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BACON!!! ATS Chat And The Cult of BACON!

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posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 11:38 AM
If you've been in, or lurked in ATS chat then you are already aware. If you haven't had either experience then, on top of strongly suggesting you do so, I humbly ask that you read this thread so that you will be prepared to discuss the #1 topic of heated and passionate conversation that happens in chat...

Of course I am talking about


Now, as we all know, bacon can be all things to all people. In chat we have spent hours debating the subject of how TPTB might enslave all of mankind. Our conclusions? That the answer to this question is either boobs or bacon. And since a "BOOBS!!! ATS Chat And The Cult of Boobs" thread would get me banned faster than a jedimiller revival... I've opted to focus upon bacon for my OP. Bacon is the tool that Big Brother holds over your heads. Bacon is the carrot which dangles at the end of the pole, driving us further and further into servitude. Bacon is quite possibly at least one of the vials referred to in the Book of Revelations.

Bacon, my dear friends, is evil is its most yummy, nummy, may I have more Mummy form.

Bacon is the very subject that almost every single thread on ATS tries to understand and warn us of. Bacon is our overlord.

Think about it... Just about every religion tried to warn us about bacon... But do we listen? Well some of us do, but, lets face it... saying "No" to bacon is way easier if one has never tasted bacon. The vast majority of us simply ignore disgrace and damnation as we revel in the porky, friend, drippy goodness known as bacon.

In fact I have unearthed rare and arcane photographic evidence that the entire fallen angel thing? Happened over bacon...


In fact, it is a well known reality that other animals willingly sacrifice themselves in the hopes that they, in death, might be wrapped in bacon!

Bacon wrapped turkey.

Bacon wrapped filet mignon.

Bacon wrapped shrimp.

Bacon wrapped hot dogs.

And, as a Chat based bonus and and homage to Elevatedone...

BACONTOTS!!!!... this picture could actually freeze the chatroom for at least 45 minutes, get 8 people permabanned, cause 4 different riots, and create a brand new religion. This is powerful mojo...

Those of us in this cult know very secret things...

For example the fact that Patrick Henry was actually misquoted. What he really said was

Give me bacon, or give me death!

Or that Shakespeare actually wrote these words about bacon:

My bounty is as deep as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite.

The bard knew the pain of the love of bacon... such a fickle lover bacon is... but thankfully we have a remedy to his pain.

For our bacon is a merciful food. It giveth and it taketh away.

Proof of the power of bacon... Now tremble before the might and majesty!

Even mans best friend knows the power that is bacon.

Chant with me, brethren... IT'S BACON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, even the dogs know it's always time for bacon, and we have proof of this:

And though our Cult lost a bit of ground in the last Presidential election:

We did not lose heart nor focus. We simply fired our candidate:

Got back to our core moral values:

Rebranded ourselves with a new logo:

And began again in earnest.

So, should you opt to wander into ATS chat on a stormy afternoon, looking to talk that conspiracy talk with conspiracy minded folks... I suggest that you

Put on our scent of choice, to help win us over...

Clean up your act, because we have high standards and strict T&C guidelines...

And chew on the thoughts I've discussed here. With these tips you are bound to be an ATS Chatroom hit and you'll make friends in droves... Bacon loving, patriotic, good hearted people!

Oh, and you should say "meep" too, but that is an entirely different thread!


This thread was not created, endorsed, or even remotely acknowledged by the Campaign to elect this guy Emperor of the Universe.

edit on 15/1/2011 by kosmicjack because: attempt to perfect bacon color

edit on 8/19/2011 by 12m8keall2c because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 11:42 AM
It looks like you'll be getting your moderator status soon, especially with the bacontots comment.

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:01 PM
You just made me sooo hungry with all those pictures of FOOD and BACON!!!! I would be willing to bet that if you could get Kevin Bacon to come onto the ATS Live! show, you would likely get that moderator status.

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:05 PM
Well, well, well. Did you think us quiet Canadians were just sitting up here doing nothing? HAH! You all thought that we were militarily impotent, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU!!!??? MUAAAHAHAHA! This has been in the planning for decades! You're Pwned!! Take it from an never had a chance. Methinks too much has been said already.

He that hath knowledge spareth his words.
Francis Bacon

Please OP....don't tell them about the donuts.

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:06 PM
reply to post by Tasty Canadian

Do not bring the heresy of Canadian bacon in here... We have our own brand of exorcism for those who dare to call ham as bacon!


posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:07 PM
You're wrong.

TATER TOTS RULE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:12 PM

Originally posted by v1rtu0s0
It looks like you'll be getting your moderator status soon

If he gets to be a moderator then Im' a monkies uncle

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:13 PM
reply to post by elevatedone

Bah... I saw this coming and offered you bacontots! This does not bode well... The great chat schism and reformation shall start because of this! And the blood is on your hands Elevatedone!

And to think... once upon a time I dreamed of a world where tots and bacon could live in peace. Now my dreams are dashed upon the rocks of sectarian bickering.


posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:20 PM
I just returned from a trip to the grocery store, put my items away, logged onto ATS and saw this thread.

Guess what I bought at the store?

That's right - Bacon!


Actually, yeah, it probably is.. but I likes me some bacon.

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:33 PM

I like bacon...but um.....

edit on January 15th 2011 by greeneyedleo because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:37 PM

Heff this is hilarious!

I have been thinking about bacon all morning.

I got up and started to make a toasted BLT when to my surprise there was NO bacon like I thought

It's a sad day when the tomato and lettuce are left without their bacon partner. It just doesn't taste the same.


posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:39 PM
reply to post by greeneyedleo


That is possibly the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed.... My eyes are filled with tears and I suddenly feel as though my words can never, again, do justice to what my eyes have witnessed.


posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:46 PM

There's bacon in that 'thing' on the left side.

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 12:52 PM
reply to post by Hefficide


posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 01:22 PM
Bacon is good for me !

Bah here is the link.. some how I seem to have lost the ability to embed... NM (TY heff!)

edit on 15-1-2011 by Mike Stivic because: (no reason given)

edit on 15-1-2011 by Mike Stivic because: (no reason given)

edit on 15-1-2011 by Mike Stivic because: (no reason given)

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 01:23 PM
reply to post by Hefficide

Great thread man,i haven't been on this site very long,i signed up in october then had no internet for a couple of months,but since i came back im totally addicted thanks to great posters like you,keep it up!

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 01:40 PM
BACON! The candy bar of meat.

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 01:42 PM
coffee makes me poop

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 02:11 PM

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by Tasty Canadian

Do not bring the heresy of Canadian bacon in here... We have our own brand of exorcism for those who dare to call ham as bacon!


Hey Heff,

Thanks for this awesome thread! It was only a matter of time that this would come up, seeing the the spirited conversation there was in chat last week about this!
I see a number of replies here were from chat regulars, and I'm sure it will come up again in chat tonight

The "bacontots" look pretty wicked, I must try make a few sometime. I don't think you convinced ElevatedOne on that, he seems to be a "tatertot" purist

As for the Canadian Bacon - I don't really give a rat's what it is - as long as it keeps tasting that good.... I'm sold buddy!

posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 02:26 PM
aaaaarrrrrrgggggg I have to have it, I have to!!! Bacon makes everything better.
Bacon as cult, bacon as conspiracy, bacon as addiction......YES Lets all live high on the hog, till we can't .

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