Is this what not contacting them does?

A little refresh or to the new people who dont know my story, I am over 3 weeks of NCR (No Contact Rule) and over a month of us being broken up. My x-gf ended it with me after 5.5 years saying shes doing this because weve been together since we were 15 years old and that wee need to experience life without eachother in order to be strong in the end. She doesnt expect me to wait for her and i wont wait for her(even if she did want i wouldnt lol), and expects us to both see other people eventually. when she ended it she also said she knows we will get married and be together in end we just need time apart first. She doesnt have an estimation as to how long it would be. I continued to talk to her for a week after we broke up, and after a week i started NCR and there hasnt been any comunication between us since. She hasnt tried to contact me either.

So it was one of my friends b-day on saturday but they knew from 2 weeks ago that i was not going to come because i had an exam on the sunday morning after. What happened was that 2 weeks ago they asked me if they could invite my ex-gf to the b-day. I told them they could do what they want but if she comes i would like to know because i may not. But when they told me the date i knew i couldnt go cuz of my test the next day so i told them you matters well invite her i wont be there anyways. So that party was saturday and she eneded up going, it was at a club. I have asked all my friends never to give me updates on my ex and never to tell me if they see her anywhere including with another guy. I made an exception for this since i already knew she would be going. My friend told me she didnt do anything bad and enjoyed the night like she would have as if we were still together. She didnt go crazy or do stuff with other guys etc but still seemed happy and all. She did however talk to my friend about me and her for a couple of things. She didnt talk to him about it once, but brought different things up about me and her throughout the night. but its like she only talked about us, she still enjoyed the night. She asked him how i was doing and he said i was doing good. When he said this to her she said "really because he hasnt called me" and apparently had a mad/disappointed look on her face. He told her it was tough in the beginning for me but that now i am better. Because she seemed to have wanted me to call He told her "well isnt that the point, that you guys not talk" and she told him "i guess your right". She also asked him if i was dating. He said no and asked her the same thing and she said no. She even retold him the story of how she did this cuz weve been together since we were young and knows she will marry me and get back. SHE ACTUALLY SAID THE MARIAGE THING TO MY FRIEND. she also asked him if she thinks id be her friend because she thinks i wouldnt want to. My friend just said well maybe eventually but for sure not now cuz its too early. She again said "i guess your right". She even asked two of my friends if they hated her now and even asked one of them if he is taking my side. They both told her no they dont hate her, and of course they are going to take my side. (i didnt even know there was a side to take, so i dont know what shes talking about there). My friend also said hes on the side of us getting back together lol. She also told one of my friends shes happy hes there for me. Also, in the beginning of the nite she asked my friend if i was comming and he said no, and she told him "ya cuz he has an exam", so i guess the b-day girl told her when she invited her to come. The final thing is when my friend asked her "how are you" she didnt say i miss him and its been hard but basically she didnt give the usual answer and hinted that theres something different. When she broke up with me i told her shes risking us never getting back cuz i told her i dont think we would and she told me thats the risk shes willing to take.

does anyone have any advice or comment on this?

reply to post by Brent08


Are you going to do a thread on every aspect of A relationship that ended ?
it's over... your obsessing
move on

sounds like a mis-communication thing now.

I hate to say it, but I would agree with the person above me (moving on that is).

That's the problem I'm running into, the said person breaks up with you and then they (or yourself sometimes), think "Okay, we can still be friends with each other and talk and everything will still be fine". They act as if you can recover within a day, which is not true.

And here lies a catch-22: she expects you to call her, and you expect her to call you. Therefore, neither of you call. I still wouldn't call her, because this is almost like a control-thing. She, no offense, is starting to sound a little crazy.

And like in that last thread, if "she really wanted to be in a relationship with you, she would have never tried the experiment" (currently the last post from someone in there). I am truly sorry for saying these things, but this comes from personal experience.

I apologize for the negative tone, but it's been a rough weekend (faithful pet for 10 years got hit by a car saturday, and I found out about it on sunday). It appears this sadness crept into my wording. Forgive me for it.

I think this proves that you were absolutely right to have the 'no contact' rule.

Hearing about her and what she had to say has completely unsettled you and you are in the position now of trying to read things into what she said to your friends.

Do you feel that you were better off before, when you knew nothing about what she was doing or saying?

I read your first thread about this and was in two minds about responding. In some ways, I think she had a fair point. You were both very young when you first got together and there may be some things that you could do separately to help you grow as individual people.

Having said that, there are masses of things in the world you could have been happy discovering together.

I do wonder if her decision could be put down to her age and lack of maturity. She may have no idea of how hurt you are, or how confusing her behaviour is.

She has certainly taken a lot for granted. Do you want to be with someone now, or in the future, who takes it as a given that you will be there when it suits them and regardless of whether or not it suits you?

I hope you can find your happy ending. You know, if it takes a few years and she comes back to you a more mature and considerate person it might make all this worth while. Generally speaking, people do improve with age. They get a few of their rough edges smoothed over and they suffer a few knocks which makes them more able to see the other person's point of view.

But she should know that she will be lucky if you are available. By the time she's ready to come back you may have found someone who dearly loves you, right then 'while the iron is hot'.

Take this time to get to know yourself and try and see it as an opportunity to learn who you are and what you want to do with your life. It probably will be tough, but learning to be your own best friend is a lesson well worth the effort.

Sorry op it sounds like she wants her own dating freedom but wants you pining for her waiting till she's had her fill? Move on with someone who's not so selfish. Life is short and love is rare give it to someone who knows it's worth. If you want to hurry things up start dating- she'll soon make up her mind who and what she wants then.

my advice to you is exactly the same as the last thread.
Go read it again...hurry
Let me give you a wake up call.

1. Why did she end your relationship ?
fidelity....did she cheat on you ? multiple times ?
If she cheated on you she won't tell you,not right away.
She won't tell you till you kick her to the curb.

Now if your woman ended your relationship,it's over.
IT'S OVER !!!
ACCEPT THAT !!
She is no longer that woman.

My advice is to go on dates with other woman. why ?

Because that biotch broke up with you.
and now she doesn't want you to be happy again for the rest of your life.
or she's going to manipulate your life every chance she gets.

Almost every woman I went out with ,I went out with twice. why?
Because when they break up with me,there is somebody else.
I concentrate on the relationship
Because I don't cheat, and I take a break...
The idiot gets a chance to come back.
Which is a mistake 99% of the time
I always hear the same crap. I miss you, I still love you blah blah blah


I can't ever remember,the countless number of times A woman told me she's going break up with someone(they hint about being with me)
so I know before you do, your relationship is over.
Sometimes months before it happens.
99% of time I won't have A relation with those woman. why ?
fidelity issues
honesty issues
I tell them do what ever the hell they want,but I won't even date you for at least 30 days. When they do break up,their with someone else within a week.

There is large herd of woman that don't want to be without a possible relationship.They shift from one guy to the next.

I don't want to be alone is their mantra.

Woman shop around for another man.

Some of them try to steal a man !


Go out on dates. Be social

When she told you to move on,that was her subconscious warning you.
Heed that warning or your suffering for it !!!!

[edit on 14-10-2009 by The Utopian Penguin]

Ya, what the penguin said....

One of the better posts on relationships I have read.

I would think long and hard about what he has said here, read and re read, it will save you a lot of grief.

My 2 cents.....

theyr all right man,a women never ends a relationshp just couse she wants a little time off,she is just going to strangle you along,so dump her,hurt her if you must,by showing her your new cute gf (: trust me
i edned a two year cyber stalker relationship and im feeling alot better,my luck has gone up: found a cool job,new cute neibhoor girls,blablabla
just do yourself a favor and loose her,ERASE her completly...liek your a machine

She wants to have her cake and eat it too.

You just have to decide if you're serving and want everyone to have a slice.

If you don't, well, the decision is made for you, isn't it? Move on.

(of course, by obsessing, you may still have a no contact rule, but you really need a "no thinking about you" rule... get another significant other and move on is my advice...(you asked for it...)

reply to post by Brent08


OK I have been with the same man since I was 15 too and TRUST me if she needs space now. let her HAVE it. For what ever reason and as long as it takes. If you guys end up not back together it was meant to be otherwise maybe you will be happier in the end anyways. I am not going into details but not experiencing the things you are supposed to when young can make for a very hard future, for both of you. Just TRUST me and go on and LIVE while you can. Go have fun, talk to other girls, hang out with them, find out who YOU are and what YOU want. You are so young I hope you heed my advice, I mean don't go buck wild and get a rash or anything but experience life without her for awhile. It will be the best for both of you in the end regardless of what that end is. Your future children will thank you too. TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!

(i didnt even know there was a side to take, so i dont know what shes talking about there)

I think you do know.

Riley nailed it.

I think she was looking for a Bigger Better Deal and is coming to the conclusion that there is no BBD in sight, and I'd move on. She did it to you once, she'll do it to you again.



[edit on 12/11/09 by PSUSA]

my advise would be


Man up & grow some balls

If she decides she cant find someone else she will come back to you & a few months later she'll do it to you again.
Take your mind off her date afew people, but nothing serious & you will meet someone who will treat you as an equal & not walk all over you.

Eat, Drink & be merry