girls....

Sounds like you're in deep, friend. You seem to have made lots of comprises and sacrifices for this girl, too much in my opinion...and from what I can tell she hasn't made much efforts on her side.

If you keep going like this you won't be helping her at all, it will simply keep her in that comfort zone of uncertainties she built for herself and she will never be able to make a righteous decision for herself.

Your love story is pretty similar to something I went through years ago with a girl that even fits the character of your girlfriend...exept it wasn't her family issue getting in the way, it was her boyfriend lol

So believe me when I tell you that relationships that start off with a constant wall between both lovers will never flourish and get better...thats reality.

Btw you're not an asshole, you're just a loverboy that cares

Originally posted by pirhanna

Many females work to be the one in the power position, and like to control men.
I am 100% for equality, but the women's movement of the last generation left my
generation of women as self centered and egotistical. There are certainly exceptions
to this, but for the most part, that's accurate. They all consider men to be the
enemy that should be exploited. They lack the basic respect that should exist
both directions between men and women.

Couldn't agree more with your rant there, I was having the same argument a couple of nights ago with a girl complaining about her boyfriend in the most childish ways. ''Thats what happens when feminist ideas are sold to little girls'' got me a beer to the face.

Anyway, to the OP stop investing so much in the pain your going through. In a year or so, you'll come back to this thread and realise the people trying to help you here were right

thanks for all your comments.. i hear where everyones coming from..

I do love her, who she is, ya know?
I do have a point where i'll say enough is enough... im getting close.. but i understand where' shes coming from and see what its like so i need to give it a little bit of time .. its worth it.. even if i lose in the end.

reply to post by Agit8dChop


Looks to me that she only looks to her own interest. Like you said "girl" ... you need a woman. You would be suprised how many men go through a sitation simular to yours. Love is blind my friend. If she can't do this after all you have done for her, I say move on. I know it's going to be one of the hardest things you have had to do. But believe me. After a couple of months, hopefully sooner, you'll get ever her. For me keeping my sanity is way more important than a girl who can't step up to the plate. I think you both need to get your priorities straight. So, I say get on with your own life and if it were ment to be then you'll end up together anyway,.

reply to post by Agit8dChop


Dude, she has done this twice before. Put that horse in the stable and find someone who isn't screwing you over.

And work on your codependancy issues while you are at it.

Sounds like the religious thing to me.

Fathers and other senior family members in this religion kill young women in their families quite a bit for what you're asking her to do, marry outside her religion.

They're called honor killings and I'm sure this reality isn't lost on your "girlfriend".

Give it up man, it aint gonna work. You're asking too much of her.

I had a thing for a Mexican woman once but it turned out she was extremely Catholic. ( And no, that's not the reason i don't like the Catholic Church). Despite a bit of a language barrier we communicated with each other really well. But it got to the point where I was competing with God.

Guess who won?

Just some food for thought for you so you can think of the immediate future. This girl, Genoveva, really did like me as a person and she knew what I was after so she hooked me up with someone she knew.

She was a real trooper.

reply to post by Agit8dChop


Dude, you went way above and beyond already for this girl...

THEN, you did it all over again

And she STILL isn't going for it?

She obviously does not have the same level of commitment to you, or it wouldn't matter at all what her family thinks. You need to decide if you are really going to invest any more time and frankly, money, into this pursuit. It seems like a fool's errand. She's already broken promise after promise after promise (which is very un-muslim). How can you trust or believe ANYTHING this woman says?

reply to post by Agit8dChop

its not at the stage where we argue all the time.. she's so unwilling to do anything for me.. and im realy lost.

"If the shoe doesn't fit, you must acquit."

There is a place were in every action, deed, and thing that you do, were you must seriously think of that. The time to call it quits.

If she wont even talk to her parents about this sort of thing, and I know it's going to be touchy since she is religious and all. But ya, get a new girlfriend, if she really wanted to do this, she would of by now.

I dont want to lose her, but I cant keep going like this...

A rock and a hard-place. If you cant keep going on like this....Then don't.

reply to post by Agit8dChop


dude you are being played or this girl has
problems she's keeping from you

has it occurred to you she may already have an arranged marriage

you've moved and bought a house twice now??!!!

WTF

what's she done
zip, squat, nada!!

any other woman would have sunk her claws into you by now
and closed off any and all avenues of escape
this person is abnormal

run for your life and sanity!!!

but if you insist
then at least "play hard to get"

simply cut her off and don't talk to her anymore, don't answer her messages, defriend her etc, don't falter, let her see she's going to lose her chance for real this time.

be a man

if she doesn't come after you [instead of you going after her as you've been doing]

she never intended to and has been playing you for a fool :shk:

..sorry if i confused people but i didnt purchase a house.. i put a deposit down and signed a lease for a rental..
but it matters not..
we had a big talk today..
in the end i asked her to either be my lover or let me live my life..
... she picked up her bag n said im sorry..

ho hum its one of those days where a nice jack daniels and coke will really hit the spot.

..anyone in sydney up for a drink?

atta boy!

reply to post by Agit8dChop


It was pretty obvious bro, usually if you have to play the games, even the whole love games.

That is almost always a sign that it's a no go, no matter how fun it is, the results almost always will be this... So it's better to end it before it goes to far, if she was serious to tell the truth you would not even be in this position.

But she was not, so getting your point across like you did is the better option by far.

in the end i asked her to either be my lover or let me live my life.. ... she picked up her bag n said im sorry..

Your better off.

Congrats...

And stick with this advice from above...

simply cut her off and don't talk to her anymore, don't answer her messages, defriend her etc, don't falter, let her see she's going to lose her chance for real this time.

be a man

if she doesn't come after you [instead of you going after her as you've been doing]

she never intended to and has been playing you for a fool

ANY attempt you make to contact her will simply weaken your position. And as mentioned, if she DOESN'T come after you, then you know for sure she's been playing you all this time (which by now, you seem to know anyhow...)

reply to post by Agit8dChop


Dude. She's running you in circles. Stop it. She doesn't really love you, no matter what she says, if she'd get you to drop everything for her, multiple times, and then not be yours. Srsly. Someone who loves you wouldn't do that to you. Don't trust her when she says she'll sort out the family thing, she's said that before, and hasn't. She's a scared little girl. Go find a woman.

Wow, I wanted to come back to this thread and read how things were 8months ago. And throw an update out there two!

I ended up staying in Sydney giving her one more chance... It was love after all!

After 2,3,4 months of the same excuses, much more bitter fighting.. it got to a point where all we did was fight and we ended up hating each other.

I threw in the towl around November, quit my job in December and shifted back home!

Now having had a couple of months to look back and wonder at how i didnt slit my wrists after such lonely misery.. I'm glad it failed, because im back home with family and friends, a new job at a law firm and such opportunity.
single, 30, no debt and a good long term career position. Wow, the crap I went through...

alas I'd like to say thanks to everyone who added their opinion! turns out, we were all right!

It destroyed her as much as me, her parents ended up threatening to kill us if we moved out together, who knows if its true but ive heard strict, old fashioned lebanese muslim parents arent above taking out their own justice.

I dont know where she is now, or how she's doing, but i hope she got through it like I did.

shed drink, she'd party we'd make out.

Muslims aren't supposed to drink at all. Pretty hypocritical if you ask me.

I'm glad things worked out for you.

reply to post by Agit8dChop


That's great news.

Whilst i totaly understood everyone saying you should just cut it off, i also understand the whole "second chance" thing. Have been there myself, it gave me closure and showed me that it really wasn't meant to be.

Really glad to hear things worked out so well for you. Plus, you're now stronger for all those crap times and you'll know what you will and won't put up with next time.



CX.