Why do kids kill themselves?

I dont know where else to put this but since there are more teens on this site than there were when I joined, I wanted to ask this question.

One of my sons friends, a kid that I also knew since he was about 11 or so, killed his self recently he had just turned 17 and was a good kid but always seemed kind of withdrawn, he had been home-schooled all his life and had very few friends.
My son told me about it last night and it gnawed at me all night and all throughout the morning.
I just cant figure out how, at such a young age, a person can delve so far into despair, to even think about doing this.
I was a reckless youth, some would even say that I was self-destructive because i took so many risks but suicide never, ever crossed my mind.

Some people have a different outlook on a person that dies as a result of suicide, as opposed to dying in a car wreck or some other accident.
While any death is tragic, a suicide affects me a little deeper than other deaths because I want to know WHY and what could have been done or said that may have prevented it.

Such a waste of a life and a future

i think its because kids are hidden from reality, when things hurt them or upset them it hits them bad.

although i would not call a 17 year old a kid more of a young man.

but its the nanny states that are making things worse.

Yep such a waste. No one should ever do this and its sad that they see no hope for there own lifes. People do not see things bigger than themselves, and this is why they focus so close on there own, without knowing that others too have those problems.

I am not going to say why i think people do it, but one reason is that others love to destroy people, and when people go after your life, it can be hell. Being isolated can be very traumatic for people, and some just cannot handle it. You must feel ultimately alone to do it, no matter how many two faced friends you have.

They're not living in the real world.

Case in point:



In their defense if many are like this moron they're much better off having killed themselves. Think of the terrible life that's in store for this kid with reactions like this to essentially meaningless situations.

reply to post by thisguyrighthere


woah kinda shocking and slightly funny on how upset he is over a game, now i get mad when i lose but come on dont cry about a game.

[edit on 1-12-2009 by thecrow001]

Im very close to my son and in turn Im usually pretty close to his friends as well, since im a kid at heart too.
I play games with him and all of his friends, xbox live, WoW etc.. Even though I only personally met this kid a few times, I played many, many hours of games with him and my son. A lot of his friends jokingly call me dad, instead of my name when were playing games
They kind of grew apart in the last year because the this kid withdrew more and more so it helped soften the blow for my son a bit, i think.
However, it didnt for me, as it left me wondering if there were something more that I couldve have done or said for him.

I know when it comes down to it, there is nothing i couldve done but it doesnt stop me from wondering.

Well firstly let me say thankyou to the OP for bringing up an issue i have yet to see on ATS.
I have a fairly strong opinion in regards to this subject, im 24 now and in my highschool graduating class we had 14 suicides. Let me say that again, in Canada in a school of about 3,000 kids in my graduating class ALONE we had 14 suicides. More than a few of those were personal friends of mine, i have also lost a few family members to the same fate. I can safely say in my short life i have felt the sting of suicide more than i ever thought i would.
As for my friends who killed themselves the main catalyst for a few of them were relationships. I dont know if this was the main cause but they took their lives the night after a fight or breakup. When i was in highschool it seemed like the end of highschool was it, we are constanly told how "these are the best time of your life" so when the best times of our lives go so horribly wrong some people cant vision a better world, so they end it. My generation was also not brought up with the fear of god as much as previous generations, the "suicide means hell" mentallity did not enter our day to day lives.
Believe me when i say i cannot find any justification for taking your own life, i cant comprehend it, but i try to empathise with those that do. If i didnt have my means of security and safety of a futur i too could get lost. Alot of these people lived in secret daily pain. Not physical but the chore of the mundane is too much for these people, they would rather end it now than be in suffering for the next 60 some odd years.
There is a sub group, from my experience, that either was planning an attention move and went to far or they didnt fully comprehend their actions. I knew a girl who ended her life outside of a bar with a payphone wire after having a fight with her bf in the bar. To me this was alcohol mixed with a grandious jesture that got out of hand, i dont think she wanted to kill herself but more so make her bf upset by the concept of her not being around. A guy friend of mine hung himself when his GF broke up with him, why? My best bet is Heartache, but if you met this kid i dont think i saw him frown once, so i again assume it was reactionary but it could have been a internal torment i was not aware of. My family member was the same, a relationship.
Back to the OP's original question of why? The answer i give myself is "you'll never know" you may get an idea from their behaviour or perhaps their writing but a persons internal world is something no-one esle can fully comprehend. Just as we all see beauty differently we all see hell differently, some peoples hells are here.
As far as preventative actions i never fully understood that whole addage of "talk to your children" now perhaps it is because i am still relativly young but for any parent out there this is a WRONG statement, do not TALK to your children ASK your children QUESTIONS.
If i tell a child that life after highschool is much better i promise that covers one area of concern, if i ask them what they are concerned about for life after highschool you can get to the root of their anxiety. Communication is key, and i cant stress this enough, there will be no warning signs in some suicides. We have to make sure that the world is understood for our youth and it is not what is represented on television shows.
My sympathies to you and your son for the loss of life, for me my reaction for some time was/is anger, one more night think about it, ask someone for something, i personally think there are so many outs, but i dont understand that mentallity. That is what will be the hardest thing for you and yours, no comprehension.

reply to post by Hack28


Well said Hack, very sad. The numbers are growing and scary.
My condolences to all.

reply to post by Hack28


Thats a great post... I came very close to tears reading it.
Youre also right about my first emotion upon hearing the news, anger.. after that was sadness and thinking what could i have done to stop this.
I think that ive just become over-whelmed by death in 09 and Ill be DAMN glad when this year ends. My Dad died August 10th, my cousin died August 21st and now the news about this kid... frustration and sadness at the same time, it sucks.
And im sorry for the loss of your friends...

Thousands and thousands of years of evolution and we still arent able to deal with death

reply to post by Kr0n0s


I think kids kill themselves for the same reason adults do: A sense of being overwelmed, hoplessness, lack of self worth, with a sense it will "be OK" if they just could make it all end. While children can be very bright, their limited experience gives them only so much psychologicly they can fall back on. A kid may view "problems" as insurmountable, having a some what two dimentional view of their life and life in general. Kids have an all or nothing perspective quite often, and this is a risk factor for them to harm them selves. (please excuse spelling)

There's no way of knowing why, each person may have his/her own reasons.

One thing that is largely ignored is that depression is very common in teenagers, but usually misinterpreted or purposely ignored to see if it goes away. Sometimes it does, but most of the times it only gets worse, and suicide may look as the only means of exiting it (but it's not).

I also think that kids are more affected by stress than most people think (after all they do not have any responsibility on their shoulders), but it's always the person's opinion that counts. It doesn't matter if it's just a kid that does not have grades as high as his/her parents would like, or if it's a kid that thinks that he/she is not good enough or cool enough to keep up with the whatever trend they are following at the time, if he/she feels bad that's the only thing that really counts.

And I agree with Hack28, we (although I do not have kids) should not wait for our kids to talk to us, we should make them understand that they can talk to us whenever they want, and we should try to show them that there is always a means of communication which they can use in any circumstance.

reply to post by Kr0n0s


Being a teenager is a tough time in your life... I think I can speak to everyone when I say this and they can relate!

Some find it harder than others and sometimes there are no reasons for their actions...

Life experience is how the mind expands, and as a kid or teenager you don't know alot, although you may feel you do! And the lack of knowledge about life I feel is a contribute towards suicides in young people!

reply to post by Kr0n0s


Kind of gives validity to that "bad things come in 3's" saying. Which i have no idea where it started.
So sorry to hear about your August i cant imagine loosing my father. My best friend told me, the night of his own fathers death, his words "I could not have had the life i have and not have a night like this." I took that to mean the "price", if you will, of a great father is a few horrible nights without him. Id rather that then those poor individuals who either dont know their father, or hate him.
Not to mention the follow up punch of your sons friend. It probbaly stings so much more because he is of your sons age, you can relate to his family. This is where alot of my anger steams from, their one decision literally ruins soo many lives, parents are never the same after loosing a kid, siblings, friends, loved ones, everyone has a little piece of them stolen. You look at your friends and how different they are from highschool or whenever and you think "man, i wonder what Lubitz would be like."
Actually i havent thought about this for a while, hits like a ton of bricks still, im pissed off and sad, all those little worlds that surrounded those people are gone. Their families and their circle of friends, you loose touch with them, its not like with my friends who are still alive i see their family all the time. They ended that, i know theres the side that will say just call them drop in say hello. I dont think it works like that, and as sad as it is im guessing if your son or you knew the family they will slowly transition from an occasional well thought thought, to a memory. Or perhaps the other side of the coin, and the buffalo circle the wagon.
Above all i think Butters from South Park summed it up best when he said (after getting dumped by a waitress that he thought loved him, it was hilarious. He, as many of my friends, have yet to learn that waitresses work on tips.) anyway Butters said: "In order for me to feel this bad, i must have felt just as strongly good at some point. "

Originally posted by ArMaP
I also think that kids are more affected by stress than most people think (after all they do not have any responsibility on their shoulders), but it's always the person's opinion that counts.

Great point, I always think about this. The thing is when your a teenager you dont have any real responsabilities to compare against. Its not like you can have mouthes to feed and a boss for a day, so for kids they are at their full understanding of responsabilties.
Just as our universe expands and creates "new universe" those old limitations are no less of a universe, they were at some point the limit to the universe. Teenagers are the same, just cause they havent expanded into "real" responsabilities doesnt mean they arent at their own limit.

I know two people who have committed suicide as teens or pre-teens, and many, many more who have attempted.

I know it's not what we want to hear, but cyber-bullying/drama is playing a humongous role in increasing depression and leading to suicides, at least in the cases that I know.

Hank, I think that teenagers do have real responsibilities. They are different, but real. Many teens have jobs, work hard in school and extra curricular activities, and try to maintain a social life.

[edit on 12/1/2009 by ravenshadow13]

reply to post by Hack28


Stress, like time, is relative...

There is no doubt that a teens stress can be and is just as powerful and harmful as anybodies.

The frustration that comes from the feeling that you arent living up to a parents expectations, failing a class or not being among the "popular" kids can be just as devastating to a teen as losing a job is to an adult.

I think most "adults" make this worse on a kid by telling them, hey thats life, deal with it, instead of trying to help them deal with it in one way or another.

In my opinion, society and in some ways tradition is at fault... A lot of people have the attitude that they had to deal with it, now its my turn to dish it out...
hazing can be another word for it.

reply to post by Kr0n0s


We continually place pressure on teenagers, on an ever increasing scale every year. Children aren't supposed to have to cope with all of the things we throw at them.

Wether it be the need to "fit" in, which MTV and the like tell you is the most important thing in the world. The way to dress the way to act, who to love, who not to love.

This is all part of the struggle that is being a teenager. Things were much simpler when I was a teenager, it was all about getting to know yourself and figure out what you loved in life.

It was also a time to make mistakes and be proud of those mistakes as you learned valuable life lessons. Today's teens are forced to walk on egg shells and are continually shown that making a mistake is the worst possible thing.

The need to succeed 100% of the time is what is driving our children away from us, and into deep rooted depressions that are hiden extremely well.

Pressure among peers is just as bad as pressure among parents in these times. In a world where everything is towards the negative and with the increase of technology and information availability our children are exposed to more negativity at an exponential rate.

We need to go back to teaching our kids to be just that, kids. To enjoy themselves, win, loose, fall on their faces and have US the parents to pick them up and give them those life lessons that allow them to deal with traumatizing events and situations in a rational, logical way.

As a father of 4 children, my biggest accomplishment was teaching my kids to have a tough skin, and a thinking, questioning mind. Not something that is easy to do in today's believe everything you are told environment.

~Keeper

Sorry to hear about your loss.

IMO suicide is an attempt to escape mental anguish. That's why a sour relationship is often the cause of suicide.

Plus, I have to agree with an earlier post...children need to be taught that life isn't all roses and cherries (i.e. have a thick skin). Almost everyone will experience very difficult times in their life...just remember to instill the phrase "and this too shall pass."

May God rest his soul.

Why do people kill themselves --

I'm truly happy for you, that you can't understand what it's like to be suicidal. That's one of those things you don't want to have an intuitive understanding of -- not dissimilar from understanding a drug addiction. Those who do know wish they didn't. So consider yourself lucky that you only have to deal with the nagging proposition of an unanswerable riddle, rather than understand the solution -- which comes with its own set of problems.

I despise people who commit suicide.
First i would like to say that the desire to 'not be here anymore'(kill oneself) comes from many different feelings of hopelessness, lonliness and thinking you are a burden on the people around you etc, and simply not being able to get away from those thoughts and feelings.

However, i believe people who end there lives are filled with weakness and selfishness, as it is the ones left behind who have to pick up the peices. I know a few people who completely fell apart because their loved one killed themself, and now their lives are now essentially over (in a sense).

So by committing suicide a person not only kills themself but also those who love them die a little and are never the same again.

Weakness and selfishness.
We should not pity those who kill themselves we should pity those left behind.

Just my opinion.