The Mariner

Hello everyone, this is my first time in this part of the forum. I'm not exactly new to writing but I've been typing up PR's and reviews for the last year and am a little rusty with stories so please forgive me if I come across as an amateur.

This is a small piece I wrote tonight from the point of view of a sailor in the mid-50's. I was thinking what a great setting that era and occupation could be for some fictional work and decided to create an extract from the non-existent story to remind me to carry on some day.

'The ship had been docked for a good 30 minutes now; I could hear the jeer's and laughter from the rest of the guys as they met their beloved land once more. I allowed a drifting eye to flirt with the busy lights of the city ahead. They waltzed with the street lamps and tangoed with the moon light as it bore a shadow upon the cobbled road ahead. I lost myself momentarily, casting away my thoughts of the tide as both my sea salt eyes took full advantage of the city landscape, before being dragged back home, kicking and screaming. I just couldn't forget what had happened at sea, how could I keep this secret to myself? Although it tore me up inside I knew that I had to; my life, my sanity, my world depended on it.
As I hauled myself up onto my wind swept legs, I felt the friendly creek of the deck warm me inside, assuring me that everything would be fine. I knew it wouldn't but something had to keep me going. I turned my head to the sea, almost apologising that I was gone from whence I came. My battered hands met my face of leather and rope, I hoped it would all go away. It didn't.
I wiped the sweat from my brow and the tear from my eye and told myself what my old Ma' had always said, "Joseph, you're a fighter!" That I was. I swigged the last drop from my flask, my throat was as raw as a wound in the desert, it didn't thank me for the rum I'd splashed all over it.
With this I said a silent goodbye to the sea before leading my weary legs down the gangway...'

I understand there's probably some grammatical errors but I hope you can all appreciate it in some way. Criticism is very welcome.

Thank for reading.

[edit on 15-2-2010 by Scope and a Beam]

Nobody liked it lol? Fair enough but if you take a look please let me know what you thought

Just looking through some old threads in a part of the forum I've never been to before, and found this.

I liked it, a lot. It was very expressive, like, I could almost feel the atmosphere of the story. Very nice! But it does make me wonder what it is he has to keep to himself.

I got the feeling this story took place during the Age of Sails. If I'm wrong, then it's fine. But if it did, you might want to use another measurement of time than minutes. Maybe something more unclear, like, "For a good while now". Minutes sounds a bit too modern. But that's just my opinion, so take it for what it's worth.

reply to post by David_Reale


It was actually meant to be more around the 50's but thanks I really appreciate you digging this up, it's good to know that someone reads it haha.

I'm not happy with this piece any more but I am glad you like it .