Can Someone Help Me? Is This Real?

Hello ATS, thank you for clicking on this thread, First I would like to say that im fairly new to the ATS community, So bare with me.

A little info about me so you can sort of see things from my perspective, im 20, male, i have had a life that im sure if i told you, you may not believe me, you may feel sorry for me, you may even want to help me some how, perhaps if this thread goes anywhere, ill add addition info as needed.

so heres the facts: im a paranoid schizophrenic, my mom is bipolar (and she has had brain surgery, but you would never know!) my dad was absent from my life for 15 years, he was addicted to Meth for some insane amount of years, and pretty much it was a huge trip for him, until God literally came and pulled him out of it. (Glory be to God!) [I do not believe in any religion, for they are all man made, but I do have a strong FAITH in God.]

so here I am, surfing ATS forums, watching movies, reading the messages of awakening, and lies and deception. The NWO, the clues of it all around us. And yes, ALOT of it makes sense, and alot of it FITS, but is it real? is all this stuff im reading on here about the corruption of bankers, the planning of it all, the federal reserve, is all this real?

9/11 wasnt what they portrayed it to be? (I always thought it was) But I mean, so many of us come to these forums everyday not just to see the new "headline" news about what "may" be happening, but deep down inside, were here to see if this is REAL, and if it is, what the flut can we do about it?

I mean, im sorry I really cant speak for people, but I have a hard time everyday just getting motivated to do anything because my brain keeps saying that none of it matters because its all pre determined, that any progress made on this worldly level would be wasted effort, the enslavement to money, cars, all the things normal people want all mean nothing to me.

Its crazy to because it seems to be working out just fine, and now that I look back on it, it only got messed up when I altered things. (life that is) But what do I do? im stuck here in my mind, on my own little planet, looking down on all of earth, but putting everything here on it before me, above me, always loving, always caring for the other, never myself, why cant I progress, what is it that is coming, how can I prepare for it?

As crazy as it may seem, I ask myself ALOT of questions because SOMETIMES my mind gives me answers, it seems to do it more when my mind is thinking on different wavelengths, but sometimes I get this weird morphing effect in my mind and i feel like im traveling back and forth between very distance points, very fast, but my mind is going UP and DOWN, I start to feel almost sea sick.

I honestly feel that there is no such thing as coincidence, I dont believe in the big bang, i believe the universe is INFINITE in time AND space. My Idea of infinite in time and space is like this, infinite time, ofcourse living for EVER, death is merely a change in form. Infinite space, meaning you can travel forever, as far and as wide as you can go, in theory you would have enough "time" to go to everyplace, but since space did not "cease" we have a great paradox.

My brain thinks about BOTH positive and negative simultaneously. I feel an equal tug between good and evil. The "devil" tempts me all day and night, yes "God" always answers my prayers. Yes, he has answered EVERY one of my prayers, yes I will pray for you.

If there are any analytical types reading this, please help me sift through these thoughts, because I dont know if this is even real.

You're thinkin too much about it.. Smell some flowers, bake in the sun... roll in the snow. take you're mother out for dinner.

Just enjoy it. And when its you're time.. Its you're time.

At this point there is TRULY nothing you can do to stop whats ahead, just enjoy life as much as possible while you can.

reply to post by Codazzle


I dont think all of life is pre-determined, but I do think that some of it is and when we come to a fork in the road, God lets us choose which road we want to take.
I believe in God very much too. One example, I was working outside of a bank one day and this woman lost control of her car and it came toward me, but for some reason I couldnt move. The driver was doing her best not to hit me and she didnt!! The back end of her car just barely touched lthe wall of the bank, it didnt even knock the stucco off!!! As for me, the car missed me by an inch or so. When its your turn, its your turn.

But if you want to pray for me go right ahead, I will do the same for you too....

I'm fairly sane, I think, but I can relate to allot of what you said, and I do believe it is real.
I get told I over think things to much all the time. That's just how my brain works.
I have a theory, being that I came from a similar background, being exposed to several cultures such as the the drug culture and and mental illness culture, can have 2 effects. You are forced to be more aware, but it is to much so you force your self asleep and sink into a state of litteral dumbness, or you embrace the awareness, despite the pain, anger and fear involved. With an ilnness like yours one can only imagine that it would be natural to doubt, but you have come to the right place.
Since you believe in God, I would pray for clarity and for sensitivity to his spirit, I believe Gods spirit can help you "feel" when something isn't right.

Hi Codazzle,

I know it can be hard sometimes. I go through the very same thing Myself.
We are the watchers of the grand conspiracy. We sit, praying, hoping that the end product will be a loving one. A Utopia of peace for all Mankind.

Currently there are lots of negative energies flying around the world today. Be it from individual consciousness or group consciousness. These energies manifest from our thoughts first and are then projected in to the outer world and form our realities.

Like many things in life what you put in usually concludes what comes out.

This being said the energies that TPTB project into our realities is evidently one of negativity.
This negative energy is what we digest, what we accept as being the truth.

The media is society's conscience. What the mainstream are led to believe by TPTB through the media is digested by a lost and abondoned world. Many of these people our brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers are normally easily conditioned. There are some that are strong enough to form mental barriers against the psychological abuse the media force feed us.

Ultimatly the majority rule and thus the media are able to steer and direct the course of humanity throught subliminal programming.

At present TPTB are hoping to fulfil one of their so called mottos by using the media to create choas in the world. By doing this TPTB can then establish their new world "Order".

This is why the majority of us look at the planet and see it filled with destructive beings. The world is rife with chaos.

This however does not mean that it is not full of good people.

Simply that we accept a world view given to us and use this as a template through which we see each other.

I guess it is a question of both knowldge and faith.

When you have amassed enough of both i truely believe you can set yourself free.

We first need to know what is going on in the world. What powers operate and control. Once we begin to build a picture of these powers through such sites as ATS our minds try to accept the overall visions inprinted on our psyches. We can choose to see it through the blue print of ATS or the blue print of loving faith.

In fact you can choose to see it however you wish. You control your own blueprint. Something TPTB fight hard to make us iggnorant of.

Conditioning us through the fear of losing all we percieve to be of value and by doing so we accept their blueprint in hope of a better world.

This is why faith is important. It is the only force that will accept all the conspiracies we manifest and still look upon us like a loving mother would her child.

With tolerence and forgivness and more importantly with love.

This faith is the only light we need to bring into our worlds.
Anything else and it is a contaminated faith.

When we learn to exist side by side in this world with this world view it will mark a time of great change.

We will have evolved together as a humanity and look back on how young and immature our previous world view truely was.

The more individual we become the more seperated we are.
That is why it is important to remember that there are many many people in the world that are connected to a loving way of thinking that exemplifies the power of faith.

You are never alone. You simply have to reach out consciously and connect to the force and energy of faith that so many of us are part of. It is where we feel at home. In total relaxation and most at ease.

A place of love.

You alone hold the power to the way you wish to see the world.

This does not mean TPTB do not exist just that you choose to live through their controlled experiment looking on them lovingly and with forgivness.

The only way to destroy the demons inside us is to love them.

peace and blessings
spirit

reply to post by Codazzle


Keep the faith brother. Enjoy life. We're a pretty diverse community so always give a yell if you need help. Just relax, though.

If everything is pre-determined then maybe something great is in store for you.

reply to post by Codazzle


I won't read any of the previous replies here until after I've answered because I don't want their responses to color my own.

Listen, you see the patterns. This is the time when you only need to choose between to two poles: your perception of Good and your perception of Evil. Both will bring you certain trials, certain rewards. Make your decision and do not sway from it. Make the decision based on what your heart tells you is right for you - not based on what others tell you is right. When you know your heart, you know God and God doesn't have a right and wrong. All that is, is. God is everything so how can anything be right or wrong? Learn to trust yourself. I'm firmly convinced that schizophrenics aren't ill "really", they are able to see or perceive things that the rest of us can't. If they aren't given a frame of reference for how to understand these visions, voices and compulsions, they will most certainly have problems, even serious problems dealing with them. Who wouldn't?

So, make your decision and stick with it. Don't sway from your heart's desire and you will be fine. All the very best to you.

reply to post by Codazzle


Hi there. I haven't read any of the replies to this, but I'm writing to you because I can relate to your situation, because I was there myself for many, many years. And I know, it can be terrifying.

I saw the same things you are seeing, and although it's amazing to be able to see and perceive things that others can't, it made me crazy and fearful because I was afraid I was insane. (I was diagnosed bipolar.)

I tried tons of psychiatrists and psych meds, but they didn't help. What finally helped me was homeopathy. There are many remedies that can help people out of these "transcendental" states (some may call them psychotic) that you and I and others experience over and over again.

One homeopathic remedy in particular, is hydrogen (in the homeopathic form). The main feeling for Hydrogen, is that the feels disconnected from the body, but feels at one with the universe...feels connected with everything. It's a great remedy for "schizophrenia." But there are many, many other remedies for schizophrenia and bipolar, too.

I was prescribed quite a few remedies until they finally found the right one, but I finally found a great homeopath who prescribed me a remedy has done, and is still doing miracles for me. I'd be happy to tell you what my remedy is via u2u, but I can't say what it is on the forum, otherwise I'd probably get kicked off! However, remember, that in homeopathy, you can take minute, dilute doses of homeopathic remedies that might be dangerous in regular doses.

Anyway, I'd recommend seeing a homeopath. Many remedies can help you get balanced and grounded and feeling better. It's not that the things you are seeing aren't real....it's that when humans like us perceive these things that others can't, it can be very, very scary.

Also, a really, really good book I'd recommend reading is called "Spiritual Emergency: When personal transformation becomes a crisis' by Dr. Stanislof Grof, MD. He's a psychiatrist, and realized that many people who have been diagnosed as bipolar or schizophrenic are actually having psychic, or spiritual emergencies, and most psychiatrists out there can't tell the difference. Amazing book....I wish I had read it after my first "psychotic break/spiriutual emergency."

Regardless of the diagnoses...bipolar, schizophrenia, or spiritual emergency...I found that homeopathy has been the only thing that was able to cure me.

Hope that helps.



[edit on 6-9-2009 by nikiano]

First, I would like to thank all the people who posted in response to me, even though I crit your faces with a wall of text for over 9000!

All jokes aside now, I appreciate all the help and support from you guy, Ill take everything you all have said into consideration, for I believe that all the answers are right here, infront of our noses.

Thank you all again, and God bless.

reply to post by nikiano


One thing I would like to add to the vote for homeopathy is that you really should spend the time and money (it's not much generally) to have a homeopath do your initial constitutional work-up. This will give you a wealth of information about yourself and help you find your balance again. It's probably the most important part of successful homeopathic treatment, particularly for something like schizophrenia.

Another thing to consider once you are feeling a bit more in balance is to eat according to your blood type. I tried it a few years ago and thought it was absolute rubbish, but that was because I was still too far out of balance so it either did nothing at times or made me feel worse at times. But now that I'm not wobbling off center anymore, I've given it another shot. The reason for this was that the foods prescribed for my blood type are actually the ones that I can feel my body ask for, depending on the season. Wonderful stuff, now that it's applied at the right time.

That's another thing that needs addressing. Food is, to a very great extent, medicine. There is a reason why Mother Nature offers us foods at a particular time of the year at any location on the planet. You are offered what you need at that time and that place. Get your foods locally, straight from the farm if you can. It's worth it. Disassociate yourself from globalization. It has done us great harm on many levels.