Hundreds of Proofs That God Exists

This site is a real hoot. Check them out (Christians might not appreciate this page, though, so you've been warned).

Some of my favorites:

OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Check out this video segment.
(2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM UPPERCASE ASSERTION
(1) GOD EXISTS! GET USED TO IT!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM LIMITED VOCABULARY
(1) You use lots of big words.
(2) Therefore, I cannot possibly be expected to understand your refutation of my position.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

My absolute favorite (because it's so true):

ARGUMENT FROM ARGUMENTATION
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist's counterargument]
(3) Yes he does.
(4) [Atheist's counterargument]
(5) Yes he does!
(6) [Atheist's counterargument]
(7) YES HE DOES!!!
(8) [Atheist gives up and goes home.]
(9) Therefore, God exists.

What's YOUR favorite?

Oh man! What a crack up this is. Thanks for posting it.

Here's some of my favorites:

DORE'S ARGUMENT
(1) I forgot to take my meds.
(2) Therefore, I AM CHRIST!!
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)
(1) God is love.
(2) Love is blind.
(3) Stevie Wonder is blind.
(4) Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SUPERIORITY
(1) If God does not exist, then I am an inferior being, since I am not "special" in a cosmic sense.
(2) But I am superior because I am a Christian.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

PEACOCK ARGUMENT FROM SELECTIVE MEMORY
(1) [Christian asks "stumper" question.]
(2) [Atheist answers question.]
(3) [A lapse of time]
(4) [Christian repeats question.]
(5) [Atheist repeats answer.]
(6) [A lapse of time]
(7) [Christian repeats question.]
(8) [Atheist repeats answer.]
(9) [A lapse of time]
(10) Atheist, you never answered my question.
(11) Therefore, God exists.

-tts

# ARGUMENT FROM ROUNDNESS, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (VIII)
(1) Isn't it amazing how perfectly round the planets are?
(2) Someone sure must have been in control of that "Big Bang" in order for them to shape up like that!
(3) Just place a stick of dynamite under a huge rock. You'll see that the explosion does not produce perfectly round smaller rocks.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
(optional)
(3a) Atheist: The planets are round because of gravity.
(3b) But who made gravity?!?!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM FAITH IN THE OBVIOUS
(1) You have faith that the sun will rise tomorrow, don't you?
(2) See! Atheists have faith too!
(3) Just like I have faith in Jesus.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM IMPLIED BEAUTY, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (IX)
(1) If you evolved, you'd be pretty ugly.
(2) Look how beautiful you are, and the world that is around you.
(3) Only God could have made you so beautiful.
(4) I don't care that beauty is totally subjective, you are beautiful in God's eyes!
(5) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM BRAINWASHING
(1) Atheists claim Christians have been brainwashed by churches.
(2) We can just as easily say that they have been brainwashed by secular colleges and universities in their futile thinking and secular reasoning.
(3) Your brainwashing keeps you from the Truth.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

i found these funnier!

originally posted by MajorMalfunction
Christians might not appreciate this page, though, so you've been warned

what are you talking about? I'm Christian and I'm not offended.

therefore God exists, what he does!

Roswell.

Good for you, Roswell. There are some who share your beliefs that would not be so amused.

ARGUMENT FROM BELIEF
(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.
(2) I believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

O that's rich! That was actually pretty funny.

ARGUMENT FROM DESIGN (I), a.k.a. PALEY'S ARGUMENT, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (III)
(1) If there is a designer, then God must exist.
(2) If I find a watch in a forest, there must be a designer.
(3) [Throws watch into forest.]
(4) Therefore, God exists.

"[Throws watch into forest.]"

I have to quit reading for now since it's not polite to laugh at work but I am amused by these.....therefore God exists.

[edit on 24-7-2007 by dbates]

dbates. I'm glad you like them too. I haven't been able to get all the way through them because I laugh so hard I wake the baby up.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (I)
(1) Someone made fun of my faith.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

I found this funny persecution says God exist.LOl

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (III)
(1) You Atheists are mean!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

I found this hella funny. Atheists you hurt my feeling I'm going to cry.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (II) (MODIFIED SIMPSON’S ARGUMENT)
(1) God, if you exist, please give me absolutely no sign.
(2)
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Lol if it could be only that easy.
Even tho these still dont disprove God, its still kinda funny.

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (I)
(1) Someone made fun of my faith.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

I found this funny persecution says God exist.LOl

ARGUMENT FROM PERSECUTION (III)
(1) You Atheists are mean!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

I found this hella funny. Atheists you hurt my feeling I'm going to cry.

ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (II) (MODIFIED SIMPSON’S ARGUMENT)
(1) God, if you exist, please give me absolutely no sign.
(2)
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Lol if it could be only that easy.
Even tho these still dont disprove God, its still kinda funny.

I'm happy that I haven't offended anyone with these. They're just so darned amusing!

Here's one for ChiKey Monkey:

ARGUMENT FROM MONKEYS
(1) If man came from monkeys, there shouldn't be any more monkeys.
(2) There are still monkeys.
(3) Therefore, God Exists.

ARGUMENT FROM COMPUTERS
(1) I tried to delete a copy of the TEN COMMANDMENTS from my computer. It would not have mattered as I had another copy on file.
(2) Still the computer malfunctioned.
(3) The computer had more sense than Atheists who made it.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

Those pesky atheists, always making computers and stuff...

And how many times have I seen THIS happen?

ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSIVENESS, a.k.a. GOODY2SHOES' ARGUMENT
(1) You keep making statements that I think are generalizations, hypocritical, and bigoted.
(2) I will only agree to stay if you stop that.
(3) [Non-believer tries to be non-offensive.]
(4) You're still offending me because of [insert random statement here].
(5) [Non-believer rereads her posts before posting, posting when she thinks she is not being offensive.]
(6) I'm offended!
(7) [Non-believer tears her hair out trying to figure out how to be non-offensive.]
(8) This conversation is just the two of us. I think we should stop this conversation.
(9) [Non-believer figures '# it' and posts what she really thinks.]
(10) WOW! WHAT A BIGOT! I'm leaving!
(11) I have a spiritual victory.
(12) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM KARMA
(1) There are persons who are unusually beautiful and powerful both in this life and in the life after death.
(2) Therefore, there must be a supreme authority who is able to award the respective benefits of our present activities.
(3) Only God could be the supreme authority.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM REVEALED SANSKRIT SCRIPTURES
(1) The existence of God can not be inferred from sense perception (pratyaksa) or from logic (anumana).
(2) The existence of God can be understood from the revealed scriptures (sabda).
(3) Revealed scriptures say that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM BIG BANG AND QUANTUM MECHANICS
(1) The Big Bang would never have banged if there were no god (or some ET) as observer to collapse the waveform.
(2) Therefore God (or some ET) must have existed at some point in the past.
(3) If an ET had done it, he would be God.
(4) God is eternal, so if He did exist He must still exist.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM CLOTHING
(1) Fundie: "Why do you wear clothes?"
(2) Atheist: "It is cold, I like having pockets for stuff, my body isn't too neat to look at, and most of all, I would be arrested and forced to clothe myself anyway."
(3) Fundie: "No. You wear clothes because Adam and Eve sinned and were kicked out of the Garden of Eden and made ashamed of their nakedness."
(4) Atheist: "What about primitive societies where the natives go bare-assed without embarrassment?"
(5) Fundie: "The word of God hasn't reached them."
(6) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM NECESSARY INVENTION
(1) "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him." - Voltaire
(2) God must exist.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM TERMINOLOGY
(1) There are hundreds of proofs of god's existence.
(2) When you call something a 'proof', that means you have shown the result to be true.
(3) Therefore God exists.

# ARGUMENT FROM MULTIPLICITY (IV) (recursive internet edition)
(1) There exists a web page ( www.godlessgeeks.com... )
(2) That page has hundreds of purported proofs of the existence of God.
(3) They can't all be wrong.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

and my favourite:

ARGUMENT FROM ASSUMPTION
(1) God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

Roswell.

[edit on 25-7-2007 by roswell1]

Toooo funny! A few of my faves:
1) God's existence must be the work of God.
2) Therefore, God exists.

1) I have a gun
2) In fact, we have a lot more guns than you do.
3) Therefore, God exists.

1) Real men like beer.
2) God allowed real men to make beer.
3) Therefore, god is real, and likes beer.

The authors use of humor doesn't employ any more logic than what she makes fun of, but it's still funny. She also listed 666 "reasons". Clever.

I was reading through some more of them. Man, this is some of the funniest stuff I have ever read.

ARGUMENT FROM WEIRD
(1) You look weird, Atheist.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS
(1) I was once abducted by aliens.
(2) What we call aliens are really demons, the Bible says so.
(3) If demons exist, than so does God.
(4) You've seen the X-files, haven't you?
(5) Therefore, God exists.

LINGUAL ARGUMENT
(1) There's existence in nonexistence so...
(2) God exists even if he doesn't.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM BLATANT CHEATING
(1) The following statement is true.
(2) The preceding statement is false.
(3) While you're puzzling that one out, I'm going to run around and tell everyone that you said God exists!
(4) Therefore, God exists.

-tts

My apologies to Christians in this thread. I made an assumption that this would offend you, and therefore underestimated your senses of humor.

I tip my hat at you as I eat my crow.



Mmmmm ... crow

Now these are quite funny:

# ARGUMENT FROM HEISENBERG UNCERTAINTY
(1) The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle (HUP) states that the location or the movement of a particle can be known, but not simultaneously.
(2) But God knows everything.
(3) Therefore, the HUP is false.
(4) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PULP FICTION
(1) God CAME down from heaven, and stopped those motha-#in' bullets.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM NIETZSCHE
(1) Nietzsche said, "The only excuse for God is that he doesn't exist."
(2) Not true. God's got PLENTY of excuses.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

Bit Orwellian this one (at least, it reminds me of 1984):

ARGUMENT FROM 2+2=4
(1) 2+2=4
(2) Think about how improbable that is.
(3) If the universe were left to random chance, 2+24 would probably not equal 4.
(4) Instead, it might be equal to -43, or 7,894,321,695,844, or something else.
(5) Only God could make 2+2=4.
(6) Therefore, God exists.

Some of the others I liked

ARGUMENT FROM COMPLEXITY (II), a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (XI)
(1) The human body is too complex to have happened by chance.
(2) So it must have been designed.
(3) [Atheist: Well, wouldn't God be even more complex? So does he have a designer?]
(4) See previous argument.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

[ARGUMENT FROM NOTHING
(1) Nothing comes from nothing.
(2) God is not nothing.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

This one I liked.

ARGUMENT FROM SELF-EVIDENCE, ABRIDGED
(1) God is self-evident.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

Lol give me evidence. Please.

Brilliant stuff !
The 'Just because' arguments (242 and 243) are quite perceptive -but my personal favourite is the 'Beer argument'(281)
Cheers Karl
PS How did the crow taste?


[edit on 01/24/07 by karl 12]