Originally appeared in "What really happened to Monroe and Presley" by JustAnIllusion, the Goddess of Truth (I felt guilty mocking the
Goddess of Truth)
I'm just going to borrow your signature for this one, OK Smirkley? Thanks!
ALL TRUTH PASSES THROUGH THREE STAGES:
FIRST it is ridiculed; SECOND, it is violently opposed; THIRD, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Ok, so MM and JFK were hookin' up on a regular basis, right, and Jackie O' really didn't care, she was the first lady, and that was enough for her.
Anyway, What I think happened was ol' JFK got MM knocked up, and since MM was so
in love with JFK, she really wanted to keep the baby. Well,
JFK's a really
good Catholic, right, and not only that, but the first (I think) Catholic president ever, so he wants to keep a good
impression. Or maybe he wants the Holly Roller Church to have more control, or he's in league with Satan, just like the Great Abominable Whore (the
Church), or whatever, any of that is beside the point...
So MM gets pregnant with Jack's kid, wants to keep it, and for whatever reason
Jack can't have that. So, he chooses to exercise his secret
presidential assasination power (I think they get what, 3 freebies per term) and has MM whacked to make it look like a suicide. So that's what
happened to MM.
Now, this is where I really go off....
So now MM is dead right, but she meant literally millions
to the music and movie... well, just about the entire entertainment industry was
planning on making billions from MM revenue over the next hundred years or so, so they gets pissed and decides to shift ol' Jack right off this
mortal coil. Now, the mob has already been speculated as one of the possible suspects in the assassination, so this makes logical sense, since for all
time the mob and the entertainment industry have been like this *holds up crossed fingers*. So the powers that be in the entertainment business get
their heads and their money clips together and hire out the best hit team the mob has to offer. I'm thinking probably a team of ten or twelve, you
know for security, surveillance, backup contingency, stuff like that...
Now here's where Lee Harvey Oswald comes in. Right. Ok, so whenever good criminals pull a heist, on of the main tactics they use is the patsy.
Someone who will be the fall guy just in case things go wrong, you know. Well that was Lee. So the mob offers Lee a butt-load of money to do the job,
they tell him that the target is not actually the Pres, but the other guy that got shot. And of course, the other guy that got shot was
shot by Lee, 'cause Lee was a good Marine, you know, followed orders, always made his mission, all that good stuff. But they put him in a position
where he was sure to get caught. See, being a Marine, Lee wasn't too bright. So as Lee is shooting the other guy, someone else (Probably Carlos the
Jackal, or some badass like him) is shooting the back of JFK's freakin' skull off with a suppressed, compensated, or silenced weapon from somewhere
Now, Lee has been arraigned for the murder of the president and the cop he shot, and does really good not to squeal about who hired him and who the
target was, you know, 'cause now he knows he's been set up to fall for the mob. He also knows that if he says anything, the mob who hired him will
just off him like that. Enter Jack Ruby...
Just to be certain that Lees dirty trap keeps shut, the mob gets Ruby to shoot him. Ruby's probably one of those guys who's been a rat for the mob
for a long time, and has some kind of a gambling debt, or maybe he disrespected some goodfella and he's marked, right? Anyway, some gangster gives
him a choice, you know, gives him an 'offer he can't refuse'? He sez he sez, "Ok Ruby this is what you gonna do. You gonna go down to that
courthouse in front of that crowd, in front of that camera, in front of all those cops, in front of your mother, in front of GOD HIMSELF, and yous
gonna shoot that kid, you get me? You gotta piece? WHAT? Ah, you're #in' useless! HERE, your mother gave me this one for bangin' her so good!"
Well, what's Ruby going to do, you know, he knows that if he says no, the guys just gonna whack him, and so he decides what the hell, and goes down
there and shoots him. Obviosly, he's got a motive, 'cause he's right right before he shoots him when he says, "You rat, you killed the
president". So weapon, motive, witnesses, every base is covered. No more people left in the loop.
Now watch this site get ripped off the net and a black on black on black Chevy Suburban with a bunch of guys wearing black suits, black ties, and
black sunglasses pull up to my house...
[Edited on 25-4-2004 by DeltaChaos]