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posted on Apr, 14 2004 @ 10:12 PM
I'm sure most people here know that I am a pretty straighforward person, as in I tell it like I see it. There are some things that really bother me though. 1-People that are fake, and 2-People that are overly polite.

Combine the two and you will result in the "peace at all costs" mother-in-law of mine. She is so God damn polite (to the point of being fake and rediculous) that she can not even confront me EVEN AFTER we have been married for over a year. It is really pissing me off because my wife tends to put me on a leash when it comes to her mom (who I personally think has serious medical problems in the head- Not a putdown, but something I see in her).

Her mother thinks I am too harsh and that I put people down all the time, which is fundamentally wrong. She thinks that, I can only assume as I am not allowed to confront her about her problem with me, because she was raised in a family where you kept your damn mouth shut in the effort to maintain peace, which is total bull#.

This is the reason NOTHING ever gets done with her. Hell, it takes her and her husband 24 to 48 hours to come to some conclusion about whether or not they can watch their grandkids a week in advance.

My family, if you had a problem, you damn well better say it or no one will care one bit about it. Everyone was responcible to make themselves known, which is fine by me because we have a much healthier family dynamic than her family 100 times over.

Being that she is a "good christian" woman, she thinks that she has the # all figured out and her way is the way to do it. That makes me mad.

The worst part is, is that she is putting my wife in the middle about these things which only serves to add to the level of stress my wife has to deal with while not accomplishing a damn thing except to make my wife mad at ME for always having to defend me.

I wrote a nice paragraph to send to her mom telling her that I would really like it if she came to me with problems rather than my wife because she was not part of the problem and it only stressed her out, bla bla bla.

(Mind you it was nice) My wife said no to sending it to her because it would only make them more mad at me.

MORE MAD? That doesn't even make sense how me taking her wellbeing into account and trying to address a problem to solve the damn thing instead of perpetuating the problem would "make things worse".

Being married sucks sometimes.

posted on Apr, 14 2004 @ 10:15 PM
Luckily i dont have to worry about a motheri law cos me and my g/f aint married.

posted on Apr, 16 2004 @ 04:37 PM
My mom was like that before too, still is, which really cheezes me off...

KJ, you just have to confront her, it will clear the air, your like that black sheep in the family now, but black sheeps usually do alot of good, and bring healthy dynamics to the home.

You are doing this because you want to help not because you want to stir the pot.
Your wife is just doing what she's been told to do growing up. If she was raised like you, well then she would be more like you.

Tell her that your concerned about this and what everything to be ok, there are no buts or ifs.
Send the letter, or even go over to her house on your own time, bring her some tea or coffee, and sit there and tell her you want to expess some concerns you have.

Tell her the way you were raised and how that part is affecting the relationship. Tell her the blatantly obvious, so that she can understand.
Just tell her, i've been raised like this, and I can't just ignore something if I smell a problem, I like to deal with it head on to get it out of the way.

So go into your concerns and try to level with her.

I'm sure once you get that out of the way she'll have a better understanding of who are you, your backround, ect, instead of just thinking your some kind of cowboy or whatever she thinks of you...

Open and honest is always the best way to go...
who said the truth shall set your free?? It's so true.

posted on Apr, 16 2004 @ 04:39 PM
Also I just want to add, that my mom was like that growing up, catholic, overly polite, blah blah blah , to the point where I couldn't take it, I had to talk to her about this because I was more like my dad, my mom really levelled out and became someone I thought she never would of been, and I know I had a helping in that.

She loosened up, and gave up the ms.manner's part, and just became herself..

Maybe you can add alittle zest and refresh the family, you are afterall part of it now, do what you can, because bottling up sucks, you can't be you when your bottled up.

posted on Apr, 16 2004 @ 05:50 PM
I'm taking down the same path you are, Jethro. My Fiance's mom and dad are preddy much Religious Zealots and their # don't stink and evaporates into the air not making a mess. But, they do keep their damn mouth shut about anything. I've been nothing but nice to them, they have not said a word about me to my fiance, from what I know of, at all. Which is the way I like it because I already wanna beat the # out of her dad for hitting her with his belt excessivley as a kid and telling her not to do things for the sake of his 'reputation.'

In laws can suck my left nut because they aren't good enough for my right. My mom is religious, but she just loves more people in the family. My dad loves my fiance because my brothers wife is a stupid rude #. And my brother is just to ignorant to know his asshole from a hole in the ground so she has it made. Where as I have a used to be Pill-head sister in law thats now a Teacher and a Religious Zealot, an idiot brother that is about as mature as a 13 year old boy going through puberty (he's 25). And then, the two holier then though zealots of parents of hers. In a year and a half, I'll be drivin down the road you're on right now.

Somebody shoot me.

posted on Apr, 16 2004 @ 05:56 PM
we all go thru this with "the dreaded inlaws" over time, it will fizzle out and you might be able to deal with them. I had major issues with my mother in law, but now after 10 years...we are civil enough to each other, maybe a little phony on my part...but it works and it makes my husband happy to see me get along with his mom.

posted on Apr, 18 2004 @ 12:03 AM
You know what I don't understand? Why do people who aren't family act differently to strangers?????

I mean everybody has screwed up families and everybody has their assholes, and everybody has their quirks in some way... Why do people hide their true colors? I say let em rip and enjoy the chaos, i would rather have some kind of weird highlight then no highlight at all... just makes it more fun.

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