posted on Aug, 8 2008 @ 10:35 AM
I guess I'm not so different than every person at one point in time, in their lives. We all essentially go through identical situations, with
identical people, and identical outcomes.....but I just want to change the world. And why Can't I? I can't because...in this situation - it's
simply not my place.
I have this friend, I'll call her Amanda. Amanda has a jerk of a boyfriend (if you ask me) named Jack. They've been together for 5 years, and its
only recently that Amanda and I have become really great friends. We've worked together for 3 years, but this summer we've bonded and become
I met Jack when she first started working at the Hotel, they live in the Staff Accommodation on the property. When I met him, I got that feeling -
you know the one - that something isn't quite right. Something about his eyes, the kind of eyes that freak you out a little bit. It looks to me
like she loves him more than he loves her... My suspicion of Jack, was confirmed, when the first employee was asked to move out of the Staff Accom,
because he annoyed Jack.
Why did he annoy Jack? It just so happens, that the guy asked to move out, irritated Jack because he stepped in the middle of an abusive argument
between Jack and Amanda. Amanda was sitting in the kitchen crying, while Jack told her how worthless she was without him, and how lazy she was, and
that she didn't deserve a guy like him because he was too good for her. This guy, stepped in and said "Hey man, I don't think that's really
appropriate talk, I don't think this is right."
Jack's reply was something along the lines of "Get the **** out of my ******* house and find yourself somewhere else to ******* live." In the end,
Amanda backed up Jack when it came to the discussion with the boss' saying "No no, Jack didn't do that, he's a nice guy. The new guy just
doesn't like us."
Let me expalin this nice guy: He's 29, and he doesnt have a job. Yet, he drives into town every day (in a vehicle Amanda paid for), which is 25kms
out of town. He quads the rest of the day away on his brand new quad. He doesn't work. Amanda is the sole provider in their relationship. Amanda
does not do ANYTHING without first checking with Jack if its okay. I found out the other day, that she phones him from work to ask if I can come over
after work for a visit. I stop in at her house upwards of 4 times a week for a visit. She has certain friends she can hang out with - I am one of
them because I buy Smokes in town for Jack some days when he doesn't make it in - therefore I'm okay to hang out with Amanda.
Last week, one of mine and Amanda's mutual friends, ran into Jack in the grocery store. Apparently Amanda had told our friend Robin that she would
lend Robin $100 till payday. Jack didn't know about it. When Jack found out, he freaked out on Robin in the middle of the grocery store. "She
doesn't do anything without MY approval. I am her boss and she can't spend MY money until I say." The conversation was one-sided, and consisted
of lots of yelling. In the end, Amanda begged Jack to let her lend the money to Robin (it was for a family funeral, all the kdis were kicking in money
to send home to bury their uncle, and Robin was short on cash till payday). When Amanda gave Robin the money, she'd be crying, and she was shaking.
She denied being scared of Jack. She just kept saying: "He Loves me."
This is difficult for me to see, and not do anything about. I grew up in a family with two loving parents. My dad is the kind of person who, if I
was Amanda, I'm sure he'd put Jack 6 feet under in a heartbeat. I've grown up with the mentality, that people don't treat each other this way.
Its easy for me to say that I would leave Jack if I was Amanda - and its easy for me to want her to leave him, she deserves better. Its not easy for
her to see it, and I want her to see it. Therein lies the problem - I know its not my place.
I've never asked her about Jack. I've always let her talk to me when she needs to talk, and I never pry. I know this is a delicate situation, and
me saying "You can do better." won't do anything, but make her upset with me. She's told me "Their good days are great, and their bad days are
nightmares." I replied with "Amanda, I don't think you deserve the nightmares." and she said "But they're just words. I know he loves me, and
I know he doesnt mean anything."
What I am scared of...is when they stop being words...what if one day he hits her? What if one day, her nightmare continues, and she never wakes up?
I am so scared for her, and I know, there isn't anything I can do about it... I'm between a rock and a hard place...I just want to help her find
her strength and I know I can't.
It's disheartening to learn, that there are some things, I just can not change...She has to want it herself. I want her to want it, I want her to
know she doesn't need him. I want to change her world - It just isn't my place to do so.