How many ATS members does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Please post your ATS-themed versions of this joke.

Here goes:

Q. How many ATS members does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A. 5.

The 1st member attempts to change the lightbulb.
The 2nd member mentions about the harmful, government regulated chemical emissions that emanate from the bulb.
The 3rd member philosophises about the existential nature of the light-source and queries whether the lightbulb even exists, let alone whether it emits light.
The 4th member tells us that there is a rogue planet called Nibiru that is on a collision course with Earth, and that changing the lightbulb will only hasten humanity's imminent downfall.
The 5th member - seeing a planeterial object hurtling towards him - says: Aaaaaaaarghhhhhhhh !


No, that wasn't supposed to be particularly funny, but I would be interested to see any other contributions to this standard, time-honoured joke.

Thanks in advance.

Originally posted by Sherlock Holmes
Please post your ATS-themed versions of this joke.

Here goes:

Q. How many ATS members does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A. 5.

The 1st member attempts to change the lightbulb.
The 2nd member mentions about the harmful, government regulated chemical emissions that emanate from the bulb.
The 3rd menber philosophises about the existential nature of the light-source and queries whether the lightbulb even exists, let alone whether it emits light.
The 4th member tells us that there is a rogue planet called Nibiru that is on a collision course with Earth, and that changing the lightbulb will only hasten humanity's imminent downfall.
The 5th member - seeing a planeterial object hurtling towards him - says: Aaaaaaaarghhhhhhhh !


No, that wasn't supposed to be particularly funny, but I would be be interested to see any other contributions to this standard, time-honoured joke.

Thanks in advance.

The 6th member denies the bulb exists in the first place since it's clearly not lit and there's insufficient evidence of it being a light as a result.. so he believes the other 5 are insane

( sort of poking fun at myself and how I must be perceived at times ;0 )

reply to post by Sherlock Holmes




This one's easy!
0 of course.
Everyone's too skeptical that there was even a lightbulb there in the first place!

1. First member screws in the bulb.
2. Second member claims the bulb is Nibiru and that the there is no light bulb.
3. Third member has to spend hours showing the second member why the light bulb is not Nibiru.
4. Fourth member adds more reason why it is not Nibiru and second member finally gives up.
5. Fifth member comes in, and says the light bulb must be comet Elenin.


The light bulb got screwed in right away but a few hours will go by before ATS realizes it.

reply to post by Sherlock Holmes


6th member says that as Lucifer = "Light bringer", the light bulb is of the devil.

7th member says (in response) "bring on the light of satanic illumination".

8th member points out that the light bulb, if changed, may produce photons, some of which may be quantum entangled in ways that defy science to untangle and is best left alone in its current state which only represents the observed state of unlit but is actually both lit and unlit simultaneously, it is just that the waveform has been collapsed by observation into its current state. He will then say something unfunny about "Schroedinger".

9th member will talk about how we must first ascend to change the light bulb and this may well be a lifetime quest.

Q. How many ATS member does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A. 2.

One to change the lightbulb, and the other one to point out that the lightbulb had already been changed...

10 th 11th and 12th member create threads about changing the lightbulb without consulting search or viewing the new topic firehose

1st member thinks the bulb is a weather balloon, but unsure he "S+Fs" it.
2nd member believes the unchanged light bulb is a sign for impending disaster.
3rd member proclaims the bulb to be a hoax and leaves the room.
4th member explains his opinion on how the bulb should be screwed in to avoid chemtrails.
5th member is skeptical that it's a bulb, and goes on to say that the bulb is actually a lantern and doesn't need changing.
6th member thinks the bulb is a new HAARP array.
7th member tries to decode the bulb, it must have some secrets!

reply to post by Sherlock Holmes


102 members to change a light bulb

one to notice the light bulb was out..

one to change the light bulb

and 100 members who harangue the first 2 that if their was no photos,, it never happened!

...nice

I say 3:

1 to screw out the lightbulb
1 to make sure the lightbulb is not a disinfo agent
1 to check the door in case aliens attack

Q. How many ATS members does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A. 4.

One to change the bulb, two more to squabble and bitch between themselves as to who has the ''correct'' way to change the bulb, and the fourth to negatively comment about how ''the Muslims'' change lightbulbs in Pakistan and Afghanistan...

reply to post by darrman


You forget the ones who say the pictures are photoshopped

0 Can't Change the light bulbs are all equip with tracking devices and cameras that send personal information directly to the Illuminati.

reply to post by Sherlock Holmes


2
One to change the light bulb, the other to take pics and write a thread about it.

I got another one:


One member screws in the lightbulb, the other one says "You know, Tesla invented the lightbulb."

Q. How many ATS members does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A. 2.

One male member who says: ''I think I should be able to screw it in''. And one menopausal, man-hating feminist member, who says: ''Screw ? Screw ? That's all you men ever think about !''.

O

ATS'rs aren't afraid of the dark!!

Originally posted by boncho
I got another one:

One member screws in the lightbulb, the other one says "You know, Tesla invented the lightbulb."

There have been some very good and amusing posts so far, but I particularly like this one.

Well since this is ATS, we have to determine something fundamental before changing any lightbulb at all: In what forum should he post his thread? Now before you naysayers diss me, hear me out.

If in Religions, he could use any number of quotations from the holy books about let there be light, etc, but he didn't want to start a religious argument about a lightbulb.

If in Ancient Civilizations, he would write an OP with an argument that begins something like "We all know that lightbulbs have been around forever. And they sometimes burn out."
But knowing someone would call him out on the "forever" part, he would have to back that up with a corroborating video such as

Too complicated. Maybe he'd be more inclined to post it in Fragile Earth, in which case he would write about the latest bulb to be promoted to us, linking to Amazon brings green light bulbs to the masses and admitting his concern that Lightbulbs contain hazardous substances research shows here Ane he hasn't even begun to expose the mercury level problems with ensuing disposal that would entail ..what the hell. That forum would explode because someone would blame it on Nibiru or the Grays and the thread would be full of off-topic posts.

If he puts it in Paranormal, the mods will shut it down and say that there's already a thread about it called Burning out lightbulbs and other electrical issues

Then there's the Relationship forum where some smart a$$ will inevitably say "Everything's better in the dark anyway, so why change the lightbulb in the first place?"

Discouraged now, he decides to read some Political Madness threads and finds this

OK then "If I put it in Metaphysical and Philosophy, they'll surely ask me if there really is a lightbulb."

But a lightbulb went off in his head. He remembered killing the switch. Ha! "Dang! Switch!"

So under Genereal Conspiracies he posted the following: "The bulb wasn't burned out after all. Mods please move if not suitable in this forum."

3
one to think about how to do it
one to try to find someone else who knows how to do it
and one to ponder whether we were ever meant to see in darkness anyway,