Question for homosexuals

No this isn't intended as an anti gay thread, and I would appreciate it if people could either stay on topic or just butt out. In no way do I intend to be bigoted, and I think my question is a legitimate one.

My question is why do some gay men act like 'queens' (I think that's the right term) and why do some of the lesbian persuasion act 'butch'? I usually can't tell when someone is gay unless they bring it up, but today there was a guy at the store dressed fully in pink, talking loudly on his cell phone with what I can only describe as a 13 year old girls voice.

Is this considered attractive in some circles? Is it a way of telling people that are anti gay to go screw themselves, or is it just a limited group of people that want attention for being different? It's actually a fairly rare occasion that I see someone who acts like a 'queen' but whenever I do I just don't get it. To me it almost seems like a contradiction acting like a woman (that's how I usually view it, wrong or not) but trying to attract other men. I don't know why I'm asking as it really doesn't affect me, just thought asking here would be better than asking some random stranger (oh wait it's the same).

reply to post by Raustin


Hey. Good question. Surely someone will have a better answer than me but this is just through my own observation. I apologize if any of the following sounds crude. It is not meant to be but does consist of terms I've heard used by homosexuals.

Many, but not all, homosexual relationships consist of a 'top' and a 'bottom,' so to speak. Basically, you will often see a more masculine (the top) partner and a more feminine (the bottom) partner in gay and lesbian relationships. When you see a 'flamer,' that typically denotes a bottom.

My brother for instance would be described as a 'top.' He is very masculine and 'butch' and you wouldn't even know he is gay unless he tells you or if you see him with his boyfriend. He typically dates the flaming types. One of my best friends on the other hand is a bit of the queen type you mention and he is the 'bottom' usually in relationships and goes for the more butch type of boyfriend.

Of course the above is not always true for all cases and there are other explanations I'm sure that will be offered in your thread. That is just what I have gathered from observation and conversations with my gay friends and relatives.

reply to post by AshleyD


Huh, that makes sense to me. I didn't think it sounded crude and you certainly have more experience with the topic than I. The few gay couples I've met were the most normal acting people in the world, no queeny stuff whatsoever.

I'm almost lost for words but I need to give this a try.

We are both the same age (47), and we've been together for about twenty years.
We are both very manly men.....

Both of us can drive tractor trailers with an AB - Z, the top license in Canada.
We can both defend ourselves in a fight when necessary. Both of us can handle a gun and other weapons due to training. We can even trap, hunt and kill, then throw it in a pan and cook it.
One of us has a University degree, one of us can fly a plane and has served in the military. We even have medical training and can stitch you up in an emergency.

We are men in every respect of the word.

There is no women in our relationship....
Just two men that have enjoyed each others company and bodies for many years.

ohh man gay shut down, but yeah im completly cool with that like my buddies uncle is gay hes the manliest man i know but hes really clean, and he likes doin dudes but he dont dress like a girl talk like a girl act like a girl. i think thats why i think that same thing like nobody talks with an annoying #ing lisp especially men alright and some , most gay flamey gays act very very feminine.

reply to post by Raustin


Same here. I've personally known very few 'flamboyantly gay' people. Most of them fall in the middle with a slight leaning to the feminine male homosexual or the masculine lesbian. Sorry I'm not much help to explain why some are more flamboyant than others. It's probably similar to heterosexuals. You will have very feminine heterosexual women and some tomboys. You will have some very masculine heterosexual men and some very effeminate.

Oh and edit to add: It could also have to do with upbringing. For instance, let's say a 'queen,' as you say, was very influenced by his mother while having an absentee father. He might associate more with feminine characteristics. Or let's say a 'butch' lesbian adopts the personality traits of her male role models or father figure. She might more comfortably associate with the masculine side of things and her personality gravitates towards that as she matures and develops. Just a thought and something else I've seen through observation.

reply to post by anxietydisorder


I think the original poster understands your type of relationship exists and is more common than the scenario he describes in his original post. I'm only bringing that up because your post has a tone of being offended to it and I don't think his intention was to make anyone feel that way. He's not implying all homosexuals are of the more obvious variety. He's simply asking what is the cause of those that are the type he describes.

It's a sensitive but honest question. Something I've wondered myself but never had the nerve to ask anyone.

[edit on 12/30/2008 by AshleyD]

Originally posted by AshleyD

reply to post by anxietydisorder

 

I think the original poster understands your type of relationship exists and is more common than the scenario he describes in his original post. I'm only bringing that up because your post has a tone of being offended to it and I don't think his intention was to make anyone feel that way. He's not implying all homosexuals are of the more obvious variety. He's simply asking what is the cause of those that are the type he describes.

It's a sensitive but honest question. Something I've wondered myself but never had the nerve to ask anyone.

I must admit I should have read the thread a bit better before posting a reply.
Yes, I have a very hairy man to curl up with at night. But I will admit looking at the pretty boys when they pass by.

The ones that totally turn me off are the ones that act effeminate.
You can be young and pretty without acting like a faux female and I have no idea what their reason is for acting so girly.

If you have the tackle and bait, go fishing for what you want, but don't try to be something you're not. At the very least, don't try to fool someone into thinking you're a different sex, it could get you in trouble. :shk:

reply to post by AshleyD


Thanks for clarifying my actual question. I don't think I am speaking about the majority by any means. As stated most of the gay people I have met have been really just normal guys. I didn't intend to offend anyone at all, and I don't think the queeny types are normal, just wondering why some choose to act that way.

20 years huh, man that's a long time! Good for you two.
Wanted to add the tackle and bait line was hysterical.

[edit on 31-12-2008 by Raustin]

Originally posted by Raustin

20 years huh, man that's a long time! Good for you two.
Wanted to add the tackle and bait line was hysterical.

Glad I could add some levity on a serious subject, I have more.

When in doubt, serve yourself......
A bird on your branch is worth a go at the bush......
It always feels better to have another monkey touch your monkey.....


I don't think anyone can truly define all aspects of human sexuality.
We are all very different in the way we think and feel. What you desire in a mate can only be defined by you, and what I desire can only be what resides in my own mind. We are all unique.

I'm not even sure I understand why I desire the man I love, but he's what I want.
I know what doesn't appeal to me, but trying to define it would be hard.

Yes, I've had sex with many fine women, so has my husband. We have children and grandchildren.
If we had a femmie boy in our family I can honestly say we would treat him the same as any other person in the family. If our daughter had turned out to be a total bull dike, we would have supported her relationships.


Good luck trying to figure out why we hump who we do.
I don't think anyone has been able to solve that riddle since the dawn of man.




Edit: I edit



[edit on 31/12/2008 by anxietydisorder]

reply to post by Raustin

My question is why do some gay men act like 'queens' (I think that's the right term) and why do some of the lesbian persuasion act 'butch'? I usually can't tell when someone is gay unless they bring it up, but today there was a guy at the store dressed fully in pink, talking loudly on his cell phone with what I can only describe as a 13 year old girls voice.

Hmmm well if you went to a gay bar, would you find so much division between gays its almost insane!!!
The queens are gay boys who are like th drag queens, Boys who are flamboyant and all frilly acting.. Most gay men, do not take a liking to this kind of boys.. Infact they really have an inner hate for them.

The gays I know can be the most judgemental people!! YEah I was pretty amazed at this fact! Ive said to a few of my gay friends.. Why do you hate on your own groups of people because they are different.

I would think all gay people would come together.. But no.. Just like everyone else they have their little nitches, and pet pevs.

Butch women, do not like transexuals.. For the most part.. Im not saying all of them hate on them.. But the ones I have met are really nasty to some of the other gays.

ITs almost as if they feel they are being punished, so they must in turn punish the next group that they feel is lower than them.

My Xgirlfriends brother, is gay.. And Ive been friends with him since highschool.. never once hit on me.. Or made me feel uncomfortable.
But you would not know he was gay.. Its a stero type for the most part.

And when other gays see some gay people playing into that stero typical role, it will piss them off, and make them shun them.. As they have been shuned from the status quo..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
EDIT-- After I posted this.. I am not ready to talk about my personal being right yet today.. so I deleted that part.. Prehaps in a couple weeks I will make a thread that explain more about me, and how different I am from most people... it takes alot to say what I said, and IM just not ready yet....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I make friends with everyone! Color. creed. sexual nature.. doesnt matter as long as you are a good person..

But sadly enough when I go into a gay bar, or a lez bar.. There is much division.. And alot of judging in their own ranks.

Gays want rights, and all this and that.. But they can't even seem to get along with themselfs. Or atleast the different aspects of all gays..

You put 1 queen, 1 average gay boy. 1 lipstick and 1 btuch in a room.
You will end up with a fight...
Gay boys tend to dislike the trannies.
Trannies seem to dislike like gayboys.
Butches tend to dislike any form of guy, be it tranny, drag queen, gayboy.
Lipsticks are very cool! They tend to be more open minded to each section of this lifestyle.

I have always stood up for gays and their rights.. But theres going to have to come a time, where they can stop fighting in their own ranks.
And understand we are all different! And you can not lump everyone into one group. However they only meld with other like minds.
And if you are not like them..Well they shun you too!!!

Maybe its because they are so jaded, and been picked on all their lifes.
So they take it out on those they feel who are lesser.
Such as some straight people think less of gays.
While some gays think less of Trannies.
And trannies think less of crossdresser, and crossdressers are at the bottom of the pile.

I fall into non of these groups.. I am neither gay or straight..
I am just me!! bottom line.. And when people start to understand that no matter what you put on to wear, or what make up you put on..
Its always YOU deep down inside that body!

And when people see that.. Then we are going to move forward..
Its just to many nitches and side groups.. And those groups throw hate around just like everyone else..

So just becasue someone is gay.. Doesnt mean they are open minded!!!

Ive met some very close minded jaded Gays who hate the world!!!

Its sad, and it shouldnt be that way. However Ive spent enough time in those places to know.. Groups hang with their own.. And look down on others who are not in their nitch!!!

And I sertinly dont like the "queens" who are all up in your face!
Im gay and IM proud!! in your face sucka!!!!

Its great to be gay and pround!!! Be its not great to be shoving it down peoples throats, and pushing it in public places!!

I dont want to see a straight couple making out in public..
I sertinly dont want to see 2 boys making out.. Nor 2 girls..

Unless they are HOT!! hehe but really, not in public!

[edit on 31-12-2008 by zysin5]

[edit on 31-12-2008 by zysin5]

Originally posted by zysin5
I am neither gay or straight..

So what are you trying to say? Are you saying that you're bisexual? Or are you saying you're asexual?

edit to address the topic at hand. The whole homosexual thing is quite disgusting to me. However, I don't hate on them. If that's how they wanna live their lifestyle then more power to them.

As far as feminine homosexual men and butch lesbian women go, I almost feel sorry for them. They just don't see themselves and can't seem to accept the fact that they're not what they're trying to be. Sometimes I just wanna grab them and shake them and say "look, you're never gonna be a man/woman, you weren't born a man/woman, so just STOP acting like one".

But evidently it's some kinda mental block or something.

[edit on 31-12-2008 by The Scarecrow]

[edit on 31-12-2008 by The Scarecrow]

Originally posted by The Scarecrow
So what are you trying to say? Are you saying that you're bisexual? Or are you saying you're asexual?

Ummm well this is where it gets a little personal.. But since its kind of confusing I guess I will just come right out and say it..

I was born with male and female parts. I'm a hemphrodite.
And its pretty rare thing.

So its hard to say what sexual nature you are when you are both.
Such as me living as a guy, I like women. But having what I have does me liking women make me gay becasue IM part female?
Or does it make me straight, becasue Im part male..
See where IM going with this...

I was going to make a thread that better explains this, as this is pretty much off topic here.. And ITs not been easy being the way I am.

Plus Im not the kind of person to throw this in peoples faces.. Im very silent about who I am.. And just recently I had a great chat with a wonderful understanding Mod. who told me I would be safe talking about such personal things here, It might help someone and open some minds.

Sexual nature shouldnt be defined upon our sex or gender.. As clearly there are some like me who are both... It should be defined upon the person you are within.. And not the outer shell.. Many people feel different than what their body is.. Such as many men, want to be women.
Some women want to be men.. Me I just want to be normal and fit in and have a normal relationship with an understand person.. And I have many times!!! Everyone Ive been with has been more than understanding. More so they where interested in that.. As you dont meet many people like me in everyday setting, and they sertinly dont go out and say HEY IM a freak of nature!!! hehe ya know.

So Over all I guess you could say IM bisexual.. As that means I go both ways.. But I am both ways.. so its a little confusing..

Ill make a thread when I feel up to it, and have my thoughts a little better collected.. Its not something I never thought I would talk about on here..
Very personal.. and yes IM senstive about such things..

AS Ive shared my pictures on this site.. But always the boy part of me..
And always tried to look much more boyish and hide my angrodness part of me.. AS I dont want to come off like Im pushing it anyone faces.

You asked so I feel open enough to share the fact IM much different.
And its hard to put me in anyone group..
IM just me.. and IM happy with that..
And Im much more man than I am woman.. But I can't deny the fact that I was born with those parts.. Hence I embrace that, and just be ME!
Thats all any of us can do.. And sometimes its hard to set out in the light and say HEY, this is me.. and Im happy with that..

Most people wear a mask, and hide many things.. Which is sometimes the best thing to do.. People can be crule, and very mean.. I know this first hand..

[edit on 31-12-2008 by zysin5]

reply to post by zysin5


Ahh, ok. I see what ya mean now.

reply to post by The Scarecrow


Hey thanks man!!! for being nice, and taking it with a grain of salt!!!

Its been hard on me being labeled either gay or this or that, when people just simply dont understand I am both sexes..

Something Ive had to learn to live with and deal with my whole life..
Theres much more to this story.. prehaps when Im feeling up to it, I will share it with everyone here.. But all in due time..

Thanks again for being nice


Sorry OP for taking this a bit off topic.. But this video will speak so much truth about this issue and how people are, and how people use masks to stay within that hassle free zone..

You see, people are just different.. You can't shake that out of them..
As some of those folks, like guys who crossdress, and born full males, honestly feel they should have been born a woman.
And I have met some men, that make beautiful women.. You wouldnt know they where ever men when they where born..

I think what bothers you, is the ugly looking ones, or huge 6foot men all hairy and put on a dress and call themselfs a woman.. lol
That to me is a little bothersome.. But what can you do? right?

Theres enough people out here to give others a bad name.. And everyone gets grouped up with the weridos.. Or the creeps who do werid things..
There are plenty of normal gay/lez souls out there, that just want to live a "normal" life.
And theres those who go off the deep end, and make us all look bad..

IM guess those are the ones that make you sick.. Yeah me too.

[edit on 31-12-2008 by zysin5]

Originally posted by zysin5


I think what bothers you, is the ugly looking ones, or huge 6foot men all hairy and put on a dress and call themselfs a woman.. lol
That to me is a little bothersome.. But what can you do? right?



[edit on 31-12-2008 by zysin5]

No what bothers me is that feminine homosexual men want to embrace a feminine lifestyle, and the same could be said for butch lesbian women. It irks me when I see butch lez's wearing baseball caps, short hair, walking like a man etc.etc. Same way with feminine male homosexuals. They get their nails done, act prissy, have no bass in their voice lol, blah blah.

This is what irks me the most though. I'm a black man and I HATE HATE HATE it, whenever I express my opinion on homosexuality (which by now should be clearly obvious) to them and they are taken aback by it because they feel I should have some kinda respect for them, just because my race and their community have struggled. Well, I don't. Wait, lemme rephrase that. I respect any person/group of people who've overcame struggles. BUT when they feel there should be some kinda bond between blacks and homosexuals due to their struggles, is what I feel isn't respectable. The black race's obstacles compared to the homosexuals obstacles ARE NOT the same, and homosexuals should REALLY stop acting like they are.

I might catch hate for my above statement but frankly I don't give a damn.

reply to post by The Scarecrow

BUT when they feel there should be some kinda bond between blacks and homosexuals due to their struggles, is what I feel isn't respectable. The black race's obstacles compared to the homosexuals obstacles ARE NOT the same, and homosexuals should REALLY stop acting like they are.

What the hell are you talking about man??? Really? Did you just say that?
I dont think anyone here thinks they are the same issues, and I sertinly dont try to connect the dots like that..

I just edit this post.. to kind of calm the playing feild here.. Does us no good to go back and forth.. But I dont think any homosexuals ever said that they deal with the SAME obstacles as black folks.
Unless however the homosexual is black themselfs..

I mean there are plenty of black homosexuals.. so whats your point?

Edit-- I changed my tone.. It makes no sense in getting into a debate about this.. There are tons of Black homosexuals too.. Homosexuals of all colors.. Your the one connecting the dots on that one man.. NOT me.
And not anyone I know.. Not even the black transexuals I know would say that.. But someone you have come across in your life that was gay tried to say black issues and gay issues went hand in hand.. Not this thread.. I misunderstood ya man.. sorry there... I thought you where talking about what someone on this thread said..

Well if any homosexual tells you that their problems are the same as black peoples problems, they are totally off base and have no right to say that.. So we agree with that.. And thats what you hate..
I just saw hate hate hate, in your words, and like many people, I jumped the gun, and said what I said.. So for that your still okay in my book.
Even tho you could have alittle more empathy..
But its your life choice, and I respect that..

[edit on 31-12-2008 by zysin5]

Originally posted by zysin5

IM sorry but I lost any respect I once had for you.



And when did any gay person in this thread relate that they have the same issues as black folks.

Shameful you would use the color of your skin as some kind of lame defence to why you are homophobic..

1. Too bad.

2. They didn't. You had assumed what bothers me in your response here:

Originally posted by zysin5
I think what bothers you, is the ugly looking ones, or huge 6foot men all hairy and put on a dress and call themselfs a woman.. lol
That to me is a little bothersome.. But what can you do? right?
[edit on 31-12-2008 by zysin5]

And in my response, I told you what really bothered me. Which is what you just read.

3. I'm not homophobic. I don't fear gays and I don't hate them. And trust me, I if was, I would've said it already. Oh btw, I speak for A LOT of black ppl when I say that our struggles are not the same as homosexuals.

[edit on 31-12-2008 by The Scarecrow]

reply to post by The Scarecrow


I agree, they are totally different struggles... But I dont know anyone who tried to connect the dots. And say that gays problems are either worse or the same as what you are talking about.. apples and oranges..

We are getting off on the wrong foot here.. So lets just agree to disagree about a few things.. and leave it at that!!

Have a great new years.. Im out to a friends house..

Be safe!

edit-- Okay I understand here.. Someone else where must have related homosexual issues with black issues at some point, not on this thread, but else where and it bothered you.. Fair enough.

As any homosexual that would claim they are the same struggles are ignorant in themselfs.. I misunderstood your post.. I thought you where talking about this post in general.. I gotcha..

[edit on 31-12-2008 by zysin5]

With regards to the original poster, I am gay but not what you'd call "flaming". I've met guys that are and I have the utmost respect for them. I think they truly are born that way and they catch hell for it since they can't hide like I did during grade school. They don't have that option. I think the really "campy" flamers, like the OP is referring to, are born with effeminate qualities and then turn it up a notch or two either to rebel against society or to fit in better with the traditional gay community.
On a side note, I find it funny when people say they don't give a damn. If they care enough to make that bold a statement, they obviously do...