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I have a belly button, like everybody else... (F&R)

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posted on Nov, 27 2011 @ 01:11 AM
Matthew said, in 7:6, not "to cast pearls before swine"...

And sometimes, sadly, to forgive and to reconcile is to do just that, to cast pearls to swine.

My conclusions come from experience. It does not apply to every situation, but can help in drawing a line when enough is enough.

You see, in about two weeks, it will be a year already since I last spoke to my mother. She said she never wanted to call us again. A little more than a year before, she married again, for financial reasons, and also to make sure she was living far away from us, and from my brother suffering from multiple sclerosis, so she didn't have to deal with him or to have to "baby-sit" our children, something which happened maybe once a year. And she said she would cancel her wedding if I were to attend it.

I could write to you a sob story with all the mean things she has done to me or said, over the years.

To make it somehow brief, she said she didn't want me and regretted her pregnancy. Accused me of making the family poor, of being crazy ( how many times did she bring me in front of specialists in hope they would confirm I was mentally unstable! ), that she hated me because I physically looked like my dad, and the list goes on and on and on, ad vitam aeternam.

So when she told me she wouldn't call anymore, I thought nothing of it at first.

But then, I began to think about it. All of my life, at every turn, she was there to stab me. I can't recall a moment in my life when she was truly nice to me. She tried to at times, but I would always pay a price of rejection or humiliation afterwards.

In retrospect, I can see that the fact I was always at the top in everything I did was unbearable to her since in her mind, I was a garbage. I won contests, she was indifferent. I scored 100 in my report cards, I was still lousy, lazy, lucky and never man enough to be able to accomplish what I just did...

I went through the whole cycle of emotions attached with being rejected when I was very young. Her words, said nearly a year ago have not been as hurtful as I would have thought they could have been. It pissed me off. But I was never angry about it. Disappointed, but not despaired.
So what would be the reason I should lose my time in loving her?

I will not talk to her for the rest of my life. Even when she is on her death bed. There would be no reasons for me to. I do not hate her, I know she had a hard life, but I had one too, but the difference is I didn't reject her despite that fact; and yet she did.
She gave birth to me? Big deal! She rejected me in every possible ways a mother can reject a child. She has constantly told me she didn't want to have anything to do with me... Would you be friend with someone who hates you?

I will be the good son she thinks I could never be, and will obey her wish.

So, for all of the above, there is no possibility of forgiveness or reconciliation. Not because I don't want to, but because she would reject it, anyways.
And that would be like Matthew said about pearls to swine...

It now feels like she is already dead. There is nothing to forgive or to reconcile with, only moving on. Did she scar me for life? Yep, she did.

I have a belly button, like everyone else...
edit on 27-11-2011 by NowanKenubi because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 27 2011 @ 01:48 AM
Please always keep an open door, and forgiveness in your heart.
As a Christian, when I am tempted to hold a grudge and not forgive someone, I recall how Christ forgave me and sacrificed Himself for me.
Thinking that, I wonder how I could possibly not forgive someone else.
You never know, sometimes they come around.

posted on Nov, 27 2011 @ 02:01 AM
reply to post by Jim Scott

I understand all that. But I'm done expecting something positive from her, alas. I should have said that even though I don't forgive her, I really don't hold a grudge against her. I'm really disappointed by her attitude, though.

Anyway, why would I forgive anyone of living their lives? You can't do that. You, me and everyone live, make decisions and have to accept the consequences.

She was always a put down, and I don't deserve that. Her rejections only grew as years passed until last year. So I'm not expecting any change on her part.

Again, I don't forgive her, nor am angry at her; I simply don't care anymore, alas.

It's a sad truth I agree.

EDIT: I know I will look like I'm hard with my mother, but the way I see it is like being beaten by your dad, hurting you seriously every time... In time, you may make peace with the situation and move on, but really, forgive?...
And she was one mean mom, attacking me for no reasons, other than me reminding her of my dad... I don't have to put up with this because she is the one having issues about that.
Unfortunately for her, she has been so mean that now that she has left, I won't risk exposing myself or my family to her again. It is not worth it, and brings nothing but sadness and pain...
And it is not an unresolved issue for me. I moved on. It was not easy, but it was for the best. Because despite forgiveness and all, I have to protect myself. Some people will strike at you when you least expect it. She is one like that.
edit on 27-11-2011 by NowanKenubi because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 27 2011 @ 11:29 AM
I liked your story, and the refusal to accept any more hurt. Sometimes you can only forgive, then walk away. Or not, and walk away. You have solved the problem with your words. SnF.

I too, have a belly button.

posted on Nov, 27 2011 @ 10:12 PM
reply to post by Druid42

Thank you for understanding!

It was not something easy to accept, but in the end, there was nothing else I could do.


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