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The Next Day [MAD]

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posted on May, 2 2012 @ 06:57 PM
The Next Day

It felt good to release all that pent up frustration.To yell into the streets "I'm mad as hell,and I'm not going to
take it anymore!!!".It felt even better to hear all those other voices ,in the streets,yelling into the night those same words.
For once,I felt like I was not alone in this.For once I felt like there might be a change to change this situation our world had become.To keep this momentum going,like a snowball rolling down a mountain ,growing and gaining speed.
Big enough and with enough force to actually mean something and get something done.
As we retired for the evening,I could barely sleep,the excitement of it all still racing through my veins,through every brain cell.

That next morning,with barely a few hours sleep,I drug myself out of bed,started a pot a coffee.I walked outside to get the paper,I took notice of the hazy sunrise,poking through the still brown sky.My thoughts were,today is the day for change.
I got back upstairs ,poured myself a cup,made a bowl of cereal and proceeded to read the want ads.
The same as the day before and the day before that.
Same ol' pathetic jobs that I was either over qualified for or under qualified.
Today is the day for change ,I told myself.
As I moved on to the stories,across the front page the headlines were saying that riots were breaking out in various cities.
Another headline caught my eye saying that the newscaster I saw last night was jailed for inciting these riots.
YES,I thought,we will change this,I know it now.

I finished up my breakfast,did the dishes.I took a shower and got dressed.
Today was the day ,as each Tuesday,to make my way down to the unemployment office.
I left the small apartment,and headed down the street,noticing everything seemed eerily quiet.
As I made way down ,I noticed alot of noise ahead.As I approached closer,I could see police in full riot gear and alot of people chanting and yelling.
I got close enough to hear the crowds yelling,"I'm mad as hell and I"m not going to take it anymore!!"

Yes,I thought this is the beginning!!
I started to yell myself and everything went black........

I had been killed by a young rookie police officer.
Today had changed for me because now I was dead.

posted on May, 2 2012 @ 07:05 PM
reply to post by kdog1982

This is a really depressing story.

On top of that, releasing your anger by yelling in the streets and starting riots is a very good way to get arrested.

I wouldn't call this a "lead by example" story. Thanks for showing us how not to protest.

edit on CWednesdaypm474705f05America/Chicago02 by Starchild23 because: (no reason given)

posted on May, 2 2012 @ 07:11 PM
reply to post by Starchild23

Maybe I missed something in this contest?
My first attempt in actually writing something.

posted on May, 2 2012 @ 08:36 PM
I liked it Kdog
here's a flag

posted on May, 2 2012 @ 08:45 PM
reply to post by lonegurkha

Thanks.I don't need a flag for it,just maybe some feedback.
I'm am working with something that I am not use to which is the darker side of things.

I am expanding my thought processes,I have always been kind of a joker in a sense.

posted on May, 2 2012 @ 09:28 PM
I liked it. Keep plugging away. I seem to write my best stuff in the spur of the moment most of the time. Also the more I write the more my creativity comes back to me. Also I read all of the stories and ideas seem to pop out of every one of them.

Flag and star from me.

posted on May, 2 2012 @ 09:45 PM
reply to post by usmc0311

Thanks.You know,I haven't read any of the others yet and I haven't seen that movie yet,I was just going off of the given content.

posted on May, 3 2012 @ 07:25 AM
Nice job Kdog.

I think you captured some of the reality of what would actually happen after the given scenario.

Riots and over-eager rookie cops sounds like an accurate description of the situation.

posted on May, 3 2012 @ 10:14 AM
reply to post by kdog1982

Ok a little constructive critisim. I liked it right up to the last two lines. I think it would have been better without those lines because you are writting in the first person and that part would have been a bit unrealistic. That's just my personal opinion and you can take it for what it's worth.

Omitting those two lines would make the reader think , what happened to you. it creats an aura of mystery.

I did something similar in the one I wrote. Admittedly it's not very good ,but like you, this is my first attempt.


posted on May, 3 2012 @ 10:34 AM
reply to post by kdog1982

that was a fun read.. I liked it

ETA: lonegurka above makes a good point about the last 2 lines.. but they also make the story more fun.. unexpected..

edit on 3-5-2012 by ThoughtForms because: (no reason given)

posted on May, 3 2012 @ 12:39 PM
reply to post by lonegurkha

You are right about the last two lines.
I thought about it for awhile and was thinking of removing them,but it was to late.

posted on May, 3 2012 @ 12:49 PM
reply to post by kdog1982

I'll give you a flag and some feedback.

Writing (as I understand it) has to have a start, middle, and end. It must also create an emotional response (to be truly effective).

Yours had all elements.

Well done. Dark, emotional, it had an impact.

Keep at it!

edit on 3-5-2012 by beezzer because: (no reason given)

posted on May, 3 2012 @ 08:07 PM
reply to post by beezzer

Thanks Beezzer. I am totally new to this.
I wish I had more time to edit it,but now I realize I can right it on say,word and edit it at my leisure then paste it.
Learn as I go.

BTW,your story was awesome.

Thanks you all for the feedback !!

posted on May, 3 2012 @ 08:10 PM
reply to post by ThoughtForms

Thank you,Thoughtforms.
I welcome all inputs.
I am glad you took some joy out of it.


posted on May, 4 2012 @ 12:45 AM
I liked this story..Yes it was a bit depressing but true to life..I think the end was to cut and dry i wanted you to live! peace,sugarcookie1 S&F

posted on May, 4 2012 @ 02:11 AM
Nicely written and a good descriptive writing style you have

It could use a bit of formatting into proper paragraphs, but for an opening piece it got a response, and was very true to life.

S&F, keep up the good work

posted on May, 4 2012 @ 10:39 PM
reply to post by sugarcookie1

Thank you!
I am attempting another approach,but I have been so busy here recently.

posted on May, 4 2012 @ 10:42 PM
reply to post by 74Templar

Thanks,I admit that are many faults to the original and didn't get back to it in to correct them.
So now,I am writing it out in word before hand to give me a chance to correct my mistakes.

The creative and the correct way of posting stories don't coincide at the same time.

posted on May, 4 2012 @ 10:44 PM
reply to post by isyeye

That was my first attempt I think since high school to write a story.
That was 30 years ago.

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