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Why am I supposed to get married, but every guy whos married tells me NEVER GET MARRIED!

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posted on Jan, 2 2009 @ 01:35 PM
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I am reaching an age where all my friends are getting married. I had to break up with my girlfriend because she was pressuring me to get married, because all her friends are getting married. I feel like i need to start looking for a girl not to date, but to get married to!! Which is def not working out AT ALL!

Now everyone i meet that is engaged or recently married is so happy, but when I tell married guys (who have been married for more than a year) that I am single, they are so jealous and envious of me. They all tell me to never get married, and enjoy living by your own rules and doing your own thing. One guy just told me, don't get married... but def. have kids.

Not that I am getting married any time soon, but is there anyone here that thinks marriage was a mistake, or they would have been better off doing their own thing?



posted on Jan, 2 2009 @ 01:41 PM
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Never get married,NEVER!!!, your friends are right, I wish mine would have told me. Live your life without compromise. Good Luck!



posted on Jan, 2 2009 @ 01:53 PM
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I think it's a mistake for people who want to get married but don't want what comes with it. It's no longer 100% you anymore and at times it's not even fifty/fifty. You have to give 100% sometimes while your partner is down and vice versa. People don't want to take that oath and do what that oath says. In sickness & in health til death do you part. Commitments are very big and special and if you can't handle a lifetime commitment then you shouldn't get married.

On the other hand I think you should never let someone who is unhappy in marriage talk you out of it. And if a girl wants to get married and you don't then be straight with them and let them know that right away. Just follow your own heart and if marriage comes across your mind and the woman you meet is worth it then do it.



posted on Jan, 2 2009 @ 02:30 PM
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Well, you're not supposed to get married. That is, if you go looking to get married, you'll likely have a great deal of time to regret it. If it's the natural progresion of a loving relationship, great. If it's a desperation move because you're "supposed" to get married... that's likely doomed from the get go.

As for the guy who advised you to have kids but not get married, there's an individual I wouldn't be taking any kind of advice from. Not even about a brand of motor oil. Although I've sure got some advice for him. This just doesn't happen to be the appropriate forum to share it.



posted on Jan, 2 2009 @ 03:07 PM
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Yeah I know hikix..female point of view here.
Marriage is viewed as having different meanings to different people.
It USED to mean you were 100% committed to another person for life. It 's not worth the paper it's printed on now.
If you decide to spend time with another person, for however long that may be, it should simply be based on trust, respect, and then love.
No rings or ceremony required. They mean nothing anymore.
Don't let anyone pressure you into anything. EVER. It's your life, you should do what you want, and what you feel comfortable with no matter what all your friends are doing.
I agree with Yeahright. Don't get married but have kids??? DUMB Idea.
DON"T take that advice.
From what I have seen too, some people when they get married...change, for the worse. They feel like "OK, I'm off the market now, time to kick back and let myself go". This goes for men AND women alike.
You stop having fun, you stop going out...
The relationship becomes more about domestic problems versus feelings for each other.
Wow! That outta scare you to no end. Seriously though, there is no "AGE" to get married. Either you feel right about it, or you don't. And either you will find someone who will understand that or not.
Perhaps you need to really sit down and analyze how you feel about marriage in general so that when the next girl comes into your life, you can be up front and honest about it.
There are many relationships that work without being married. It's not a requirement to loving someone. Although many women may try to tell you otherwise.



posted on Jan, 2 2009 @ 08:07 PM
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Perhaps the problem your friends are experiencing is the issue that a man can marry a woman without a thought as to who she might be in the future. While a woman can marry a man thinking of only who he might be in the future.

I'm not saying this applies to anyone and everyone, but it has applied to all of my married friends. And personally I think either point of view is foolish and simply asking for unnecessary difficulties best avoided by being honest and forthright prior to getting married rather than trying to maintain foolish courtship courtesies until there are rings on fingers and paperwork filed. Even living together doesn't often solve this issue.

As others already stated, but it bears repeating, you aren't supposed to get married. Get married if you feel it's right. And before you decide whether it's right or not be sure to consider all the potential grossness, ugliness, smelliness, tastelessness and general ickyness that human beings are capable of. If you can imagine your future wife at her worst moments and still feel attracted to and in love with her, you might be on the right track.



posted on Jan, 3 2009 @ 09:10 AM
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Everyone is different,when I was married I enjoyed it,but sometimes all good things end,I sure wouldn't let others influence you from their point of view,think for yourself



posted on Jan, 6 2009 @ 01:07 AM
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Originally posted by yeahright
As for the guy who advised you to have kids but not get married, there's an individual I wouldn't be taking any kind of advice from. Not even about a brand of motor oil. Although I've sure got some advice for him. This just doesn't happen to be the appropriate forum to share it.


Did he hit a nerve? I have buddies who tell me the same things. Logically it makes sense since naturally I want to produce offspring and all the good jazz that comes as a result. But do I really need a permanent partner in life? At this point I have to say no.



posted on Jan, 6 2009 @ 02:43 AM
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I think the problem here is that people are getting married for superficial reasons and/or are somewhat selfish to the point where they can't understand that sometimes they need to step out of the area of focus.

You should only get married when you find someone that you know that you could spend the rest of your life with. That person that will annoy you, make you angry, drive you up a wall and at the end of the day still make you smile. The person you can do that for.



posted on Jan, 6 2009 @ 07:42 AM
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Getting married to my wife was the best thing I've ever done.

I don't miss anything about my single days. It seemed like I was having a good time back then, but looking back, I realize I really didn't know what a good time was. I'd much rather spend time with my family than be on my own again.

Do I miss certain things? Sure. But not enough to ever regret for a second the decision I made.




posted on Jan, 9 2009 @ 07:41 AM
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Lots of good advice shared thus far...
all i can add is that luck plays a huge part, there are many variables at play.

The year or two of courtship and first couple years of marriage can be very deceiving. Just like on a job interview and the first couple years at a job... people are on their best behavior. It's not until later that people show their true colors. As well, life is full of challenges that change people spiritually, mentally and physically... most couples don't go through these changes at the same time or in the same way. So the point i'm trying to make is that you really don't know who you have made a life commitment to until it's too late.

As for the value of having kids, in my experience and observation of others, it's highly over rated. A huge expense in time, energy and money, that is at the least a two decade commitment. Kids are also a main source of arguments, most couples have different approaches to parenting.

Sorry to hear but glad to see you ended the relationship, allowing yourself to be pressured into marriage would have been a very regretful mistake... for starters it would have set the stage for her to think that she could pressure you into whatever else she wanted... ie a house in the burbs, kids, pets, vacations, jewelry, car.

[edit on 9-1-2009 by The All Seeing I]



posted on Jan, 9 2009 @ 08:43 AM
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The ONLY reason to get married is when you meet the person you know you should spend the rest of your life with.

When that happens, great...get married. It's an affirmation that you both feel the same way. Until then, have fun just spending time with other cool people...

If you get married for any other reason, it will eventually end in divorce. You don't get married because your friends are doing it...and you don't have kids because your friends are doing it...

Personally, I'm a married guy, and wouldn't trade it for a single life at all...I'm with my soulmate, and look forward to each day with her.

Married people are always looking to hook up their single friends...just one of those things. Don't be pressured. When it happens, it'll happen.

Just be sure you're old enough... Young marriages rarely work these days... You need to be sure you know what you're looking for in a spouse, before walking down the aisle...

As for kids, they are an enormous expense, and an even bigger responsibility, so you gotta be sure you're ready for that step...which is WAY bigger than marriage in my book...and that IS a lifelong commitment...there's no divorcing children...in your heart and mind that is... The only reasons (in my opinion) to have a child are that you're a) financially able to raise one, b) emotionally ready to raise one, c) ready to be a parent.



posted on Jan, 13 2009 @ 07:12 PM
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reply to post by hikix
 
I strongly suggest living together for 4-5 years before marriage and positively absolutely MAKE SURE YOU DON'T HAVE CHILDREN before you are sure the marriage is going to work. It's so not fair to bring children into a situation where both parents are not there.

Once you have a child, that child will become (in the case of most courts) property of the "mom". If she decides to chuck the marriage, and you have fallen in love with your child/children you will have no rights except what she agrees to.

If the marriage fails and you have children divorce becomes A LOT MORE COMPLICATED.

My son hands over 42% of his paycheck over to his ex and joint custody in Illinois for "dad" is 48 hours every two weeks.

If the mom wants to "play games" you will be in for a lot of heart ache and constant problems.

Now, I am a happily married (35 years) woman. My husband and I lived together for two years and waited four before having kids. I am glad I waited. My children grew up in a two parent household (3 boys).

I grew up in a time when people had to share bathrooms, cars and small closets. Many people now, particularly young people just don't want to compromise. It's the "spoiled brat syndrome".

However, many not all of the new breed of woman growing up want to have the "mommy experience" and will chuck the man as soon as "mission accomplished". Being a single mom is fashionable now days and working out problems is beyond many young people.

Just give it time, don't rush. If she is pushing you into marriage, then rethink carefully why she wants to rush.

Above all, don't make babies that will be born into a situation that hasn't been carefully planned out. Every child deserves to know and love both parents. If you make babies and your marriage ends in divorce your children will be alienated from you and your parents.

Take your time and don't let anyone rush you. Marriage is a legal contract that has serious consequences if it ends in divorce.

Take your time, don't rush, be careful.

Good luck.


[edit on 13-1-2009 by ofhumandescent]



posted on Jan, 13 2009 @ 07:26 PM
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When I was nineteen I met Bob Hope at a USO show in Korea. They had done a big show in Seoul but as we were on DMZ duty, our battalion couldn't go. Bob, Gloria Estefan and Brooke Shields came up and gave a performance for about 300 of us.
Gloria and Bob were very cool. They met some of the troops.
When I met Bob, he actually shook my hand.
He looked at me and said "Hey kid, you ever get married?"
I said "No sir."
Bob leans in and says real quiet, "Don't. You'll live longer"
Whole thing lasted about 10 seconds but I got advice from a legend.

Sometimes I wish I'd followed that advice.



posted on Jan, 13 2009 @ 10:12 PM
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thank you badger for sharing that story...

According to his imdb profile
was married to his wife Dolores 1934-2003
had raised 4 adopted children together
he lived to 100
1903-2003 (died of pneumonia)

So as much as his joke spoke volumes for most, in his case it may have extended his.



posted on Jan, 13 2009 @ 10:20 PM
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Typically, a married man will live a longer life than an unmarried man. Conversely, a married woman will live a shorter live than an unmarried woman. Makes you think.



posted on Jan, 13 2009 @ 10:23 PM
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I got married right out of high school...just a kid really. I have been married for nearly 24 years now. I look at my kids and can't imagine either of them being married at their ages. (19 and 22). Anyone that tells you it is easy is a liar! Its hard work. I am not same person that I was at 18. Your thought processes change, alot of things change, but you have to be willing to do the work. Don't do it until you are 100% ready!



posted on Jan, 13 2009 @ 10:48 PM
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reply to post by The All Seeing I
 


Oh yes, I know that he was a family man. I think long successful relationships are what life is really about.
It was pretty funny though.
Bob was old when I met him in 88/89?
He had a good run.

Oh yeah,
I did say 'sometimes' I wish I'd followed his advice.
Not all of the time.



posted on Jan, 13 2009 @ 11:50 PM
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It is sort of odd that people on here have the idea that married people are somehow 'better' parents than unmarrieds. I find it odd, because my parents were together for 30 years and raised 3 kids and were never married. I don't know about anyone else, but I find it a tad insulting to insinuate that unmarried people are somewhat inferior to married folks. Is a wife-beating, child-molesting father 'better' than a well-adjusted father simply because he's married? I think not. I would hesitate to take advice from people that expouse those kinds of ideals that some have on this thread. As for the OP, take what you feel to be the best indicator, what is right for some, perhaps even most people, may never be right for you. If you can find someone to tolerate for the rest of your life than you should consider yourself lucky, so few people ever find that one. I read somewhere that there are so many people on the planet now, that there are something like 8-10 potential 'soulmates' for each and every person on the planet. Yet because there are so many people, the likelihood of ever finding even one in your lifetime is astronomical. In the end, listen to your heart, and be well my friend.



posted on Jan, 14 2009 @ 01:20 AM
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I've been married a few times. The first two are just practice.

Actually the 3rd one is practice also but at least you should know the pitfalls of marriage by now or else have enough sense to know that marriage is not for you.

This time around for me is working out pretty good......so far....



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