My friend has Liver Cancer

So I'm back with another self serving thread, sorry

A while back I posted in the relationship forum about a friend of mine. I won't rehash the story entirely, but, this is a long distance relationship that will, eventually, become extremely short distance.

This woman has fought cancer twice. She is now out of remission and has a met tumor on her liver (Metastatic liver cancer). She fought this already, and has already had surgery. This time they are doing targeted chemo, no surgery.

Now like I said, this is a long distance relationship, so I only get the information she is willing to share. She's in high spirits, thankfully, because I'm the doom and gloom guy. But here's the thing....

No one survives liver cancer. Sure, they may get a few extra years, but statistics are not in our favor.

I'm positive that many people here have had their lives touched by cancer, and here is where I need your help.

How the hell am I supposed to deal with this? I'm walking the razor edge of wanting more information, and not wanting to keep bringing it up. The last thing anyone wants is the constantly dwell on it, I know this much for sure. But we've got a strong enough relationship that I feel like I'm fighting this with her, not just standing on the sidelines.

How am I supposed to act and talk? I do my best to stay positive, but I'm also not very fond of lying, and when I tell her I'm not worrying, I'm lying through my teeth. I've never worried as much in my life.

My only other experience with cancer, not counting leukemia, is breast cancer. And let me tell you, the chemo is killing that woman.

So to those of you who have gone through this, do you have any advice for me? Can you tell me what to loosely expect? I mean, everyone reacts to chemo differently, and there are infinite combinations of chemo meds.

She's undergoing targeted chemo for 3 months bi weekly. She just completed the first treatment and is doing ok but from what I watched with breast cancer, as the treatments progress it gets worse.

Its not nice for anyone involved. This year alone a good friends died of liver cancer 6 weeks after diagnosis, another friend died with 2 brain tumours and 2 lung tumours and another friend is battling aggressive leukaemia after last year being given 4 weeks to live, and only being in remission for a couple of months it returned last month.

Supporting anyone with a potentially terminal illness/condition is a task and a half, unfortunately we have to put our own feelings to one side as our negative mental attitude is the last thing they need. They just need you to make them laugh, be there if they need to cry, you have to be strong when they find they cannot. This is all we can do.

It's been a bad year so far, on top of what I've already said, I had another friend who decided to take a jump from 40 floors up.

This won't make you feel better but its the truth

edit to add

Chemo is a bitch and everyone reacts differently, it devastates the immune system and one of my friends experienced severe delirium and he has a great PMA (hes the one battling leukaemia)

Tell her that you are worried - she will know the truth anyway. She IS going to die. This is not a heartless way, it is a truthfull way.
You don't have to rub it in her face that she will die and that you know it and how low her chances of recovery are - she will have heard already that from her oncologist.

I would be happy in her place if my friends would act honestly and decent. They wouldn't have to avoid the matter of lethality, just be square with it. Don't come up with "Hey, we will go to the olympics in 2020! Be there!", that would be very obvious.

Just be there for her, that should be enough.

First of all, I'm very sorry for what you're both going through.

My cousin has Non-Hodjkins Lymphoma, and has been fighting it for over three years now. Here's what I've learned in regards to our relationship:

1. Don't dodge the issue. You both know she has cancer, is undergong hellish treatment, and ultimately the cancer will be fatal. Trying to pretend everything is okay is incredibly difficult and draining for you both.

2. Take your cue from her. She may need to talk about what she's going through sometimes. Or she may prefer to ignore the situation for a while. If she does want to talk, then let her.

3. Be honest about your feelings. Feelings are neither good or bad, they just are. Acknowledging your fear, anger, frustration, heartache is important. You need an outlet for these feelings or they will pile up and smother you. One way I deal with overwhelming feelings is to write about them in a journal. This helps me, but you'll need to find your own way to deal with it.

4. Cry, cry, cry. Do this in private or with her, depending on the situation at the time. But crying is cathartic and healing. It releases endorphins and helps raise serotonin in your brain (serotonin is a calming neurotransmitter).

5. Talk with her about her concerns, her feelings, her fears. She's probably terrified and maybe hesitant to talk to you about it out of fear for you. Talking together, acknowledging what is happening, can be helpful to you both.

6. Humor, humor, humor. It's hard to find humor in this situation, but there will be moments. When my cousin lost her hair, we went to find her a wig...and that was a lot of fun. Humor can be healing. Watch funny movies, surround yourselves with friends, enjoy what you can.

Sending hugs and love your way,

smylee

A friend of mine years back was diagnosed with liver cancer. I don't remember what he did on the conventional side, but he supplemented with high doses of Blessed Milk Thistle and lived another two years before it took him. It afforded him two precious years to get to appreciate his newly born daughter before he passed. Most people with liver cancer die within 6 months, so two years is quite a life extender. Chemo IMHO is a guaranteed death sentence, plus it ruins your quality of life. The majority of doctors surveyed said they would not do chemotherapy if they had cancer. They must know something the rest of us don't.

I've read all the posts and everyone has given you excellent advice. My wife had breast cancer, mets to her bones and then finally mets to her liver. She lived 5 1/2 years after her initial diagnosis. The worst thing for me was realizing, no matter what the doctors did, she wasn't getting any better. She had a much better attitude than I did and tried her best right up to hospice in our house. My advice would be to listen carefully to your friend and try to fulfill whatever direction she wants to take. If she asks for advice, give it , honestly and simply. Try to be as positive as you can be and give each other love.....that's all anyone can do.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Having been diagnosed with cancer myself, I think it's
perfectly okay to ask questions and to let her know how you feel. It doesn't mean that you
have to constantly bring it up but you can be sure she needs your support. I was amazed
and disappointed to see a few of my own friends fall away after my diagnoses. I guess
you really get to see who your friends are in times like these.

You don't have to act any differently towards her. She's still the same person. The weirdness
you feel about it is your own stuff. Not hers. If she's that good of a friend you can let her know
about it. Can't think of a better way to work thru those feelings.

Too many replies to give you all an individual response. Thanks for the advice and best wishes, it really is making a difference.

It is a tough situation, and the distance between us right now is killing me. I'm doing my best to be her "cancer free zone" . We joke about it now and then to keep things light, but today I had to grill her for information, which is why I posted this thread.

Just before easter she had a scan done because her white cell count was way up, this is when they spotted the met on her liver. i had known about the previous cancer, and her being in remission, but never dug any deeper as to what type of cancer it was. She told me early on that she doesn't like to dwell on it.

But I told her today that she's also got to take into account what I'm going through. The woman I'm madly in love with is sick, very sick, and so damn far away. The only information I had to go own is what she was willing to share, and I was too worried to bring it up. The last thing I wanted to hear was that is was, indeed, a met tumor.

Up until she confirmed that, I was all over the place, it's fine she says, completely treatable she says, then 15 minutes later I'm googling all these horrific things about cancer. And now, I have the confirmed diagnosis, and she simply won't tell me if it's getting bad, she loves me too much.

You know, it's times like this that I just can't help but laugh in disgust at religion. What the hell kind of god would do this to a person? What the hell kind of god planned to put this woman through cancer 3 times, she's only 35 for christ sake. What kind of god would let two people, destined to be together, find each other then dump this into their laps?

Anyways, all the advice here is very helpful. I'm doing my best to follow it, staying positive. That much I know for sure that I have to keep up a positive front for her.

It's funny, but I'm pretty sure I've done more crying and screaming over this than her, she's just not that type. She's gone through this before, knows what to expect, and believes it will work out. I'm a pessimist. I already know this isn't going to work out, I already know i'm going to lose this person. I just can't let her know that.

I wouldn't go so far as to say chemo is a death sentence. It's not, chemo put this woman into remission twice, for several years. But it certainly takes it's toll. And this woman is beautiful in every sense of the word. I've done my best to explain to her that my feelings go far deeper than her physical appearance.

I've told her straight up, your head could be shiny bald, your teeth could fall out, your arm could balloon up and turn blue (the woman I know with breast cancer), your weight could balloon up, it doesn't matter to me. And that's not lip service at all, it really doesn't matter.

Someone asked in the other thread about what happens if I uproot my life and go be with her and then the cancer takes her. I don't know what would happen, all I know is that if I only get to spend a few hours with her in this lifetime, whatever it took would be worth it.

Anyways.... if you are reading this and haven't been touched in some way by cancer, you will. Do yourself a favor and donate to one of the various cancer causes. I have, and will continue to do so because at this point, other than praying, that's all I can do.

I don't even believe in "god" in a sense that I could blame him, or pray to him, yet, I do. Maybe the next thread will be about me converting from atheism to religion, who knows, because if I've ever needed divine intervention, this is the time.

reply to post by orbitbaby

I was amazed and disappointed to see a few of my own friends fall away after my diagnoses. I guess you really get to see who your friends are in times like these.

Well, part of that I can probably explain. For some people, it's just too hard to be around a friend who is sick with cancer. When she first told me that she had to go in for tests because the cancer might have come back, I really didn't know what to say or do. I didn't want to upset her, make her dwell on it.

If I wasn't in love with her, I probably would have slipped away, taking the easy road, because being there for someone that you really can't help, takes it's toll.

I read somewhere that cancer infects 1 person but affects every person connected to that person. This is quite true. I wouldn't say the people who lost contact with you weren't true friends, they might just have been too weak to handle it.

I often sit here thinking maybe it would have been better that I never met this person. I mean, we are in love, intend to be together, and make each other tremendously happy. But it won't last. I've told this woman I intend to marry her someday, and want to spend the rest of my life with her.

whenever she responds, she always says something along the lines of "I will spend the rest of your life with you" and that, just that string of words, is like a stab in the heart. Because she says "your life" not "my life" because she already knows the rest of her life is probably a very short period.

I can't help but look forward, what if I do lose her to cancer? what kind of life can I expect after that? wouldn't it be easier to have never loved her at all?

Lol thank god for ATS

I have been through breast cancer, chemo and radiation. Depending on which combinations of chemo meds she gets, she could end up extremely exhausted. Sometimes even with the anti nausea meds, I was still a bit queasy. Toward the end of my chemo I really felt horrible, like I would pass out any minute. How I got through all the tests and treatments and doctors appointments, I'll never know. Just do what you're doing and be there for her. If she wants to talk, she will talk. Make sure that she has someone with her to help with meals and housework.

I was so weak and tired that all I could do was sleep or rest. I would force myself to do the simplest of things like get a meal, do dishes, laundry. Finally toward the end of treatment I allowed others to help as I just couldn't do it any more. My cancer is gone and I pray it never returns.

I will pray for you both to have the strength and courage to face the days ahead. Take one day at a time.

I would not give up. And once the chemo is over, immune must be built up and system detoxed and things that have been known to work and cure cancer tried.

There is a wonderful thread on ats

www.abovetopsecret.com...

P'audarco tea. Make a pot up, ie. don't boil but simmer 1-2 tbspoons of the bark in small to large pot, 20 min, steep on stove 15-20, drink with maple syrup or honey. I just put it in while still warm and transfer.

Raw cabbage organic, lots of it daily, slaws.

B17 (ie. apple seeds, don't waste them, or apricot pits)

Baking Soda and molasses or maple syrup cure (alkaline diet) research it for recipe.

Run for the Cure, simpson. Research.

Vit C and D in large amounts, research. Vit C foundation has a lot to say on the C.

Organic Dandelion Root Tea. Studies have been done.

And I would not give up, attitude is everything. Add meditation to this, sunlight, in the corners of the eye.

Iodine, trophic, 3-5 drops a day.

I would research, consult alternative health experts, and of course she needs to know if she has allergies to any of it.

But this is what I'd be doing.

Its not an either/or, you can do both, however, the dandelion roots are not taken during chemo, and so its best to find out when to take these things.

reply to post by Night Star


I'm unsure of the combination of meds she's on this time, but the nausea meds are slightly working, but as the treatments progress I know it won't be as effective.

As I said before, I'm in a different country than her, so I can't get to her right now, but her roommate and friends have been there for her before and are there for her now. As well, her mother will be going down to stay with her as the treatments progress.

honestly. Those are the only two things stopping me from selling my possessions for a one way ticket to a country I won't be able to work in, with no escape plan or means to get home.

Thanks again everyone for the words and thoughts, I don't think you'll know the difference it has made already, I feel better prepared to take this on

reply to post by Unity_99

I would not give up. And once the chemo is over, immune must be built up and system detoxed and things that have been known to work and cure cancer tried.

I will look into that, thanks for posting that.

But... There is no cure for liver cancer. The best we can hope for, as with the last time, is remission. I'm not going to kid myself, I'm a realist and I know exactly what this diagnosis means, I'm just going to lie through my teeth and have faith.

I've had two close friends die from liver cancer. One from primary, one from metastasized (colon). Both deaths looked alike, although the one with primary liver cancer seemed to have a worse experience at the end.

I've heard that liver cancer metastasized from breast cancer, is not always fatal, because breast cancer is easier to cure.

Let her use you as a sounding board, and go with her in the direction she takes you. Any opportunity you have to make her laugh, should be seized ..........

reply to post by BellaSabre

I've heard that liver cancer metastasized from breast cancer, is not always fatal, because breast cancer is easier to cure. Let her use you as a sounding board, and go with her in the direction she takes you. Any opportunity you have to make her laugh, should be seized ..........

Her's wasn't from breast cancer, the first cancer was, forgive the silly name, in the lady parts area and required a hysterectomy. That, I believe, spread to the liver and after treatment, went into remission. That is the cancer that is back now.

The good side of it is, once you've been diagnosed with cancer, you are given a list of warning signs to pay attention to. This was caught extremely early. She hasn't told me, nor have I asked, what the doctor's prognosis was. I felt bad enough prodding for the information I did get, I won't make her relive that.

I'm doing my best to be exactly what she needs right now, she's telling me I am so I'm not going to change how I act. I told her, after getting the information I did, that I was sorry I had to bring it up, but the lack of information and not knowing was, in fact, causing me extreme distress. I've had several panic attacks, something I've never experienced before, and almost confused the first with a heart attack. Once I got the details I did, I told her I would not bring it back up, if she wanted to talk about that subject, I would, but from that point on i wouldn't be bringing it up.

We have made plans for the future and continue to do so, which I'm told is important.

reply to post by phishyblankwaters


All cancers have had cures through those various means, though not every person has been. I would, once the chemo is over, and its very hard the immune system people usually get it back and very strongly, after chemo. So then I would be taking 10 grams of C, or more, research the Vit C foundation, and lots of D, and drink 5 cupts of P'audarco tea a day. But Im not sure how much of the dandelion roots. I'd be taking this all and you can only drink so much, so a choice might have to be made their. Some things you can take with chemo, some need to wait.

Keep the system alkaline, ie, cut down the acid foods, and increase the alkalline fruits and foods, lists are online for that. And the baking soda/maple syrup protocol, but that is often done instead of chemo, so that may need to be done a while later.

But some people have had results when in the last stages of inoperable cancers.

I was just reading about the dandelion roots, for example, and now there has been 2 studies by scientists. One man they gave as an example, was past the point of battling the disease, his doctor told him to go home and get his affairs in order, and to possibly try the root. Within 3 months of drinking the tea, he was cured.

It doesn't matter whether its liver or lung, cancer still can be addressed by a combination of simple, things.

I forgot Lemon in water too. I'd do them all.

And the meditation, ie. Dolores Cannon does deep regressions to connect to Higher Self, our Super Consciousness, and there have been healings done and that level as well, when people have sought the meaning/purpose of their lives, and what areas needed working on, karmic or otherwise trouble spots, once lessons are learnt then healing is unblocked in many areas.

Dolores is very elderly now but has trained many others in the procedures, and I would even contact her about this, and find someone trained relatively close for a session, in addition to all of the above.

Because people connect to past lives, its like an NDE, and they don't have fear of death either. Alot of solving of problems can occur.

Very rigid religious may have a hard time with that method, but may still benefit from going over their lives and seeking to learn all the lessons, to really heal hidden angers and hurts and free up their healing capacities, and do the same thing but going another route with focus on more traditional prayers/miracles.

reply to post by Unity_99

Very rigid religious may have a hard time with that method, but may still benefit from going over their lives and seeking to learn all the lessons, to really heal hidden angers and hurts and free up their healing capacities, and do the same thing but going another route with focus on more traditional prayers/miracles.

I appreciate the sentiments but I don't think I'm going to make her dwell on the fact that this cancer will take her eventually. That's the last thing she needs from me at this point. Now, it's not that I've given up, I haven't, I'm going to marry this woman once everything is in order. But I'm not going to fool myself into thinking in 3 months she'll be fine.

She won't. There is no surgery to be done. Liver cancer doesn't just go away, it didn't last time, it won't this time. But, they caught it early, she's been through this before and is fully prepared. Obviously I'd love her to be completely cancer free, but that's not realistic. No amount of maple syrup can promise that.

She's already doing quite a bit of preventative things, she has been in remission for years. Her diet is about as good as it can get.

But I also have to keep it in perspective....

She's only doing 3 months of chemo, every second week. That isn't a lot of treatments. It's targetted chemo as well. She is continuing to work while she undergoes treatment, and no doctor would allow that unless the outlook was promising.

Speaking of a doctor, I think I fractured my hand today punching a wall, how's that for dealing with things well?

Because people connect to past lives, its like an NDE, and they don't have fear of death either.

She has no fear of death. She made peace with that after the first diagnosis and all of the surgery and treatments she had then. In fact, I'm the one freaking out, she's taking this in stride. Obviously she is upset, but she's staying very positive, and any time she isn't, I'm there to yell at or cry with.

I feel very selfish sometimes, because this seems to scare me more than her. And I think it's very selfish for me to be worried that this woman will die and leave me here alone.

reply to post by phishyblankwaters


Its the opposite, its not about dwelling on if a cancer may take a person but on a person seeing health challenges as a wake up call to doing inner works and seeking healing. The correct attitude is "This cancer is not going to take me, and in fact its a gift to wake me up so I can learn what nutrients are best and change my life around and destress, forgive heal relationships, walk away from some things, and really grow in love and positivity.

In addition to everything I've posted, I'd also be seeking laughter/hugs/nature, and comedies alot too.

But to deal with the other issue, for the cases in which someone is doing this work and still goes home, do we have faith beyond this world, and can we connect within to our Source, for sometimes it may be the journey IS to go home, sooner not later. We can't dictate to the Universe, we can seek, ask and be positive, but forcing doesnt work either.

If I were to take training in the next few years, it would be a course that leads to counseling degree, and then regression therapy. And then I would donate some of that practice to hospice.

reply to post by Unity_99

Its the opposite, its not about dwelling on if a cancer may take a person but on a person seeing health challenges as a wake up call to doing inner works and seeking healing. The correct attitude is "This cancer is not going to take me, and in fact its a gift to wake me up so I can learn what nutrients are best and change my life around and destress, forgive heal relationships, walk away from some things, and really grow in love and positivity.

I guess I just read into that what I wanted to see, I see what you were saying now. And I'd like to think we are already kinda doing that. I mean we've already discussed the fact that, if not for the past cancer and the current situation, we probably would have never met.

We crossed paths so many times without knowing it's pretty scary, but if not for this, we wouldn't have connected when we did. So, even though I don't believe in fate or god or any of that, I do feel like I was meant to find her when I did, so I could help her and she could help me.

What it has done for her is make her appreciate the good things, and not dwell on the negative, something I could use a healthy dose of.

Don't for one minute feel selfish because this scares you more than her. To be worried that this woman will die and leave you here alone is perfectly normal. It wouldn't be normal if you didn't feel that way. I know you are worried and scared for her, but you must look after yourself as well, You too need a support system, people who are there for you, to listen, to care, and to look after your emotional well being.

You have no reason to feel guilty for being selfish. You are there for this woman and doing everything that you possibly can. Take one day at a time, breathe deep and try to get out in nature, read a good book, watch a good movie or something. Sometimes we need these little diversions for our sanity and well being.