Vote my Cat for President 2004!

Last election, when it was Bushwhacker Vs Al Bore, i could not bring myself to vote for either of these simians, and thus, as a write in candidate, I wrote in Alice Cooper, as my cat, for president.

So, another election rolls around. While Im looking at kerry as a possible taker of my vote, despite the pains of actually punching a chad for a commiecrat, I am also deciding to start the campaign for a new grassroots candidate. My Cat, Alice Cooper, is what America needs right now in the oval office.

Why Alice Cooper? For starters, hes a strong, dominant, yet easy going little guy, with strong opinions and stands on the issues. His views have not changed (except trying to eat a bowl of clam chowder while its cooking on the stove). He is a natural born US citizen, born in Tracy, California, on March 31, 1998. He is 5 years old, in March he will be six, In cat years that would make him 42, old enough to be prez.

Some of the benefits of having him as your commander in chief: he is neutered, so no worries about scandalous affairs with interns. His tastes are simple: a couple scratching posts and cardboard boxes in the oval office for his leisure. he is littler box trained, so you dont have to worry about him polluting the environment with his waste. he is friendly, dimplomatic, persuasive, and everyone who meets him loves him, so hed be perfect in foreign affairs. he takes no # from anyone, and bribes do not work on him: he demands petting, not cash, but even petting wont sway him to do your bidding.

His stands on the issues:

Guns: Declawing a cat is the most unnatural thing you can do, let the cat keep his claws, if he scratches the furniture, clip them.

Abortion: Better to end the suffering before it starts, then for a mother cat to go through the trauma of having to bear her litter only to eat them soon after.

Education: Back to basics. Cats are simply not learning the necessary skills needed to be productive felines in this world. back to yarn chasing, mousing, grooming 101, dog fighting, diplomatic purring, and tree climbing. Quit trying to screw it all up with far out ideas and unproven technologies.

War and Foreign Affairs: Basically, as long as the neighbor cat aint pissin in my yard, I aint gonna lift a paw, just keep my eye on him so he knows to stay the hell on his side. He even extends his wiskers of the territorial boundaries, i shall claw him into oblivion, but unless he does make that first step, it aint none of my biz. My yard is hard enough to patrol as is, I dont care how bad a mouser he is, thats his problem, he needs to deal with it.

War on terrorism: Havent heard any reports on suicide mice bombers, so, until then, Im taking this one as another hoax.

Drugs: Catnip never hurt anyone. better to have a nation full of happy catnip munchers than violent, bitter drunks breaking chairs over peoples heads.

Environment: Only an idiot #s where he eats. theres the littler box, use it, then contact your nearest human to ensure it is disposed of in a proper manner that it will not come back and contaminate my territory. Anycat who craps in ym yard and doesnt bury it is gonna have hell to pay, and bribes of kitty snacks aint gonna cut it. You crap it, you bury it, plain and simple. Or you crap in the flowerbed to recycle it. be efficent. And make sure the mess is properly cleaned up!

Racism: Who cares? Cats come in just about every shape and size and coat color imaginable! They all maul rodents and destroy couches just as good as another. Whether a fluffy white persian or a mongrel tabby hybrid, every cat deserves a chance, the same chance, no special exceptions.

Womens rights: My momma was single and had 5 of us kittens to raise. She mauled more pigeons and sparrows than any other male cat ive ever seen, and kept her litter fed. So, females can and do perform as good as males, and even do it with kittens to raise!

Privacy: I wont tolerate cameras in my litter box during my quiet time with myself, so I sure as hell will fight any laws to install the disgusting things.

Freedom of speech. Meow all you like. If the other cat dont like your howls and mating calls, then they can plug thier ears or go someplace else.

Freedom of religion. I worship cardboard boxes and paper bags. So, Im not about to deny people to pray to whatever the hell they want.

Social security: those sweet grannies need that money, damnit, how else will they feed and hosue the homeless cats of the world?

Those are just some of Alice Coopers stands on the issues. Feel free to ask about any others you may wish. i shall work on getting presidential portraits made up of him to post, so you can get a look at your possible future chief.

VOTE ALICE COOPER!!!!!!!!!

So the rest of the world can say we have a pussy (as in cat) for President? No way!!! :shk:

My cat would run, but there's already a "Doofus" candidate, hehe....

Gazrok, I should slap you silly for comparing any feline to that science experiment sitting in the oval office! Alice Cooper has declared that when he gets elected you shall be fined 100k and forced to apologize to the felines of the world for that insult!

Now get your but back in the room and you apologize to your poor kitty!

....yeah, I might call it sunshine too!
Wait...OOOOOOOhhhhh, I should have read the post.
My bad!

That's from "Harlem Nights" - as in "That Kitty is so good that you could toss it in the air & it'll be like Sunshine"

I like where he stands on most issues but does he play good with others. The president we have now certianly doesn't.
If i see your cat on the ballot i just might vote for it!!!

We're psychicly linked! I almost ran my cat George.

I seriously had been thinking how to write this same post the past couple days.

Except I was leaning more toward 2008 or 2012 as I don't think America is ready for a transgendered female cat named George.

Good post.

I have issued a full apology to my 3 felines, and have paid a hefty fine of Pounce treats.....

I conferred with my three cats and they are all on board! My dogs are vehemently opposed however....

Bush is shakin' in his boots!

Originally posted by Skadi_the_Evil_Elf
Last election, when it was Bushwhacker Vs Al Bore, i could not bring myself to vote for either of these simians, and thus, as a write in candidate, I wrote in Alice Cooper, as my cat, for president.

So, another election rolls around. While Im looking at kerry as a possible taker of my vote, despite the pains of actually punching a chad for a commiecrat, I am also deciding to start the campaign for a new grassroots candidate. My Cat, Alice Cooper, is what America needs right now in the oval office.

Why Alice Cooper? For starters, hes a strong, dominant, yet easy going little guy, with strong opinions and stands on the issues. His views have not changed (except trying to eat a bowl of clam chowder while its cooking on the stove). He is a natural born US citizen, born in Tracy, California, on March 31, 1998. He is 5 years old, in March he will be six, In cat years that would make him 42, old enough to be prez.

Some of the benefits of having him as your commander in chief: he is neutered, so no worries about scandalous affairs with interns. His tastes are simple: a couple scratching posts and cardboard boxes in the oval office for his leisure. he is littler box trained, so you dont have to worry about him polluting the environment with his waste. he is friendly, dimplomatic, persuasive, and everyone who meets him loves him, so hed be perfect in foreign affairs. he takes no # from anyone, and bribes do not work on him: he demands petting, not cash, but even petting wont sway him to do your bidding.

His stands on the issues:

Guns: Declawing a cat is the most unnatural thing you can do, let the cat keep his claws, if he scratches the furniture, clip them.

Abortion: Better to end the suffering before it starts, then for a mother cat to go through the trauma of having to bear her litter only to eat them soon after.

Education: Back to basics. Cats are simply not learning the necessary skills needed to be productive felines in this world. back to yarn chasing, mousing, grooming 101, dog fighting, diplomatic purring, and tree climbing. Quit trying to screw it all up with far out ideas and unproven technologies.

War and Foreign Affairs: Basically, as long as the neighbor cat aint pissin in my yard, I aint gonna lift a paw, just keep my eye on him so he knows to stay the hell on his side. He even extends his wiskers of the territorial boundaries, i shall claw him into oblivion, but unless he does make that first step, it aint none of my biz. My yard is hard enough to patrol as is, I dont care how bad a mouser he is, thats his problem, he needs to deal with it.

War on terrorism: Havent heard any reports on suicide mice bombers, so, until then, Im taking this one as another hoax.

Drugs: Catnip never hurt anyone. better to have a nation full of happy catnip munchers than violent, bitter drunks breaking chairs over peoples heads.

Environment: Only an idiot #s where he eats. theres the littler box, use it, then contact your nearest human to ensure it is disposed of in a proper manner that it will not come back and contaminate my territory. Anycat who craps in ym yard and doesnt bury it is gonna have hell to pay, and bribes of kitty snacks aint gonna cut it. You crap it, you bury it, plain and simple. Or you crap in the flowerbed to recycle it. be efficent. And make sure the mess is properly cleaned up!

Racism: Who cares? Cats come in just about every shape and size and coat color imaginable! They all maul rodents and destroy couches just as good as another. Whether a fluffy white persian or a mongrel tabby hybrid, every cat deserves a chance, the same chance, no special exceptions.

Womens rights: My momma was single and had 5 of us kittens to raise. She mauled more pigeons and sparrows than any other male cat ive ever seen, and kept her litter fed. So, females can and do perform as good as males, and even do it with kittens to raise!

Privacy: I wont tolerate cameras in my litter box during my quiet time with myself, so I sure as hell will fight any laws to install the disgusting things.

Freedom of speech. Meow all you like. If the other cat dont like your howls and mating calls, then they can plug thier ears or go someplace else.

Freedom of religion. I worship cardboard boxes and paper bags. So, Im not about to deny people to pray to whatever the hell they want.

Social security: those sweet grannies need that money, damnit, how else will they feed and hosue the homeless cats of the world?

Those are just some of Alice Coopers stands on the issues. Feel free to ask about any others you may wish. i shall work on getting presidential portraits made up of him to post, so you can get a look at your possible future chief.

VOTE ALICE COOPER!!!!!!!!!

Damn Skadi! Alice Cooper gets my vote all the way! She simply blows away all competition; however, I do have a few questions to ask the candidate:

1. What is her position on border/INS issues?

2. Will she work to legalize or decriminalize marijuana?

3. What will she do with regard to our troops being stationed everywhere in the frockin' world but here at home?

Where can I get an Alice Cooper bumper sticker?


And you, Skadi, definitely have my ATS vote.

Would Alice Cooper be willing to nominate a pooch as her Vice Presidential running mate? (That would be very inclusive.)

Well, to answer your question, Truegimp, he is the leader of my three cat brood. He sometimes has to smack the other cats around to keep them inline, but he also spoends alot of time grooming them, sniffing them to make sure they are allright, and chasing away hostile people and cats. He is very dominant, but very friendly towards others.

RANT, I figured hell, if people can vote for Mickey Mouse or dead guys, why the hell cant my cat run? Constitution doesnt say the prez has to be human, just over 35 and a natural citizen.

to answer your questions, East Coast,

1. My cat does not appreciate unwanted and unchecked persons who have not had thier shots or a flea dip being allowed to mosey on into his territory. If they havent had thier proper vetiniary check ups and grooming, they simply do not come in. If they do enter legally, they will be expected to catch thier share of mice like everyone else, and they wont be getting thier Purina for free. They wanna live here, they had best be prepared to do it like everyone else.
2. His stance is, that people should be allowed thier catnip too. he plans to make it a law that catnip is grown in every house in America, he figures people will be more inclined to grow catnip if they also can grow marijuana. He would like to empty the jails of potheads and other non violent not a danger criminals so he can make space for the life sentanced or death row inmates he plans to send for crimes against cats. So, pot will be legal.
3. The troops abroad will be brought home to assist in the enforcement of question 1. Troops overseas will be brought back home to tighten down and lock up our borders, which, in my cats opinion, is thier job anyway: to protect America and her borders.

Your dog is more than welcome to run as vice president to score cool points with the canine bloc. He shall make sure that every dog in America will have his own hydrant to piss on, and cruelty to dogs will be a capitol offense, liek creulty to cats.

I shall be printing up my own Alice Cooper for prez stickers soon enough, with his own campaign slogans, like "Just cuz Im neutered don't mean I aint got balls" and "the only candidate that has never been part of a wierd colege fraternity that performs evil rites on human remains".

Yes, for the record, Alice cooper has never been part of Skull and Bones, the Freemasons, the Bilderbergs, Zionists, ect. The only secret society he has ever been a part of is a secret milita group of dogs and cats who are planning to assasinate all the vets in the world who have neutered animals.

Fu@#en Awesome!

Cooper's constituents from coast to coast will be thrilled! With the canine block sewn up, Cooper's unbeatable!