Kids...ya gotta love them..plus they teach us new discoveries :)

For those with No children -- this is totally hysterical!

For those who already have children past this age -- this is hilarious.

For those who have children this age -- this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age -- this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children this is birth control.



The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:

Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):



1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing

Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on

all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to

throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

No i didnt...cuz i couldnt find any extra brake fluid and i didnt feel like draining my dads car of it ...but i woulda tried if i could. I had the clorox ready.

Originally posted by dreamlandmafia
No i didnt...cuz i couldnt find any extra brake fluid and i didnt feel like draining my dads car of it

...but i woulda tried if i could. I had the clorox ready.

Ahhhhhhhh but you thought about it

I'll bet everyone who read this, at least thought about trying some of the things mentioned, to see if they are true!
Along the same lines, here are some prayers "out of the mouths of babes" that I thought were amusing, if not insightful...

Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
Joyce

Dear Mr. God,
I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.
Janet

Dear God,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton - because I hate her.
Denise

Dear God,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway.
Your friend (I am not going to tell you who I am).

Dear God,
How did you know you were God?
Charlene

Dear God,
Is it true my dad won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
Anita

Dear God,
I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
Nan

Dear God:
Did you really mean Do Unto Others As They Do Unto You, because if you did then I'm going to fix my brother.
Darla

Dear God,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
Nan

Dear God,
It's o.k. that you made different religions, but don't you get mixed up sometimes?
Arnold

Dear God,
Did you mean for giraffes to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma

Dear God,
What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything.
Jane

Dear God,
How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now?
Seymour

Dear God,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
Larry

Dear God,
I keep waiting for spring but it never did come yet. Don't forget.
Mark

Dear God,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right.
Marsha

Dear God,
Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through business?
Donny

Dear God,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School, they said you did it. So I bet he stoled your Idea.
Sincerely, Donna

Dear God,
I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know but I am not just saying that because you are God.
Charles

Dear God,
It is great the way you always get the Stars in the right places.
Jeff

Dear God,
I am doing the best I can.
Frank

Dear God,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was Cool.
David