Is your anus acting weird?

To put your worries about your anus in perspective you need to do three things..

1) The first thing you need to do is look at your diet.
have you been aggravating your anus that way?

2) Anus contact.. make a list of things that come in contact with your anus.
Chairs, soaps, clothing and items. discuss this list with co-workers and friends... even strangers can bring light to your anus.

3) One of the things guys have to worry about is the prostate
maybe while your at the doctors discussing your anus you should get your prostate checked.

and maybe your constant talk about your anus is frustrating for it
maybe your anus is use to doing all the talking and now your monopolizing all the conversation. be quiet for a while ,meditate, and let your anus do the talking for once....listen to your anus.. it may be trying to tell you something

Hope you find the reason your anus is acting out towards you
before its to late











[edit on 13-9-2008 by The Utopian Penguin]

While still unclear as to whether this thread is a serious topic, or posted jokingly..or perhaps a bit of both..I was reminded of a little story.

When the Lord made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.
The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body,he should be boss.
The legs argued that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss.
The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss.
The Eyes said that without them, man would be helpless, so they should be boss.
Then the Anus applied for the job.
The other body parts laughed so hard, that the Anus became mad and closed up.
After a few days, the Brain went foggy,
the Legs got wobbly, the Stomach got ill
the Eyes got crossed and unable to see.
They all conceded and made the Anus Boss.
This proves that you don't have to be a Brain to be Boss...
Just an Anus...

BlackOps....."assteroids.....!!*....now *that* made me giggle...

And to the OP....I will refrain from making any jokes about bums and p**....this could be serious, as a few people have pointed out, and I don't see that it should be a bad thing to air our problems in public...after all, we all have bums....and we have to get to the bottom of this.....(sorry....*blush*)

Anyway...my point is...it might be a simple allergy...to loo paper....seriously! I have it and so do a few other people I know...it can be hell...especially if you have really sensitive skin. Avoid the cushiony, quilted stuff like the plague, and try the simple recycled economy no-frills type...much less likely to upset you.

Cait


( I just can't believe I posted here.....*embarrassed*)

[edit on 13-9-2008 by caitlinfae]

only time mine complains is when im blocked up with too much cheese thats turned to glue.

oh, the pain! the pain of it all

I'm thinking it might be a lunar eclipse of your anus..

On a serious note (of the trumpet) to the original poster, i thought it only fair to warn you, you are becoming the butt of everyones jokes..but they are all big @55 holes...j/k
any other odd bodily functions you care to share, i for one would love to know more..such stimulating conversation..hope you get to the bottom on this asstounding issue.

[edit on 14-9-2008 by nuts!]

I am going to butt in and assume this is asstronomically serious. I suggest you get some of those adult wet Ones moist towelettes if your burning to get rid of the discomfort. Perhaps you could call the poo whisperers anonymous.



[edit on 9/14/2008 by eye open doors]

reply to post by caitlinfae

Anyway...my point is...it might be a simple allergy...to loo paper....seriously! I have it and so do a few other people I know...it can be hell...especially if you have really sensitive skin. Avoid the cushiony, quilted stuff like the plague, and try the simple recycled economy no-frills type...much less likely to upset you.

My daughter and I have the same allergy, but in reverse. We cannot use the cheap stuff, only expensive brands.
Only the most luxurious ever touches my patootie!

Woah,

www.southparkfiles.com...

It's been a few years now and I'm sure the world has been waiting in suspense to see the conclusion of the OP's anus issues. Hopefully they will come back one day and fill everyone in.

ok... as funny as this is, certain frequencies can do weird things to your anus. I'm not even joking. Yes, myth busters tried to debunk the "brown note" and the guy did report all sorts of bodily sensations... like intense feelings in his chest but did not lose his bowel contents. at that point he was doing the headphones, but i debate whether that is the proper way because I don't think it is what your ears here, but the sensitive nerves in your actual bottom that pick up these vibrations. i think they might have tried it another way without headphones but i also debate whether it will work if you are expecting it... because your brain has essentially "warned" the nerves to be on stand by for catastrophe in your pants.

let the brown note catch your ass offgaurd and i bet you'll be trotting to the bathroom unless your stomach is pretty empty...which is another thing. Sometimes you're just not ready to go. Period.

in any case, people say there are weird frequencies about... both natural and manmade. the anus is full of nerves. There is no doubt that it could be picking up on SOMETHING. I'm not expert on how or what but just think about it... sensitive nerves pick up on things.

you could have someone with scalar messing with your anus because it's one of the easier parts to toy with being so sensitive and can evoke a lot of deep rooted negative (or positive) feelings.... although i'd say this is rare for most people to be worrying about, but you never know.

anybody seen the music thread?

LOL

This thread made my evening,classic.
However at the risk of being the butt of everyone's jokes,something similar happened to me a few years back. Honestly lookin at the time frame of the OP,it was actually around the same time,no joke.I'm sure that is just coincedence.

Anyhow I had my first bout with hemroids around that time,hemroids won TKO round 4,lol.
While the OP may have been a joke and I know it is quite old,I thought I would share my embarrassing experience for blanks and giggles.
Actually it really freaked me out,like I never had any kind of problems in that area in my life (aside from occassional constipation)

So I went to the doctor because I was pretty darn uncomfortable and a little freaked as mentioned,he said it was likely hemroids.He thought I had both external and internal,and I should see a specialist,or schedule a colonoscopy.I refused,so I stayed home from work a few days and a weekend,used the "tucks" for a couple of weeks and changed my diet quite signifigantly.I don't know maybe a week or so passed and I was cool.
I eat more fiber,wheat,etc. And eat a bit less red meat which I love,but actually I have stayed with my diet changes through the years and have lost some weight,and feel better.

But it was funny as anything,when I told my boss why I was out of work a few days.I still occasionally hear a jab from my co-workers about it,but the jokes are pretty darn funny.

And while I probably shared too much about myself that no one on ATS really cared to hear, I don't care,I'm just in one of those can't sleep moods.

So if you don't like it Kiss my arse,but then you may get hemmroids on your face.

ugh...

...starting to wonder why I revived this thread.