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How much, should we care about others Judgement?

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posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 12:24 PM
In life, we often have situations, where others will try and influence your decsion making. By telling you, what their judgement is, and how you should handle the situation. Often, this can be a great word of advice. But also at times, they can percieve things wrong, and not know, the things you know.
I am sure, we all know some of these situations in life, at one point we all deal with this, I believe.

My question just is, How much do you let yourself be influenced in your choice making by other people.
With other people I mean: Friends, Family, Parents, and others that come to mind.

One last bonus question, for who feels up for it:
At my 18 years old, I came to a point in life, I am in a rocky situation..
It comes down to this: I love a girl, and she means the world for me, but my parents hate her, cause they percieve things wrongly. Well she did do things wrong, but its complicated, and she is a good girl, but they will not see past her mistakes of the past. And try and force me, to break contact with her for this reason.
So it comes down to this.. Or the girl, that I believe in. Or my parents, cause I believe if I choose the girl, they will not support me in it.
But yeah, my parents, dont realy understand me, and its been a rocky relationship for the last months, so yeah, anyone that wants to share their advice, opinion, feel free too ;D

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 12:36 PM
The LAST thing I want to hear is someone else's judgment.
I don't give a rats patootie.
Now, if they wish to share an opinion, words of wisdom based on experience..then they may, and I'll listen and consider.
But don't judge me if I reject your opinion to be applied to my own life and experience.
Unless you are sitting in a court of law, you have no right to judge others.
My decisions are my own to make, and if they turn out to be wrong, then that lesson is for me to learn, and not for others to place judgment.
In life, I have found that those who are so quick to judge the acts of, or find fault with others, are usually the last ones I would ask for advice in the first place.

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 12:45 PM
reply to post by TheFearless

So your parents hate the girl.

And apparently with a bit of justification.

It is a rare incident indeed to have parents tell their children something wrong.

You're 18. When I was 18, my parents were the biggest dumbasses in my life. They didn't understand diddly squat. They wouldn't even consider the nuances of a situation.

I finally started getting a little bit of sense in my early twenties, but of course that is debateable.

Sure enough, that little girl I was crazy about, who was beautiful beyond belief, turned out to be no damned good.

There is something they see, that they've likely seen hundreds of times before - that you haven't - that they are certain is detrimental to you.

You're still young, and you can take this to the bank: there's an entire trainload of girls - nice girls - gorgeous girls - that they would be proud for you to hook up with.

Give them the benefit of doubt.

They instinctively know a few things you don't.

They can see things with eyes that you can't.

And rather than piss and moan and feel sorry for yourself, get out and about.

One other little secret. That ONE, that very special girl - you'll likely find her the moment you quit actively searching.

It's the damnedest thing.

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 12:47 PM

Originally posted by TheFearless

My question just is, How much do you let yourself be influenced in your choice making by other people.
With other people I mean: Friends, Family, Parents, and others that come to mind.

In the end, it boils down to this: listen and hear and learn what other peoples perceptions are and then make your own decision based on what you believe is ultimately, the best for you.

This is, of course, my opinion

[edit on 10-10-2009 by LadySkadi]

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 12:50 PM
I think one of the most important lessons one can learn in life is not to live your life in fear of what others think. Granted, one must understand that strong ethics and personal morals help make great decisions and ethics and morals are usually learned from others (eg. parents, society, church, etc....).

The OP states he is 18 years old. Considering the tender age, it would be wise to try to look at the situation from the parents' point of view....they most likely have lots more experience in reading people and understanding human behavior. But, in the end, one must make one's own decisions about who to date, who to be friends with and how to live life.

If the person understands the implications of their actions (eg. is something illegal, immoral, mean to someone else....) they can make decisions knowing what consequences may arise.

The bottom a good life, don't worry about what others think but be prepared for the consequences of your decisions!

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 01:14 PM
How far will you go before you question the object of your desires?

i had a teacher that once stated "those who have the NO FEAR sticker on their cars, actually have lots to fear, hence the denial."

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 01:27 PM
reply to post by TheFearless

Honestly, you shouldn't take anyone's advice but your own.

In regards to your girl situation, I was in a similar situation, sort of...

If you love her and she love's you, then who cares what other people think. They aren't living your life for you nor should you allow them to lead your life. It's yours to do as you please with it.

Your family will get over it eventually, well at least our two families did.

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 01:42 PM
Reply to post by TheFearless

Sounds like you have love goggles on.

Posted Via ATS Mobile:

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 01:45 PM
reply to post by TheFearless

Interesting question. I would say that you should NOT at all base any opinion or behaviour on the judgment of others.

Take this girl for example. You parents don't know the whole story, so who are they to judge her?

Now if you are doing something that is morally wrong or something that is going to be a detriment to your adulthood later on, then yes I would say listen to those who are older and close to you as they may provide some excellent advice.

But don't live your life for anybody else but yourself. You will only be making others happy while making yourself miserable.


posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 01:52 PM
Always listen to other peoples judgment because in the least it will give you an insight into their thought process. Try to see where they are coming from, even try to find the rationality and sanity of their viewpoint. However ultimately you should make your own choices based on what you feel and think is the right thing for you. It doesn't matter if in retrospect they were "right" and you were "wrong" because there is no such thing, inevitably you will have learned something which they were in effect trying to prevent you from learning.

So basically beware of people who won't let you make your own choices and mistakes, because they are trying to cripple you and keep you ignorant.

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 01:55 PM
u shouldnt unless ur doing something really terrible but its ur life isnt it?

take it if you think it will help u and dont if its not helping u.

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 01:59 PM
People absolutely wrecked my life with mind control,a nd deciding i could not live the life i wanted. My words are up yours, to those people, your ffing stupid dumb people, i was proven right, and you people should of stayed out of my life.

Its ok for friends to give you advice, when you ask for it, or choose for them too, but not for dunce people using mind control to wreck your life moments just because they want to wreck you.

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 02:16 PM
reply to post by TheFearless

When I was 15, I had a crush on a girl that was not good for me in the least bit. I was young and nieve, looking for attention in the wrong places like they said. I pursed a relationship with this girl for 6 months, and during that time, my parents (whom I thought at the time were complete idiots who didn't understand) clamped down on my life so hard and took everything away to the point where they were going to make me quit my job. Politically, my life had turned into a police state and my mother was the Authoritarian chancellor. It seemed like such a terrible time, like they didn't understand my motives and didn't understand me. It felt like they were just trying to turn my life into a # hole because they hated me. I couldn't of been more wrong.

After six months were I lost a lot of my material possessions and trust with my parents, it finally got so bad and restrictive at home that I decided to break up with the girl. Best decision of my life to date. I want to let you know that your parents know so much more than you in general life experience no matter what age you are. You are given parents for a reason, even if you are 18. Your parents will not like your girlfriend because they want to get back at you or make your life hard. Your parents are married, they know what it's like to date and they know what it's like to be in a relationship. They probably have some good reasons to not like this female in the same way my parents did mine. I know that in my situation I was much younger than you, but the concept still stands: Parents know what is best.

If life was like a landscape, your parents would be up in a balloon, looking down and seeing the entire picture while you on the ground could only see a certain field of view in front of you. They can determine where your path may lead before you even see it.

Take what you will from what you said but always respect your parents.

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 02:45 PM
reply to post by For(Home)Country

Well, in argument, neither side of the family initially liked either of us being together and both sides gave some valid reasons based on each of their own perspectives. Our relationship had proved their thoughts as wrong.

Granted parents have more life experience than young adults just starting out in life, it doesn't always mean that life experience will be just as valid for their kids. Everyone is an individual with their own individual thoughts and experiences and should base their decisions ultimately upon that foundation,just as me and my wife had done.

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 02:58 PM
Hear the advice, and if your gut tells you there may be something to it, then there might be? You should at least hear your parents out, because they most likely have your best interests in mind, and they don't want to see you hurt, if it should go south with your significant other. Your parents have wisdom beyond your years, and as such, you can at least give them an ear. With respect, explain to them how you feel about this girl and go from there. Be honest with them.

I have another alternative, maybe you and your girlfriend should have dinner together and talk things over. If your parents are serious, then they can at least hear you out as well and your girlfriend. You would be amazed how far decent conversation can go. Good luck!

posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 03:11 PM
The amount of "listen to your parents" posts here..shock me.
Iam willing to bet that none of you at age 18 listened to your parents. DID YOU?
18 is adult where I live, and you are free to make your own choices.
That is part of life, learning lessons from mistakes you made.
Your parents can offer guidance and hope that you make a decision that is best for you, but ultimately it is just that- YOUR DECISION, better or worse.
Parents have life experience, yes..but it is their own, gleaned through making their own choices and their own mistakes.
It's good that you ask others opinions OP, and yes, respect for your parents is not a bad thing...but they also need to respect you.
It's a two way street.

posted on Oct, 11 2009 @ 12:23 AM
reply to post by sirnex

Not to pick a religious debate, but from judging your signature, I wouldn't expect you to understand what it means to abide by someone elses rules, sacrificing your own fleshy desires for the ultimate good of yourself and others. Self-fulfilment is not always the way to an optimum life. Individualism is what is going to kill us all. People call out, desiring to be recognized as individuals, then we ask ourselves to unite against those that oppress us. Choose a side.

posted on Oct, 11 2009 @ 02:22 AM
Isn't the paranox of giving the advice of not listening to other's advice going on here a bit amusing?
Just noticing.....

posted on Oct, 11 2009 @ 02:50 AM
Everyone is flawed.

That is why we should not care about the judgement of others.

Care only about your own life, and how you treat people and animals. and yourself.

posted on Oct, 11 2009 @ 02:52 AM
reply to post by spellbound

Ah but to truly transcend our flaws *since we all do not have the same flaws* we need another viewpoint to help us see the whole picture.

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