As you may recall, I have written before about my horrid relationship with my grandfather and my longing to patch things up. As a bit of a reminder
here are the two threads I wrote, involving my relationship with him.
Through out the years I have been subject to emotional abuse from my Grandfather. I felt that when he was around I had to just stay out of the way and
even hide in the other room until he was gone.
Many times he pushed to far and I would get in his face, and curse and scream, and then I would become more frustrated as he would be truly surprised
that I was acting that way. You see, he truly did not think he was doing anything wrong.
If you told him that he hurt your feelings he would get a look on his face that one might get if some one had just told him that a flying squirrel
was doing a tap dance in the back yard... In other words a look of utter disbelief and confusion.... A look that I wanted to slap off of his face many
For the most part I have given up hope that he would ever be sorry. That he would ever care. That he would ever want to repair our relationship. But
in all honesty, I always hung on to that little bit of hope.... Just in case. Ultimately though, he has gone his own way and I have gone mine.
Yet just when I am ready to give up even that last little bit of hope, I get a call. He has something wishes to share with me but he wants to do it in
person. I almost said no and called him a bad name for even calling me, but something told me to listen. Go to him and listen. And I did.
When I arrived he was on the couch as usual and looked some what nervous, as if he was worried about something. I sat down and in a rather cold voice
I asked " Well, what do you want?"
He let out a sigh, took a deep breath and sighed again. He began to speak of our relationship. Telling how he has thought of me lately and how he
wants to make things better between us.
My first instinct was to react with anger. How dare he pull this now? After all these years of denying their was ever a problem. Of hurting me. Of
causing me so much pain.
Before I had a chance to respond though he added, " I'm sorry". I was caught so far off guard, I just did not know what to think. In a low,
restrained voice, all I could manage to say was "What?"
He repeated himself, "I'm sorry". For what!?, I asked. I knew damn well, for what but I wanted to hear him say it. This was bringing up so many
emotions and truthfully I was on the verge of balling my eyes out because I was so upset and yet some how relieved to hear those words.
He told me how he was getting older and he wanted to apologize before it was too late. He knows know that the way he treated me was wrong but was so
afraid to admit that he had done wrong.
After all, he grew up in a family where a man had to be perfect. He was not allowed to make a mistake. And if he did something to wrong another
person, well then that would mean he was not perfect and if he was not perfect then he has failed his family. At least, that is how he looked at
I told him that I had wrote about our relationship and shared my writings with him, telling him that I have wanted so much to have a good relationship
with him and how glad I am that he wants a relationship with me. This is a new beginning for my grandfather and I. We still have a lot to work out but
this is a start and I will take it.
I have been told before that I was more like a lot like my grandpa, and that used to piss me off so bad, because when I thought of him I though of an
abuser, and that is one thing I am not.
But I guess in a way we are alike. We are both stubborn as can be. We both want everything done our way and we both refuse to back down.
Unfortunately that stubbornness may have been the one thing that was keeping us from getting over our issues and having a good relationship.
Fortunately my Grandfather was able to back down just enough to get our relationship heading in the right direction...
[edit on 9-10-2009 by gimme_some_truth]