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recently divorced and confused

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posted on Dec, 8 2008 @ 07:14 PM
reply to post by thing fish

Honest question time.

Do you think if you hang around long enough she will fall back in love with you and the two of you will get back together?

posted on Dec, 8 2008 @ 07:22 PM
It is a common occurence.
It seems like somebody who divorces you but still wants you "in her life" might be a good sign but she DIVORCED you.
Look up the term in a dictionary - parasite.
Move along. Nothing to see here.

posted on Dec, 9 2008 @ 07:29 AM

Originally posted by skeptic1
reply to post by thing fish

Honest question time.

Do you think if you hang around long enough she will fall back in love with you and the two of you will get back together?

i honestly don't think she is totally out of love with me now. but to answer your question, no, i don't think we will get back together. now weather we continue to have sex or not is a different story. we will remain friends.
she is coming over to my house christmas eve for dinner. my son will be here and his mother will be here. my mother will be here.
then i am staying the night at her house....

it's just a strange situation to be in and i've never been in it before.

posted on Dec, 11 2008 @ 08:16 AM
well i stayed over there last night too. we didn't get intimate but it was a nice evening. we just hung out together like we used to. i sure wish we had never got divorced.

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 09:55 AM
still so confused. i stayed there last night. again there was no intimacy but we hung out together. i think she has what she wants which is me as a friend. for some reason and i may never know why she fell out of love with me.
i certainly wish that was not the case. i love her very much still. i will probably never be over her

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 11:40 AM
reply to post by thing fish


You should really extricate yourself right out of that situation. Try to spend your time with a woman who will willingly, even eagerly put out for you, buddy!

Pining away for someone who doesn't love you is only hurting you, my friend. Old buddy, old pal!

posted on Dec, 14 2008 @ 11:47 AM
I don't know if I can be helpful to you, but you pulled on my heartstrings so I will take a chance at this...

Your wife may feel she needs to find herself, or some new path, and experiencing your friendship and love from a freedom perspective may have been one way.
She certainly still loves you, and with so much love in return, I can see why, and she may never want to give that sense of security up.
She trusts you, physically, and that is yes familiar, but she may be experiencing it in a new way.
You will be giving her a great gift by allowing her to discover herself while still loving her.
And I admire your ability to love in spite of her rejection.
I hope that you find the love from a woman who appreciates that you love unconditionally or have the ability to.
A rare quality.
I wish you luck in the process.
Learn from it what you can.
It sounds lovely from here.

posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 10:40 AM
thanks everyone for your advice.
why is love so tough? i feel like there is a giant monkey on my back and i can't shake em off.
i will be staying over there christmas eve(and hopefully having some sex) and then having coffee and biscottii in the morning with her before i start my day.

having been divorced for almost 2 months now i know i should be trying to move on and walk away but i am still very much in love with her. we still talk every day. i start to get very anxious and a heavy feeling on my chest of a lot of time has gone by and we have not talked.
i hate all these emotions. if i had any sort of a backbone i would just leave it be but i can't. i know i can't.

i still love her..i just wish i knew why she wanted things to be different

posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 11:01 AM
reply to post by thing fish

Bottom line is, if you have exhausted every possible means of trying to work things out with her, and you are not getting what you want out of the relationship - then, time to move on. Fill your life with new people and new possibilities.

posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 12:57 PM
reply to post by GoldenAge

i know we are not going to get back together and it breaks my heart. i will never find someone as sweet as her that likes me for me.
it is very depressing you know.

posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 07:21 PM
reply to post by thing fish

There are sweet, beautiful women EVERYWHERE, thing fish. Just gotta find them and get to know them

posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 10:27 PM
Man I feel your pain.

I was once engaged to a woman who was my first real true love. Everything was perfect between us, we were happy there was romance, we were two peas in a pod. One day she says. I love you do much I'll never leave you, after a nightmare I had had about the exact situation. two weeks later. we break up. she dumps me, over a very serious issue regarding a pregnancy. moves out. takes our only car. clears out our joint account, and makes me her emergency contact number for when her rent checks bounce and the land lord would come a calling me looking for her. How would I know she dumped me I would reply. But the truth was I would be going over to her house every other day. I would cook for her at her request all of the favorite dishes that she liked to eat. We would sleep in the same bed together, cuddle, but when I would try to kiss her she would pull away. I would cry in her arms and plead with her to tell me why, but she wouldn't give me an answer other than I'll always love you.

Eventually we had a big fight coming back from an evening at the getty center looking at monet's etc... cuddling while watching the art. couples were all mumbling to their lovers what a cute couple we made. little did they know that we had just broken up our engagement, and that she was leaving me for ever. and that I didn't know why. turned out she had a history of doing this to other men. found that out from her mom later, who stopped talking to her because of this. So on the ride home she starts telling me how pissed her family was at me. I responded defensively, we fought, she wanted to get out of the car. we were a few blocks from her apartment. and my last memory of her was me looking at her in the rear view mirror driving off slowley as she wrapped her jacket around her hunched over and walked off into the night way from me and out of my life.

so I understand your confusion and pain. took me a long time to get over her. but I did, and so will you.

posted on Dec, 15 2008 @ 10:35 PM
Although I got over her, I have to admit that I have never found in 6 years since this episode or have been as close or intimate with a woman as I was with her. the emotional connection was literally like the feeling of two hearts beating as one. That's what I miss. I date but have never found the same satisfaction emotionally. that's what I'm looking for now. I want to get some intensely romantic flame in my life started again with somebody who will have the right chemistry with me and make me feel, sorry to sound cheesy, complete.

So if there are any emotionally available women out there in ATS land know that thing fish and bassplyr are all about it, and we can be reached via U2U!

[edit on 15-12-2008 by BASSPLYR]

[edit on 15-12-2008 by BASSPLYR]

posted on Dec, 16 2008 @ 10:07 AM
thanks for posting bass..
i know down here in reality that at some point in my life i will more than likely get into another serious relationship. i know it don't feel like it now but it will probably happen. i worry about the connection that you mention though.

there is no doubt in my mind that i will never be loved like i was with my wife. it's just not going to happen. i am not the most attractive guy around. i am covered in tattoos and have a pretty strong personality. i don't have a whole lot to offer a woman.
i feel like my wife loved me stronger than will ever be felt again.

i think she still loves me. she called me last night and wanted to know if i wanted to get together with her tonight and go have sushi and just hang out.

this is not typical behavior of divorced people. i really feel like she thinks she made a mistake.
i am going to try and have a serious heart to heart with her tonight cause even if there is a slim chance she wants to get back together, i am game.
i love her and i really don't think i will ever stop. i know from now and into the future, all females that enter my life will be compared to her.

posted on Dec, 16 2008 @ 12:11 PM
yeah, she still may be thinking things over as to weather or not she really wants to leave. but I have to warn you. the case with me was that my ex- was using me to emotionally comfort her after she dumped me. She wanted her cake and to eat it too.

We broke off contact and never spoke again. she gave me some really corny line like if it's meant to be we'll meet again. please...(rolls eyes)

I too am a pretty intense person. Real deep thinker. ( I know it doesn't seem like it from my general posts here at ATS) intensely passionate about my interests. not looking to bang around. multi-talented. renaissance man of sorts. So I often wonder how rare a woman who will accept all of my foibles really is. But you never know. romance is probably living two blocks away wondering when she is ever going to meet a guy like you. I'm looking hopefully forward. trying to get over my past etc... shed my skin. Thinking more like peter gabriels sledgehammar. that's what I want to be...for someone.

posted on Dec, 19 2008 @ 09:49 AM
reply to post by BASSPLYR


Boy I can sure empathize with what you're saying here!

I too have spent years reading and studying a lot of weird and esoteric stuff, at ATS and other places. I feel like I have so much knowledge amassed now, that I can barely even relate to the average ordinary "normal" people. You know, the people who are only interested in TV, celebrities, sports, gossip and all that.

I too find myself wishing I could find someone who could actually relate to this whole side of me. Someone I could have lengthy conversations about "Sumerian cuneiform" with, LOL!

But I also know that the chances of finding such a person are like 1000000000 to 1, and so I wait.... *sigh*

posted on Dec, 19 2008 @ 04:48 PM
reply to post by BASSPLYR

geez your ex was a bi**h bass... and i thought only women were treated badly in those situations!! thingfish, me n you should just throw a huge pity party for ourselves and all the rest who have "loved and lost"...

posted on Dec, 19 2008 @ 06:54 PM
You know, the longer you hang on the harder it's going to hit you when and if she decides to have nothing further to do with you. I'm not trying to be hurtful, just a little realistic. Have you considered why she still wants you around? Aside from the fact that you are willing to be there, perhaps she's just using it to comfort herself until she adjusts. Since she made the decision to divorce, she'll likely be the one to cut the final ties as well.

Then again, maybe she's trying to give you the space to cut the ties.

Thing is, do you want to be in way when that cord gets cut? Or perhaps it's better to cut it yourself, cauterize the wound and start getting YOUR life back together. Yeah, it's gonna hurt like a mudder, but where is it better the pain comes from? From her it will be all the more reason to feel worthless and confused.

And really, you can't know that you'll never find someone as sweet as her, just whether or not you think it's worth trying for. But here's a serious caveat: If you go around looking for someone like her, you could get your heart broken all over again. As sweet as she is, she still divorced you. maybe it's time for something different. And the only way to find that is to put her behind you.

Sincerly, I wish you the best in luck, love and life.

posted on Dec, 20 2008 @ 12:46 AM
yeah your right, she was/is a B@*#$& but the sex was real good.

Invite me to that party. I'll bring the booze!!!

posted on Dec, 20 2008 @ 06:32 PM
I find it so strange that you two still enjoy each others company and have sex. It sounds better than being married!

Most married people I know seem to be uninterested in their spouses, they don't really seem to enjoy each others company, and actually seem indifferent or border line angry at each other.

The fact that she divorced you is very telling. There's something else happening here that either you don't know about, or haven't yet shared with us.

If I were you I would try to go on some dates just for fun and also keep seeing your ex. But keep in mind she'll probably start going on dates too.

Having just written that, I'm thinking if you still love her as much as you have described maybe the best thing to do is stop seeing her for awhile and go on some dates. Then see what happens.

When a woman rejects a man who loves her it sends your self esteem plummeting.

Why is it harder for men? Men are the one's who are supposed to do the pursuing, the hunting for women. Women can just show up somewhere looking cute and wait for a guy to approach her. A guy has to look great, have money and a great car. He has to show a lot of confidence.

We all know that guys being guys will have sex with almost anything. So your ex will come across a lot of guys who will actively pursue her. You will have to get yourself in great shape, look great, have money to spend and have a good car, etc.

Your ex just has to show up somewhere looking cute. This is why it's harder for most guys when they get divorced.

And to be honest, when a women initiates a break-up/divorce it usually means she is seeing someone else, or really, really wants to see someone else.

You seem like a really nice/sensitive person. You should go very cautiously, be prepared for more heartbreak when you discover who she's seeing.

Keep in mind, there are tons of people out there looking for someone. Work on improving yourself, get into shape, work out, play guitar build your confidence and start dating. You'll probably have a great time.

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