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(HSSC2) The Other Me

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posted on Oct, 8 2004 @ 03:15 PM
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Today was just another day at college. I'd woken up this morning at 7:00, to the buzz of my alarm clock. I'd just had breakfast and I was now heading off to my first class. Chemistry.

***

Four classes, and two meals later i was done with all my classes. I was very tired today, but i had 2 tests next week, so studied till i could no longer hold my eyes open. The red numbers on my alarm clock that this time was midnight. By this time my roomate, Kevin was alseep .I managed to get myself into my bed, and within about two minutes i was sound asleep. In what seemed like five minutes in dreamland, i was awoken by a ferocoius shaking. I grogilly opened my eyes and sat up to find Kevin standing next to my bed. My alarm clock said it was nine o' clock, I didn't care because it was Saturday so I had no where i needed to go.

"Yo Steven, you gotta see this," said Kevin with a little tear in his eye. I figured i should get up because Kevin was a major jock. He was one those guys that almost never cries.

"Ok, whatever, this better be good" I replied in a groggy tone. I slowly got out of bed and followed him out the door. We turned around a corner like we were heading towards the caferteria.

What i saw is something ill never forget. Hanging from the celing by his feet was the severely mangled body of one of the kids I hated in my school, his name was Matt, i never learned what his last name was nor did i care. Even if i did hate this kid, i couldn't stand to look at him. The sight made me want to throw up. Even starnger than Matt's mysterious death was the fact that I had dream of something like this happening. I was a great skeptic and I passed it off as mere coincidance.

***

Three weeks most had forgot about the event and had returned to normal lfie at the campus. Nothing more happened with the event other than the occasional police questioning.

As i was returning to my dorm from my last class of the day I came across one of my best friends, Mike. He told me about some party that he was having at his parents house because it was nearby and they were out of town.

A couple hours later I was waling down the street to Mike's parent's house expecting a good party. As i waledk through the door it looked awsome to me, lots of girls, and lots of beer. There is nothing more I could ask for. About an hour and a half into the party I accidently bumped into some guy, who apparently had a very short fuse. Before I knew it he was throwing punches. The fight didn't get very far before, Mike showed up. He was a big man, about 6' 4" and 200+ lbs. He liked me more than the other guwho wasn't even wanted at the party so Mike escorted him to the door.

Several hours and beers later I was too tired and drunk to get back to my dorm, so with Mikes approval I decided to crash at Mike's parents house.

That night I had dream of killing that guy I had the fight with, which I didn't mind. The next morning I woke up and walked downstairs about to head out the door, when i was stopped in my tracks. Hanging from the ceiling in the same fashion of Matt's body was the guy that i had a fight with last night. He had note stapled to his forehead with these word on it:

You shouldn't have hit me last night.






So what do you guys think of my story???



posted on Oct, 8 2004 @ 03:18 PM
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Good story I liked it. A little freaky.



posted on Oct, 8 2004 @ 03:32 PM
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thanks. i was afraid it was going to be horrible.



posted on Oct, 8 2004 @ 03:47 PM
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Whoo..


Not bad.

I do have one critiqe, though...

It seemed a little 'rough around the edges'. Maybe you needed to spend a little more time smoothing out your language?



posted on Oct, 8 2004 @ 03:54 PM
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OK thanks, im only 12 so im not a great writer but i thought i'd join anyway.



posted on Oct, 8 2004 @ 03:56 PM
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Only 12 you say?

Excellent job then, my young friend.

I wish I could have written like that when I was 12.



posted on Oct, 13 2004 @ 02:55 PM
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i'm impressed kid!!! you got quite an imagination. story was good, but as Loki mentioned, it's a little rough, better punctuation, grammer, just the little things, so don't sweat it, you got lots of time to become a great writer.



posted on Oct, 13 2004 @ 11:17 PM
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SmokeyTheBear,
I like the heck out of it! Keep it up! I wish I had half the imagination you have when I was 12!


Great short story!



posted on Oct, 27 2004 @ 04:50 PM
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You have alot of talent for a 12 year old. If you practiced enough you could become really good. As for the story, I liked it. It was good.



posted on Oct, 27 2004 @ 04:52 PM
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I feel like my story idea might be good but i cant quite get the horror elemnet.



posted on Oct, 27 2004 @ 05:00 PM
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You got the horror element right on. You also got a good story idea. If you keep writing like this I think we can look forward too reading one of your books some day.



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