I am bipolar and I am scared and lonely

Hello. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder not long ago. I didn’t know anything about it but after reading more I am convinced the diagnosis is accurate.

For those who don’t know, basically you cycle between two states: mania and depression. When you are in the manic phase you are full of boundless energy, creativity, confidence, charisma and optimism. When you are in the depressive state you are, well, depressed. But not like a normal sadness, its much worse. Like realizing you are all alone in the cosmos or something. You cant talk your way out of it with happy thoughts.

I am coming off the manic stage and entering the depressive phase now. I can feel it. Its like the color is draining out of the world. I can feel it setting in now. Just beginning. I know because its getting harder to type and put words and thoughts together. whereas before I was writing nonstop.

I spent the recent manic phase hardly sleeping at all. I was writing, building things in my tool shed, working on all these grand projects and stuff. I thought I was so brilliant. I’m trying to write a book but now that I look at it its absolute crap. Nothing makes sense about it, its just incoherent ramblings and garbage.

I am full of dread now. Everything seems hopeless. I know the next part is going to be very hard. Im lonely, all alone and all I have is the internet. In the manic phase I can type for hours, days even. Now typing seems heavy, its hard to put the words together. I don’t know if I can reply to this but it would be nice to get some words of encouragement from anyone. Because I feel all alone. I have no friends, only the internet. I am not in any real danger because my sister is taking care of me. But I feel so bad now. Can anyone give me some encouragement because I don’t want to be feeling this way.

I don’t think I can look at the computer anymore, its making me feel ill, like the light from the screen is attacking me. But I will check this later. If somebody or anybody could leave a message to make me feel less lonely I would thank you in advance. It doesn’t even have to be anything all that interesting. I just want to know somebody is out there.

Do you have a girlfriend / boyfriend.
Or maybe even a pet?
Small things go a long way believe me.
I've been through similar problems, They will pass with time.
Think about the good things in life.
You are alive and well. You are fortunate enough to have access to a computer and internet.
I'm assuming you have a roof over your head as well as food to eat.
Life isn't that bad when you think about it.
I'll be your friend!

I've been suffering with the same issues for years so you're not alone. You've took the first step to realizing you have a problem because it is all in your head with this disease. All in your head meaning, your head likes to play tricks with you, but if you breathe and think slowly, you'll realize everything is fine and you can pull yourself out of the depression. You also have to learn when you get way too happy, to slow down, don't get TOO happy. It's like a caffeine rush, once it's over, you drop. Good luck and you can do it!

I have a horrible temper, and manic depression. These could also be considered bipolar. I've found that you can easily control yourself, with a few tokes of marijuana. No lie. Calms you down. Then talking to people is a snap. Even if you sound stupid, and laugh. It's more enjoyable.

Originally posted by Hkkoru
I have a horrible temper, and manic depression. These could also be considered bipolar. I've found that you can easily control yourself, with a few tokes of marijuana. No lie. Calms you down. Then talking to people is a snap. Even if you sound stupid, and laugh. It's more enjoyable.

"Happy Chemicals". It's science. Marijuana makes your brain produce lots of "Happy chemicals" tricking your brain in to thinking it shouldn't make more. When you stop smoking your brain takes a while to adjust so for a while you brain makes LESS if any at all.
Marijuana will make him more depressed if he doesn't continue to smoke it.
That's why you feel like it helps. IT might make a difference for the moment but smoke for a month straight everyday and then STOP. You'd be 100X more depressed then you started out as.

reply to post by Stadtsmasher


there is much to read on ATS my friend...

Grab something warm, like a tea... maybe hot chocolate...

And browse our forums... Im sure there is someone that can help you...

I'll give you something to ponder...

Who are you?

I'm here. You are not alone.

Are you taking medication? If not, contact your doctor and ask for help. There are meds that can help you when you are in the depressive phase.

How old are you? Is this your first mood shift? As you grow older and learn ways to cope with the highs and lows of being bipolar, hopefully the negative feelings will begin to be more contralable.

I am not bipolar, but I've battled clinical depression for over twenty years now. I understand how you feel. There are times in the past years where I've felt so absolutely, painfully, alone and confused that I honestly preferred death to continuing with that much pain. I've never attempted suicide, but that thought has occurred before. You just get to the point where you hurt so much, feel so alone, that words simply can't describe it.

Now....some advice. The hardest thing about dealing with depression is the urge to withdraw from the world. Its a real temptation to spend the whole day in bed, sleeping. Or sitting on the couch, flipping through channels on the tv. Its incredibly difficult to overcome that sense of inertia, but its vital that you do so.

Go for walk outside in the sun every day. Spend time outside. Volunteer (if possible) at an animal shelter, nursing home, soup kitchen, etc. Above all else....STAY BUSY! When you slow down with depression, you have nothing to distract you from your thoughts. As much as you may want to, do not withdraw from the world. You don't have to go out dancing or whatever, but make the effort to get out of the house, even if its just to sit on your front lawn and read a book.

You are not alone. If you need to talk, U2U me.

Originally posted by Hkkoru
I have a horrible temper, and manic depression. These could also be considered bipolar. I've found that you can easily control yourself, with a few tokes of marijuana. No lie. Calms you down. Then talking to people is a snap. Even if you sound stupid, and laugh. It's more enjoyable.

Maybe you should edit your word here before someone bans you.

OP....deep breathing exercises and yoga can also help you calm down. Its good advice.

It's very brave of you to reach out like you have, during depression. Kudos to you...

You are a member of ATS...that means you do have friends. You can always count on at least a few good hearts to reply to you. ATS is a community, you are a part of now. Don't run from the people reaching back to you.

Try to get outside, if only for 30 minutes....sunshine, or twinkling stars have curative powers...

Welcome to the ATS Family...we try to help our own. Who knows...it may be you helping one of us some day.

Des

reply to post by Hkkoru


Having a horrible temper is not the same as being manic depressive and the "cure" you mentioned is not going to help this person if he really is bipolar. Which it sounds like he is.

This is a serious serious illness and its not the same as mood swings or generalized anxiety, etc. People with this hallucinate, go for days without sleep, lose touch with reality.

I know you are well-meaning, but your advice is like telling somebody in a tsunami to go grab a surfboard.

OP - We are here. People are here. What you have is not your fault, you are not alone. You can U2U me (the private messaging system of ATS - go to "tools," then press "messages" ) if you want to talk, or reply in this thread. I understand what you mean about not being able to type now. It might be days before you come back but I will still be here, checking this thread every day.

You are not alone. You are a human being. And you matter. I hear you. I see your words. You matter.

reply to post by Stadtsmasher


First off.. hang in there! Like you said, Bipolar is cyclical and you just need to get through the low without doing anything drastic. Can I ask two questions..how were you assessed to determine you were in fact "Bipolar" and are you Bipolar I or Bipolar II?

Having some exposure to this subject, I've found that there can be several "triggers" to the roller coaster ride of thoughts and emotions. Things like drug or alcohol consumption, diet, lack of sleep and stress can all be "triggers". Try to minimize or eliminate the drug and alcohol consumption if that is in your lifestyle. Avoid processed foods, stick to an organic diet. Try to get the recommended amount of sleep. Try to minimize or separate yourself from any people or activities that generate stress in your life (easier said than done I know). Once you have taken the above steps, see if you notice any change in your thoughts and emotions for the positive. Lastly and this one is a bit controversial but I think it is still important to consider.. avoid your medication until you have completed the above steps...I say this because must often you will have to go through a variety or combination of prescriptions to find out what "works" for you and these cocktails can either worsen a scenario rather than improve it or leave you in a "zombie/numb" type mental state. What I mean by the last comment is that if the doctor says there's a chemical reaction in your brain that isn't working properly ask them to identify the exact/specific reaction they are referring to... to further the example if they say you aren't producing enough serotonin; ask how much are you producing and how much should you be producing...if they come back with a vague answer or no answer at all, this should be a red flag as to what/how they have come to the conclusion you are "Bipolar" because the drugs they will prescribe all relate to the chemical process by either increasing or decreasing certain production.

Knowledge is key to your survival in life...don't do anything without having all the knowledge on the subject possible.

If you just need someone to listen or confide in... just send me U2U

Originally posted by Leftist
reply to post by Hkkoru

 

Having a horrible temper is not the same as being manic depressive and the "cure" you mentioned is not going to help this person if he really is bipolar. Which it sounds like he is.

This is a serious serious illness and its not the same as mood swings or generalized anxiety, etc. People with this hallucinate, go for days without sleep, lose touch with reality.

I know you are well-meaning, but your advice is like telling somebody in a tsunami to go grab a surfboard.

OP - We are here. People are here. What you have is not your fault, you are not alone. You can U2U me (the private messaging system of ATS - go to "tools," then press "messages" ) if you want to talk, or reply in this thread. I understand what you mean about not being able to type now. It might be days before you come back but I will still be here, checking this thread every day.

You are not alone. You are a human being. And you matter. I hear you. I see your words. You matter.

From Cambridge Journal of Psychological Medicine (journals.cambridge.org...)

Results In bipolar disorder subjects, cannabis use was associated with better neurocognitive function, but the opposite was the case for the schizophrenia subjects. There was a statistically significant interaction effect of diagnosis and cannabis use on focused attention (p=0.019), executive functioning (verbal fluency – set shifting) (p=0.009), logical memory-learning (p=0.007) and on logical memory-recall (p=0.004). These differences in neurocognitive function could not be explained by putative confounders.

Unless OP is a Schizophrenic that would actually be probably a good thing for them to do.

Originally posted by GmoS719
Do you have a girlfriend / boyfriend.
Or maybe even a pet?
Small things go a long way believe me.
I've been through similar problems, They will pass with time.
Think about the good things in life.
You are alive and well. You are fortunate enough to have access to a computer and internet.
I'm assuming you have a roof over your head as well as food to eat.
Life isn't that bad when you think about it.
I'll be your friend!

Just an fyi - bipolar doesn't pass with time. I would know, I'm also bipolar, and take meds for it. They don't cure it, but make it a lot easier to deal with. Being bipolar means the neurotransmitters in your brain don't fire off right and the seratonin transmission needs to be regulated. It's a neurochemistry issue and not one of regular depression.

@OP Hang in there. Grab yourself a book, curl up in a hole and ride it out. Do something for yourself (take yourself for some frozen yogurt, e.g.) or work on a project - I've been painting my house. Do something to distract yourself from that god awful feeling of being separated from the entire cosmos until the cycle evens out a bit. You'll ride it out. You'll make it through. Also, I find ginger tea to be very centering. I know it feels like you are cut off but there are other people dealing with the same thing.

reply to post by Stadtsmasher


I sent you a message.. Please read it and feel free to contact me.best wishes

reply to post by Stadtsmasher


You are not alone.....big hugs to you and lots of love ...

Do you have medical insurance or affordable access to health care ?
If so make an appointment with a psychiatrist right away to get your meds altered.

I strongly recommend Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, see if you can find a therapist that knows CBT (it really is invaluable). It helps us reassess how we think about things, which can and does influence our moods.

If you do not have medical insurance, lots of vitamin B12 & 6 are good at combating depression, also try to take a shower every morning..might sound silly but it really seems to help, do not lie in Bed all day, even if it's just moving to the couch, very important to maintain some routine even if it's limited. Also getting out and walking in the park or around a little bit of nature, with some sun shine is very beneficial; I know it can be hard..like wading though glue but the more you can try to do, especially with getting natural light the better.

It is very important to eat a healthy balanced diet, (cut down on processed sugars and definately High Fructose Corn syrup, and to go to bed at a regular time. Might think about taking a multi-vitamin to ensure your body gets everything it needs. mania strips the body.

When going up it is really really important to force yourself to bed around the same time, slap on some relaxing music, read a book, do not engage in "exciting" activities, no alcohol etc. Thai Chi is a perfect exercise for bipolars.

Nightshade plants, such as those producing tomatoes, potatoes, chili peppers, bell peppers and eggplant, can tolerate and absorb high amounts of lithium, which will help as a natural mood stabiliser.

If you suffer from delusional / grandiose thinking / hallucinations, cannabis can make that aspect worse.

I've also found some of the Dalai Lama's writting, especially on happiness or daily meditations to be very helpful with getting through suffering.

The main focus in life should be to get into a routine, regular meals, exercise and bed times and staying sober; bipolars neuro transmitters get all out of whack from "stress", so this is what has to be managed... all forms of stress. If you can limit the stress you can stop swinging to extremes.

If your moods swings are very often then the anti-epileptic depakote(US)/ Epilim (UK) is very helpful to get your brain restabilized.

Hang in there, having "stress sensitive" gene's can be overcome... best of luck to you

If things get bad -- hotline links
suicidehotlines.com... (USA)
suicidehotlines.com... (International)
Local Hospital ER.

just to be aware and accepting of it is a HUGE step. kudos.
and like des said, we are all here for you.
I think there is some incredibly good advice on this thread already.
When down, it's really hard to do, but climb out of the pit go outside, go for a walk, concentrate on what you see as beautiful in nature.
Do you have a 'friend' such as a dog, cat, parrot ? Animals can be such wonderful companions and seem to sense emotions. When I'm down, my dogs get extra happy and it seems like they force me out of my funk. they are very intuitive and helpful.

Im not Bi Polar but I wentthrough a stage 2 years ago were I was very depressed and had no one, I was in a different country 8000 miles from home and had nothing to do except watch tv that wasnt even in English!!!

1 day when I was thinking of packing it all in I asked the universe to help me, to send me some sign that everything was going to be OK and something to take away the lonliness.
The next day after dinner walking home I heard mewling coming from some bushes by the side of a main road at the bottom of a massive hill, I had a look and found a tiny kitten that had by the look of him rolled the 200 or so ft down the hill and by some miracle didnt end up on the road. I ended up taking him home and having someone/something that depended on me for survival and was happy to see me made all the difference in the world.

I became enthusiastic about things again and everytime I saw and played with the little fella I didnt feel upset or lonely anymore.

I would advise if your circumstances permit getting a pet, if you have a big backyard and the time for walks get a dog, if not a cat. Its hard to be depressed when you have a puppy or kitten to play with

If its not an option net chat rooms are always a good one even if its just to lurk and see other people communicating.

I would advise staying away from drugs, Ive had a few bi polar friends and after the high wears off your back to where you started. That goes for meds too if possible.

Life aint that bad dude, hang in there plenty of people on here to have a chat or get into a good argument with

P.s if you want instant replies and communication start a thread with the words "proof" or "god" in them and your gauranteed 200 replies by the first hour LOL

OP I have Bipolar Disorder and know how life threatening a depressive phase can be.

It is important that you ask your Dr. for medication. If you were diagnosed, I can't believe that you weren't put on medication. If you still feel this way after being medicated, you should change medications now. If you need out of the depression almost instantly, Lamictal is incredible in that it will lift that depression in a day or two. That is what I currently take for my own, which tends to be more depressive than manic without it.

Call whoever diagnosed you and start taking some medication. People with diabetes take insulin, people with Bipolar Disorder take mood stabilizers. Nothing wrong with it, it will save your life.

I was diagnosed bi-polar/manic depressive years ago but I DID recover. I do not like when people say you can't recover from it. It's a chemical imbalance and yes you can get better!

I am not a fan of pharmaceuticals but I was on seroquel for about a year and it did wonders. I tried everything before that because I didn't want to be on multiple meds that did nothing. I finally joined a group and actually got my meds free...The only thing I didn't like were the side effects like weight gain (40lbs on my normally 110lb 5'2" frame!) and the effect it had on my motor skills like talking and walking. Once it was in my system the side effects went away.

Everyone who knows me and knew me at this time have made comments about how well it worked. I also saw a psychiatrist for about a year after to help and it really did help me get better and back to my normal self.

You are not alone! People tend to look down on those with bi polar like they are crazy yet they don't understand it's a true imbalance in the brain. It can be corrected and you can feel better!!

Just remember you aren't alone out there!

Do you enjoy anything like reading or taking walks or something like a hobby? Find something new to learn if you don't have something you enjoy. Get out of the house! One thing I did was get out of the house and go where people were. I would walk around the mall or go to a movie by myself. That became a weekly thing for me to clear my head.

If you ever need to talk you can U2U me I am pretty much always logged in and if I don't respond I'm not at the computer.

best of luck to you and *HUGS*

The only reason you are bipolar is because a Doctor told you so. As you stated, you only just, were diagnosed. So why all depressed now? Because you have something someone told you, and now you have engulfed your life in it. Stop. Go out, do stuff. What ever. Just do something. I promise you will feel better. Be active. Don't ever give up.

I am sure if I went to a doctor I would be all kinds off things. I stopped listening at age 13 when I was diagnosed with adhd. I took those drugs for maybe 6 months before I refused. I turned out just fine. We all have our ailments but we learn from those things, and it helps build us and make us stronger. It helps define us into who we are.

Now I am not saying you should go off meds if your on them, I do not know you personally, that is for you to decide. But cheer up, The only way anything will get better is if you make it better.

Good luck!