reply to post by hikix
I strongly suggest living together for 4-5 years before marriage and positively absolutely MAKE SURE YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN before you are
sure the marriage is going to work. It's so not fair to bring children into a situation where both parents are not there.
Once you have a child, that child will become (in the case of most courts) property of the "mom". If she decides to chuck the marriage, and you
have fallen in love with your child/children you will have no rights except what she agrees to.
If the marriage fails and you have children divorce becomes A LOT MORE COMPLICATED.
My son hands over 42% of his paycheck over to his ex and joint custody in Illinois for "dad" is 48 hours every two weeks.
If the mom wants to "play games" you will be in for a lot of heart ache and constant problems.
Now, I am a happily married (35 years) woman. My husband and I lived together for two years and waited four before having kids. I am glad I waited.
My children grew up in a two parent household (3 boys).
I grew up in a time when people had to share bathrooms, cars and small closets. Many people now, particularly young people just don't want to
compromise. It's the "spoiled brat syndrome".
However, many not all of the new breed of woman growing up want to have the "mommy experience" and will chuck the man as soon as "mission
accomplished". Being a single mom is fashionable now days and working out problems is beyond many young people.
Just give it time, don't rush. If she is pushing you into marriage, then rethink carefully why she wants to rush.
Above all, don't make babies that will be born into a situation that hasn't been carefully planned out. Every child deserves to know and love both
parents. If you make babies and your marriage ends in divorce your children will be alienated from you and your parents.
Take your time and don't let anyone rush you. Marriage is a legal contract that has serious consequences if it ends in divorce.
Take your time, don't rush, be careful.
[edit on 13-1-2009 by ofhumandescent]