Stronger The Darkside Is

reply to post by 74Templar


I just wanted to thank you for your time and input before responding. Much appreciated.

The secret is not really a secret. Caring is one thing, but surely after 40 years you can figure out when someone is just playing you emotionally, or is just stringing you along for their own emotional high, Humans who don't know any better always strive to push others down to make themselves feel better. Ever had an argument with someone? Won and felt stronger? Lost and felt weaker? Sounds to me like this girl is being an energy leech, and you're the source. So here's the secret. Be honest. Not just with her, but with yourself. I hate to sound harsh doing this, but deluding yourself as to the well-being of your relationship is not going to save it. Ask yourself the hard questions. Then answer them honestly.

I've known & cared for her for almost 20 years. This is the hard part for me.
She's almost like family at this point, half my life practically.

I throw a lot of logic and simple solutions out the window because of time invested.
It's an ego thing at this point, though a Jedi should have that under control, my ego does get to me at times. The time invested thing does dominate my higher brain reasoning with her. I don't want all that time invested not to be a waste & mean nothing in the end.

Do you see the bold there? The pattern? You finally said, which indicates to me you have put up with her # for quite a while without defending your position or biting back. While that seems presumptuous, and could very well be wrong, but that's my take on it. As for her mind's take on your words, all people, men and women don't want to be the one who is wrong, and generally will come up with a story to see themselves as a hero, regardless of how the truth went down. My first ex I left, but after finding out she was cheating on me. She maintains to this day she never cheated, and I left because I was immature and had a child's brain. Who's right? Well it's a combination of a and b.

She's Irish, just wanted to throw that out there. An immovable ego challenge to any Jedi.
I stood my ground since the start, my opinions flew, my convictions stood strong, but I always caved because I knew I was the one who understood the root causes better. I have infinite understanding. Love means never having to forgive because you have infinite understanding.

I do know why she's the way she is, it doesn't make me a better person than her, it just means I don't have to whale on her physically because I don't know why she's so insane. My thought and consciousness is far beyond hers at the moment. I am free, she is still a prisoner of the Matrix and mind control programing.

I just wanted to help her help herself, and become the person she was meant to be naturally before the traumatic memories of her past. I moved past my past trauma but she hasn't, am I the better person? No, I just want what I can't have I think. I want her to be her natural self, who she would have been without her past affecting her presently.

reply to post by Dustytoad

Now that our love has grown and we went through all that bull, we are even stronger.

This was also my fleeting hopes for us. Unfortunately, her ego is far superior and more powerful than mine, and she is determined to be right no matter what the outcome. To her, it's not about "fixing our problems and working on a solution" it's about being right in the arguments.

Still... I think it must be partially your fault... For instance, what have you changed about yourself in your pursuit that would attract a different breed of woman?

I changed my entire mentality in 2008 when I went through some kind of spiritual change, 2008 was my 2012 and I haven't been the same since my freak out. I've known her since 1995 though when I was my old self, a rebel without a clue, a complete chooch, someone who'd I'd never be with if I was a woman. Yet... I "woke up" as they call it, but she hasn't despite all the GMO, fluoride, NWO, 911, illuminati, UFO information I've shown her the past few years.

She did change her diet completely after I showed her what was in our foods, gave me hope for more improvements, but that damn reset button got to her eventually. The reset button is that thing that happens after you go to sleep at night after researching, and you wake up the next morning mind wiped from the past night's information. Even any mention of it enrages them for some reason.

She currently believes arguing about a cleaner toilet seat, gas in the car, how much time I spend on Xbox, how many females I converse with, etc. are more important than the war going on right now on our very existence. We are all on the same side, why fight with each other?

I've known & cared for her for almost 20 years. This is the hard part for me.
She's almost like family at this point, half my life practically.

It is hard to let someone go, especially if someone is a big part of your life. But you have to ask yourself this. Are you hanging onto false hope? Are you expending energy on a bottomless pit that will never be sated and will only leave you completely spent at the end of it? By your responses, I seem to think you are close to that point.

With my second ex, I had two daughters to consider. I stayed with her for three miserable years, because I thought I was being a good father and a strong man by trying to maintain the family unit. When it all ended, I had an epiphany. I was investing so much time and energy into my doomed relationship my own energy couldn't be directed where it was needed most; at my girls. In short, away from that lousy life gave me the true strength needed to be there for my daughters, and to be the father I always sought to be. Just because I chose to be a single dad didn't make me a failure, it made me a better person for the experience. Now when I consider relationships, one of the up front things is my kids come first; get between that or try to, and you're getting drunk-tossed out the door honey...

I throw a lot of logic and simple solutions out the window because of time invested.
It's an ego thing at this point, though a Jedi should have that under control, my ego does get to me at times. The time invested thing does dominate my higher brain reasoning with her. I don't want all that time invested to be a waste & mean nothing in the end.

First off, nothing ever invested is time wasted my friend. Even if at the end of this, you choose to walk away and leave it for what it is, you have the experience, both good and bad to take with you. Nothing in life is a waste of time unless you think it to be. I have to quote it here, and will go on record that your title is what grabbed my attention, being a SW geek myself...

"Don't center on your anxieties Obi-Wan. Keep your concentration here and now, where it belongs."
"But Master Yoda said I should be mindful of the future."
"But not at the expense of the moment. Be mindful of the living force young Padawan."

She's Irish, just wanted to throw that out there. An immovable ego challenge to any Jedi.
I stood my ground since the start, my opinions flew, my convictions stood strong, but I always caved because I knew I was the one who understood the root causes better. I have infinite understanding. Love means never having to forgive because you have infinite understanding.

OK, so that's always going to be a problem... My last ex was half Maori, and a redhead to boot, so I get that...

I do know why she's the way she is, it doesn't make me a better person than her, it just means I don't have to whale on her physically because I don't know why she's so insane. My thought and consciousness is far beyond hers at the moment. I am free, she is still a prisoner of the Matrix and mind control programing.

But like in that matrix, some people are so utterly trapped, they can never be freed, they can never wake up. No matter how many times you bang on the glass, sometimes you can't get someone's attention, because they don't want to know. Couple that with the fact that she has taken you as her rock, guide, shoulder, leader, it sounds to me like a case of someone wanting to be led as long as it's the path she chooses for you both. If it's not the path you want, get off it before it's too late.

I just wanted to help her help herself, and become the person she was meant to be naturally before the traumatic memories of her past. I moved past my past trauma but she hasn't, am I the better person? No, I just want what I can't have I think. I want her to be her natural self, who she would have been without her past affecting her presently.

You can only help those who want to be helped. In the end we all have our flaws, it's the nature of being human. If she chooses to allow the past to mold her into what she is today, without compromise or change, then things for you both will never change either. You'll both just keep stumbling, because neither of you are looking forwards.

reply to post by JibbyJedi


Sounds like you have changed while she was still doing the regular thing..
My girl grew up from her sheltering parents to accepting that the world is dark.
If she hasn't changed yet, maybe she doesn't want to?

Sometimes even strong rivers get split into two streams by an immovable rock..

Jibbyjedi: "Why fight with each other?"

Me: haha if only women thought like men... And at the same time I am glad they don't..

Ahh... you had the misfortune of meeting ex-wives 2..3...5...7...8...9... and soon to be ex-wife 13... best can recommend is very long holiday ... large quantities of alcohol and better luck next time....sometimes the only thing you can do is just walk away and dont look back...

reply to post by 74Templar


Your wisdom is Jedi strength, are you aware of your abilities?
You are a cut above the rest, in a class of the brave & lonely, but are currently in harmony.
Don't waste your time in your futile job, unless it involves your wisdom bestowed onto others. I have a keen eye for the bright stars in the Earthly plain, you seem to me to be a wise soul.

With my second ex, I had two daughters to consider. I stayed with her for three miserable years, because I thought I was being a good father and a strong man by trying to maintain the family unit. When it all ended, I had an epiphany. I was investing so much time and energy into my doomed relationship my own energy couldn't be directed where it was needed most; at my girls. In short, away from that lousy life gave me the true strength needed to be there for my daughters, and to be the father I always sought to be. Just because I chose to be a single dad didn't make me a failure, it made me a better person for the experience. Now when I consider relationships, one of the up front things is my kids come first; get between that or try to, and you're getting drunk-tossed out the door honey...

.

I saw your mistakes through others close to me. I avoided their mistakes the best I could.
I have what you don't have and you have what I don't have at this time. You have children to motivate you to do things above and beyond, I have no family left alive in my life. I am all that's left.

I would be a lot like you if I was where you are with family. I am at a different place and age for what I have. My motivation is hope for the future, and at my age it's a narrow window to get where you are.

My gf currently has 4 children, all adopted. She was married twice before our relationship. They could not have children, both were GMO proofed and sterile, so they had to adopt. I am fertile. She wants/wanted to have a child with me after her marriages. I felt withdrawn because of her unstable history and irrational emotional instability. I feel like she would use my children to hurt me, then feed off that pain. I do want children of my own, but I want them with a woman who won't throw them aside to satisfy her immediate needs and impulses.

First off, nothing ever invested is time wasted my friend. Even if at the end of this, you choose to walk away and leave it for what it is, you have the experience, both good and bad to take with you. Nothing in life is a waste of time unless you think it to be.

I agree, if I was a younger man. I have enough experience to get me through several lifetimes.
My experience and a nickel will get me 3 cents, after taxes.

Your advice is sound and correct I think. I should listen to the voices of the VFW, the Veterans of F'd up Wars. This is going to be a jarring experience for me. I have to follow through and not cave in and receive more verbal attacks and abuse in the futile hopes it will change.

But like in that matrix, some people are so utterly trapped, they can never be freed, they can never wake up. No matter how many times you bang on the glass, sometimes you can't get someone's attention, because they don't want to know. Couple that with the fact that she has taken you as her rock, guide, shoulder, leader, it sounds to me like a case of someone wanting to be led as long as it's the path she chooses for you both. If it's not the path you want, get off it before it's too late.

The Matrix... what a metaphor that is so widely used and applied, and makes sense.
She is trapped. I showed her the door to her cell, she did get out of bed and walked out. I showed her the door to the prison so she could make her escape. I even gave her a map. She saw the door, and after much consideration, she chose to go back into her cell and get back in bed. I told her the consequences of that, but she felt it was the best and easiest path.

Like many, unless they see a majority out of their cells, they choose to go back inside until the majority are also out. They are lost on their own, with their own thoughts and consciousness. They need to assimilate the behavior of those around them they feel a connection to.

You can only help those who want to be helped. In the end we all have our flaws, it's the nature of being human. If she chooses to allow the past to mold her into what she is today, without compromise or change, then things for you both will never change either. You'll both just keep stumbling, because neither of you are looking forwards.

I can't argue with logic that logical.

reply to post by Expat888

Ahh... you had the misfortune of meeting ex-wives 2..3...5...7...8...9... and soon to be ex-wife 13... best can recommend is very long holiday ... large quantities of alcohol and better luck next time....sometimes the only thing you can do is just walk away and dont look back...

I'm always eager to meet a future ex wife.

Whiskey is the current menu option of choice. Since I am one of the rare Americans NOT on any pills, I've reached for the bottle once again. I have done this at different times in my life, not an alcoholic, just on to something legal that helps get through these times.

That perspective does make me feel better though.

reply to post by Dustytoad

Sounds like you have changed while she was still doing the regular thing.. My girl grew up from her sheltering parents to accepting that the world is dark. If she hasn't changed yet, maybe she doesn't want to?

You can lead a horse to water, blah blah blah.
You're right though. She doesn't want to change. She is comfortable in that cold blanket she's wrapped herself in for the past 30 years, the kind that brings no warmth, just familiarity.

It's like watering a plant in 200 degree weather, no matter how much water you pour in, it will still need to be watered in 5 minutes. Nothing you do will quench it's thirst or satisfy it's needs.

reply to post by JibbyJedi


At the end of the day I'm just a guy who has been tempered by the fire of life, and actually learned something from it. Sometimes wisdom comes from the greatest hurts in life. Such is my lot.

All I can hope is you've taken away some honest feedback from what we've discussed without thinking I am trying to railroad you into what I think is right for you. I think you're certainly smart enough and have said enough to know you already know the answers for yourself as to your next path. If it means you give your relationship another chance, or cut your losses and walk away, that is your decision to make.

I wish you the best of luck either way, and am always open for a chat or even an ear should you need one.

reply to post by 74Templar

All I can hope is you've taken away some honest feedback from what we've discussed without thinking I am trying to railroad you into what I think is right for you. I think you're certainly smart enough and have said enough to know you already know the answers for yourself as to your next path. If it means you give your relationship another chance, or cut your losses and walk away, that is your decision to make.

I made a thread tonight hoping for advice & insight as helpful as yours and i got that.
I got more than I ever expected in the responses. So many people with such unique insight.

I have almost no friends left. She made a fight out of everyone I talked to, kind of an isolation repression tactic. I don't think it was intentional but it turned out with similar aspects.

It's hard to turn to friends of the past you've had to ignore for years and expect them to respond fondly. I feel like I avoided everyone in my past in order to keep the peace in my present life.

It's too bad Myspace is dead and buried, I don't have a FB and all my friends haven't heard from me since Myspace. I got a lot of catching up to do.

Originally posted by JibbyJedi
reply to post by 74Templar

 

I made a thread tonight hoping for advice & insight as helpful as yours and i got that.
I got more than I ever expected in the responses. So many people with such unique insight.

I have almost no friends left. She made a fight out of everyone I talked to, kind of an isolation repression tactic. I don't think it was intentional but it turned out with similar aspects.

It's hard to turn to friends of the past you've had to ignore for years and expect them to respond fondly. I feel like I avoided everyone in my past in order to keep the peace in my present life.

It's too bad Myspace is dead and buried, I don't have a FB and all my friends haven't heard from me since Myspace. I got a lot of catching up to do.

It seems clear to me that you are facing reality, which is a sure way to overcome your dilemma, sooner or later.

The way you experience your situation is very familiar to me, up to a point. I've known my wife for 14 years and we've been a couple for 8. The first 4 years of our relationship were very much like yours. I also lost a lot of friends because of her insecurity. But being honest with myself, our relationship has caused her some losses too. All good things have a price, and in the end you are the one that decides if the prize is worth the price. We have had a few times when we separated for a week or two, and I mostly used that space constructively, just staying strong and focusing on myself, and most of all trusting that what needs to happen will happen. Some time apart once in a while does wonders for putting it all into perspective.

The point that seems different in my story is that after the first 4 years, I learned a very valuable concept (I just happened to read a book about it at the time). Here it is: Until you have some relative stability in your relationship, ALWAYS engage in the confrontation when one arises. The goal is to keep the balance. Look at it as an energetic system, which is exactly what it is if you realize that everything is energy. If you have a difference between you, it's best to deal with it when it arises because if you wait, it will take on its own energy which neither of you will be able to control and will eventually explode.

Keeping the balance is actually simple once you've made it a habit. When you are pissed off at her, let her know right away and let that play itself out. Be just as pissed off as you think the situation deserves, and let your actions speak for themselves. Soon, you will appreciate how fast those issues get resolved and that they never get the chance to become a big deal. And eventually, you will both be able to agree to disagree and have peace with that. In fact, that in itself will allow you both to value your relationship all the more. That's when your relationship goes to the next level.

The keys are balance and trust. It's a bit like free-fall when skydiving.

soulwaxer

ETA: I don't believe in dark energy or light energy. What seems dark to one person may seem light to another.

reply to post by soulwaxer


The second half or maybe the "second" 2/3s of your post was so true..

I automatically do what you said to do which is basically argue, or atleast say how you feel, to, as you say, balance the equation..

It's weird that I was right to do that. If I had not then I would have lost myself within or without this current relationship..

Nowadays me and my girlfriend are allowed to be wrong ALL the time.. We are both so comfortable that we don't even care how our ideas evolve as we talk, because somehow in the end one of us will be right, and since we are both each other we are both always right. I don't know if I am just finally insanely lucky compared to the last 25 years of my life or if I have finally figured it all out, but life is good haha.

I can't even really do wrong. I have such a deep relationship with my girl because we went through all our bull#. I guess maybe it was because we are/were both WAY stubborn. We Argued a LOT. Somehow it all filtered down to us being VERY similar.

Our time hating each other and arguing made us know each other to the point neither of us could ever hide again.

And after ALL that I got her to start studying conspiracies and world history!

I can keep posting and never tell you anything.. I do think my posts are worth more when they don't have an answer at the end though..

Originally posted by Dustytoad
reply to post by soulwaxer

 

It's weird that I was right to do that. If I had not then I would have lost myself within or without this current relationship..

Nowadays me and my girlfriend are allowed to be wrong ALL the time.. We are both so comfortable that we don't even care how our ideas evolve as we talk, because somehow in the end one of us will be right, and since we are both each other we are both always right. I don't know if I am just finally insanely lucky compared to the last 25 years of my life or if I have finally figured it all out, but life is good haha.

I can't even really do wrong. I have such a deep relationship with my girl because we went through all our bull#. I guess maybe it was because we are/were both WAY stubborn. We Argued a LOT. Somehow it all filtered down to us being VERY similar.

Our time hating each other and arguing made us know each other to the point neither of us could ever hide again.

I can relate to this word for word.

My wife and I are in a way complete opposites. And then one day I realize that we are the same.

A relationship really can be a beautiful thing. A lot (if not all) has to do with how you look at it.

soulwaxer

reply to post by JibbyJedi


You've just described most of the men I've wasted my years on.
It's not just women who are good at wasting your time and making a person want to throw in the towel.
Both sexes have a gift for turning your world upside down.

I wonder if there are some girls that have what I have.
I have an infection that can alter behavior.

I've been with my husband 17 yrs. He helps a lot. People on his family told him to get rid of me when I got sick but he didn't he married me.

I came across a girl yesterday that I normally think is just a biotch but then she told she tested positive for the infection too. I told her to be careful. Not to believe all the doctors.

My point since I'm rambling.....the meds mess with my head sorry.
Some women need to find the right guy.
I do believe there is someone for everyone. Or I'd be alone right now.

reply to post by JibbyJedi

Who else is currently in, or has been in a relationship that feels like this every day?

Yeah I have, everything you said about being bipolar etc...all sounds too familiar from my relationships. That's why I don't date anymore. I don't have the energy to have all that drama in my life it's too stressful. If I met a girl who wasn't a drama queen in America I think I would have a heart attack from amazement.

Originally posted by JibbyJedi
I threw love at the Darkside, and it laughed at me while devouring it, because it saw it as weakness not strength.

The Darkside is stronger, because it's hunger is never satisfied. It craves energy and seeks it out, nothing stands in it's way. It's never "full" and always needs more fuel.

I use the gas station metaphor to describe these people.

They are like empty tanks constantly needing to refuel at the nearest station, but they drive so erratically and recklessly that they use more gas than the average person. If they run out of fuel on the road, they stop the nearest vehicle and syphon the fuel out of their vehicles. Vehicle being the metaphor for human body.

An easier metaphor would be to compare the Darkside to Chinese takeout, no matter how much you eat, you will still be hungry in a few hours.

If you treat other people like that they'll sense it and some might have a metaphor to make you feel bad, like a mental defense to your attitude or some manipulative and subtle rhetoric. Because all people have their own gas station or infinite supply of gas, even if you don't approve of the quality of the gas, if you are saying someone doesn't have that they are not going to want to be friends with you because they would have to accept they might be treated as if they don't have any real love.

It all has to do with reality, you want to be in the same as the other so there's a chance of magic happening but if you see the other negatively they don't want to share their reality with you and they'll just respond with negativity out of self defense. Not saying there are no people like you described, there are but they have just been playing that game for too long and can't or don't want to think of anything else.

Maybe you should try to project something different on a random woman just to test your theory, like she has an infinite supply of gas just like yourself of the same quality and even though she may not always appear to go at maximum speed or efficiency, she will always keep on moving.

Women do not want another opinion, they want their opinion repeated in a deeper voice. Bill Cosby

If a man is all alone in the woods and there are no women around; is he still wrong?

Nothing is a waste; the worst of situations serve as a bad example.

As I receive advice or coaching from a sold out superior and smile and nod, in a serious manner, I think "I am never going to ever do what is being suggested". Coping with a bull# world.

reply to post by JibbyJedi


Somewhere out there is the perfect woman just for you, the problem is you've been settling for "what you can get" instead of waiting for "what you deserve". Finding the right person to share your life with takes patience.

People can only continue to treat you badly if you allow them to do so. The old adage "there are many fish in the sea" holds true; if a woman treats you badly send her packing immediately, for there are many more fish to catch. People have a bad habit of jumping into bed too quickly and mistaking good intimate relations for love, and when you believe you're in love you will tolerate inappropriate treatment. Just say no! An abundance of hormones does not a deep abiding love make! Learn to differentiate love and lust and you will set yourself free from this seemingly unending cycle of disappointment!

Originally posted by JibbyJedi
I threw love at the Darkside, and it laughed at me while devouring it, because it saw it as weakness not strength.
All you "New Agers" who think love beats all, you need to get off your meditation mats and get out there in the battlefields.

The Darkside is stronger, because it's hunger is never satisfied. It craves energy and seeks it out, nothing stands in it's way. It's never "full" and always needs more fuel.

So stop feeding it. It starves as easily as the "Lightside".

"New Agers" don't generally proclaim that you should destroy yourself in the process of trying to love something or someone. Sometimes "loving" means just silently walking away and not responding to any pleads or taunts. A parent doesn't "love" their child if they give them everything they ever ask for and more, for example.

Thinking there is a battlefield to be fought on as opposed to just different choices being made is part of the problem many of us are blinded by.

Being someone who shares some of your challenges, I've begun to see quite clearly that there is no battle only personal choices and personal responsibility. Every negative person I've been "stuck with" was my own doing once I zoomed out enough.

Of course that doesn't mean it then becomes easy to make different choices right away. Much of what gets people in bad relationships is bad habits in the seeking process and then bad habits in the early stage that set the foundation for everything you will experience together later unless you are cognizant enough together to recognize and change the pattern... together.

You know deep down whether you actually work together and whether the person you are trying to be with is the sort of person you could see working through the most traumatic or ecstatic moments of your life outside of sex. If not, then recognize you are just dating, take it less seriously and personally. Often you'll find that does open the door to better functioning in a broken relationship because you've stopped your half of the equation and gives her a chance to react differently too, but still doesn't necessarily mean you're cut out for the most intense moments of life... together.

EDIT: Also wanted to say I've really appreciated the responses of others to the OP!