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The Death of My Mother

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posted on Jul, 17 2011 @ 09:11 PM
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My mother was killed when I was 13, and things just got worse after that.

My sisters became amazingly bad without our mother around. I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of, but I turned it around for love (people say that young love comes to naught, but it saved my life). My father became distant and hardened out of grief. He hasn't remarried and probably never will.

Her grave is a lot like one of those that you see in New Orleans; the big ones above grounds? I forget what you call them (crypts maybe?), but it's rather odd seeing as how we don't have to worry about the water table.

In any case, it amazes me sometimes how fresh the grief is even now. It's been such a long time, and I'll go months remembering happy times. And then one day it will just hit me like an knife straight in my heart, and it will take all my strength just to keep from bawling like a baby.

It was a rainy fall day when they buried her. Why is it that all funerals happen when it's raining? I've never been to a single funeral where it wasn't raining.
edit on 17-7-2011 by AnIntellectualRedneck because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 17 2011 @ 09:25 PM
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So sorry for your loss , my parents are deceased ,and it hurts, but what really got me was when my Son passed away that hurt far worse than anything......:live your life the way she would want you to live it , and live it well because you only get one.....may God's light guide you through life .



posted on Jul, 17 2011 @ 09:43 PM
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Cyber hug to you brother, hopefully the memories serve as honoring her time spent with you.

spec



posted on Jul, 17 2011 @ 09:47 PM
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reply to post by bdb818888
 


Thanks. My motto became "What would mom do?", sort of a knockoff of "What would Jesus do?" when I got over my stupid phase.



posted on Jul, 17 2011 @ 10:01 PM
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reply to post by speculativeoptimist
 


Thanks. Hugs are always nice, even cyber ones. Somehow, it still makes your day feel brighter



posted on Jul, 17 2011 @ 10:10 PM
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my heart goes out to you ♥ ♥ ♥

you're right, it is pretty amazing how fresh grief stays...
even after much time has passed

when people ask me "when does it get better" - I tell them I'll let them know....

in the meantime all anyone can do is live with it ♥



posted on Jul, 17 2011 @ 10:16 PM
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My mom was killed as the result of a boating accident when I was 14. I stuffed the grief and even found it difficult to cry for years afterwards. It was a rocky few years leading up to her death. My parents seperated when I was 10, reunited, only to seperate for good when she suffered a brain hemmorage when I was 11. She had a near death experience following that - and would share that with me to impress she was not afraid when her time came. So we moved on from that a little family, but I felt protective of her because I thought she was more delicate. It was quite a shock to actually loose her just a few short years later.

I am now 46, and I am coming to grips with how those years shaped my life. How I selected men that needed in some way to be fixed as I could never seem to fix my mom. I have not had sucess in my relationships. I think I closed a bit of myself off after that loss and never regained a level of trust - as in trust it is not going to hurt realy bad if I loose this person so lets remain as neutral as possible. I never allow others to caretake me. That would mean I might develop a need for them.

I waited late to have a child. I have a son. He is a miracle, challenging in ways I knew he would be. I am terrified of loosing him - but I work very hard to maintain a sense of normal. That is a full time job. Not to be over protective or instill my fears into him.

I've had years of therapy which help - but I don't even allow my therapists into my inner world as a whole either - I seem to heal by degree. I feel closer now then ever to finally letting go of some of that lingering pain and the dysfunction it created. It is a long journey and much hard work.

I wish you and your sisters the best, I know exactly what you are going through.
Peace ~ Bird



posted on Jul, 18 2011 @ 12:39 AM
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Originally posted by AnIntellectualRedneck
My mother was killed when I was 13, and things just got worse after that.

My sisters became amazingly bad without our mother around. I did a lot of things that I'm not proud of, but I turned it around for love (people say that young love comes to naught, but it saved my life). My father became distant and hardened out of grief. He hasn't remarried and probably never will.

Her grave is a lot like one of those that you see in New Orleans; the big ones above grounds? I forget what you call them (crypts maybe?), but it's rather odd seeing as how we don't have to worry about the water table.

In any case, it amazes me sometimes how fresh the grief is even now. It's been such a long time, and I'll go months remembering happy times. And then one day it will just hit me like an knife straight in my heart, and it will take all my strength just to keep from bawling like a baby.

It was a rainy fall day when they buried her. Why is it that all funerals happen when it's raining? I've never been to a single funeral where it wasn't raining.
edit on 17-7-2011 by AnIntellectualRedneck because: (no reason given)

sorry for that. everyting would go better. good luck for u.



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