How can I have more of a positive attitude?

I really want help with this. I'm trying to change myself more positively over the summer so I can enjoy the remaining years of college that I have left. I think it's been apparent from the topics that I've created on this board that I've been burned several times in the past and that I've faced a lot of betrayal too.

So now my problem isn't facing betrayal anymore. I've recognized that my happiness is directly related to the stability that I have with my social life! My problem is that sometimes whenever something I perceive as negative to me sometimes I take it the wrong way-- like sometimes I'll think people are ignoring me when they aren't, or, they're just busy. And then I might kind of shy away from them for a little while... because I think they might kind of betray me.

I don't know. It's not like I'm a paranoiac. There are reasons for why I used to have this attitude of non trustworthiness towards other people. I just want to be able to let it go and to be able to have more of a positive view of other people and not be so negative all the time.

My problem before was that I wasn't able to look at warning signs... and see them coming up. Now my problem is recognizing that maybe I'm not perceiving things as they are, and, sometimes what I perceive as warning signs, aren't really warning signs at all if you get my drift.

There are times when I actually try to expect the worst to happen... I just want to take the next phase in my personal development and better myself so I won't feel this way towards other people anymore.

Can someone here help me? I'm not depressed or anything so I don't feel like I need to see a doctor-- and I think I'm already taking the next step by having more of a positive attitude, but, I just don't want to regress and go back to my old ways.

Something that has always helped me is that somebody in this world right now has it worse than you. Always look at the glass half full instead of half empty. It is sad because people are dying around the world right now because they can't eat. Just always think about positive things and be thankful for what you have.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


This is a serious question, so please answer honestly. Are you overweight? This is important in determining my answer to your situation.

The fact that you imagine the worst case scenario is already setting you up for failure... It's alright to not be overly trusting of people/situations, being cautious never hurt anyone. But consider the fact that others may have a hard time breaking past your shell, just as you are. No one is attracted to negativity. If you don't make an effort, no one else is going to do it for you. I'm a paranoid person as well, but I try to be friendly and open to others because even if you get rejected, or hurt, or heartbroken, or cheated... you WILL learn from your mistakes and in the long run they will improve your life. Because of being too trusting in the past, I have been hurt, but I would not want to erase those experiences because part of life is taking risks and chances. I'm sure you will find that being so guarded will protect you emotionally and physically, but it will also be a detriment to your personal growth. Ask yourself: do I want to be old, many years from now, on my deathbead, looking back on my life and realizing that I was negative throughout my life and kept myself from having so many experiences?

i was there once, all i can say is keep active like do some excersice. healthy body healthy mind and all that. seriously it works.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Well, for starters you might want to avoid web sites where the main topics are conspiracies, coverups, lies, betrayal etc.
Also, you might want to seek advice from someone who is NOT a member of a site like that.

Originally posted by blaze92
Something that has always helped me is that somebody in this world right now has it worse than you. Always look at the glass half full instead of half empty. It is sad because people are dying around the world right now because they can't eat. Just always think about positive things and be thankful for what you have.

I'm sorry but how does knowing that others are "worse" off make someone feel better? I never understood this...

Just because you have it worse, doesn't make my problems go away... if anything it makes me feel worse that I'm not in a better position to help the "less fortunate"...

can someone slap the guy who asked if you're overweight?

and can someone give trublbrwing an award for this..

you might want to seek advice from someone who is NOT a member of a site like that

I hate to admit I came here hoping to get an answer for how to be more positive though

reply to post by Frankidealist35


What I have started doing is seeing the beauty of life. I see it in every person, I see the potential for greatness and I love them for it. A general appreciation of life helps too. Not too long ago, I walked past a patch of grass and they were blowing in the wind, some turning a different colour as they were blown around. I thought 'isnt that amazing?' Its the appreciation of the world around you.
However, what I think is most important is to follow the golden rule "Treat others as you want to be treated." When you start doing this, you'll be surprised by how fantastic your life will become!

You need attention from others....normal.

You like to give others attention...normal.

You don't get much attention in return....normal.

Solution...give yourself attention, it will make you feel good about yourself and has many advantages.

a: you attract attention without trying because you are happier.
b: you don't feel so bad when you don't recieve attention from others.
c: you will be creating your own energy from thin air rather than depending on it from the world around you.

Start by smiling about yourself, it can be infectious

Understanding the flow of energy is key to living a happy life, even when things aren't going your way. There's no good without bad but realising this makes the bad times a necessary evil we must endure to reach and appreciate the good times when they arrive.

For me, when something REALLY good happens, I tend to reserve a little of the energy by having a melancholy moment and when things go bad, there is that little bit of reserve in me to say "ah well, ups and downs eh?"

Hope you feel more positive soon.

Here's some pretty pictures for ya:
The Amazing World Of Flame Fractals

Originally posted by Forevever

I'm sorry but how does knowing that others are "worse" off make someone feel better? I never understood this...

Just because you have it worse, doesn't make my problems go away... if anything it makes me feel worse that I'm not in a better position to help the "less fortunate"...

It helps me feel better because I know how lucky I am to live in luxury while others do not. Its not about feeling better than anyone, but rather knowing that could have been me starving to death and feeling very grateful that I am not. You would be surprised by what you can accomplish with what you have.

It's difficult to get advice for this type of thing... there are so many factors in an individuals life that could cause this.
I use to be like you and still am to a point. I over analyze EVERYTHING. Peoples actions and reactions.
One thing you need learn to do is trust yourself. And have more confidence in yourself and your decisions.

A person once told me that "any decision you make will be the right one because YOU made it." When I was having trouble making a decision. I thought that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. I was really angry towards him for a long time for saying something so idiotic when I was about to make a life changing decision. But after a while... I kind of adapted that mentality. It's ME. MY life. I am in control and whatever I do is suppose to BE.
This kind of helped me all around. Relationships, work decisions, life decisions.
You just can't focus TOO much on the little details.
Yeah so what if something I say gets under my best friends nerves. I'm not here to be a people pleaser. If I lose people along the way, then oh well. Those who stick around are the ones you CAN trust and rely on to always be there. It's healthy to have some conflicts. That's what strengthens relationships.
I use to see "warning signs" and completely clam up. Shut a situation down before it could escalate. Now I just hold my ground and deal with what ever is coming my way. Don't get me wrong, it's good to see those things coming and protect yourself. If you run across someone you know isn't a good person, you NEED to protect yourself. But no matter how difficult things or people might seem, it's always a learning experience. You might not even realize it for 10 years, but seemingly small things can be quite eye opening.

reply to post by Replikant


Thanks. I think that helps me. I am trying to have more of a positive attitude. I've gotten past the stage where I always expect the worst.

reply to post by Trublbrwing


Haha. . No, but my political beliefs have nothing at all to do with my beliefs about my social life. I think my social life is just getting better and better. I don't go on these sites to confirm my belief that the world sucks.

To clarify: I feel like I'm getting better and feeling more confident, it's just that I just don't want to regress, if you know what I'm saying. Sometimes I regress and I feel really negative about myself.

reply to post by mattime


I've tried that technique but when I'm feeling bad it only helps me feel temporarily better. It doesn't make me forget about my problems completely. I think that by having more of a positive attitude towards myself and towards others I can learn to accept both myself and other people better.

Originally posted by mattime
reply to post by Frankidealist35

 

What I have started doing is seeing the beauty of life. I see it in every person, I see the potential for greatness and I love them for it. A general appreciation of life helps too. Not too long ago, I walked past a patch of grass and they were blowing in the wind, some turning a different colour as they were blown around. I thought 'isnt that amazing?' Its the appreciation of the world around you.
However, what I think is most important is to follow the golden rule "Treat others as you want to be treated." When you start doing this, you'll be surprised by how fantastic your life will become!

I totally have to agree with this!! I NEVER use to marvel in my surroundings. Probably just maturity issues. Now I appreciate this wonderful earth we are so fortunate to live on. BUT I also live in an extremely scenic area also! lol I don't think I would marvel so much if I lived in a beat up and polluted part of town.
Anyway, it really makes a difference in how I perceive things when I take a moment to even appreciate the blue skies or clouds.

To the OP: Get out when you can. Go for a mile hike. Even if it's not your thing. Just go for the scenery. FORCE yourself to do it. Like one of the posters said above, health body = healthy mind. If you're feeling fantastic on the inside, that will exude outside and you will attract the same. Like attracts like.

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Well it works for me but thats me lol
Each of us is different, and we each
have our own ways of dealing with things
What works best for someone might not
work out for you at all.
Just find what works best for you.
There is no right and wrong way.
Have you heard of the concept 1:1?
It has really helped me out

reply to post by Frankidealist35



Your on the right track...

The answer you seek is within you already.

It's "OK" to love yourself. It is the first step.

That seems to be the only thing missing.

Good Luck OP...

Originally posted by Frankidealist35
To clarify: I feel like I'm getting better and feeling more confident, it's just that I just don't want to regress, if you know what I'm saying.

Normal and natural.

Without regression there's no opportunity to look up and have somewhere to aim for.

Life IS a rollercoaster and the faster and further you plummet, the more momentum you have to wizz up the other side.

NOBODY is happy ALL the time.

Ying Yang Ying Yang....

Accept the negative times as part of your process, try not to see them as wrong or bad. Revell in knowing that after the negative comes a positive and when you get accustomed to the changes things will "flow"......coooool

I'm trying to change myself

reply to post by Frankidealist35


Ok.....if you are "trying" then you are accomplishing your goal.


Look....we all have issues and struggle with one thing or another. The question is how do you handle these issues and struggles?

I for one, change my way of thinking a lot. If a negative thought comes in, change it immediately. Smile more and do not have expectations of others as they will always let you down.

Take control of your life, think for yourself, and do not allow others to control your emotions. Keep that ball in your court.

I think telling yourself you are going to be positive is all you need to do, the rest will follow as long as you stick at it and don't look for excuses to change back...there are bound to be lots of positive efforts you make that go wrong, especially at first and it will be tempting to think "screw it, positivity doesn't work" and take the easy way out and go back to negativity.

My opinion (from some personal experience) is that it might take longer than the summer and that you shouldn't set a deadline or anything like that, just accept that it isn't going to magically fix everything but that it's still improvement and worthwhile. If you have spent a long time thinking negatively it might take a long time to change that but I'd say that every day spent thinking positively is a step in the right direction and money in the bank if I may chuck a couple of cliches in!

One of my friends once told me that positivity is the natural flow, the way the universe wants to unfold, and that once you really open up and accept that everything just gets easier. It was a long time ago and I'm still working on it, but I'm pretty sure he was right

I think it's great that you are making an effort and wish you the best of luck. Also, there will always be other negative people and you can't change them, but you can change your reaction to them.

just believe in your self and the fact that you have the power to over come anything..confide in a family member you trust with your life or even better yet if it is still an option a friend that you still do trust..and if you dont have either..
talk to someone who is paid to listen but if they suggest putting you on medication such as xanex or prozac deny both..pills are not the answer for anyones problems no matter how bad it gets