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and i am convinced i am never going to find anyone that made me as happy as she did.
If you do give up, if you decide to end your life, please... please... don't take anyone with you. I beg you
I don't care what religion someone is, but I just have to say that there is something against whatever divinity you espouse that clearly screams that suicide is wrong... I don't mean as a "sin" or any such paultry thing...but that it is a crime against the Universe, and I can only imagine the consequences to one's soul/being, no matter what your beliefs... Just don't do it...nothing's worth that...
i'm never going to get over her. we now have the strangest relationship ever. i stay the night over there maybe 2 times a week. we have dinner together and watch a movie. we even sleep in the same bed. there is no intamacy there, just friendship
...thing is i want it to be back the way it was and she does not.
i love going over there and being with her and being with my dog but i always crash when i get back home.
i swear i lose my will to live and then when i am over there with her it's like things are all better again.
part of me feels like i need to sever all ties with her
and the other part wants to take her whatever way i can get her.
it is making me suicidal though. it really is. i have been laying in bed for hours thinking of how to do it.
here is the thing about the dog. it's even in the divorce papers that i get him i just can't take him where i am at. i am at my parents house and they have 3 dogs already. i brought him over a couple times to try and see if they would get on but it was not happening.
i have to wait till i get a place.
maybe there is a part of me that likes to torture myself. i just can't seem to let go though. tonight is a new one. she is going over to her friends house for dinner and i am going over to her house to hang out with my dog..gonna get a pizza and order a movie on ppv and hang with my buddy while she is gone.
i'm telling ya man it's a wierd situation. i will be doing some serious self evaluation in the coming days though about cutting all ties to her. i KNOW that is what i should do and what i need to do. i just don't think i want to...can ya understand that? probably not but thats what is going on in my brain.