"The Porn Myth"

reply to post by kosmicjack

Have you actually seen porn this century? You can find any kind of porn you want for free with a quick search. You can find any kind of porn you want at a local store in anytown USA. My point is not to insult, sorry if I came off harsh, the point is that porn is not 'all 10's'.

Sex between 2 people should be how they want it. If 2 people don't want the same thing they shouldn't be together sexually.

If anything since the advent of the internet you should realize 2 things about porn:

1: you dont have to have a huge penis to satisfy a woman, you should do what she wants to satisfy her.

2: you certainly don't have to be a supermodel to have sex, or get a man. not even close.

My wife and I watch porn all the time. She doesen't think that she has to look like Jenna Jameson to satisfy me. I don't think I have to be hung like Johnny Holmes to satisfy her. Some porn she likes more, some I like more, some we both really like.

Watch it or don't. Know what you want and ask for it nicely. Communicate with your partner.

Originally posted by Sonya610

But at the same time, anyone that looks to find their soul in another partner is bound to be disappointed. And honesty I do think the obsession with sex and dating is often just that. Searching for something that cannot be defined and that can not be found in another human for the vast majority.

[edit on 9-8-2008 by Sonya610]

I would agree. I think that is why it is so important to know who you are, and accept yourself (love yourself) first. Before choosing a partner. It shouldnt be about "you need to make me feel better about myself." Ideally it would be, "I already feel good about myself, and so do you, so lets work together as a team to go about the business of life." Be that childrearing, careers, sex, traveling, personal development, whatever your collective goals happen to be.

In order to negotiate that kind of arrangement, you have to know yourself, and be willing to look at the other person honestly, and really evaluate if it is a workable situation. It isnt the sort of arrangement that can be made out of denial or desperation. People DO change, and they do change for the better, but generally speaking not because of being guilted, brow beaten, rejected or threatened. It doesnt tend to happen when "change" is the goal. When people do change for the better it is usually a natural blossoming in a reaction to real acceptance and love that is unconditional. No motive. A real appreciation.

It isnt easy in this culture to get that unconditional love from others. So many of us are damaged, disappointed and afraid ourselves. Its hard to give what you dont have yourself. Which is why I think that old saying that you have to love yourself first is so true. Although in my own translation, the word "love" translates to "accept" more than the modern spin on love that is more along the lines of "want" or "desire" or "feel strongly positive about."

In short, I agree with your conclusion. Seeking that undefined something (which I would define as acceptance and satisfaction) in another is the problem, not the solution.

Originally posted by Karlhungis
I think that porn can be a problem in a lot of relationships, but I think the bigger problem is the poor communication between couples. If people were able to freely discuss their sexual desires, wants, needs, turn ons and turn offs...etc, then perhaps they wouldn't choose to use porn as a sexual outlet. I think in a healthy relationship that porn could be used in a relatively "healthy" manner.

Most men do not use porn as any sort of measuring stick for women. Women seem to torment themselves with this belief for some reason. I think that most men just enjoy looking at naked women.... It is kind of a natural instinct ya know? When the subject becomes taboo and the man feels like he has to do it in secret or still looks at it even though his significant other has asked him to stop , then it becomes a problem. If a relationship isn't healthy, then I can easily see porn being used as an outlet for sexual frustration...which then compounds the unhealthy relationship.

I think this is a perfect time for all you people out there that play WOW. Must see video.....


YOUTUBE LINK (Couldn't get Video link to work, use this. WARNING, A COUPLE OF CUSS WORDS IN HERE.)

You gotta get a kick out of that...funny!!!

Anyway, Karhungis, I think what you said here sums it up. I watch porn like most of other guys. Hell, my girl friend sometimes watches it with me. You can imagine where that leads!!!

If women want to do cosmetic surgery, so be it. If it makes them feel better, so be it. I truly believe, just like Hungis (what a name for this thread!!! :lol says, I think it depends on the relationship. I love porn, but it sure hasn't steered me into stereotyping women or any such thing.

EDIT: couldn't get video window to show here, use link.

[edit on 9-8-2008 by Quazi176]

[edit on 9-8-2008 by Quazi176]

[edit on 9-8-2008 by Quazi176]

reply to post by Quazi176


Lol, that was really cute.

I love those little movies some people make using video game characters. I have seen some really fantastic ones, and that one definitely is getting emailed to some friends.

reply to post by Quazi176


OMG!

I laughed until I had TEARS in my eyes!



Very creative and very true for some people!

reply to post by Quazi176



LOL. That was good. And very realistic.

That video made me very sad.

When will I ever get to spend almost an entire year playing a cool game like that again? I was level 60 back when that was as high as it went. It was a great great year to be able to do nothing but play that game and drink beer........hey.....that game was like Porn man! I played it 12hrs a day at least. My wife was so cool about it.....sigh.....I miss it alot. While watching the video I was thinking about how I could....you know....maybe play the game again.....but this time just on the weekends....I mean just a couple hours a day at most....you know....just pace myself...small doses.....BUT I know I couldn't and I would just end up failing out of school and still have to pay $100,000 and counting in student loans and then wouldn't be able to afford my WoW monthly dues and then my wife would leave me because I was addicted to Porn....I mean WoW.

Crap! Maybe when I am lying in a hospice dying of cancer I will be allowed to play again and this time......I will achieve level 75! or as high as it goes. I will be the greatest Dark Elf Rogue to ever live! SvenGallie will be resurrected!!!!!

(alot of tongue and cheek....but seriously....I miss that damn game.)

Originally posted by RogerT
reply to post by DuneKnight

 

Sorry I got it wrong then bro'

Being from Egypt kinda gave you an excuse for being a tad prudish and emotionally constipated.

If that's got nothing to do with it, and your philosophy is your own invention and not learned, then I guess that's just your bag.

Personally I think your posts display a lack of sophistication, and have somewhat of a 'religious' flavor, but that's just my ignorant opinion.

For it is God that gave you sight, yet MAN chooses to waste it on such filth! Hear me heathen, repent or shall be damned!

oh please dont cry...i promise to never be prude again.

reply to post by Res Ipsa


Lol. It IS a fun game. I love MMO's, (and the rpgs, and action rpg's that preceded them on console systems.)

I couldnt play during school either. When you have to read some horribly boring author, or book, (The Concept of Law by H. L. A. Hart comes to mind, worst writer in all of philosophy in my opinion, although any accounting text is right up there in the snooze factor.) questing is just sooo much more appealing.

There are days when I play a marathon, but there are also days, (or weeks and months) where I dont play at all. In my active phases, I just set an endpoint a specific time when I pack it in and allow myself only a 15 minute window to "finish what I am doing." Gaming beats the heck out of watching boring, formulaic television shows for a couple hours a day, as a lot of people do. AND, (justification here) gaming keeps the mind sharp.

www.usatoday.com...

Studies of patients with Alzheimer's, dementia or attention deficit disorder have found that those who play games have better speech and brain function. "If we could do this with video games, what will that mean as far as turning the corner with dementia disorders?" asks Kathleen Hall, founder of The Stress Institute in Clarkesville, Ga.

And;

www.msnbc.msn.com...

NEW YORK - All those years on the couch playing Nintendo and PlayStation appear to be paying off for surgeons. Researchers found that doctors who spent at least three hours a week playing video games made about 37 percent fewer mistakes in laparoscopic surgery and performed the task 27 percent faster than their counterparts who did not play video games.

Maybe internet porn has some benefits and they just havent been discovered yet?

Originally posted by Illusionsaregrander


Maybe internet porn has some benefits and they just havent been discovered yet?

Well, I'll keep up my "hands on" experiments and let you know.

Seriously, I honestly believe that it depends on the person if porn is dangerous to ones relationship. It might help some relationships or it might make it crash and burn. If your into porn, you better find someone who's into it also.

If a girl is pissed that her boyfriend is watching porn, then I think she might have a self-esteem problem. (I know what some of you girls are thinking, "Why look at porn? They have Me?") Guys watch porn, get over it. It's Guy's Law #3, right below drinking beer and watching sports (Doesn't matter what order).

Hey,
my laws are a bit different.......beer is up there. fantasy football is up there....golf.

but if my wife doesn't want me watching Porn because she feels threatened, well then I can try and change her personality or accept that it is hurtful to her......in my case....I was an absolute dog in college and she was there to witness my.....Austin Powers type mojo.....so she has every reason to feel threatened by even any comments I might make from time to time.....I made my bed so I better damn well be able to accept it.

....not really an issue as far as Porn because like I said before, it is comical to me. I'm 41, been there done that, it just doesn't appeal to me anymore....kind of like watching Saturday morning cartoons....I out grew the interest. Not only Porn but even the thought of cheating on my wife, or a threesome, it just isn't fun enough to make it worth the consequences, and I don't mean my wife getting all mad, I mean the emotional consequences you can't avoid that you give yourself. No moral lesson for any of you that rock and roll in that world....but for me it just made my 2nd marriage a joke in my own mind and there was nothing special left about it and I wanted out so bad because there was nothing making it "feel" like a marriage. I tried to reboot my mind with logic and every thing else but I killed that marriage in my own mind and couldn't do a thing to change my mind or feel too much more than maybe different degrees of apathy from time to time
There is no cure after having an affair, whether you are caught or not, you tainted the marriage forever.....you may survive it and be happy....but not like you would have been. (nope, never was caught, nope never lied about it either)

This is a touchy subject. I'm a woman by the way, 45, married for the third time. (under a year) Sex is an issue of late, porn and taking pic's of naked chicks at a bike wash came up. Pissed me off because he lied...yeah it bugged me no doubt, but lying about it pissed me off even more.

I was under the assumption that we were tight, close, shared all...that kind of thing. I was shocked to tell you the truth. He continues to lie about things, little things. I find it wierd....

I personally love sex, and we have had some great nights together, I was looking forward to more. We talked a lot and shared some intimate things about what we liked after the "incident". It made me think about what I was doing or not doing....yada yada...very cool and a super turn on...

However, the lies continue and have separated us and I just can't seem to get over it. I want the REAL deal, not something made up. I don't need your money, or you to save me, don't tell me what you think I want to hear...

Do I have insecurities? You bet, I'm a human being. Does him watching other women bother me? Of course, especially when I'm lied to about it. Just sends my mind into overload... I don't think about competition, well not until he kept lying to me...now I feel it quite a bit....

I need intellectual intercourse to function. Tell me honestly what you like, don't like, sexual or otherwise and let's talk about it, hash it out and we will know each other for real....have a deeper relationship and have respect for each other...that is the real turn on.

Men are visual no doubt, I can smack him upside the head when he turns it in another direction and we can laugh about it because it means nothing...but if you don't have the trust, the real deal goin' on then everything else interferes...truly sucks.

You have to have a connection, a real, deep, honest connection then nothing can get in the way...I'm not sure that is attainable between two people. Bummer....

I'm not much into porn myself, it's just too fake for me...however, I don't judge anyone for it, what ever floats your boat. Watching two people get it on can be a turn on because of the act and what it puts into your head, get's you thinkin' about it...starts the motor. But you can get the "idea" by watching some commercials...ha ha ha...

Porn like anything else has the potential to destroy. It can be like any other addiction...

Originally posted by Res Ipsa I'm 41, been there done that, it just doesn't appeal to me anymore....

...but for me it just made my 2nd marriage a joke in my own mind and there was nothing special left about it and I wanted out so bad because there was nothing making it "feel" like a marriage.

Wait a minute, you are 41 and on at least your third marriage (?) and you are angry with your spouse over the kids thing?

Your THIRD marriage and NOW kids are an issue? They weren’t an issue during the first two? But they are NOW? Uhhh…41…average live span is what…75? So that puts you at about midlife. Hmmm.

Sorry to call you out on that but you have made a big deal of it and that is just very odd.


[edit on 11-8-2008 by Sonya610]

Sonya,

kids are no issue what so ever. never ever has been, with any wife.

I didn't know I needed to have a personal stake in the abortion issue to have an opinion.

-------------------------------------

To the poster with the white lying husband,

I can't think of anything more annoying than a person that lies to you when there is no reason to. If he watches porn more often than you like than maybe watch it with him some.....or just ask him to moderate his intake because it bothers you.....or ask for some compromise meaning you give in or up on something in order for him to give up the lying.....the lying has to be made the big issue not the porn.

I like the amateur porn . . . especially the home made stuff. Real women (at least real looking). I have watched porn since 1997.

I have never dated a woman that looks like a porn star. I do not like that look at all.

GF 1: 5'1" 129 lbs B cup
GF 2: 5'2" 120 lbs B cup
GF 3: 5'7" 156 lbs. DD cup
GF 4: 5'4" 136 lbs. DD cup
GF 5/Wife: 5'6" 160 lbs. C cup

They were all beautiful to me (and my wife still is ). All of them knew I watched porn. Only one who freaked was GF 1, and that was not because of the porn. (Short story . . . Senior year of high school. GF was a sophomore. Got all jealous because a cheerleader gave me a hug . . . went spastic because her body type was not a cheerleader body. Took a while to convince her that she was beautiful.)

I think it is all in the head, seriously.

It is all in communication.

As was said before, I do not go kill people and commit other crimes because I play Grand Theft Auto. I do not go torture people because I watched Saw. I do not worship Satan because I have Marilyn Manson on my mp3 player . . .

Same goes for porn

reply to post by kosmicjack


Not only is it porn, but now they have line after line of very realistic dolls that are replacing women for anti-social men or men that are perfectionist when it comes to women. In Japan they are making such dolls that now moan while touch, scream like they are having orgasms, and some even look like pre-pubescent girls for those who have all kinds of taste.

I often wonder why men are so much more into this stuff than women. I know plenty of women who have fun with porn and adult "toys". But none that strive for the perfect man when it comes to a sexual image, I certainly don't know any who would buy a life sized doll or even an attractive hooker. It is something about men that remains a mystery to me.

[edit on 11-8-2008 by rapinbatsisaltherage]

reply to post by rapinbatsisaltherage


I actually disagree with the "women dont do that" part. Women absolutely DO have their own version of porn. It just isnt visual, except for the covers. Romance novels. There is very definitely a "type" in romance novels, related to both looks and behavior and it is very unrealistic and as unfair to the average man as male porn is to females.

My own take on porn as it relates to the men in my life is that it isnt any of my business unless they make it my business.

I dont enjoy it. I really dont want to sit there and watch it. It doesnt turn me on, and I dont want to include it in my sex life. I dont want it downloaded in my computer and I dont want to pay for it.

What he does with his eyes, his computer, and his money is his own business. We have a mine, yours and ours financial arrangement. I asked for it to be that way because I like my money handled in a certain way, and I dont like anyone messing with it. Period. Same with my computer. The joint account for joint expenses is for bills, trips, groceries, etc. There shouldnt be personal spending going on there. He has his own credit cards, and checking account for his money, (and I have mine) and how he wants to spend it is his business in my opinion. If he makes it my problem, by becoming addicted and ruining our joint finances, there will be a big problem. But that goes for anything, gambling, drinking, shopaholicness, etc.

So, he doesnt have to hide it from me. I dont ask for the most part, and he doesnt regale me with tales, and everything is fine. He CAN talk about it if he wants, I am not offended by it. It isnt a big deal to me at all. For me, it is like eggplant. I just dont like eggplant, and I am not eating it, period. You can have all the eggplant you want, as long as you dont expect me to eat it with you.


[edit on 11-8-2008 by Illusionsaregrander]

Do women still read romance novels?

I remember my gran reading mills and boon, but she died at age 97 a couple of decades ago.

I thought all that tall dark handsome stranger stuff had been relegated to horoscopes and disney

Originally posted by rapinbatsisaltherage
I often wonder why men are so much more into this stuff than women. I know plenty of women who have fun with porn and adult "toys". But none that strive for the perfect man when it comes to a sexual image, I certainly don't know any who would buy a life sized doll or even an attractive hooker. It is something about men that remains a mystery to me.

I don't think its just about the dolls being the perfect sexual image. I think its a bunch of things:

a) they are easily available, most women are not really that easy
b) some guys are into stuff that many women are not into
c) some guys may prefer to keep their sexuality private (as in not share it with another live person)
d) some guys for whatever reason don't want to socialize, and prefer to keep the "woman" in the closet and drag her out

I couldn't get into the dolls (even though they do make a male version, I think its mostly for gay men though), or male prostitutes. But heck if science ever came up with a truly lifelike android that could be programmed to talk/act in a natural way to my preferences, wow I would be all about that! If it seemed real (except perfect of course) I could not care less if it were truly biological.

Originally posted by Illusionsaregrander
My own take on porn as it relates to the men in my life is that it isnt any of my business unless they make it my business.

I agree, but I think sometimes it becomes a problem because it is TOO obvious.

Years ago I had a friend, dated a year and then had the big white wedding. I recall her calling me FURIOUS one day after we had gone shopping. Apparently she got home, then decided to run out for a pack of cigarettes. She was gone 15 minutes and when she returned her groom had obviously relieved himself in an intimate way all over the toilet seat, and she noticed the Victoria's Secret catalogue had moved too.

This was 12 years ago, before porn was so common. She went on a rant about how he seemed obsessed with pleasuring himself every chance he got whenever she left the house, or even when she went to bed (he stayed liked to stay up for a few more minutes and it was obvious what he was doing). and he was NOT all that interested in real life sex. Sad thing was they had only been married for a few months. In his case I don't think the problem was actually porn. She confronted him about it and he said "well its my house and I can do what I want".

When its too obvious it will become a problem unless the woman either has a similar interest or is not that interested in sex.

Now if it is NOT obvious I agree, what they do is their own business as long as it does not negatively interfere with the real life sex.

[edit on 11-8-2008 by Sonya610]