Butchered Haircuts

I spent two weeks in ICU with my father before he died. The day of his funeral I cut my bangs unevenly. I don't know why I did it, depression I guess. But anyway, I went to a Great Clips a couple of weeks later to have my hair trimmed and the sides evened up with the bangs. It took me seven years to grow my short hair to shoulder-length. My hair is curly, not kinky, and very thick.

I sat in the chair and told the girl what I had done and how I wanted her to "fix" it. Just trim around the sides to even up where I had cut my bangs. I asked her before she ever picked up the scissors if she was confident working with curly, thick hair. She assured me she was. So the "trim" began.

At one point she picked up a lock of hair, lifted it above my ear and chopped it off!!! I went into shock. At the look on my face, she backed up and looking horrified she put the scissors down and went to get the manager. She chopped my hair off less than an inch from the scalp next to my ear.

The manager saw what she had done to me and took over the "trim". But it was too late. There was no way to fix the mess. The only thing that could be done was to chop off all of my hair leaving me with about an inch of hair all over my head.

I'm not the kind of person who just cries over stuff like this but that was all I could do. I couldn't get mad. I couldn't lash out. I couldn't do anything except sit there with tears streaming down my face.

I came in the shop with shoulder length, curly thick hair and left with a buzz. Uneven and choppy at that. Despite the fact that the manager offered me free haircuts until my hair grew back, I could not speak.

Why is it that having my hair unexpectedly chopped off close to the scalp would cause me to react like a snivelling child? Unable to even speak?

The trauma was so severe I stopped going outside altogether. I was too embarrassed to allow anyone to see me. Every time I looked into a mirror I would start crying again.

Can someone help me understand why, when I should have been madder than a hatter, I reacted completely outside my normal disposition? Instead of laying into her, I cried. I still can't stop crying. A year later and I'm still emotionally distraught.

I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. My hair is not cooperating. It is not growing and still looks like I went through a meat grinder.

WHAAAAAAAAAA.

I used to feel pretty and confident. Now I feel like a monster and look like one too.

If there is anyone out there who understands what happened to me, please let me know. I'm still in shock. I find it difficult to believe that a butchered haircut can lead to such trauma. But, it did.

im sorry for you brother,i too love long hair,and i hate when i decide to cut it.
dont your hair gro faster? have you considereted inplanted hair?

reply to post by Stillalive


yah, I'm a girl and I loved my long hair. I have considered having some real hair sewn in until mine grows out but it might be a tad on the expensive side.

I know exactly how you feel. I've always had really long hair (halfway down my back) and a few years ago I went in to get a "slight" haircut and the lady chopped it up almost to my shoulders. I was furious. Some people just do not listen when you tell them what kind of haircut you want.

Sorry to hear that it's still upsetting you - have you tried the Hair/Skin/Nails supplements? Take those and extra vitamin D (around 2000 to 4000 IU a day), that worked for me. My hair is long again.

Originally posted by Hazelnut
reply to post by Stillalive

 

yah, I'm a girl and I loved my long hair. I have considered having some real hair sewn in until mine grows out but it might be a tad on the expensive side.

I'm so sorry that happened to you! I can totally empathize and as silly as it sounds to us to say out loud, having something like that done to you without your permission is quite a shock (to say the least) but also is normal to be upset. Don't get me started on the psychological reasons why many women do something dramatic to hair due to "grief" of some sort and than regret it later... I think almost all of us have been there...

And if it makes you feel any better, I'm growing back (finally just got out of the "short" length) from a (salon induced) botched highlighting that ended with my hair turn to mush (like gum!) and mostly just fall out... Waist length to Nose length, just like that! Yes, I cried and Yes, it shattered my confidence for a bit, too.

I agree with the supplements, fish oil (or fish itself) etc. really helps the growth spurts!



[edit on 19-10-2009 by LadySkadi]

Originally posted by Orion65
I know exactly how you feel. I've always had really long hair (halfway down my back) and a few years ago I went in to get a "slight" haircut and the lady chopped it up almost to my shoulders. I was furious. Some people just do not listen when you tell them what kind of haircut you want.

Sorry to hear that it's still upsetting you - have you tried the Hair/Skin/Nails supplements? Take those and extra vitamin D (around 2000 to 4000 IU a day), that worked for me. My hair is long again.

Oh thank you for that suggestion, I never would have thought of it if you hadn't replied. I will try the supplements and extra Vitamin D. Someone suggested I start using Mane & Tail Shampoo & Conditioner. She said it works very well. Its been about 10 days since I started using them. I suppose its too early to tell if it is making a difference.

I'm sorry to hear about your long hair being butchered! I feel for you, literally.

Originally posted by LadySkadi

Originally posted by Hazelnut
reply to post by Stillalive

 

yah, I'm a girl and I loved my long hair. I have considered having some real hair sewn in until mine grows out but it might be a tad on the expensive side.

I'm so sorry that happened to you! I can totally empathize and as silly as it sounds to us to say out loud, having something like that done to you without your permission is quite a shock (to say the least) but also is normal to be upset. Don't get me started on the psychological reasons why many women do something dramatic to hair due to "grief" of some sort and than regret it later... I think almost all of us have been there...

And if it makes you feel any better, I'm growing back (finally just got out of the "short" length) from a (salon induced) botched highlighting that ended with my hair turn to mush (like gum!) and mostly just fall out... Waist length to Nose length, just like that! Yes, I cried and Yes, it shattered my confidence for a bit, too.

I agree with the supplements, fish oil (or fish itself) etc. really helps the growth spurts!

[edit on 19-10-2009 by LadySkadi]

I wouldn't mind if you went into the psychological aspects of grief and hair cutting. It would help me at least.

When you went from waist to nose length hair, I'll just bet you felt exactly like I do now. I'm sooooo sorry. But am very glad to hear you got your confidence back. I haven't gotten there yet, but its coming.

Fish oil? Is that a vitamin supplement too? Or do you buy it at the grocers? I never heard of it.

reply to post by Hazelnut


There's a connection to vitamin D deficiency and hair loss, so it should help your hair grow faster to up your D intake. It's also a great vitamin to increase your immune system's efficiency so you'll get a lot of benefits from getting some D3 supplements. Get the D3 2000 IU per tablet and take 2 tablets daily, they're not big pills. I take 2-3 pills a day and not only does my hair grow pretty fast but I haven't had a cold or flu in years. The hair/skin/nails has the rest of the vitamins you need in one dose (vitamin C, A, B, etc.).

edit to add: I take the 2-3 pills all at once in a single dose.

[edit on 19-10-2009 by Orion65]

reply to post by Hazelnut


ah Hazel, I'm so sorry that happened to you!
I went to the hairdresser two weeks ago, I had hair till my waist and ask to cut it at bra-line lenght... she cut it shoulderlengt (a bit shorter then that actually)
I'm not in shock about it, it's different for a change, but everyone else around me is in shock and can't get used to me with short hair.

If it happens a year ago then my guess is that your hair must now be about 12cm in lenght?
Normal hair grows around 1 cm each month. Don't believe the shampoo's and potions that promisse faster growth because they DON'T work.
You can however wash your hair every day and give your head a good massage, that can stimulate the growth a bit.
Another thing that stimulates growth is by cutting off a tiny bit of hair every 4-5 weeks or so, and I mean just a tiny bit like one mm, just the tips. (the more you cut your hair, the faster it will grow)

If it comes to our looks, be honest, we can't be objective when looking at ourselfs in a mirror... something different will always look strange to us no matter what it is.
find someone who will be honest about your look, try different styles, use accesoires, maybe a different collor, try to straigten it for a change,... but let someone else judge the result.

I wouldn't mind if you went into the psychological aspects of grief and hair cutting. It would help me at least.

reply to post by Hazelnut

O.k. here goes... (remember, this is generalization)...

What do women do when hardship/tragedy happens? We connect. Of course we may isolate and get depressed, but usually, as women, we have the advantage of being more open to our feelings and talking to others about them. We do this with friends, family members, other women, and partners. We are all subject to challenges and problems going on in the world around us, and no one is immune. Even in "good times" when there is less personal stress, we must all cope with the uncertainty of life's ups and downs, such as the threat of war, financial crisis, global warming, and disease (sorry, too much time on ATS.)

Grief is a natural part of the process of recovering from loss, whether it be a tangible loss, like death, or a less tangible loss, like loss of trust or faith in someone or something. Traumatic experiences bring complex grief, because there is a general loss of security and safety at the time of the trauma. It is better to feel grief than to shut down and push those feelings away, but this may need to happen very slowly and carefully depending on the depth of the loss. Everyone has their own way of grieving even though there are stages of grief you may have heard about--denial, bargaining, depression, acceptance, etc.
_________________________________________________________________

How does that all connect to why women cut (or color, or whatever) their hair when they are faced with grief? (whatever the level)... it depends on the woman. Some may feel the need for a dramatic change, something that is distinctly different from who/what they were before, perhaps as a means to put behind them that which they are trying to move on from. If it's a relationship thing (break up) those feelings of loss and sadness could spur the need to "make it better" all at once and can be falsely transferred to outer appearance, rather than facing the (above mentioned stages of grief) and giving the self space to get through them. It's the need for a quick fix, the need to make things "better" now...

There are other reasons too; the spiritual reasons (in some cultures) of cutting one's hair to honor a death, or in some cases the belief that cutting away the "past" which can be layered in the hair, is a means to start anew... a closure, in a sense. I would venture a guess that this is not the norm, though.
_________________________________________________________________

As to why some would be so upset to have lost their hair, not of their own accord, one would need to really examine what that means to them. How do you define yourself and how much is your hair part of that definition. Bottom line is that you lost something you consider a part of yourself... grounds for grief and loss (as far as I'm concerned) and valid feelings.

*Sorry, I know that went really long*



[edit on 19-10-2009 by LadySkadi]

Sorry about your hair. What a bummer.

My bangs were too long and getting in my eyes and my beauty appointment was two week away.

I figured I could just trim the bangs enough that they would not keep blinding me. Well, it looked terrible.

When I went to the beauty shop I wanted my bangs corrected and the ends trimmed on the rest of my hair.

Needless to say I got a short haircut. I was devastated. I was in shock.

I felt like I had been raped. I liked my hair and I liked feeling it fall on my back. Then, poof, it's gone.

Many women and men consider their hair to be very personal and when it is abused it's very depressing. I wanted to shave the girls head that cut my hair. But I did nothing.

Thankfully that was 4 years ago and I have found a hair cutter that loves long hair and does just what I request. I tip her well.

So sorry you had to experience having your hair molested.

When I was a child I started to grow my hair and loved to have it long. My mother knew how much it meant to me and used to traumatise me by threatening to take me to get it cut if I was naughty.

I had a complete phobia after I grew up, but there came a time when my hair was in a poor condition so I had it cut short. I coped well and went through a time of experimentation with shorter and shorter lengths.

Eventually, I decided to face one of my worst fears head on and, with the help of a friend, shaved the lot off. I wore a wig until it grew back again. In my mind, it was like sticking two fingers up at my mum as well as overcoming a phobia. Even though she was dead by then, that was one hold she'd had over me that I'd completely broken.

If you can, try to see it as a challenge. Even with your hair shorter than you'd like it, you are still you. Although, it might not feel like it.

Perhaps a cheaper option than a weave would be one of those Alice bands with long hair attached? I've seen girls on TV with hair extensions that they just clip in, too.

I read somewhere that if you cut your hair while the moon is waxing it will grow faster than if you cut it when the moon is waning. So, if you follow GypsK's suggestion, just be aware of the phase of the moon when you trim it.

I'm sure you can make this work for you. Have you thought about changing your make-up or clothes and going for a completely new look?

Ah, the clothes and make-up suggestion, Yes, that is a good one.

*Funny story*

Shortly after I had that experience in the salon, I was complaining to my dad about feeling "like a boy" with my hair so short and he says to me:
"put a dress on, you won't look like a boy"...

WHAT?

Gee, thanks pop! Some support (he just didn't get it)... it was pretty funny, actually...

reply to post by Hazelnut

Can someone help me understand why, when I should have been madder than a hatter, I reacted completely outside my normal disposition? Instead of laying into her, I cried. I still can't stop crying. A year later and I'm still emotionally distraught.

I'm sorry to hear about your father

I know what it's like to spend a lot of time in the ICU

you cried because you needed to cry - and a year is not that much time - not really

when you said that you're not a person that normally cries - that's a real clue

grief can be a very confusing thing for many people - it was for me

it can make you look at yourself in a whole new way - because your reactions are not always what you would expect

something you should remember - watching someone you love die is traumatic - the effects of trauma are not something that just disappear when the event is over

they can stay with you for years - the best we can all do sometimes is to find ways to live with it - I personally don't believe in trying to make it go away

allow yourself time to grieve - however long that takes - it's different for everybody

my personal experience is that the more you tell yourself you should be over something, the more you deny yourself that time you need to really grieve - the longer it lasts

also - hair is personal - it's your identity - a botched haircut is a small thing in the grander scheme of things

but it's hard to accept even when everything in your life is fine - let alone when you're not feeling your strongest

This is why I never go in for a just a trim. I like growing my hair long from time to time, but I will leave it long and not get it cut for a good while maybe a year or so.

If/When I get fed up with it I go in and ask them it shave it all off so I'm not left waiting a few weeks for a horrible haircut to turn into a bad haircut or having to go in and get another one. I go in expecting a smooth head and thats what I get no surprise.

Suppose its harder for girls becuase its not really "normal" for a girl to shave her head. People always ask me why I get my head shaved instead of a trim, this story is a perfect example of why.

reply to post by Spiramirabilis


I haven't replied to your post because, well I don't know why. I read what you wrote and understood what you were saying, I just couldn't think of anything to say. You are right. I'm still grieving.

I lost my step-father, mother, father-in-law and father in less than three years. Not to mention my dog who also died. And my oldest daughter became an addict & lost her children. Its been hard to digest all of that. Maybe that's why I cut my bangs - to achieve some control over something.

I truly appreciate your post and read it often. Thank you.

reply to post by Irishwolf


I hear you. I keep threatening to shave my head and wear a wig but my hubby won't go along with the plan. He thinks I'm beautiful no matter how ugly I think I am.

reply to post by Hazelnut


I knew - I know

there's no way this won't sound simplistic and obvious - but try and take care of yourself - you've been through a lot

a lot

getting back to hair - here's something - every time I've cut my hair - and I mean really cut it - it was after something traumatic - I've heard many other women say the same thing - death, illness, divorce - so - it's about more than just the hair

next - you look better than you think you do - it's just the way it works

finally - no matter how tempting - never shave your head

:-)

Originally posted by Spiramirabilis
reply to post by Hazelnut

 

I knew - I know

there's no way this won't sound simplistic and obvious - but try and take care of yourself - you've been through a lot

a lot

getting back to hair - here's something - every time I've cut my hair - and I mean really cut it - it was after something traumatic - I've heard many other women say the same thing - death, illness, divorce - so - it's about more than just the hair

next - you look better than you think you do - it's just the way it works

finally - no matter how tempting - never shave your head

:-)

Is there a "bust out laughing" icon over there ------>

I wonder why women are so affected by their hair? Before my butchered haircut, it took me seven whole years to grow it out from a series of horrible botch jobs. I was so patient with it (not really) and went to work looking unprofessional for quite awhile. But it was worth it. I finally had the ponytail I always wanted. So, when it was gone all at once, I sort of freaked out mentally. I never associated grief with it even though I'm the one that cut it in the first place. It was stupid of me. I was too embarrassed to go to my hairdresser so I chose a cheap chain store instead. Boy was that a mistake! :shk:

reply to post by Hazelnut

One step at a time...

*Here's me sending you good thoughts and best wishes*