.
doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.
Old guys get up early every morning to pee.
If old guys are captured
we couldn't spill the beans because
we'd probably forget where we put them.
In fact, name, rank, and serial number
would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would actually be easier
for old guys.
We're used to getting screamed
and yelled at
and we actually like soft food.
We've also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles.
We like them almost better than naps.
They could lighten up on the
obstacle course however.
I've been in combat and
I didn't see a single 20-foot wall
with rope hanging over the side,
nor did I ever do any pushups
after completing basic training.
I can hear the Drill Sergeant now,
"Get down and give me...er...one."
And the running part
is kind of a waste of energy.
I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
has the whole world ahead of him.
He's still learning to shave,
to actually carry on a conversation,
and to wear pants without
the top of his butt crack showing and
his boxer shorts sticking out.
He's still hasn't figured out that
a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker
in the back seat of a Honda Accord
can rupture an eardrum.
All great reasons to keep our sons at home to learn a little more about life
before sending them off to possible death.
Let us old guys track down those
dirty rotten cowards
who attacked our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
Share this with your senior friends
(It's purposely in big type for us old guys)
Are they talking about me?
[edit on 25-10-2004 by John bull 1]