My mediocre life !

I've never resorted to ranting out my emotions before. But I think this post has been long in the coming. It's almost as if all this anger, frustration, and disappointment has been shaking up in some imaginary champagne bottle, and now, finally the cork has blown off, and I cant hold these emotions in anymore. I've had it, I'm sick and tired of all these things in my life that keep pushing me down.

I am a University student in my first year. This year has been tough. I've just come back from a session of mechanical drawing (p.s i'm studying engineering) , as usual I was the idiot who finished last. Why am I sooo slow ? :bnghd: Why was it so difficult for me to understand what was goin on when others seemed to have no problem !!??? And this is not the first time it's happened to me ... it keeps happening over and over again like an endless cycle of torture. Each time, I lose a part of myself, each time my disappointment increases, my frustration grows, and I've reached a stage where all I can do is hope for a miracle. I need some kind of magic to elevate my life and mind. I feel so lost, my dreams seem so far from reality. This was supposed to be my moment ! The moment when I would make my dreams come true. Uni was supposed to lead me to greater achievement, instead it keeps reminding me of the mediocre level of my mind. I'm not intelligent enough.
That simple statement hurts me soo much. I thought, if nothing else, at least I will have my intelligence. I'm not good looking, my personality is crap, and now even my mind is letting me down. I've always strived to be the best person that I can be. I have always tried to be kind and nice to everyone, I've tried to be a good person, I have a passion for Physics that I've followed, I love Physics. Physics is a large part of my life. In fact my life consists, of just a few things : Physics, my parents, and my dreams. Today I'm shattered, I am a very ambitious person, and today I am wounded. I have lost my pride, my self respect, my confidence. I know I will keep trying, I may feel bad today, but I will keep trying ... but surely the time has come for some kind of reward !? I know this sounds cheesy ... but thats how it is. Perhaps I am selfish, you may say that I'm not really a good person, because true goodness means I should be selfless, expect nothing in return. That is true, but then I must ask you if you are really good. I will keep trying to be a good person, a truly good person, but I am human, and that human in me is crying out today.

Friend. Trust me. You are not losing part of yourself everytime you fail. Life is about failing. That is how you become better and more determined in the future. If you never failed, then you would never become a better student, person, father, mother, etc. You learn from mistakes. I felt like this my first couple of years of college. It can get you down, but trust me, things could be a lot worse. You are going to school. There are people who can't feed themselves because they were hurt in an accident, or worse yet, caught in crossfire of a war or senseless act of violence. Your life is fine, and you will be fine. Just learn from your mistakes, and please stop complaining and crying.

Don't give up yet. It may just take you a little longer to 'get it', but when you do you could do very well.

If you really feel it's not for you, could you study something else that would be more suited to you?

Maybe you are just not the sort of person who could do well in that sort of environment. I hated school and having to learn 'on demand'. After I left, I studied things that really interested me at my own pace and was happier for it.

Maybe you would benefit from a little extra tuition, or maybe find a friend to study with?

Maybe, just practice a little more at home?

Don't knock yourself so much. It just takes some people a little longer to discover their strengths and qualities.

I hope things will work out for you.

reply to post by siddharthsma


I felt just like you for years. I tried to be a good person. I served our country, I helped other people, I tried not to judge anyone, and for all that time I was wondering when my "ship would come in". I was so good and surely my ship would come in, and everything would be wonderful. I read something recently that changed how I think about that ship. It was a father asking his son, who was also waiting for his ship to come in, what the ship's name was, where it was, who sent it, what was on it, and what port it was coming in. It made me think. I continue to be the best person I can and help anyone, but if I want a ship, I have to either build it myself, buy one, or take someone elses. I'm not into stealing and I don't have money, so if I want a ship I have to build it myself. I don't think I even want it now. Why waste my life working for money and things, when I can just spend it being happy and making others happy. Of course, I need some money to live, but not much. I make my little money to survive, but what I love in life is free for the taking. Knowledge, relationships, love, making love, making music, writing, reading, conversing with others, thinking, running, seeing things, jokes, laughing, making people laugh, swimming, the ocean, helping other people, my dog. Everything that I hold dear, everything that I love and live for, cost me nothing or next to nothing and I didn't have to graduate from anywhere to get. You might just already be on your ship. I hope this helps you.

reply to post by siddharthsma


I feel the same way, but am in grad school. Everything comes to me slowly, through a lot of hard work and I'm frustrated most of the time. Though I love the subject I'm learning, the fun is no longer there because I'm consumed with this anxiety... this constant fear that I'm behind my peers. Why don't I know more? Why can't I learn faster?

I am also first year.

I can see your pain about engineering drawing, it is so tough! I assume that you are starting second semester. I finished that in the first semester, and though it is complex, once you are able to grasp the concept, it is a breeze, I was also slow in drawing, and if you have any difficulty contact your professor, he will surely help you out. Because, everyone knows that engineering drawing is tough.

Anyway, what group are you studying?

But I think this post has been long in the coming. It's almost as if all this anger, frustration, and disappointment has been shaking up in some imaginary champagne bottle, and now, finally the cork has blown off, and I cant hold these emotions in anymore. I've had it, I'm sick and tired of all these things in my life that keep pushing me down.

That makes two of us.

this is not the first time it's happened to me ... it keeps happening over and over again like an endless cycle of torture. Each time, I lose a part of myself, each time my disappointment increases, my frustration grows, and I've reached a stage where all I can do is hope for a miracle. I need some kind of magic to elevate my life and mind. I feel so lost, my dreams seem so far from reality. This was supposed to be my moment ! The moment when I would make my dreams come true.

Again, that makes two of us. Life keeps throwing me curve balls and I keep missing 'em.

I'm not intelligent enough.
That simple statement hurts me soo much. I thought, if nothing else, at least I will have my intelligence. I'm not good looking, my personality is crap, and now even my mind is letting me down. I've always strived to be the best person that I can be. I have always tried to be kind and nice to everyone, I've tried to be a good person...

Quite common to find fault with your other traits when things seem to be going downhill. Doesn't make it true.Your mind creates one bad scenario and like a snowball rolling downhill, it picks up more "bad" things on the way till it's huge.You need more sunshine and happy thoughts in your life to melt that away. find them where you can.

Today I'm shattered, I am a very ambitious person, and today I am wounded. I have lost my pride, my self respect, my confidence. I know I will keep trying, I may feel bad today, but I will keep trying ... but surely the time has come for some kind of reward !? I know this sounds cheesy ... but thats how it is. Perhaps I am selfish, you may say that I'm not really a good person, because true goodness means I should be selfless, expect nothing in return. That is true, but then I must ask you if you are really good. I will keep trying to be a good person, a truly good person, but I am human, and that human in me is crying out today.

Consider me a selfish person too then.

reply to post by siddharthsma


As mentioned by others the first year is always the most difficult. Not only is the classwork more difficult, but you are now on your own. You have to make sure you study and do the work. Before it was a parent who made sure you did your studies. You also have to deal with the never ending party atmosphere at most of the universities, where other students tell you to put down that book and put it off til tomorrow.

Do you have a quiet place to do your studies?

Is your roommate cooperative when it comes time for studying?

Do you get enough rest, and are you eating healthy and proper meals? (That often gets overlooked in college as many students eat a heavily junk food diet and skip morning meals.)

How is your class load, and do you have a job after classes? (It may be you need to cut a class or two at the beginning until you get used to it. For a job, it may be more difficult if one needs the money.)

Do not quit yet, and take a good look at all your habits and other areas that may contribute to the problem. Do not be afraid to talk to the councilors at school as that is their main job. Good luck on your education.

Well I have been skipping breakfast this term, and I didnt have lunch either on the day we had mechanical drawing ... but thats because I worked over lunch to get my work done !
Now to make things worse, I've got a sore throat and a bit of a headache.


:bash:

My engineering course is general so I study a bit of mechanical, structural, electrical, and aeronautic engineering. I dont have a job either, although I'm lookin for one over summer.

I hope things will get better. For some reason I'm really bad at all practical related things, and like berenlike said, I dont particularly like to learn on 'demand', it makes me nervous, and once i'm nervous I mess up everything.

I tend to compare myself with others, and everyone here is smarter than me ! :bnghd:

Hang in there. Determination, persistence, and hard work will trump innate ability alone, every time.

Originally posted by siddharthsma
I tend to compare myself with others, and everyone here is smarter than me !

I don't expect you to believe this, but I'm as sure as I can be that a majority of your fellow students feel the exact same way. In fact, it's typically the less intelligent that don't feel that way.

Press on. Have some faith in yourself. If you couldn't do it, you wouldn't be there. And don't skip breakfast!

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