Any experience gaining Power of Attorney over alcoholic parent?

I didn't know if I should place this in the relationship forum, I'm surprised there isn't a legal issue section on ATS.
I'm not complaining just filling space while thinking of where to begin explaining this.

My dad has been an alcoholic for the better part of thirty five years but technically I guess he'd qualify as being a "Functioning Alcoholic", (If there is such a thing?) but within the last 6 years or so his ability and desire to perform basic functions like bathing or cleaning his house has drastically taken a downturn.

My brother and I moved him from his house 150 miles away to nearby us around this past summer after we found out he had been living in his truck and defecating in his yard due to his gout being too severe to make it there 20 yards into his house. My uncle found him hallucinating in his vehicle because he hadn't drank any water in days. We drove down after informed by our uncle and discovered he'd been living in sub-human conditions, toilet completely filled with excrement, no running water, using his oven as his only heat source.

I could go further if necessary with discoveries in there if needed for legal precedence, suffice it to say it was disgusting, shocking, and heart breaking all at the same time.

We had to basically pack up and clean up a hoarder type situation around him as he was furiously trying to BS his way into a later date for the move. I took him to his bank to cash his monthly pension check to clear up back-owed rent and insure his vehicle to get current registration which he didn't have, and watched in amazement as he repeatedly pulled out and laid his money in crumpled up handfuls on random counters. The city where I used to live and which we were is the very last place you would want to do this.

Talking with him after this he tells me that he had been robbed at a party store after giving a random guy a Franklin to go into the store to buy his whiskey because his gout was too bad to walk. He was positive that he was then robbed by this guy. Later I discovered he had hallucinated the entire episode after finding his missing money in a crumpled up paper bag on the floor of his truck.

Again just trying to give full background on his ability to perform basic everyday functions.

After moving up here and getting semi-sober for a month or two his drinking accelerated to the point where he was picked up last week by an ambulance after he was found unconscious on the floor after drinking 4 fifths of Jim Beam in 2 days. I picked him up from the hospital and on the ride to his house I convinced him to check himself into an in-patient detox program and I have the logistics of that already worked out.

He has been late on his rent and hasn't had money for food due to drinking up most of his check and smoking 2 packs a day so........

My question is this..........

How do I go about gaining Power of Attorney over his health and finances to ensure he doesn't wind up homeless or worse???

My brother, myself, and the person whose basement apartment he rents who also acts somewhat as a caregiver have all decided it would be in his best interests to have control of his finances. I am pretty sure there will be severe objections on his part but we feel he has sufficiently proven he is unable to maintain control of his money.

I'd like if at all possible to avoid having to deal with an attorney in the process so advice in that regard would be greatly appreciated, but I will gladly take any knowledgeable words of wisdom anyone has.

Also, thank you if you took the time to read all of that, feels kind of good to somewhat anonymously vent after dealing with all that.

I honestly haven't read all your post, I'm just replying to the title.

I know I cant do that in the UK, but I bloody need too!

Stoopid medical systems, the doctors are helping KILL my mother.

I would look into having him ordered into an inpatient treatment program.

The documentation from that will give you grounds for conservatorship.

reply to post by Sinny


We went through this with my mom 2 years ago due to doctors thinking prescribing mixtures of anti-depressants for 5 years after the death of a spouse is preferable to having her soberly deal with her grief. So I feel for you.

reply to post by QuestionsEverything


If you live in the US you'll almost definitely need a lawyer. You can go to the magistrates court and petition to have the court order a psych eval or substance abuse eval. But if the judge even grants it, in most states, all the person has to do is refuse to say they have a problem - and they'll be released within 72 hours.

Hope that helps.

~Heff

reply to post by watchitburn


He goes into treatment for 17 days starting next week, would that provide grounds for gaining conservator status?

reply to post by QuestionsEverything
all I can say is you may be looking at the situation in the wrong way, I tell you from experience. It is his life choice to destroy himself and your choice to mother him. He is an adult, unless he makes the change he will always fall back to the state where he is now. I am sorry for you and your family. Also its a shame for your father, but it is an ongoing problem not temporary.

Originally posted by QuestionsEverything
reply to post by Sinny

 

We went through this with my mom 2 years ago due to doctors thinking prescribing mixtures of anti-depressants for 5 years after the death of a spouse is preferable to having her soberly deal with her grief. So I feel for you.

That's literally all they do, throw a concoction of deadly tablets her way. There was a BBC Panorama doc exposing the anti-depressents culture instigated by UK GPs.

Makes me sick, and when me mother does pop her clogs, I'll be making sure the rest of the Medical industry know about it!

reply to post by QuestionsEverything


I would imagine so. But I have no direct experience in such matters.

I do know that you need official documentation stating the person in question is unable to make sound decisions or care for themselves before any such guardianship can be granted.

But even then, it will be up to the discretion of the courts.

I had an Aunt who was in a similar situation though. But as Hefficide said, consult an attorney. Because I am just giving you second hand knowledge.

reply to post by ancientthunder


No doubt it does seem like mothering him but seems more like babysitting. And even though he put us through some straight bs over the years just didn't want to stop by in 5 months and find him dead and eaten by his cats you know what I mean?

reply to post by QuestionsEverything


To add on to what ancientthunder was saying you need to address the problem directly. Sounds to me he has a lot of regret or skeletons in his closet, so to speak. I'm not saying pry into his mind but there is a reason he seems to be giving up. Maybe you can help him recover but it's only if he really wants to. Otherwise you will be disappointed over and over.

Good luck and I hope you can put this behind you soon enough.

reply to post by Sinny


Whats the Hippocratic Oath? First, Do No Harm?? They give you a drug with the side effect of restless leg syndrome, then give you another drug to deal with the restless leg but has the effect of blah bah blah. Before you know it they've got someone on 20 different pills costing a good monthly chunk. Its just plain sick how that is becoming more and more prevalent.

Gotta say that "pop her clogs" is now gonna be my go-to phrase for talking about someone dying lol

reply to post by watchitburn


Yeah but I'd like to accomplish this without having to deal with a slimy *** attorney though. I was wondering if that theoretically all the stars lined up would I be able to do the petition process by myself?

FTR: My personal experience is that I spent two solid days at a magistrates court being interviewed by a clerk of some sort before the court finally agreed to issue a warrant ( for committal ) on a relative who is a severe drug addict.

Three or four days later the sheriffs came and picked up said relative. Two days later he walked back into the house. I was a bit shocked and asked how he got out - thinking he might have escaped rehab or some such, and he simply said "I refused treatment so they released me". The ONLY reason that took two days is that is how long it took the local ER to find a bed in a rehab center. He was in rehab for an hour or two.

Based upon my own experience, and wasted time... I would suggest getting a lawyer.

~Heff

reply to post by QuestionsEverything
yes i know what you mean and can see you are kind and doing your best. That is good and shows your human nature. It is a sad state of affairs when someone close gets sucked in to the bottle. We all get sucked in to something or other. so no saints here. But ATS , at least for me is about cutting through deceptions. A father will rarely take any notice of his children as he will see that as a threat to his status. The more issues the more likely to bite you back for your kind efforts. Just take another look at the situation and see what comes to you.

reply to post by TheLieWeLive


Appreciate the well wishes, it's all good though I'm in my 30's now, been dealing with it long enough that it doesn't really faze me too much anymore. I'm assuming the reason he's been giving up is that he basically wasted the only life he'll ever have getting drunk and alienating everyone in his life to one degree or another. It's now basically we either make sure his bills are paid and give him an allowance or trying to get him committed or him " Popping his clogs"

reply to post by Hefficide


I hate dealing with anything involving a courthouse clerk so I can imagine doing it for two days then having it have no effect at all must have truly sucked. Just don't enjoy paying someones Mercedes payment for a couple months for something that I could have fumbled my way through on my own.

reply to post by QuestionsEverything


For what it's worth, my dad was a full blown alcoholic from the age of fourteen until he died, of sclerosis and septic shock in 1996, as the age of 66. At that time I'd been estranged from him for about seven or eight years. So I can completely understand your situation and have much compassion towards you and yours.

It's an ugly thing, these selfish little addictions. They destroy us and scar those around us.

Best of luck to you, whatever happens. If it gets too much? Save yourself. Let go. That's what I eventually had to do and I don't regret it. I missed a decade of my dad... but he really wasn't himself by that point anyway. The dad I knew got lost years before his body went off to find his soul.

~Heff

reply to post by ancientthunder


I guess regardless of everything he's still my dad, if he can't look after himself than someone else has to for him.

Every other option that comes to mind starts with punching him in the jaw.
Which I'm not in anyway advocating nor implying any intentions of doing, less my door gets broke down and my dogs shot

And trust me I know everyone including myself has some demons, I'm not even really concerned at this point with anything negative he had to say at this point. Way past all that, it's his choice if he just wants to get, in the words of the philosopher/poet/socialite Lil John of the Atlanta Johns, "Crunk all day", can't have him being homeless and he sure as hell isn't living with me unless it's the absolute last resort.

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by QuestionsEverything

 

If it gets too much? Save yourself. Let go. That's what I eventually had to do and I don't regret it. I missed a decade of my dad... but he really wasn't himself by that point anyway. The dad I knew got lost years before his body went off to find his soul.

~Heff

Well said man, I can tell you've been through it. I had to get a few hundred miles away from the insanity when I was younger to just keep the dysfunction from seeping into me. You do have to let go at some point or risk losing yourself to someone else's stupid choices and nonsense.
I'm grown now and life is pretty good and I won't, for any reason having to do with him, put my mental serenity in jeopardy. I let go of stressing about it a decade ago and it was one of the best things I ever did.
Sad to see someone waste their life and *&% on everyone around them and sorry you went through it yourself.