Welcome everyone to the first installment of "FUTURE NEWS".

First we are going to show you what is going to happen in the economy. By all the major MSM sources, the economy is going to be GREAT! From the last reports, the economy in the US brought in about 70,000 new jobs this past month, at this rate we will have a booming economy in no time.

Second we are going to show you what is going to happen, if someone does something that may aggravate others. From all the major MSM sources, if you do THIS then people will kill us and stamp upon our brains singing, so do not do THAT.

Third we are going to show you if the conservatives and Tea Partiers gain power in the upcoming elections. All the major MSM sources tell us that they will defund the health care bill and everyone will DIE.

Fourth we are going to show you that if we do not begin the immediate taxing of ALL sources of CO2 emissions, the planet will DIE. All the major MSM sources have shown us that ocean level increases will happen sooner rather than later.

Fifth we are going to show you that the national debt is NOTHING to worry about. All the MSM sources tell us that EVEN Ronald Reagan said that the debt is nothing to worry about.

So, if any other omnipotent/prescient reporters out there want to add to the FUTURE NEWS network. Give it a try, you too can be part of-

FUTURE NEWS NETWORK!

reply to post by saltheart foamfollower


I thought I would get a couple additions or at least someone attacking one of my FUTURE NEWS segments.

Oh well.

reply to post by saltheart foamfollower


YOUR WELCOME.

It would be remiss of me not to take a moment to thank myself and my fellow American taxpayers for funding Andy Griffiths 30 second Health Care/Non political Commerical.

The cost is not of any importance! Andy is telling my Grandma and my parents "good things are coming" under the health care overhaul

No this is not a political agenda
blog.al.com...

Polls show that seniors are more skeptical of the health care law than are younger people because Medicare cuts provide much of the financing to expand coverage for the uninsured. That could be a problem for Democrats in the fall congressional elections, because seniors vote in large numbers.

The ad is slated to run on channels seniors watch, such as the Weather Channel, CNN, Hallmark and Lifetime, at an initial cost of $700,000.

Its initial cost is $700,000.

www.news-record.com...

Again, YOUR WELCOME Mr. Great Divider Anointed One

reply to post by sweetliberty


Hey, that is a definite addition to the FUTURE NEWS NETWORK.

We will begin running that commercial immediately!

LATE NEWS BROUGHT TO YOU FROM "FUTURE NEWS" .......

Feds Spent $800,000 of Economic Stimulus on African Genital-Washing Program
Monday, September 13, 2010

cnsnews.com...

If most of the men in the study wash their genitals after sex, are willing to do so after the study ends, and report that their partners accept the regimen, the researchers will develop another study to see if the “penile cleansing procedure” actually works to prevent HIV infections.

Why Africans Have AIDS
www.fearoftheinvisible.com...

AIDS is diagnosed entirely differently in Africa. Officially in Africa a person only has to have a few symptoms common to many diseases that ultimately are caused by great poverty, poor water supplies and lack of sanitation. Again there is no requirement to test positive for HIV for an AIDS diagnosis. This was strangely easy to discover. I only needed to go to the official WHO website and look it up. This tells me that our media has not been doing its homework when reporting AIDS in Africa.

Finally and more optimistically, it should be noted that, that, despite the widespread malnutrition, poverty and disease, the African population is far from shrinking. The US Bureau of the Census, in its International Database 2001, reports that between 1980 and 2000, during reportedly the worse years of the African AIDS epidemic, the population of Sub-Saharan Africa went up from 378 million to 652 million.

After hearing about this, I had to see if it was true. Wow!
So we borrow money from China to teach African men how to wash their penis. Almost broke a nail researching this story. As always, late news reporter sweetliberty coming to you from FUTURE NEWS.
Back to you SH.


*bold, mine.

Breaking News :

State agricultural official Will Tedleaf announced today that this years Gazonga melon crop may be in jeapordy. Scientists have made great strides in the past few decades developing an artificial alternative to the Gazonga, but it seems most people are willing to pay more for natural gazonga melons, which have seen a steady decline at harvest over the past two decades.Market Analyst Freda Kanz went on to state "we have been collecting data for the past ten years, and most gazonga lovers say that the artificial gazongas just dont have the same soft texture as there all natural counterpart.







I know... I know... but I had too post it..

~meathead

reply to post by Mike Stivic


And they are a bit chewier as well!

Great post man!