I want out of this madhouse..

Mods feel free to move to the rant section if applicable. TA very muchly.

I am currently not at work, not feeling great so I went back to bed for a bit of a snooze but I couldn’t get comfortable.

I got caught thinking about life in general and I have come to a bit of a conclusion, one I am concerned about, that I no longer want to be here.

Not in a suicidal way but one that I no longer feel part of this world or way of life, I feel that I do not belong here anymore.

I have lost the pleasure in doing things I used to enjoy and I will list the things I used to enjoy and why I have lost interest.

Food, I used to love my food, enough to put on a couple of stone more than I should have, food now is just something to fill a grumbling stomach, I have no sense of taste, everything tastes of the same blandness, even adding spicy peppery sauces does not make my mouth salivate. I am paranoid that there are too many chemicals in all the foodstuffs that are not good for the mind, body or spirit so much so that I look at the labels when shopping to see what is in it, to the point of thinking what is in it that ISN’T on the label.

Television, TV used to entertain me, I have my own taste in humour, but even the shows I used to watch I have lost the will to watch, the last few days the TV has had absolutely nothing interesting on, DVD films are dull as hell even the overhyped new releases, I feel that they are nothing but programming tools to dehumanise and desensitize me to the rest of the world.

Playing my computer, I first got into computers back in the late 70’s when my first game was Asteroids in the arcades (shows you my age) but even todays new releases do not get me excited anymore, I feel they are nothing but toys to sell, I used to spend hours ( days in one case) on them but even with nice eye catching graphics they all feel unfinished and in many cases they are, I feel they have been rushed to release so that companies can simply cash in, even when they are buggy as hell ( my pc is a powerful homebuilt unit that can definitely handle all the games today) they all seem to be rushed out to the eager public, the film Tron ( the new version had a great line – “ It’s still the same product, all it is is a new box” and yet people will rush and queue to buy them.

People, I no longer want to associate with anyone, except the wife of course but even then our relationship I feel is one that my wife is feeling the strain on as I do not show her the right amount of consideration or care. Other people in the world I do not care about other than family and even then I do so out of duty ( one I am ashamed to say I do but I should be better), other people are bags of meat wandering aimlessly through their existence, meandering from product to product with no sense of purpose or sense of potential. They argue over material goods( the US’s Black Friday riots spring to mind), the latest Iphone, gold and money all things that probably give them a brief moment of belonging before moving onto the next ‘must have’ gadget sold to them by the TV. I remember one young chap when I was in a shop say to his friend “ ‘Ere mate what beer do you want , a Stella?” and his friend replied “ Nah geezer, Stella makes me want to fight”, I thought then is that Humanities future? One where each individual persons negativity comes to light at any convenient moment?
Needless to say I made my purchase and left them to mull over their choice of lager, even watching the world unfold it seems that there is so much anger ad selfishness in the world that maybe there is no way to getting back to being a polite caring society.
In the past we became the dominant species on the planet by looking out for each other, building communities, societies and cultures but then over the past few centuries we have become intolerant, selfish, greedy and corrupt and getting more so apparently every single day, people are looking to get one over each other, the British £2 coin even has written on some of them “ standing on the shoulders of giants” but it should read “Standing on the backs of others” it would be more applicable these days as there are more TV ads for money lending, and gadgets you must have to be popular with the opposite sex, than there are informative educational program, and even so these days people would much rather watch ‘reality’ shows, I’m a celebrity, X factor etc.

All programs designed to placate a dull bored mass of people.

Money, I used to hunger for it same as you and everyone else, but I have come to the conclusion that it is only a material item both cash and gold are the same, yes I agree they can make your life comfortable and there are days I hope for a lotto win, but it will never happen ( or if it did it would be like the thought I had a few years ago, I’ll the lotto a week before the end of the world – lets hope I don’t buy a ticket before the 21st of December), I even had a work colleague who used to lie in order to get any overtime, he’d say “ Oh I asked him if wanted to work the weekend but he said no” even though he never asked me if I wanted to work just so HE could get the overtime and when I confronted him about it I told him he was greedy, his reply was “I’m NOT greedy, I just LOVE money” and that is the problem today, people LOVE money, trouble is they can’t take it with them when they die, they came into the world without it and if you look at children and babies in particular they are so much happier without knowing about money or material goods, they find joy in touching grass, looking at animals and clouds, being with their families, we force teach them ultimately to have toys, to be greedy and who to hate with our own ideals, one mistake that we are seemingly doomed to keep repeating with every generation. People will leave the world without it as well as they cannot take it with them ( unless they get buried with it) and all that happens is that families bicker and tear each other apart for the scraps that are left behind, truly a tragic loss when that happens to any family.

The Environment, truly a tragic loss what we are doing to our home, we pollute it with no consideration for the future, sure we all buy a more fuel efficient car and we recycle as much as we can, but we make virtually NO NOISE when a disaster happens, the Gulf oil spill? OK voices were raised, for a while but then we went back to driving around and complaining about the price of petrol didn’t we?, I for one will never use BP again for that simple reason, I have even noticed they BP are the most expensive station around on my travels, but people still use them even when there’s a station down the road that is a lot cheaper, go figure. We simply get on worrying about our gas and electric even though there are alternatives that can be investigated and improved ( magnetic generators and such) but that not good for companies profits is it? And even we make a noise someone louder says “ I’ll sue for loss of earnings” and we back down to complaining don’t we? When we should say “ try it” and look at alternatives, the energy bosses only think about their bonuses and company profits and not worry about the fact that sure ‘they’ can have a comfy lifestyle but their children will be poisoned and their home destroyed, after all the future does not matter, only the present matters to a lot of us, and the present is right now, not tomorrow.

That’s enough ranting for now I’m tired .

Anyway back to my snoozing, over the last few weeks I have noticed that as I try to either get to sleep of an evening that is all I look forward to, not waking up the following day but going to sleep, much to the wife’s annoyance, I do enjoy sleeping ( maybe it simply passes the time), like a line in a song I like by Metric ( the song’s title ‘Gimme Sympathy” the line is “ I’m not suicidal, I just can’t get out of bed” ( rather apt for me at present). Whilst I try to get to sleep I have noticed that my body seems to be vibrating, almost un-noticeable but it’s there, I can hear the blood ‘scooshing’ past my ears, pulsing through my veins and my heart beating in my chest but all the time there is the vibrations in my body. It makes me think is this all that I am to be? A meat sack chasing things?

I am into an eclectic mix of things, Occult, Finance, even having a wide variety of music tastes and I have dabbled with Astral Projection, Binaural beats, witchcraft, even taking into account other religion’s best bits to make me a better person, and I can’t help but think why can’t the rest of the world be like me? But if that were to be the case we’d all be the same and it would be a dull world. It is far from dull, I have seen both the good and the bad of the world, I have travelled it far and wide but still I feel I do not belong, like I am waiting for something better to come along.

Does that make me a bad person? A paranoid person? A depressed person? Or simply a person??

I want off this rock, it sucks and its not going to get any better is it?

You sound depressed and withdrawn

reply to post by DataWraith


Go for a camping trip and enjoy nature,it always seems to bring me out of a funk.
Go out and listen to the sound of silence.

You'll come back fresh and won't take anything for granted after sleeping in the woods for a few days.

Ultimately, humans like myself have this problem.... "letting go and Let God"... Trust in God, not the Old man with the cane in the sky that is in-visioned in your mind... But God... Take a walk around town, drive to the country... look at all the things... good and bad... they each serve they're own purpose here...

welcome to the club buddy!
i woke up at age 12 with this feeling,and i'm 45 now!
not once have my thoughts changed.
i see this world for what it really is,and i hate it.
the only thing of any worth here is my family.
and my kids are taught to see thru the bull s#$@t!
heres the kicker.
the more you think the way you do,the more unreal all of this will seem,and you will shake your head at the masses who wallow around in the system.
it will even make you mad at people! you wanna shake them and yell ' can't you see your being lied to!!!???"
be strong friend,and keep the faith!
its a rocky road you chose (the system made it that way!)
but it is the correct way!

I think what you're experiencing is something that most everyone goes threw. It's basically a mid life crisis. I'm going threw a bit of that myself actually. Personally I think that the way to keep life interesting and exciting is: 1) get to know God 2) get a pet 3) start to travel more 4) start to socialize more and or get a gf/bf 5) start exercising more 6) get a hobby or two

All these I believe help a lot. Thinking about getting out of the situation isn't the answer. As that's not gonna happen until your time is up. So you go to try and just make the best of it while you're here. But I hear you loud and clear, but I think everyone goes threw that kind of thing.

reply to post by DataWraith


feel for you
- you ve described very accurate the hologram , and what it does to the soul.

it may be very well, you ve deliberate been stopped in your tracks,
cutting pleasures 1 by 1
because... a soul will only search somewhere else, when that what he currently has dont satisfy him

..this hologram with all its fake joy, fake honour and fake goals will *never* satisfy you
- you just didnt realize that, untill now.
This hologram is a fallen one, designed to give your soul 'feelings ' but by working onto your physical frame.
Kind of ' indirect ' impulses... caused by the requirments of the hologram [ instead of by a devine relation ] ... - and thats why you feel its fake

you may want to ponder... if its possible, that indeed there *is* a God, who stopped you in your tracks.
... if you want life, start searching - because it appears that He likes you

bless

..perhaps i phrased poorly [ though i tried ]

point is... that the soul , a persons essence, is only getting ' indirect impulses '
via the eyes...senses.. etc
so, via the physical frame, only.

That is fine: as long she has the energy to ,
but this amount of energy can wear out, and slowly the senses dont correspond no more with the outside world.

this hologram [ that came into being after Eden ] is built on stimulating the senses... the whole fallen culture does that, as in the ' they live ' series

why ? - to keep a persons soul occupied, distracted: untill the moment, she will see, that there *is* a spiritual world above this hologram - and for many souls, it will be TOO LATE then.

For you, it isnt.

Maybe you should shake things up a bit...try something new or different. Challenge yourself in some way. Take on a new project, or do your daily grind differently. Something to snap you out of your funk and make you switch gears...a new perspective.

My best suggestion is, if possible, leave. Go. Take only enough money to sustain you. Drive, fly, take the first train leaving the station. Don't pick a final destination. See where it takes you. Get out walk around. Get lost. Get back on the train, bus...go further...preferably to a place where they don't speak your language....see how that goes. Try finding a restaurant, a hotel.....go to a museum. Look at the buildings around you. Speak to complete strangers. Get lost some more. Set how that goes. Go further if necessary. Do this until you are either satisfied or completely overwhelmed. Head back home.

I used to do that quite a bit, and it always made me feel better. I think getting lost is one of the best ways to find yourself

You may not need to "find yourself" but going on little(or big) adventures, or just trying something new often brings new insights. You said you traveled a lot, but traveling is not necessarily the same as having an adventure. Adventures are meant to be challenging...think along those lines.

As to how you feel, I have felt the same, and it is a terrible feeling, the only thing that snaps me out of it is friends, family or adventures. Since you seem to not be interested in friends or family right now, I suggested travel. But you could also stay where you are and do little new things as well. Try a new restaurant, drive the long way to work, go to the library and look through books, take the stairs instead of the lift, learn how to knit or volunteer somewhere, go to the movie theater alone, sit in a cafe and people watch, feed the ducks at the park. There are tons of things....just pick some and try them out, it doesn't have to be as life altering as flying to Zambia with 40 pounds in your pocket, but you know....whatever...maybe flying to Zambia with 40 pounds in your pocket might be perfect.

Regardless, I hope you find something that will make you feel better, those days when I get to feeling like that are miserable, so try and just do baby steps...one small change, even if it is getting up on the other side of the bed in the morning.

reply to post by DataWraith


Beautiful thread man...your thought are almost my own, yet I have shaken of this depressive attitude you still cling to.

I know...it feels like there is no hope for change. It feels like it is all spiraling down to inevitable self destruction.

I find consolation in the fact it's not all gloom and doom...there are wonderful people out there. Fighting against what you mentioned in the OP. A human being is a brilliant creature, with all it's faults, still is capable of great things.

This is exactly why some people wish for the 2012 doom. They wish for this filth to be washed away.

But the hope is us. You made yourself different. Teach your children to be different. If many do this...we will have a different generation after a hundred years. There is always hope. As long as you see it the way you do. The main thing is to be aware of it...like you are. Not be fooled. Not deceived.

Eyes wide open. Hang in there man. Don't give up.

Thank you all for your replies, I very much appreciate it, and I do go camping, I do believe in a God, not the beardy one that most associate God with, so much so that I thank him/her/they/it everyday for not only waking up but also when I recognise anger enough to step away from it.
I always take up new projects but very quickly tire of them, sometimes I take great delight on thinking of new things, new ideas but never take them past their idea stage.
I am creative enough for the wife to call me a dreamer ( maybe thats a subliminal attempt for me to go to sleep all the time )but although I suffered from depression a few years ago this bout at present surpasses that, it almost feels like I'm too good for this body, I dunno but thats the clearest way I can describe it at the moment.
I had a big talk with the wife over the weekend ( she's almost believing the 21st december crowd enough to say " I hope it really happens".
I tell her its nonsense but I think deep down I too am hoping for something to happen, something to shake the lethargy off of mankind so that it gives me hope again. I know nothing will happen, and when I was talking to my wife I said about dying, not in a suicide way but that I will welcome it when it arrives in whatever form, that it's something that we all go through no matter how rich or poor, powerful or powerless, black, white, Christian or Muslim we are, there's no escape so why fear it?
She has her own ideas on what happens, I tell her about how my attitude changed when I tried Astral Projections but she just laughs it off, I don't mind, each to their own I suppose.
But this time right now if someone where to offer me the red pill I'd take it.

Originally posted by DrumsRfun
reply to post by DataWraith

 

Go for a camping trip and enjoy nature,it always seems to bring me out of a funk.
Go out and listen to the sound of silence.

You'll come back fresh and won't take anything for granted after sleeping in the woods for a few days.

I agree, good advice.

A person has lived half of their life, by the time they are 18 years. Life is not linear, just like everything else we encounter. Nothing is stable, unless it is dead. At some point in our teens or twenties, we all realize that many things are repetitious and we are not having consecutive new experiences. This is a built in challenge because we are still alive and must deal with this great change in our life. Listen to your conscience, don't feel sorry for yourself and keep struggling until you come to a satisfactory approach to your new life. Yes, it will have weaknesses and they will be dealt with; everything can't be worked out in a flash. Everyone's mission is the same, grow your aura, help others and create love. You should view love as a verb and not a noun. The struggle and the accompanying pain are part of the process. It is something that you can consult with any number of idea sources but only you can decide what to use and what to reject. This is just a part of our growth as a human being. Being here in 3D is what we need to mature our soul and that is why we must return for many lives before we learn all of the lessens. Everything teaches but some are a quick study and some are slower to catch on. Eventually we all get to where we need to be. Try to adopt an approach that provides inner peace because that is our natural state. Learn to enjoy simple things and you will feel better. All is well, always was and always will be. Ceau.

You sound like your in the grip of major depression.

I'm an expert on this.....dealt with it my entire adult life. And what you've described is spot on for depression.

My advice? Talk to your doctor. There are medications that will help.

Also, try the following;

*get plenty of sunshine daily
*exercise
*make yourself get out of bed (very hard to do)

I don't think the man is depressed in a literal sense. This goes a bit deeper. It is the outrage and at the same time inability to do something about it, that made him bitter and sound depressed.

I for one fully understand the guy.

I don't condone this advice "got to park, camping"...etc.

Please don't play down this man's just feelings with mundane offerings of walking happily in the park, birds singing, cool wind in his hair, and everything he spoke of in the OP will magically disappear. It wont.

He feels the weight of our own human madness.

Originally posted by DataWraith
Food, I used to love my food, enough to put on a couple of stone more than I should have, food now is just something to fill a grumbling stomach, I have no sense of taste, everything tastes of the same blandness, even adding spicy peppery sauces does not make my mouth salivate. I am paranoid that there are too many chemicals in all the foodstuffs that are not good for the mind, body or spirit so much so that I look at the labels when shopping to see what is in it, to the point of thinking what is in it that ISN’T on the label.

DataWraith,

I feel your pain, brother.
I can't remember how many times I've fallen into a black hole of mental misery.
I read your entire post. I'm only going to comment on the first, quoted part - as I am in a rush.

"No sense of taste"
"Same blandness"
"does not make my mouth salivate"

I can't say for sure that you consume alcohol or smoke cigarettes, but you seem to share a few common symptoms of a habitual drinker/smoker. If I am completely out of line, just disregard this entire post.

If you ARE a habitual drinker, let me just tell you this: I've seen family members go down a dark, dark path with alcohol.
Alcohol dehydrates you which can cause you to have little to no saliva. It also over-stimulates your entire system, contributing even more to your mental exertion.
This would explain why food "does not make my mouth salivate."
Well, how could you if you don't have any saliva to begin with!!
Try to picture having sex without any form of lubrication. Not very appealing.
You need saliva to eat. Saliva can also function as a taste enhancer.

Towards the end of your post, you mention lying in bed and being able to hear your own inner workings.
This sounds typical of high blood pressure.
Eating too much carbohydrate-rich foods before bed can also have this effect.
Beer also happens to have very high energy content - which can also produce this restless feeling of yours while resting. Do you have night terrors?

I remember how my Dad would put TONS of pepper and spices in his food, only to complain that it didn't have enough of it. He was an alcoholic.
Do you crave salty foods? Drinking too much can cause you to piss away a lot of your body salts, causing you to crave salt as a result.

"Same blandness"
Smoking too many cigarettes can kill your sense of taste.
I think this works by the cigarettes tar attaching itself to your tongue, causing you to lose your sense of taste.

Like I said, this may or may not be relevant to you.
If it is, I would recommend cutting back on the smoke and alcohol.
You need good foods to be content. You need to able to consume energy first if you want to use some later.
Diet is everything, in my experience. It is sustenance for the mind.

reply to post by MarioOnTheFly


I know exactly how he feels, and the only thing that really brings me joy nowadays is being out in nature. It is good advice.

Maybe not for you.

reply to post by Dan001


Just to let you know that I do neither, tried smoking once, stole 2 cigs from my nan once, smoked them both and threw up black crap, so never did it again, as for the drinks nope, occasionally have one with my old work chums, but I can't remember the last time I had a proper drink.
Still got booze in my kitchen cabinet from 2 years ago. now my brother on the other hand, smokes and drinks for England.

Don't watch the news, get off the internet, turn off the cellphone, go somewhere you can afford to go to that isn't wired for everything. When you do it, bring a few books, I'm talking paper, not a Cruze reader. Doesn't matter if it's Poe, the Bhagavad Gita, Shakespeare, or Jo Rowling (Dont do Twilight-you'll hate me for not excluding that). I have no idea what you can afford time wise or if you can gather some friends family too, best if you can but the occasional Chautauqua however brief can be a sanity saver.

This may sound trite, and it's all too brief, but the best therapy I've found is to go out and participate in the world for such a malaise. Make your own 'Youtube moments'. We all can, and 'we' means you too.

reply to post by DataWraith
All those things that kept you content are simply not enough to compensate for the reality you're experiencing today. A walk in the park or a weekend camping isn't going to do it for you. I think you need to take a real hard look at your life. Make changes, overhaul it if you have to.

We started our life over. We jumped in and never looked back. There was nothing there anyway. It was the hardest thing we ever did yet the most satisfying.

It's only when we plunge into a different reality that we can see with more clarity. Modern man has a more reliable world. We don't deal with the life changing challenges of our earlier ancestors yet our brains are geared for it. You've mastered survival in the modern world and it's left you unfulfilled.

If your not ready to check out then find another hotel that's more to your liking. It's out there but you've got to find it for yourself.