Matthew said, in 7:6, not "to cast pearls before swine"...
And sometimes, sadly, to forgive and to reconcile is to do just that, to cast pearls to swine.
My conclusions come from experience. It does not apply to every situation, but can help in drawing a line when enough is enough.
You see, in about two weeks, it will be a year already since I last spoke to my mother. She said she never wanted to call us again. A little more
than a year before, she married again, for financial reasons, and also to make sure she was living far away from us, and from my brother suffering
from multiple sclerosis, so she didn't have to deal with him or to have to "baby-sit" our children, something which happened maybe once a year. And
she said she would cancel her wedding if I were to attend it.
I could write to you a sob story with all the mean things she has done to me or said, over the years.
To make it somehow brief, she said she didn't want me and regretted her pregnancy. Accused me of making the family poor, of being crazy ( how many
times did she bring me in front of specialists in hope they would confirm I was mentally unstable! ), that she hated me because I physically looked
like my dad, and the list goes on and on and on, ad vitam aeternam.
So when she told me she wouldn't call anymore, I thought nothing of it at first.
But then, I began to think about it. All of my life, at every turn, she was there to stab me. I can't recall a moment in my life when she was
truly nice to me. She tried to at times, but I would always pay a price of rejection or humiliation afterwards.
In retrospect, I can see that the fact I was always at the top in everything I did was unbearable to her since in her mind, I was a garbage. I won
contests, she was indifferent. I scored 100 in my report cards, I was still lousy, lazy, lucky and never man enough to be able to accomplish what I
I went through the whole cycle of emotions attached with being rejected when I was very young. Her words, said nearly a year ago have not been as
hurtful as I would have thought they could have been. It pissed me off. But I was never angry about it. Disappointed, but not despaired.
So what would be the reason I should lose my time in loving her?
I will not talk to her for the rest of my life. Even when she is on her death bed. There would be no reasons for me to. I do not hate her, I know
she had a hard life, but I had one too, but the difference is I didn't reject her despite that fact; and yet she did.
She gave birth to me? Big deal! She rejected me in every possible ways a mother can reject a child. She has constantly told me she didn't want to
have anything to do with me... Would you be friend with someone who hates you?
I will be the good son she thinks I could never be, and will obey her wish.
So, for all of the above, there is no possibility of forgiveness or reconciliation. Not because I don't want to, but because she would reject it,
And that would be like Matthew said about pearls to swine...
It now feels like she is already dead. There is nothing to forgive or to reconcile with, only moving on. Did she scar me for life? Yep, she did.
I have a belly button, like everyone else...
edit on 27-11-2011 by NowanKenubi because: (no reason given)