We're All Doomed! Classified Bill Againsed Classified Threat!

Rep. John Haller Introduces A Bill ---

Congress will now vote for approval of HR8791, the "Homeland Terrorism Preparedness Bill." Said bill requests emergency response funding, up to and including -- ah... I'm sorry this section is classified -- ah, dollars to prepare for a national level terrorist attack and or attacks from ... [CLASSIFIED]. Funding for first responder personnel and vehicles would be doubled if said attack leads to more than eighty percent of national population being effected by [CLASSIFIED]. This funding shall convenes in conjunction with the first attack on [CLASSIFIED], or the first large scale outbreak of [CLASSIFIED], dependent upon which comes first.

Civilian and military units shall be trained in containment and combat of [CLASSIFIED] including irradiated [CLASSIFIED] with possibility of [CLASSIFIED] airborne [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED] flesh-eating, [CLASSIFIED] and or all of the above in such event as [CLASSIFIED] spewing [CLASSIFIED] escape are released or otherwise become uncontrollable.

Air Force unites may also be directed to combat said -pause- [CLASSIFIED] due to their enormous size and other-worldly strengths. Should event occur in urban areas... Jesus... -long pause- ah... that's classified... far surpassing our darkest nightmares. Should casualties exceed [CLASSIFIED] body disposal actions shall be halted and associated resources shall be reallocated through [CLASSIFIED] underground [CLASSIFIED] protected birthing centers. -ah- New Bill of Rights shall drafted and approved by [CLASSIFIED].

Having now reviewed the bill, I ask you to please cast your votes.





Don't waste your remaining time on this earth by having panic, just follow me and dance instead. Have a nice day!

(edit: ONION'D -- at first this was in the conspiracy forum. First thing this morning actually, you can imagine how fearful it sounded upon getting ready for the day.)

[edit on 25-10-2007 by anhinga]

Sadly, can't watch the vid at the moment but if this is a verbatim text of the video it is very very very scary!

This is from "The Onion". I advise the op to use his Goggle Fu skills and google The Onion at which point he will realize how amazingly silly he is. This site is rapidly being overrun by people who lack fundamental senses of humor.

Scratch that, I think the OP got the point. This is meant for the first reply to the OP.

[edit on 25-10-2007 by Zenagain]

OMG OMG OMG HOW SCARY!!!!

Except for the fact that it says "Onion"Span at the bottom. The selected video came from the fake comedic news source "The Onion" that can be located at www.theonion.com.

Someone ban the tekno viking.

Even if the bill is not real I find the topic hilarious, love the classified sections I laughed my hart out.

Really and honestly I wonder how many hidden bills has been passed away from the prying eyes and ears of we the people of this nation.

We have a dictatorship already in place is call our new and improve government system where you still get to vote but the elites running our governemnt chose the leaders and their roles in our nations best interest(their pockets) and our nations name(when they need a war).

I am still laughing.

This is so NOT funny.

I am a skeptic in all things other-worldly and even I was getting a little freaky-deaked. Thank you Zenagin for slapping my face with some cold hard facts!

These kinds of posts are what have me one click away from being So- Outta-Here ATS.

wow this had me genuinely scared for a moment. But it's relief knowing it came from the onion.

OMFG WTF MAN!!!!!

WE ARE SOOO F-ING DOOMED!!!!

WTF!!! "due to their enormous size and other-worldly strengths" - Air Force. This means Aliens gotta be attacking or something like that.

Sounds like airborne contagents are going to be released, people going to go underground, with birthing centres..... OMFG FEAR is now in me too. Man im scared now. Im really really FREAKED OUT!!!!

Lol the onion. Ok now im not scared. LoL

For the record, there is no John Haller in the US House of Representatives, and upon searching THOMAS, there is no record of HR 8971 being submitted.

you won't find him or the bill because this was broadcast on....
Onion Span

Hahahaha laughing my titties off!!

Techno V, let's run around the street and have a little dance shall we?

MonKey



P.S. It's in the jokes forum people!!

reply to post by ChiKeyMonKey


Actually, for about five minutes this morning, it was on the main ATS forum board tripping people out! Then it was moved. An excellent little pre-Halloween gag...boys will have their fun...

Originally posted by kosmicjack
reply to post by ChiKeyMonKey

 

Actually, for about five minutes this morning, it was on the main ATS forum board tripping people out! Then it was moved. An excellent little pre-Halloween gag...boys will have their fun...

I did look for a MOD EDIT, but didn't see one. Assumption being the mother of all cock ups - My bad!!

MonKey

The scariest part for me is that while i thought it was real, i wasn't phased at all.

[edit on 10/30/2007 by VaporTrail]

That's almost exactly what I heard when I read the omission report! I mean, err... Commission report. Yeah, that's it.

reply to post by DaRAGE
sounds like the annunaki or nephillim...There were giants in those days...

Do a search for nephillim, giants, etc. I think it has to do with 2012/return of planet Nibiru in our orbit or something.