Men~Ten things you should never, ever say.

Originally posted by Xcellante
I've used "Your missing the point" example thousands of times. But I may as well smash my head against the brick wall for all the good it does.

My personal favourite though. Is when my wife is going bananas over... I dunno... A broken cup lets say. I just let her go with the flow for as long as she can, taking insults (it is never anything I have said or done) along the way. And then... Just when she finishes she comes out with the immortal line "Well? Say something!" and my response is "Have you finished yet?"

Lets just say TSHTF in destructive fashion. I'm just evil that way. But its my own personal payback!

I've done something very similar.
Except my response was, "Oh, i'm sorry. did you say something?"
Uhhh...did I mention I'm divorced now?

Originally posted by Exuberant1
Fellas,

Don't let the beta male who made this list tell how to deal with your women.

You can't let a female or one of their slavish betas set the terms of the debate.

You are the man, you say what you do because you must because that is what it means to be a man. And so forth and so on, etc.

ATS is home of the beta males . If you speak any truths about women you get labled as a sexist pig, but it's ok for women to tell men to be good little (objects) pets.

reply to post by Envious

Not that this thread was meant to be turned into a trolling debate, but you always have one(namely you) who just can't resist the urge to make snide remarks. yet you insist your an alpha male but you can't control your own impulses.

So since you are passive aggressive in your attempts to demean women because they don't like being slandered, and you won't cowboy up and accept the label you created for yourself, you then attack the masculinity of other males.

Sorry, but a man who doesn't have to demean other males and females both is way more alpha, then someone who only feels better by pointing out the faults of others.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by Envious

 

Not that this thread was meant to be turned into a trolling debate, but you always have one(namely you) who just can't resist the urge to make snide remarks. yet you insist your an alpha male but you can't control your own impulses.

So since you are passive aggressive in your attempts to demean women because they don't like being slandered, and you won't cowboy up and accept the label you created for yourself, you then attack the masculinity of other males.

Sorry, but a man who doesn't have to demean other males and females both is way more alpha, then someone who only feels better by pointing out the faults of others.

Neither Alpha nor Beta, I am the evolved mind of a male transcending gender and body. Hope that clears things up.

Things not recommended to be said by either sex to their partner (of same or opposite sex):

Any other man/woman wouldn't ................ insert whatever you've done to annoy them

Any other man/woman would .................. insert whatever you haven't done that's annoyed them

Only you'd be bothered by something like that

I'm going to the shop, I won't be long - for goodness sake, if you intend to be gone for three hours, just say so. Then if there's a row about it you can get it over with and escape instead of coming back to the row and you've run out of excuses to leave the house

You're just being destructive - said to guilt trip a reluctant partner into staying.

Never mind, the resolution to that last one is very simple. Threaten to tell the offender's mum about their bad behaviour and they'll hold the door for you on your way out

Oh, I forgot one: Don't or Don't be upset /annoyed

Yer what? If someone's behaved badly enough to get any sort of angry reaction out of me they can be assured they deserve it. And I won't 'Don't' - I'll let them have it. Both barrels.

reply to post by Envious


Clear as mud.

So if your neither alpha or beta, why are you making the case for either one?

reply to post by nixie_nox


He's a gamma male.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
This information comes from a site called manofthehouse.com.

I pretty much agree with this article. I have heard a few of these. If you are a partner, have you used any of these in the past?

Also feel free to add to the list of other things you should never, ever say. Both sides are encouraged

manofthehouse.com...

1. “You’re over-reacting.”While this may be true from an objective standpoint, she will never agree, at least not on the spot. No matter what she may be throwing at you, be that insults or ceramic knick-knacks, she believes she’s acting appropriately. So duck if you have to and then say something like this: “I don’t blame you for being upset, but I’d rather focus our energy on fixing the problem.”

2. “You’re not being logical.”Once again, you may be right, but that’s beside the point. (Note that we said “may.”) When in the midst of a debate, one plus one can equal three. Put logic aside, and listen for the core matter as she sees it. Hopefully she’ll return the favor when you suggest, for instance, that because it’s the third Sunday of the month, it would be a crime against humanity if you didn’t go fishing.

3. “Who put that idea in your head, your mother?” On a calm day, your wife or main squeeze may concur that her mother is a bit “out there.” However, when you suggest that some beef or ideas of hers isn’t genuine and, instead, has been “planted” by her mother (or sister, or girlfriend), it suggests that she can’t think for herself. Treat her thoughts and ideas as her own, regardless of their origin.

4. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”Well, maybe you need to read more, because whenever you feel you’ve heard the worst of ideas, just sample a few pages of the Darwin Awards. Don’t dismiss ideas outright. Instead, express what about the idea you don’t like. Even better, start by saying what you do like about the idea. Remember, someone once called the internal combustion engine a waste of gray matter.

5. “The other guys’ wives are cool with it.”Even if true, such statements really shouldn’t matter. Think about it this way: If your kid wanted to do something that you didn’t want him to, would the fact that another parent told his kid it was OK change your mind? We didn’t think so. What other wives or girlfriends are doing or saying should be of no concern. Make decisions for yourselves and leave others out of it. Or risk your wife telling you all about the “super-duper romantic” dinner some other husband put together for some other wife.

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edit on 28-6-2011 by nixie_nox because: (no reason given)

After examining the list in closer detail, some of the repliers have reason to question the lopsidedness of this topic. Granted It is important not to be verbally abusive or lash out on your partner. But it is kind of like a Prison Warden giving a lecture to drug dealers about arson, and then later giving a lecture about drugs to arsonist's. As women are by and large the primary perpetrators of verbal/emotional abuse in relationships this topic seem preposterous on many levels. I go over it in my head and I can't imagine any type of semi-masculine guy saying half the stuff on this list. Some of it yeah(the mother thing could easily be changed to sibling or friend), but most of it seems like you are just projecting onto men.

And the website this material originated from seems odd, almost unsettling. A very domesticated website to say the least. The website seems to espouse onto men the traditional masculine and feminine gender roles of the 19th century with a slight modern twinge. A theme that is getting alarmingly more prevalent in society.

Either way I doubt your motives as this list is unlikely to create or advance meaningful dialogue about the problem of people taking stuff out on their partner. Or the need for people to strive to communicate to their partner in a considerate, meaningful way.

reply to post by korathin


I grabbed a site that actually defined what the definitions are. Just google it and you can find thousands of articles on it.
Do you have any basis for your accusations that women are the verbal abusers?
Because I know plenty of women who could beg to differ, myself included.
And this isn't strictly about verbal abuse, this is about a simple respect that needs to be held between partners. If you don't think you have to dish it out, then you should probably save up for a divorce lawyer.
Just because you personally don't believe your doing anything wrong, doesn't mean your not.

reply to post by nixie_nox


This thread is an over reaction to an obvious lack of logic on the OP's part, no doubt this idea was placed in your head by your mum, I know this because it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, the other guys wives agree with me too.

I find all this odd, especially after everything I've down for you, hopefully you'll feel differently tomorrow, you always feels differently tomorrow but never admit it, I swear you never used to be this way....

All in all, you're missing the point Nixie.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by korathin

 

I grabbed a site that actually defined what the definitions are. Just google it and you can find thousands of articles on it.
Do you have any basis for your accusations that women are the verbal abusers?
Because I know plenty of women who could beg to differ, myself included.
And this isn't strictly about verbal abuse, this is about a simple respect that needs to be held between partners. If you don't think you have to dish it out, then you should probably save up for a divorce lawyer.
Just because you personally don't believe your doing anything wrong, doesn't mean your not.

Your only reading what you want to read. No where in my reply did I justify any abuse period. All abuse regardless of the biological nature of the abuser(or in some cases mutually abusive couples) is still abuse.
I just find it hypocritical that your focusing on the smaller side of the problem and using it for your own man-bashing fest. Reading your reply it seems that your borderline delusional(or need to re-read my original reply a few times). And I truly do pity you for your inability to see reality as it is if that is the case, if it isn't the case then you should start reading novel''s or more difficult books.

A 2007 study of Spanish college students (n = 1,886) aged 18–27 [11] found that psychological aggression (as measured by the Conflict Tactics Scale) is so pervasive in dating relationships that it can be regarded as a normalized element of dating, and that women are substantially more likely to exhibit psychological aggression. Similar findings have been reported in other studies.[12]
en.wikipedia.org...

So what things should we say? I think that's what there needs to be a list of.

More things not to say.

"Will you marry me?"

"What do you want to do tonight?"

"Is it okay if I (fill in whatever act of sexual perversion you're into)?" Just do it. If it's not okay she'll let you know.

So women are NEVER overreacting OP?

No, they constantly overreact....but TELLING them they are doing so, is only going to lead to MORE overreaction.....so kind of pointless and counterproductive.

Just like they aren't being logical. True....but there you go, trying to argue LOGICALLY about an EMOTIONAL issue... It's like using logic against faith...you'll hit a brick wall each time.

Comparing a woman to her mother is one of the worst things you can do. Like the c-word, this is one of the "big guns" never to be used to WIN an argument, but only to show that you too are really ticked off (and you'll have to live with the repercussions of its usage).

reply to post by Gazrok


One simply cannot win.

Don't even try suggesting a women be more like her mother either.

That one is almost as bad as comparing her.

reply to post by Exuberant1


Ahh...but you see, a guy's goal in an argument isn't to WIN...it's to get the argument OVER and get back to the status quo...

THAT is our goal (and our WIN)....