Don't Hate Me Because I'm Attractive!

I think my girlfriend is the most beautyful girl in the world and i rarely feel like "checking out" any other girl that passes by, but she comes from a relationship in which she got cheated on so it's a pain to walk around with her. She's ALWAYS using so much energy and getting so negative about any attractive woman we pass by and it's really getting tiresome.

I wish she could have some of the reflective ability of the OP.

Men/women who cheat, have no idea how much damage they're doing to their partner.

reply to post by Greenize


I avoid people as shallow as all of that just on pure principle. Not that I am anything anyone would hate for my looks. But in females I think it has to do with how your gender competes with each other.

Originally posted by aleon1018
reply to post by Greenize

 

She was equally upset, if not more so when I would show up home for lunch when she specifically told me not to during my first break.

My next door neighbor was confused. He said; " Wait... so, you're the husband?"

[edit on 15-7-2009 by aleon1018]

Sometimes a gal just needs alone time. Men don't understand this and often feel threatened by it. But especially if you have kids, a woman just needs that down time, in the house, by herself.

If I go a few weeks without alone time, I will get downright cranky.


[edit on 16-7-2009 by nixie_nox]

reply to post by Greenize



it is entirely based on the FEAR OF LOSS of the one you're with.

but you only have that FEAR OF LOSS of the one you love because you DESIRE them to give you good feelings.

so it's essentially your mind preprogrammed to be aware of the possibility of a chain of events being carried out.. stemming from your spouse's attraction to the other individual... that would eventually potentially lead to you loosing the GOOD FEELINGS THAT YOU DESIRE TO HAVE... that you get from the presence of your spouse in your life.

so it's basically a drug addict growling when someone gets near their stash.
or a dog bearing it's teeth and growling when another dog gets near their food dish.

it's animalistic FEAR BASED GREED at it's finest. .and essentially a Satanic quality.



it's drug addiction .. addicted to the pheromones put of by your spouse.. addiction to the endorphins produced in your brain and endocrine system that stimulate your brain and body when you're with this person...
you don't want to loose that FEELING you experience... so you act like an animal to protect your drugs that are being produced in you.

you don't want another person threatening the continuation of the production of your endorphins and hormones from "love".

that's liiiiterally what's REALLY happening.
sorry to be so blunt..wait no i'm not sorry.

but wait.. let's NOT look at the absolute truth of what I jsut said.. and decide to only go so-far in the analysis of what it actually is.

-

It is a knee jerk reaction left over from nature. Women get jealous of men because they don't want the caveman to leave for a new family and take the resources to provide for that family.

Cavemen get jealous because they don't want their cavewomen copulating with someoen else and waste precious resources on raising dna that isn't his.

Originally posted by JustAThought
I think my girlfriend is the most beautyful girl in the world and i rarely feel like "checking out" any other girl that passes by, but she comes from a relationship in which she got cheated on so it's a pain to walk around with her. She's ALWAYS using so much energy and getting so negative about any attractive woman we pass by and it's really getting tiresome.

I wish she could have some of the reflective ability of the OP.

Men/women who cheat, have no idea how much damage they're doing to their partner.

ain't that the bloody truth!

my current girlfriend, who won't be my girlfriend in approximately 10 months, was cheated on by her ex-husband. A LOT!

I would never cheat because it leaves the other person with an intense amount of emotion baggage that actually takes quite a lot of time to get over and accept.

cheaters are terrible people, period, end of story.

oh, by the way, I am beautiful!

reply to post by nixie_nox


I know what you're saying is true, as I also wanted alone time for myself since I worked long hours and 6 days a week. I'm sure I wasn't able to do her job either.

The message in my post was actually a reference to her boyfriend she wanted alone time with. " Busted"

We were all seeing the same therapist around the same time. He eventually commited suicide. He didn't deserve to die either.

reply to post by prevenge

Thats very true, I had an epiphany months ago that love is just chemical and pheromonal to get you to procreate.
I mean, I believed in love, 3 times, and every one feels like 'the one' and after being cheated on constantly you have to stop believing.

And when you look back, all the moments no longer seem special. So it wasnt love. And the next one will feel the same way. You can literally fall in love with anyone, all it really takes is time spent with them and a few similarites.
Makes you think.

You have all made some very valid points. Thank each of you for your input. I know that I don't look like I did 20 years ago and neither does he...I think that fear maybe part of it as well as insecurity... but hey, thats life!

reply to post by Ridhya


Yup, sad but true..... I have no need for chemical reations in my life anymore unfortunatly...

Being cheated on, lied to, unappreciated and disrespected one too many times has made me a eunich for life I think.....

It is self esteem all the way. Ive was that girl once who was jealous over every single thing that involved another girl. If he had a poster of a girl in his room, ide tear it down. He had a DVD of The Girl Next Door and I literally burned it because it had strippers in it. I was one jealous, no self esteem girl.

Luckily I got over it completely. But it wasnt easy at all. It took alot of time.

[edit on 17-7-2009 by Jess_Undefined]

I think this thread is pretty silly.
So my post will be silly.

Don't be attracted to me because I hate you!

I have lost all of my straight male friends and gay female friends because their girlfriends don't like me. I was never the sort of girlfriend who minded other women, so I don't understand it when other women mind me.

Another point that has always bothered me is this notion of propriety that people develop in relationships. This idea that your significant other's behaviour must now please only you, regardless of what would make them happy.

I don't ascribe to this. Your significant other is a human being who has feelings and drives and emotions and needs. They are not here simply to make you happy. Let them breathe. If they cheat, if they leave you, it's their choice to make. This is also why the term homewrecker makes me uncomfortable -- if your significant other falls for someone else, that doesn't make either one of them a bad person. The idea that duty comes before love is not appealing to me in the least.

[edit on 7/18/09 by BlackOps719]

reply to post by mellisamouse

Awww no dont give up because I have. Im only temporary anyway! I try to fight it but I get attached to people. New one every 2 months. Dont give up there are a couple of us nice guys out here

Originally posted by Jess_Undefined
If he had a poster of a girl in his room, ide tear it down. He had a DVD of The Girl Next Door and I literally burned it because it had strippers in it. I was one jealous, no self esteem girl.

Lmao I have some friend who lost all their room decorations that way

Originally posted by BlackOps719
Do you know that feeling when you pass by a clothing store with a 50% off sign on the door?

Haha women are the Sale for men. Im sold!

reply to post by Greenize


No I usually think " What an a*hole" (the guy) , I might even punch him in the arm. And most definately we'd be through over with a capital O! Oh and one time when someone did that to me I said I hope he loses his eyes. A friend told me not to say that it may happen so I said Okay I hope he loses an eye. Guess what? He did the very same night and I felt like S*** Ever since. But, what is even worse he did almost lose both. I felt really bad, but then again I also felt some kind of satisfaction too, because he was talking to the one's he was ogling. Needless to say I was done with that loser anyway. And nobody should ever put up with that kind of treatment. If they're looking, they are cheating...don't fool yourself. The good ones don't even look because you should be the only one they can see!

could be subconscious hostility and envy. It's a fact that attractive people have it a little easier in life than normal looking people. they get more attention, more favorable initial impressions because of their looks. Get more opportunities handed to them because of their looks. make friends and receive more affection complete to the bias society and humanity allows them because of their looks. they get away with more trouble because of their looks. etc...

SO there could be some deep subconscious aggression towards them, and rightly so.

It's a shame us women don't feel more confident in our bodies.

I had an issue with my husband in our younger years over the same issues. He wasn't a leering man when I was with him, just the quick, sneak-peeks. Some men (most men) have mastered the art of looking at a woman without so much as moving their eyes.

What I thought was funniest was him not knowing I knew. Women know. I didn't care. I was comfortable enough with my body image that I didn't need his approval. No, not a perfect body. Not ever, in comparison to super models. Bigger hips than I liked, but was graced with chest ornaments to match.

But one day I will never forget, my hubby came home nearly green following a quick trip to 7-11. He went in the store, gathered his purchase, and stood behind a woman buying smokes. Apparently, he checked her out from the behind, liked what he saw. And when she left, he set his stuff on the counter and made a comment to the clerk as to "what a fine *ss that woman had".

The clerk informed him that the woman was actually a man, in drag, that stops in every night.

If memory serves, he was careful as to where his eyes wandered forever after that. And to think, all he had to do was keep his mouth closed and his eyes open.

reply to post by ldyserenity


That is a terrible story.


A beautiful woman catches eyes from both sex. What's the big deal.

I look at 1,000 people every day. Some of them are more attractive than others.

To wish a person blind over a look is terrible. How many people a day do you look at?

Typical psycho delusional girlfriend.

Originally posted by Greenize
reply to post by kyred

 

What a great response!! Your wife is very lucky!!

As I said before, my husband tells me everyday that I am beautiful, and we have been married for 24 years, but I still don't like it when I see him staring at another woman!

Speaking from a personal point of view, when I ask many of my male friends (in relationships) about looking at other girls, I generally get the same answer.

The guys are wondering/thinking/imagining what it would be like to have Sex with her.

If your guy is starring at an attractive girl, I would bet any money you like, he is thinking "what's she like in bed".

Sometimes a long stare/look can be due to working out if she really is that attractive/cute/fit enough to meet the guys desires.

Even though your guy may love you and tell you everyday how wonderful/beautiful/sexy/intelligent/etc etc you are, he would still enjoy sex with the girls/women he stares at 'given half a chance and if he would not get caught'.

The guys who generally do not cheat on their partners are the guys who have already been caught cheating, possibly in a previous relationship and really do not want all the agro involved in getting caught again.

Children play a role to a point, with regard to guys being faithful but as the shine wears off a relationship and sex becomes more routine, men (and women) look for some fun, even if it is just a fleeting thought about him with 'her'.

Sorry if it's not the answer you were looking for but I am being honest from a guys POV.

Regards