so what do you say to someone in this situation?

Im really at a loss here. and it's so disturbing.... my bestie is 34 and she's been talking to someone who is way way way way way younger than her online. It's to the point she said they're going to meet up once he's of legal age and see where things go from there..

Yeah, you heard me right. Legal age. Supposedly nothing untoward has been said or done, but I guess they talk on line and chat on the phone and text a LOT. She's a very responsible person yet is more in touch with the teens and early 20 year olds than people her age. She's saying he's very mature for his age and says they're just friends right now, she knows better than to do anything illigal or even hint at anything illegal.

She has no kids of her own, has a great job, isn't delinquint at all, nothing like that. A very good head on her shoulders. But THIS.

I can't wrap my mind around it. True, I know a few couples where he's 53 and she's 26 and well we all know Madonna is 53 or something and is with a 22 year old. So age gaps are ....well what IS fine?

this kid is in high school but the um.... low end of high school.

How do you even approach this? She's so happy it'd be amazing - if he was closer to her age. O_o

I really do not know what to say or do or what. Figured I'd post here and try to hear what others have to say.

We're going to need an exact age to tell anything for certain. How old is the dude?

I'm gonna go with 16. That's as close as you can get to legal while remaining toward the "lower high school" tier. Honestly, I would let her make her own mistakes. Hard lessons are the ones that stick with us, and she apparently doesn't listen that well.

You can lead a horse to the river, but you can't make it drink.

Even 16 is highly questionable in some states...

what would you say about it if your friend was male?

He is a minor!

Your friend needs to end it and move on..end of story!

reply to post by lacrimosa


She would probably be even more inclined to go "ewww" because she'd compare it to herself, thinking of that happening at the age of 16 or whatever.

He's a freshman in highschool. D:

It's such a mindblaster. I've had a headache for the last few days cuz of this knowledge. she told me cuz you know, I guess she wanted an ear but my word. I guess it's better to wait til the legal age but ... STILL.

I'm so squicked out it's not even funny. But she swears up and down back and forward nothing is happening period, they've never hung out or nothing, all been online and phone. They definitely do want to get together and see what happens once he's legal age.

I'm like, he's so not going to even remember her after a few months.

I hate humanity at times.

Tell her to go find a 18 yr old if shes really craving something young.

reply to post by sarra1833


This might sound a little mean, and sorry if it does, but it's none of your business. I understand she's your best friend but maybe you should just step back and let this one play out on its own...

The older you get the less age matters, but your friend is dealing with a child here. If the guy was 21 I'd say Go get 'em, Cougar! But this is just jail bait. Yup, I'd be worried. Shades of Mary Kay Letourneau.

reply to post by sarra1833


Whoa. That's 15 at oldest. That is NOT legal...barely even close.

Either tell her she needs to end all contact, or stop hanging out with her. Remember that 16 year old the teacher was having sex with? I was told by a friend that during a conversation, a cop mentioned that "soliciting sex" or whatever (basically hanging out with kids in what looks like an attempt to get sex or sexual activity) is still illegal.

Either convince her to stop, or split while you can. You don't need to be involved in the drama that goes down if this falls through.

Right??????? I'm 39. The lowest I'd go is like 32 maybe? You don't know up from down in the teens to about 25 years anyway! That's like vital life learning times, not something you're to be hanging with a mom/dad figure as a lover ffs.

Originally posted by lacrimosa
what would you say about it if your friend was male?

Right on...cougar!

she must be great in the sack

reply to post by sarra1833

I hate humanity at times.

What are you talking about? I hate humanity all the time.

We're the most viable candidates for guarding this world, and instead we're destroying each other and tearing up the earth in the process...

It's beside the point, anyway. -.-''

Let it go. If there is no intent to do anything until the person is of legal age. I would be of the opinion to just let it go, there is a probability that she will get tired of waiting herself and move on.

reply to post by Starchild23


Yeah, I'm now thinking about stepping way back til she shakes this idiocy off. I went on google to look up a few things trying to find answers. Not much was to be found and that's why I chose to come here and ask for advice.

This is really wrong. I don't care HOW mature someone is. At any age under like 25 (and that doesn't apply to all 25's mind you, but I'm just tossing out a good random number) you're still trying to find yourself. Still growing. Still kind of a kid in a way.

Ick.

Originally posted by Bigfoot12714
reply to post by sarra1833

 

This might sound a little mean, and sorry if it does, but it's none of your business. I understand she's your best friend but maybe you should just step back and let this one play out on its own...

I know. It's just hard to watch a best friend act stupid. She's all 'happy' and I got the headache from this.

reply to post by sarra1833


Your head line says "whatever happens in life is fine"...

perhaps you might want to take that approach...

She'll learn her lesson... or remain happy...

either way... Don't worry be happy

Originally posted by sarra1833
Right??????? I'm 39. The lowest I'd go is like 32 maybe? You don't know up from down in the teens to about 25 years anyway! That's like vital life learning times, not something you're to be hanging with a mom/dad figure as a lover ffs.

Guys shouldn't even think about getting married until age 30, in my opinion. They don't really even become adults until 25. She is setting herself up for a fall even if she does keep everything "legal".

reply to post by sarra1833


That's the best thing you can do.

If you talk her out of it, she'll just go back online and you'll have to talk all over again. If she gets in trouble for it, you can bet there won't be any repeat episodes.

Let it play out. She'll learn eventually.

Originally posted by sarra1833
reply to post by Starchild23

 

Yeah, I'm now thinking about stepping way back til she shakes this idiocy off. I went on google to look up a few things trying to find answers. Not much was to be found and that's why I chose to come here and ask for advice.

This is really wrong. I don't care HOW mature someone is. At any age under like 25 (and that doesn't apply to all 25's mind you, but I'm just tossing out a good random number) you're still trying to find yourself. Still growing. Still kind of a kid in a way.

Ick.

She's, at this point in time, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, in the eyes of the Justice system. Also, she's really screwing with a child, who should be focusing on healthy relationships with his peers, not a 34 year old mommy figure. I think she's trying to fill the void of not having children of her own, along with the void of not having a romantic relationship, with a child to meet both needs. Therapy is called for, if they are sexting, or flirting...jmoho

Des