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The Trials of Everett a story by John Franklin

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posted on Jul, 17 2011 @ 09:05 AM
So i am writing a fantasy story and have completed the prologue and first 2 chapters, here is an excerpt, please give me feedback. Do you hate it? what would you change? all input is greatly appreciated. thank you in advance

Prologue By John W. Franklin
Although I could say that there where times when you could go from one township to another without fear of bandits or evil men, I have not lived in those times and the story I am about to tell is of dark times, when evil ruled the land. The time of Arturo the Dark an evil and cruel man who delighted in the suffering of the people, a time of infamy and of hero’s.
You see this is my legacy, I lived in those dark times and I recall, in my youth, there where great deeds done. Many of those deeds will forever be unknown but tonight I will tell you the story of Everett the noble knight. I am very familiar with this story, because you see, Everett was my half brother and in later life he and I where very close.
Early one morning before the sun had shown itself I was awakened by the sound of a faint humming, it was Everett and he was busying himself with something I had not seen before, a squire’s tunic. Everett was my elder by 3 years and was a very good looking young man of 17 springs. He was tall even compared to the other boys of our village, Brakenwald. He had dark hair that was cropped short and a lanky muscular frame that just radiated power and speed, but the most remarkable aspect of Everett’s appearance wasn’t his height or his build, it was his eyes. He had blue eyes pale to be almost white in appearance. Those eyes seemed to look right through you and demand truth and honor. Even if it wasn’t for his courageous heart and gentlemanly manner those eyes could compel the strongest of men. the rest is at the link

part 2


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