Evil thoughts, why?

I need some help here, because this is really driving me up the wall. This has happend to me since I was a child. I would get psychotic thoughts, of doing evil things, which seemed to have been induced in my myself. The more I would try to escape it, I would find the more I created it. The most odd thing about it, it would only happen with people I love. I would never get an evil thought about someone I disliked or was indifferent too.

I would get these episodes throughout my childhood and it was a horrible experience when it happend. Sometimes, the thought would not go for days. As I grew up, the episodes become more infrequent and less intense. However recently, in fact just 2 days ago, they came back, and I am ignoring it, meditating, praying, visualizing light etc - but it just won't go away!

Is this a normal phenomena, or am I really just a very evil person, and I am just decieving myself I'm not? Or is it simply because I have the lost the ability to love(I would not be surprised with the life I've lead) and when I show love, it's falseness manifests as evil thoughts? Whatever it is, I want out!

[edit on 17-10-2004 by Indigo_Child]

Can you give some examples of how intense these thoughts are? Reason why I have become interested in this post is that I have had some similar thoughts growing up aswell, though I never really acted them out. Those that did occur were very minor, though not normal, or atleast I don't think so. It also went towards those I loved, but these thoughts were always countered in dreams that would make me realise how much I care for these people. Strange, but related to your own? Maybe yes, maybe no... Let me know what you think. dfh out.

I guess when you try to consciously rid your mind of these evil thoughts plaguing your mind you unconsciously cannot stop thinking about it...its hard to explain but is this the way you feel? when i have a problem I meditate on it, wonder why i feel this way and deal with it- i make this sound easy but i agree it is quite difficult. but the next time those thoughts pop into your head just remember you have already dealt with it and it can easily be ignored.

Originally posted by deaf fences hit
Can you give some examples of how intense these thoughts are? Reason why I have become interested in this post is that I have had some similar thoughts growing up aswell, though I never really acted them out. Those that did occur were very minor, though not normal, or atleast I don't think so. It also went towards those I loved, but these thoughts were always countered in dreams that would make me realise how much I care for these people. Strange, but related to your own? Maybe yes, maybe no... Let me know what you think. dfh out.

Defence, when I say "psychotic" I really mean it. Just ask yourself what psychotic thoughts mean, and I've probably had them. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one, it restores my faith in my humanity. I had this theory, that we all get these thoughts, and those with less will power and sense of right and wrong, are the ones that act on them. However, whenever I ask anyone if they do, they deny it. Which makes me feel like an alien. I sometimes wonder, the way I experience being a human, is it the same for others? I just feel so different, as If I'm not suppose to be human. In good ways, and bad ways with these evil thoughts.

[edit on 17-10-2004 by Indigo_Child]

Originally posted by JoeyC
I guess when you try to consciously rid your mind of these evil thoughts plaguing your mind you unconsciously cannot stop thinking about it...its hard to explain but is this the way you feel? when i have a problem I meditate on it, wonder why i feel this way and deal with it- i make this sound easy but i agree it is quite difficult. but the next time those thoughts pop into your head just remember you have already dealt with it and it can easily be ignored.

Yeah that is what I am thinking too, when I try get rid of them consciously, unconsciously I cannot. However, sometimes it feels, that I am consciously creating them. It only takes less than a milisecond for the suggestion to be made. The thoughts I am having right now, is about my dog, whom we just got 2 months ago. He loves me a lot, and I him, I treat him like my son. All of a sudden, a suggestion just came into my mind, that I've got the wrong dog, that I should take him back or hit him. Everytime I look at him, the thoughts keep coming back.

No, it is not him, because I've had these thoughts about my girlfriends, my mom, teachers, friends, basically anyone that has got close to me. It's as if there is some part of me that just does not want to love. Whatever it is, I want out.

I think i know the kind of thoughts you are having. I used to watch a lot of horror movies at a younger age, now i sometimes think of some really twisted and disturbing stuff, especially when trying to sleep. I don't consider myself to have a problem because they are just thoughts and they don't impact on other people so i say that you should learn to accept these thoughts, unless they make you sick or impact on others. I consider these unique disturbing thoughts to be part of a creative imagination, like that of someone who would create sick and disturbing movies or something. That's my opinion anyhow.

Originally posted by Indigo_Child
I need some help here, because this is really driving me up the wall. This has happend to me since I was a child. I would get psychotic thoughts, of doing evil things, which seemed to have been induced in my myself. The more I would try to escape it, I would find the more I created it. The most odd thing about it, it would only happen with people I love. I would never get an evil thought about someone I disliked or was indifferent too.

I would get these episodes throughout my childhood and it was a horrible experience when it happend. Sometimes, the thought would not go for days. As I grew up, the episodes become more infrequent and less intense. However recently, in fact just 2 days ago, they came back, and I am ignoring it, meditating, praying, visualizing light etc - but it just won't go away!

Is this a normal phenomena, or am I really just a very evil person, and I am just decieving myself I'm not? Or is it simply because I have the lost the ability to love(I would not be surprised with the life I've lead) and when I show love, it's falseness manifests as evil thoughts? Whatever it is, I want out!

[edit on 17-10-2004 by Indigo_Child]

You say that you would not be surprised if you have lost the ability to love from the life you have led. That is exactly how it works.

As we spiritually develop through our striving to live by The Golden Rule and in our service to others, we cultivate our "god spark." In doing so, our ability to not only distinguish between good and bad, right from wrong increases, but also our spiritual will improves so that we do not act on evil thoughts that are implanted in us from the lower discarnate elements.

Just by being in the flesh everyone is in a vulnerable position from common spirits on the other side. It all balances out when we leave our bodies and ascend (or not ascend as the case may be) to where we belong in The Light.

Oftentimes, those who have committed horrible crimes have reported that they were just "listening to the voices in their head." Their inability to avoid becoming an "agent of evil" is due to their lack of striving to live by The Golden Rule.

Spirits who were spiritually apathetic in life (like the Zetan-Greys for example), cross over and then strive to work through those in the flesh who are morally-spiritually corrupted.

As the soul spirals down in consciousness "toward the dark side," the line between good and evil, right from wrong, becomes distorted. That is why if you ask mass murderers/rapists to define the nature of evil, they have a great deal of difficulty doing so because they have damaged or destroyed their "god spark" that enables them to discern the difference.

Originally posted by Indigo_Child
As I grew up, the episodes become more infrequent and less intense. However recently, in fact just 2 days ago, they came back, and I am ignoring it, meditating, praying, visualizing light etc - but it just won't go away!

It will indeed go away eventually. You have to wait until the subangelic elements that are attempting to work through you, making you an agent of evil, have lessened away from The Light to the point of nonexistence. As with any kind of demonic manipulation and attack, if you wait long enough, they will simply destroy themselves.

However, if you act on the evil thoughts, the power of the subangelic element will increase through you as other common spirits in Group Entities see the opportunity to work through you and maliciously torture and destroy innocents. You eventually go to jail and the forces that work through you continue to destroy themselves through retrogression. Then, after you leave the flesh, you are likely to share in their fate of oblivion.

"Evil contains the seeds of its own destruction."

The meditation, prayer and visualizations all help to cultivate the god spark. Striving to live by The Golden Rule is even more important in strengthening the soul in order to make it harder for the discarnate dark forces to manipulate you to serve their evil purposes.

It wouldn't surprise me if there was a discarnate Grey Group Entity that is attempting to work through you.

An excellent channeled book on the nature of evil is: The Challenge of Evil by Graham Bernard.

roll:

Sometimes when people have disturbing thoughts, and they cannot get rid of them, it can be a sign of Obsessive Compulsive disorder.

By way of example: Winston Churchill was one, and he could not ride on the subway because every time the train would approach the platform he would get these thoughts to jump off the platform in front of it.

There are varying degrees of this disorder, and it might not take much more then finding out this is where the thoughts are coming from to take care of the problem for you.

Read up on it, if you have the symptoms, go talk to a Dr about it.

??Think maybe you are actually 'testing' your own 'boundaries'...
like seeing how far you'll go....and ALSO testing how far others will go & still
remain loyal, loving, forgiving???

this 'syndrome' isn't exactly what i had in mind, but close...
the Munchousen Biproxy...is where say, a mom deliberately makes a loved-one,ie: child, sick or injured or hurt or other hateful/inflicted/condition...

Munchousen www.medhelp.org...

r-u just testing yourself????over&over&over&.....

Yeah, sounds like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I got em too. They dont really affect me that much, but like you, I sometimes cant control my thoughts, I get impulses to do really random things.

Having evil thoughts is only human...acting upon them is when you then become something other than human....

Tomh31,

Yeah, horror movies can have that effect on people. I use to watch a lot of horror and violent movies myself. Movies and television are like a slow poison that poison our society and our minds.

Paul Richard,

I would not say I am spiritually and morally corrupt. How do I know? Shouldn't I know myself?
You said you were a spiritual medium, well spiritual mediums have told me I have very beautiful and enlightened entities around me. My mom, who is a spiritual person herself, tells me I have a golden light behind me. I come from a family of spiritual people. As a child, astrologers, palm readers, would tell her how I am here for a great purpose. I myself consider love, peace and truth to be my religion. I respect the sentience of all life(a dolphin and dog lover) and am personally affected with the bad we are doing to our ecosystems. I am vegeterian.

Does that sound like someone who is spiritually and morally corrupt?

There could be a spiritual or parapsychological basis to my problem. We have been told that there has been black magic/psychic attacks done on by some people. I personally did not believe in that hocus-pocus then, now I am more open-minded. Other than shielding, I don't know what else I could do, if this was the case.

Just recently, my family found out from an astrolger, who told them to get me a particular gem, and I will instantly be "cured" He told them things about me he could not have known. (They did not tell him anything apparantly, other than show him my birthchart)

Defcon5,

OCD really sounds tempting. I have no faith in psychology, and in fact many people I know, have no faith in psychology. Personally I think it is a whole load of rubbish. I have had a few counselling sessions before, I even tried to study it( I left it, because of it's fakeness) on the same disturbing thoughts and other emotional issues. They could not help me, so I was referred to a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. He could not help me either, after a year, he told me, he could do nothing else. I was also referred to some support groups, most of the people I met there, had been there for 10, 20, 30, 40 years, and had gone nowhere. They were all addicted to the anti-depressants or anti-psychotics, all they did were suppress the problem, and then the problem would manifest itself again into an acute episode. Further, as recent studies have shown, these drugs actually create psychological dependence, tolerance(Once you adapt to the drug, you need more) and all sorts of side-effects, which can in fact make the episodes worse.

I was also put on anti-depressants. It did nothing for me. After a month, the psychiatrist discontinued them, telling me my problem was not psychiatric. In other words - I went through the entire medical psychology system, and they all gave up on me, putting a label on me: emotional instability disorder. Labels can be funny, I know someone who has them all; OCD, EID, ADD and AUTISM. I talk to her everyday, and she is very intelligent and sensible, if not a little annoying(lol)

Psychology only has two weapons in it's arsenal:

1: Drugs
2: Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Psychodynamics

1: As I said, produces addiction, and only suppresses the problem
2: You talk to someone for an hour session, then come again in a fortnight or month and talk again.

It doesn't work. You are better of dealing with your problem on your own. I did that, and I got a hundred-fold better. All you need to do is think positive, still your mind and listen to it, and surround yourself with positive environments and people. Which is the purpose of CBT and PD, except, instead of spending 1 hour every month, you can spend an hour everyday, with someone who understand you best; YOU

All problems you have, internal or external, are manifestations of your consciousness. There is only one way of dealing with them, and that is to go deep into your sub-conciousness. That is also why hypnosis is one of the most succesfull branches of psychology.

St Udio: Another label? No, I don't think it's me testing my limits. If it were, I would actually "test" wouldn't I?

I am open to more explanations, but please keep off the labels etc.

Originally posted by PRThat is why if you ask mass murderers/rapists to define the nature of evil, they have a great deal of difficulty doing so because they have damaged or destroyed their "god spark" that enables them to discern the difference.

I would like to know what Manson had to say on that and O'Grady

Labels labels. No one likes to be labelled unless of course it�s something cool. Personally me thinks.

I draw attention to something you said to someone on another thread indigo. Maybe the evil has been amplified a little in your life lately. Psychology? Don�t believe in it either. They�re just trying to hide what they can�t explain behind names, labels. It has its purpose though and i know some people have been helped with its ways.

From a spiritual perspective though i think you need to brush up on your blocking skills, Protective shields . I reckon this sites ok, when i checked out the techniques they matched what i had already naturally practiced or [had already learnt in a previous life].

I think people sometimes unwittingly pick up bad things along the way of their spiritual journeys. These bad things can linger waiting for an opportunity to shake your world. [Im sure it scores them points on the otherside]. Who really knows? Personally i wouldn�t worry about it too much. You said you had good spirit guides so use them, as that is why they are there for you. Also i would meditate and pray if it becomes that bad and failing that sign yourself in somewhere with a padded cell where you cant hurt anyone. Especially your dog.

Originally posted by Indigo_Child
I need some help here, because this is really driving me up the wall. This has happend to me since I was a child. I would get psychotic thoughts, of doing evil things, which seemed to have been induced in my myself. The more I would try to escape it, I would find the more I created it. The most odd thing about it, it would only happen with people I love. I would never get an evil thought about someone I disliked or was indifferent too.

I would get these episodes throughout my childhood and it was a horrible experience when it happend. Sometimes, the thought would not go for days. As I grew up, the episodes become more infrequent and less intense. However recently, in fact just 2 days ago, they came back, and I am ignoring it, meditating, praying, visualizing light etc - but it just won't go away!

Is this a normal phenomena, or am I really just a very evil person, and I am just decieving myself I'm not? Or is it simply because I have the lost the ability to love(I would not be surprised with the life I've lead) and when I show love, it's falseness manifests as evil thoughts? Whatever it is, I want out!

[edit on 17-10-2004 by Indigo_Child]

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I sometimes have the same problem. A psychologist recently told me I have OCD, so that would be my guess. These dont bother me too much anymore though. I dealt with them by realising that they were just thoughts... the more importance you put on them, the worse they get. So I would just shrug them off. Good luck!

EDIT: I just read what kode said about checking in somewhere... that was rather tasteless. Anyone can fight this problem, and calling them lunatics just intensifies it.

[edit on 17-10-2004 by gravriderX]

Originally posted by Indigo_Child
All problems you have, internal or external, are manifestations of your consciousness. There is only one way of dealing with them, and that is to go deep into your sub-conciousness.

I think you just answered your own question there.

We can all sit here and try to tell you what may be causing the evil thoughts but would we help out anymore then all those psychologists that you claim could never help you before? No, because like you said, only you know you. For us to make a good guess we would have to know details about your life that you probably wouldn't feel comfortable sharing on a public message board.

Anyway here is my guess

Or is it simply because I have the lost the ability to love(I would not be surprised with the life I've lead)

From my own experience, I know that a rough life can lead to evil thoughts and by your quote above I would say this is where your thoughts come from.

What you have to do is shine a light on all the past experiences in your life that may be causing you to feel that you have lost the ability to love. Explore the experience, look at it from all angles and cast it in a more positive light. All those bad experiences have created an outlook on life that is unique to you. You can either continue to live with that outlook or you can attempt to restructure it into something more positive.

The choice is up to you and it is entirely up to you to make it happen. It's not easy and I can't tell you how to do it as it is different for everyone. Good luck though.

Also i would meditate and pray if it becomes that bad and failing that sign yourself in somewhere with a padded cell where you cant hurt anyone. Especially your dog.

LOL, don't worry, I have not hurt anyone in 20 years, I am not going to start now. Thank you for the advice on protection.

Interestingly, most of my OCD went away after I de-converted from Christianity. Regardless of what I think, do whatever works for you, what you're doing seems to work for you. I say stick with that, anti-depressants dont always work, thats why they make a lot. Best wishes.

Originally posted by Indigo_ChildIt's comforting to know I'm not the only one, it restores my faith in my humanity.

As far as I know, everyone gets them... from little sins to horrible thoughts of how easy it would be to do something horrible to another person or a living creature. And it's scary to admit that you think these things; that you might think these things even for a split second about your child, your pet, your spouse, your friends...

I had this theory, that we all get these thoughts, and those with less will power and sense of right and wrong, are the ones that act on them.

I think that's some of it, yes, and that most of us choose to not act on it. We know it's wrong; we know that after the first action (hitting, stabbing, whatever) that we will not be able to continue and we will not be able to forgive ourselves.

We know it's madness. And so, we don't.

But it's hard to admit the darkness inside.

This may not be of any help, because I'm not to sure if i'm remembering correctly or not. but in my geography class, the topic somehow switched to who in the school would end up to be a serial killer/ mass murderer(i think someone read the scarbrough murderer article) And my english/geo teacher said something along the lines of.. If you have evil thoughts or put these thought into minor action.. that you're most likely going to become a serial killer. I dunno..still kindof weird either way

Hope you find out what's going on.

(hehehe geo class is fun) anywase, i get flashbacks not just of childhood but also, a life before this one as a different creture.. im not sure this is the same case with you.