frustrated with being single and alone

I don't know exactly what I'm expecting from this thread but I'll just talk and hopefully it'll make sense and besides my fellow seekers of truth on ats are the closest thing I have to friends at the moment

Okay, well I'm 24 and I've only ever had one girlfriend. we were together for nearly 2yrs although we split up about 6-7 months ago. Earlier tonight I ran into her and its shaken me considerably...

I loved her like crazy and I know she felt the same way but we really didn't work and the bridges are burnt and theres no going back. Tonight I realized that time hadn't eroded my love for her...

I want to move on in my life, I don't want to spend the rest of my life obsessing about the past and not moving forward. I have been cautious not to try and rush forward and make mistakes either, not that my intent would make much difference at the moment.

The last month or so I have begun to feel deeply, deeply lonely. I've tried to socialize to cope with this feeling of loneliness but so far every attempt at arranging to do something social with another human being has fallen through.

It doesn't help that pubs and clubs are the places I feel most out of place.

At work there are few people I can relate to and despite wanting to move on any girls I'm attracted to.

I have felt so lonely that I recently signed up to several dating sites but I'm not having much luck on them either.

I guess my point is that I feel very lonely and I want people in my life...

Is a girlfriend and a handful of friends so much to ask for?

reply to post by monkofmimir


The past will hold you down - it's baggage and gets in the way.

Why are you holding yourself back? Think long term...what are the advantages?

Just be you - it sounds simple but in today's world it's a really hard thing to do.

There's somebody out there for you but they probably don't like the clubs or pubs either

Look elsewhere and open your horizons - get into something social...preferably something your interested in and enjoy doing

Having something in common, especially a hobby or something you can go do goes a long ways.

It's just about re-training your brain and opening up your mind to new possibilities

reply to post by coldkidc


Bars are the worst place to meet women.
Online dating probably the second worst.
Try the gas station, grocery store, anywhere you can randomly meet normal people.
Just try not to be creepy.

Should give the old online thing a go- no shame in it.

I dabbled in it for a year or so and it was bloody good fun. Met some nice girls, and a few crazies. Had a handful of one nighters and made a couple of friends I still talk to often. I gave it up after awhile. I didn't meet the love of my life or anything but it helped me get back in the game after a break up.

I recommended having a go, it is at least a bit of fun, and u never know who you could meet. It's better than trying to pick up drunks at a bar or party. Haha

reply to post by choppedbrisket


Completely agree with this -
I'd bet pretty much anything that the girls @ bars and clubs & active on the online dating circuit are not going to be the personalities you're looking for.

Edit - looking at the last post - maybe online is ok - I can't speak from experience...just preconceived notions (and we all know where that gets us)
So maybe that's ok

But I DO have experience with the bars and clubs and I've hooked up before with girls that way but I've never met anyone that way that I desired to seriously date or even made a very good connection with

If you're at a grocery store and you see a girl you'd like to talk to, cross paths a couple times to where you both have to stop or else your carts would hit. On the second or third time, tell her, "Looks like we were destined to get in each other's way" You just broke the ice, and if you can hold her attention long enough, you can ask her if she'd like to talk some other time. Just don't look like a bum and don't be frumpy.

Definitely take up a hobbie that can keep you socially active. That helps a lot to get to know other people before making the move on them.

Going to the gym helped me a lot. Kept me happy and motivated to move on with my life. Listen to music with an upbeat tempo also can help you change your mood. Turn to friends when your feeling down and family when your feeling lonely.

I got back with my ex gf but I'm not saying it will happen to you also. Trust me these times will be tough so don't be stupid and do something that will hurt you. Trust me, in the next month or so you'll be looking back and telling yourself that relationship was only an obstacle in your life in finding the right one for you.

reply to post by monkofmimir


Battle for Middle Earth, remember that.

reply to post by monkofmimir


"handful of friends so much to ask for?"

This should be the priority. Disregard females, acquire currency.

I tried an online site once when I was single.

I got winked at bye another dude

Some people just aren't meant to be in relationships I think. I'm 21, yet to ever be in one relationship and I honestly feel like I never will. Sure it sucks, but it is what it is. I have learned to not get my hopes up about relationships. If it comes some day it will be great. But i'm not holding my breath.

Library! I've always fantasized about being swept off my feet at a library.

*sighs*

reply to post by ConspiraCity


Save yourself the headache dawg! lmao

work out = get big guns = buy nice car = fukc bootches

reply to post by monkofmimir


Hang in there mate. I recently broke up with the love of my life who I wanted to marry. Was totally my fault because when I met her I was in a dark place and really just going of the rails a bit and she never really could trust me after she found out how much I was partying n also using drugs. Even though I totally changed my life around the damage was done, I even offered to not join the paratroopers which has been a dream of mine all my life I decided to go for. She left me and she was my best friend as well as my gf, we were guna stay friends but she wont even talk to me know because its too hard for her.

When this happened I really duno how I kept it together, luckily I didn't resort back to bad past habits. I had drifted away from my mates as well as I lived away from my place while I was at uni so I was very very alone and it was awful. I had been struggling with depression months earlier as well so this was a real crisis for me and I was very tempted to just go back to my old lifestyle. Instead I started hitting the gym hard and that helped me so much. It makes you feel so good about yourself, the endorphins alone just make you feel so good and I look a lot better. When I bumped into my x recently she was really impressed how I looked which I thought meant she wanted to get back together maybe as I wouldn't have thought she would compliment me so much like she did. She actually didn't speak to me after that! I've kept at it though and got out there. Recently after a lot of rubbish dates I met a fantastic girl n life has finally really sweet again.

Just don't give up. Take care of your body, that helped me loads and actually lifted me out of depression. Just 30/45 mins of exercise every other day, lifting weights did this for me. Use ATS and online based places to talk to people as well if you feel alone, it's much easier to find people who get what your going through because people are more open online I find. Give online dating a go. I would never have admitted to it before but when I tried it I met so many good (and very very hot girls) when I gave this a try because I couldn't find any like minded girls, even though I met my gf through a friend and not on there. It helps loads to meet people and stay in touch with them, it was just fun for me to go on dates with interesting people. I found dating sites are full of very jerky kinda guys and a nice, genuine, confident guy is pretty rare. I tried it for a month n had a lot of dates from it and it was great fun and more interesting than pulling wrecked girls out in a club. Those sites are full of great girls who are sick of guys who are jerks so its great for meeting girls. I went from thinking I don't want anyone to know to recommending it to all my single mates, I even took one with me on double dates and it was a right laugh.

Most important is just try stay positive and make things happen. Don't mope about, get out there n go to the gym/other physical activities in groups to meet people, talk online to vent and to have some social contact to keep yourself happy because that's important for your mood to stay socially active. Give those things a go mate and don't worry what people think too much. Exercise is so important to being mentally healthy as well as physically healthy and is a great way to meet people, give it a go and stick with it, dont start then stop after a couple weeks liuke most people do. Being single is great as well! I loved the dating after my relationship, even tho I was really upset about it all. Enjoy meeting people and dating. I've been where you are and I was at rock bottom, now I'm the opposite and I feel great. If you want advice or just to talk with someone who gets where you're coming from don't hesitate to PM me, I'd have given anything for a sympathetic ear when I was there n I really don't mind if you ever wana talk to someone mate, anything for a fellow ATSer!

Originally posted by princessgrey
Library! I've always fantasized about being swept off my feet at a library.

*sighs*

been there done that..and yeah it rocked for both of us, we still keep in touch after a decade has gone by.

reply to post by Samuelis


This man knows what its all about!

reply to post by princessgrey


Ha like a typical nerdy librarian guy who's really a dream hunk underneath coming over to help you find 'something'

reply to post by choppedbrisket


Meeting people randomly isn't very good though, its just based on what they look like, its very rare to randomly meet someone who is meant for you.

Until recently I met almost every girl I've been with in bars, clubs, gigs etc. I did online dating just to try meet some girls with more common interests and it was actually the most fun I've had ages and met a lot of great girls from it. You get weirdos trying to contact you but its not much effort to ignore them. I didn't end up seeing any of them properly and am seeing someone else now, but every girl I met through that was interesting, hot and fun. Just be careful of girls who have only a picture of their face or if they cut the picture of randomly to hide their body!

gym is also a great place to meet women as well. Not only are they obviously usually guna be in good shape but all the endorphins after exercise is great because you both feel good and the mood is really positive.

Most importantly I should add is being confident and just going for it. The worse that a girl can say to you is no, no big deal at all. Just go for it and it will get easier each time, if you are confident in yourself they will see that and your chances will be improved tenfold