He only dates pretty white people.

Ok! Well this rant is more for my benefit than yours (obviously), so bear with me. You'll probably be intensely bored upon reading this rant, so I suggest you press the back button on your browser and make your way out! So on with the show...

If you haven't already noticed; I'm asian. Pretty? You tell me.

But I don't meet his standards anyway.

About ... 5 months ago, I met a guy I absolutely fell head over heels in love with. We have EVERYTHING in common:

We both...
- go to the same guitar teacher whom we both love!
- listen to the same music even if we're the only ones that know the band
- are Atheist
- read Stephen King
- have the same sense of humor, watch the same shows
- have the same friends
- hang out every chance we can
- are hippies
- talk to each other in internet lingo ("Orly?" "Yarly!" "Nowai!" "Roflcopter!!!" "Lawlerskates!!!")
- are in the most advanced courses
- got suspended for bringing a lighter on the bus
- pass notes every single day in class

Pretty much, we're BFF's. I'm his best female friend and he's my best male friend. So you're probably thinking, oh well he doesn't like you because he's content being a good friend of yours. Well then what makes the pretty white girls any different?!

He just started going out with my best friend today (I know, it burns), and they have almost NOTHING in common. But guess what? She's pretty and white!

And before her .. he also liked my other best friend who was pretty and white EVEN THOUGH THEY NEVER TALKED!!

:bnghd:

I then began to ponder ... perhaps he's just extremely shallow. So I started talking to him later in the day, and it was like. "How are you?" "Good! How are you?" "I'm horribly depressed." (I'm a terrible liar and he'd know I was lying if I said 'fine')

So he was like "Why are you depressed?"
And I was like "No, I can't tell you."
And he's like "Why?? We're best friends! You can tell me anything!"
"It's going to sound really stupid and petty."
"Just tell me!"
"Well .... I've liked this guy for the longest time and he seriously does not like me back."
...
"Oh. Sorry."
So I asked him "Just curious, has every single one of your past girlfriends been pretty and white?" And mind you he's had at least 20 girlfriends in the past. And he took a moment to think and said "Yeah."

I felt a little , but I tried to cover it up with a smile and walked away without saying bye.
I honestly would like to ignore him because he's broken my heart twice now, but I'd have no good reason to ignore him. Because he doesn't know I like him (even though I sometimes make it blatantly obvious). And I don't want to lose our friendship over a relationship problem.

Why can't I just be happy for him? And happy for my friend? And what if my assumtions are incorrect? Why am I so bitter!? I feel so selfish and horrible and yet I can't help it!

ARRGHH. I'M JUST SOO :bnghd::bnghd::bnghd::bnghd:

WHY DO GUYS HAVE TO BE SO SHALLOW? I know for a FACT that we'd have been going out loooooooooong ago if I was pretty and white.

Someone console me. Right when I think I've found someone perfect, he turns out to be a shallow bastard who's going out with my best friend, who's still incredibly nice and charming which is twice as horrible for me!! Why is life treating me so horribly? My hopes get high and then they're crushed in the absolute most horrible way possible.

I've been CRYING MY HEART OUT the past few days, and normally I'm an extremely headstrong, defiant sort of person and these things don't get to me, but I seriously think I fell deep with this kid.

I'm so pathetic!! Look at me, crying because of a broken heart!! I'm just like everyone else!! I hate myself!! I hate myself!!

Why? Why? Whyyyyy??

Originally posted by Paresthesia

He just started going out with my best friend today (I know, it burns), and they have almost NOTHING in common. But guess what? She's pretty and white!

And before her .. he also liked my other best friend who was pretty and white EVEN THOUGH THEY NEVER TALKED!!

Been there, done that. But my friend and I were both white. We hung out with these two guys and they both liked her. It was really tough, and I hear your pain, but I doubt it's the fact you're Asian.

Originally posted by Paresthesia

I honestly would like to ignore him because he's broken my heart twice now, but I'd have no good reason to ignore him. Because he doesn't know I like him (even though I sometimes make it blatantly obvious). And I don't want to lose our friendship over a relationship problem.

Honestly? From my advanced age (at least compared to yours)? Guys come and go. Especially at this age. If you became his girlfriend the odds are against it lasting forever. And in my experience, though I know other people have different ones, I have NEVER been able to be friends with a guy after we break up.

A good guy friend is a great thing for a girl to have. You can go to him and ask him questions about other guys in your life that you ARE dating. You can pretend to be each other's significant other if someone gets too intense and you aren't interested. You'll always have dates for the dances if there is nobody else to go with.

98% of my friends in high school were guys. I couldn't relate to girls at all. And then when I did make girl friends, they would steal the guys I was interested in. It's just the way the heart goes. You can't make someone love you. You just have to accept things the way they are for now and move on. You never know what the future is going to hold. Perhaps you'll get together next year, or the year after.

Why can't I just be happy for him? And happy for my friend? And what if my assumtions are incorrect? Why am I so bitter!? I feel so selfish and horrible and yet I can't help it!

ARRGHH. I'M JUST SOO :bnghd::bnghd::bnghd::bnghd:

WHY DO GUYS HAVE TO BE SO SHALLOW? I know for a FACT that we'd have been going out loooooooooong ago if I was pretty and white.

Someone console me. Right when I think I've found someone perfect, he turns out to be a shallow bastard who's going out with my best friend, who's still incredibly nice and charming which is twice as horrible for me!! Why is life treating me so horribly? My hopes get high and then they're crushed in the absolute most horrible way possible.

I've been CRYING MY HEART OUT the past few days, and normally I'm an extremely headstrong, defiant sort of person and these things don't get to me, but I seriously think I fell deep with this kid.

I'm so pathetic!! Look at me, crying because of a broken heart!! I'm just like everyone else!! I hate myself!! I hate myself!!

Why? Why? Whyyyyy??

Oh god...I despise people like that. I don't really think hes racist, I just think...well like you said, that hes shallow.

To be honest, I like girls of any race. I really don't care. I think your pretty Paresthesia. ^^ Don't bother with that guy anymore.

I pretty much know exactly the same feeling, only not the same because I am the male in the situation, but I am guessing you are in highschool, and highschool is the most insane place when it comes to relationships, depending on what grade and how long you have been friends, theres a chance he might not just have to date these "pretty white girls". From what I have noticed with all my older friends who graduated, for some reason, the types of people they date change a lot, I think it has something to do with the imagery they have for themselves, and they dont want to change that for school, because school is insane.

Just stick it out for awhile, its big right now, but in the long run, its just another knot in the string, and things change, people change, he miight open up his horizon a bit. Remember, its not the end of the world.

Sheesh, and here I thought my life was complicated. No offense Paresthesia.

really though, it's pretty sad that this guy is closed minded to dating other kinds of women. I personally would date a woman from any race.

Don't worry Par, there is plenty of other people out there.


[edit on 2-5-2007 by thehumbleone]

He may just value your friendship to much and is to dumb to sit down and tell you that. Sometimes it's a bad thing to start relationships with friends cause sometimes it goes wrong and you'll both lose everything you had, Anyway what 'could' happen is him going out with this other girl makes him realise what he could be having with you when she bores him and strengthens your relationship.

IF you really want him then play dirty spend less time with him, It'll be hard for you yeah but if you want the prize then you have to play the game. Make him run to you, make it so he has to go out of his way to be able to talk too you and maybe start talking to other guys all this will confuse him and hopefully make him jealous, Which will eat away at him slowly and make him start thinking of you alot more which if all done right will make him chase after you cause he'll want what he cant have and guys love the chase. Be paintient good things come to those that wait and if all else fails then he's a jerk and done you a favour


No need to thank me i've been pimpin' since i was knee high lol

Paresthesia, it might not be as it seems, but I certainly understand.

I guess I'll be blunt with this, but it really could be any number of things. You have probably read some of my "male perspective" comments in the past, so you know I'm going to be straight with you.


It could be the following, just to give examples:
- the other girls might have bigger breasts, guys are shallow
- they might seem more willing to put out and again, guys are shallow
- it might be based on social issues like his friends like a certain type and he is following the herd
- he might not think he's your type or that he can even get you
- he might think he knows your type and he is not it (you think you know his after all, right?)

Stuff like that. The bottom line is at that age, it's sex and peer-pressure that are the strongest things for a guy. You want sex all the time and you want to be popular.

Of course, being popular means you're more likely to get sex. See the pattern here?

Now, the fact that he IS you're best friend is a good thing, because Ill tell you the secret here....guys want to have sex with every girl that is their friend. Period. There are very, very few exeptions to this rule. Don't believe the "value your friendship too much" stuff.

Guys become friends to have sex.
Women become friends to not have sex (ie. the friend list).

Get it? Now in all my years, very few women understand this and if they do get it, they don't usually use that knowledge.

I would bet money that he is attracted to you, but for some reason he hasn't acted on it. He might not have seen the "open" sign, but in truth...most guys would miss signs like that even if they're in flashing neon.


My best advice is to take some action if you really want it to work. Since he is clearly stupid, you might need to draw a map for him a little better. You don't have to tell him how you feel or anything drastic. All you need to do is make sure you're being a little more clear with the signals.

Oh, and for the record...you're totally hot and smart. He's an idiot.

Originally posted by ZeddicusZulZoranderNow, the fact that he IS you're best friend is a good thing, because Ill tell you the secret here....guys want to have sex with every girl that is their friend. Period. There are very, very few exeptions to this rule. Don't believe the "value your friendship too much" stuff.

I guess I'm one of those exceptions.

Originally posted by Kacen

Originally posted by ZeddicusZulZoranderNow, the fact that he IS you're best friend is a good thing, because Ill tell you the secret here....guys want to have sex with every girl that is their friend. Period. There are very, very few exeptions to this rule. Don't believe the "value your friendship too much" stuff.

I guess I'm one of those exceptions.

If your "friend" said she was going out this weekend for just pure sex, no strings attached at all and then asked if you'd be a willing partner...you're saying you wouldn't?

Sure.


The defense rests.

I admit I am a bit shallow. Sometimes a guy won't want to mess up a good friendship with a relationship though. I don't know the guy you are talking about, and I haven't seen any pictures of you, but I'm just guessing that you are attractive (asians are attractive to me). Perhaps this guy, other than not being able to pick up on what you are hinting at, just doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

I thought about giving you the standard advice of realizing this guy did not share your interests. You feel connected, he does not. There really is not much more to say about this other than there has to be two sides into it, girl.

But, you are attractive, smart, and hold your own. There is no reason to think you have to play another guys game. You just don't have to. Take my advice as I did, and just let loose and be yourself. I bet if you look around a little, there is probably more than one person out there wanting to be your everything. You have been trying to put yourself out to be this guys, and probably not noticed that others seek to be with you for you.

Believe in yourself.

he must be gay, because asians >>>>>>>>>>>>> whites

It's said beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and people also have the right to pursue what they think is attractive, or not pursue what they think is unattractive.

I'm a bit sympathetic to the guy. I would always seem to attract women which I am not attracted to (of various races). A friend of mine had a similar situation - he's tall, attractive, muscular, of means, and has a glamourous job (Air Force pilot). He's also a very nice guy. He would always seem to attract obese women. He's not into obese women and told them that quite frankly (but in a nice way). When some of them protested, he mentioned to them that they probably are not attracted to obese men (even though they are obese themselves), after which they agreed with his thinking, and couldn't really denounce him if they were guilty of the same thing.

Just my thoughts.

Oh. My. God. Thank you guys soooo much. I've been losing sleep about this whole situation, and now I totally feel alleviated of that grief. You're right. I really need to meet new guys and forget about this one since obviously I can't have him.
I've gotten a bit of my old confidence back thanks to you guys.

Originally posted by Zhenyghi
It's said beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and people also have the right to pursue what they think is attractive, or not pursue what they think is unattractive.

I'm a bit sympathetic to the guy. I would always seem to attract women which I am not attracted to (of various races). A friend of mine had a similar situation - he's tall, attractive, muscular, of means, and has a glamourous job (Air Force pilot). He's also a very nice guy. He would always seem to attract obese women. He's not into obese women and told them that quite frankly (but in a nice way). When some of them protested, he mentioned to them that they probably are not attracted to obese men (even though they are obese themselves), after which they agreed with his thinking, and couldn't really denounce him if they were guilty of the same thing.

Just my thoughts.

Oh, nice. You're comparing me to an obese woman. Thanks.

And I've dated asians before, so that counter-question would have no effect on me.

This rant isn't so much about being upset because someone totally rejected me but how much shallowness can hurt.

Interesting response though. It was a bit of a leap from the others but informative nonetheless! :]

Originally posted by Paresthesia
Someone console me. Right when I think I've found someone perfect, he turns out to be a shallow bastard who's going out with my best friend, who's still incredibly nice and charming which is twice as horrible for me!! Why is life treating me so horribly? My hopes get high and then they're crushed in the absolute most horrible way possible.

I've been CRYING MY HEART OUT the past few days, and normally I'm an extremely headstrong, defiant sort of person and these things don't get to me, but I seriously think I fell deep with this kid.

I'm so pathetic!! Look at me, crying because of a broken heart!! I'm just like everyone else!! I hate myself!! I hate myself!!

First off, (hugs). I know where you're coming from. Had my heart broken so bad once it gave me a mental breakdown and I had to move away from the city to recover. I didn't go back there for years and years. It hurts, and it hurts so long, and to such an extent, you don't think it'll ever go away. All I could do some nights was stare at the ceiling and wonder about the giant, bottomless hole in the middle of the word "alone".

I did whatever I could to fill that hole. I drank constantly. I can't even count the amount of drugs I did. I was the male equivolent of a slut, dating and sleeping with any woman that would let me. Frankly, I'm amazed I didn't get HIV or worse. None of this would fill the void, though. Nothing...

...and then one day, I had a wake up call. A girl I had just broken up with (because I just couldn't stand her) showed up a week later to tell me she'd had a miscarriage. A what?!?! Neither of us had known at the time we broke up that she was pregnant, but I was very nearly a father to a child from a woman I wanted nothing more to do with ever again. In Texas, if you knock a girl up, you either marry her, or you carry the stigma of being a deadbeat dad with no respect.

I was lucky...all "three" of us were, I guess. Mother nature decided it wasn't our time. Thank god. Twice. Once for mother nature, and once for me being sober enough at the time to learn from the lesson.

You said you were "Asian", but didn't specify what country of origin your family is from. I'm a nihongophile, a huge fan of Japanese culture. And one of the things they have in Japan that we don't in the USA is the tradition of shaving one's head like a monk in an attempt to attone and mend one's ways. That's what I did.

I made it as ceremonial as I could manage with my ghetto resources and tiny grasp of tradition (I mean, I'm gajin, how could I ever really know, right?) but to me it was extremely meaningful. I took a vow that I would not have sex for a year and a day. I had come to realize that my persuit of filling this void within me had lead not only me down a dangerous and self-destructive path, but was also very nearly ended up father to a child I didn't want in a marriage to a woman I couldn't stand.

So... with a shaved head, and a solemn vow, I attoned. For a year and a day I was teased about both the hair and the vow. Women that were so far out of my league I'd never had a chance were suddenly "open for business" (which resulted in a whole new realization about people wanting what they can't have). I suffered through it, firm in my conviction, and refused it all. I focused on my writing. Then I focused on me. It was amazing how much I got done. The removal of the persuit of sex for a driving force suddenly left me with a lot of free time to get my life in order.

My life turned around. I gave up the drugs, only drank about once a month, and even then it was quite literally just one drink. I got more written than I ever had in my entire life, and best of all... I slowly came to the realization of who I was, who I had been, and who I wanted to become. I began correcting the -real- flaws within myself, rather than the imagined ones. Most importantly, I made The List.

The List was my minimum set of requirements that I would require out of the woman I would spend the rest of my life with. I was brutally honest with what I could and could not live with. In writing the list, I realized that all the previous time, I had persued just anyone, in the hopes that they would love me, and that I'd find true love, and someday end up marrying whomever it just kinda worked out with. Instead, what I had now was a specific plan. There would be no sudden surprises, no huge problems, because as long as every requirement on the list was met, the rest was negotiable. I arrived at roughly 50 items on the list by the time I was done.

The intent was that, once I was ready to start dating again it would be with the intention of finding a future wife. If whomever I ended up dating didn't fit the criteria on the list, I'd simply break the relationship off. This gave me an immense feeling of empowerment, but more to the point, I knew exactly what I wanted up front, and there were no games.

By now the year and a day had passed, as well as another three months. I was in no hurry to get laid anymore, but had every reason in the world to live right with myself this time around. I figured I might start looking at dating sometime after the New Year, but it was almost Thanksgiving, and a time to focus on family...

...then I met my wife under the strangest set of circumstances. The night I met her, I knew she was special, and we had the exact same birthday, day and year. After our first date, I knew I would marry her. She was the perfect woman for me. She fit every single criteria on the list, to a T, but more so, we loved each other from the moment we met. Our first date was the night before Thanksgiving, and the following day we each went to our respective familes, unbenknownst to each other at the time, and told our parents we'd met The One. Just to be on the safe side, it was still another year before I popped the question, and another year before we got married, but we both knew, from that first date, we would marry each other. And now, four years from when we met, we have a lovely marriage, home, and baby boy on the way.

I guess what I'm saying is, you really can know who the right one is when you meet them. But the only way you'll know when it happens is if you first know yourself, what you require from your future mate in order to be happy, and are willing to be perfectly honest with both yourself and your mate about whether or not they fit the list. Their reciprocation of your love should absolutley be something on that list of requirements.

I hope this helps.

Originally posted by ZeddicusZulZorander

Originally posted by Kacen

Originally posted by ZeddicusZulZoranderNow, the fact that he IS you're best friend is a good thing, because Ill tell you the secret here....guys want to have sex with every girl that is their friend. Period. There are very, very few exeptions to this rule. Don't believe the "value your friendship too much" stuff.

I guess I'm one of those exceptions.

If your "friend" said she was going out this weekend for just pure sex, no strings attached at all and then asked if you'd be a willing partner...you're saying you wouldn't?

Sure.

The defense rests.

If she insisted, I might give in. But in reality I'm extremely shy about sex, and would also be afraid of getting her pregnant. I also respect women too much...I'm a really weird male in all seriousness. I don't even like porn, I like softcore tasteful stuff.

Originally posted by Kacen
If she insisted, I might give in. But in reality I'm extremely shy about sex, and would also be afraid of getting her pregnant. I also respect women too much...I'm a really weird male in all seriousness. I don't even like porn, I like softcore tasteful stuff.

Your first sentence shows you fail the "friend" litmus test.

Men have friends, but yet will sleep with them no problem proving they are attracited to their friend. Women don't sleep with friends, because women are friends with guys their not attracted to physically. See how it all works?

As for this whole rant Paresthesia, I'm glad you're on track and figured out more of what you want.

Originally posted by Kacen

Originally posted by ZeddicusZulZorander

Originally posted by Kacen

Originally posted by ZeddicusZulZoranderNow, the fact that he IS you're best friend is a good thing, because Ill tell you the secret here....guys want to have sex with every girl that is their friend. Period. There are very, very few exeptions to this rule. Don't believe the "value your friendship too much" stuff.

I guess I'm one of those exceptions.

If your "friend" said she was going out this weekend for just pure sex, no strings attached at all and then asked if you'd be a willing partner...you're saying you wouldn't?

Sure.

The defense rests.

If she insisted, I might give in. But in reality I'm extremely shy about sex, and would also be afraid of getting her pregnant. I also respect women too much...I'm a really weird male in all seriousness. I don't even like porn, I like softcore tasteful stuff.

riiiiight ur not interested in porn, what about ur avatar

My goodness...if I weren't old enough to be your father, and I were in high school...well (ahem).

He's an utter and complete idiot. Your not only very pretty, but obviously very smart...a knock out combination in any intelligent males book.

Yeah, he's an idiot.

Originally posted by outrider

Originally posted by Kacen

Originally posted by ZeddicusZulZorander

Originally posted by Kacen

Originally posted by ZeddicusZulZoranderNow, the fact that he IS you're best friend is a good thing, because Ill tell you the secret here....guys want to have sex with every girl that is their friend. Period. There are very, very few exeptions to this rule. Don't believe the "value your friendship too much" stuff.

I guess I'm one of those exceptions.

If your "friend" said she was going out this weekend for just pure sex, no strings attached at all and then asked if you'd be a willing partner...you're saying you wouldn't?

Sure.

The defense rests.

If she insisted, I might give in. But in reality I'm extremely shy about sex, and would also be afraid of getting her pregnant. I also respect women too much...I'm a really weird male in all seriousness. I don't even like porn, I like softcore tasteful stuff.

riiiiight ur not interested in porn, what about ur avatar

How is it pornographic? Its two girls kissing with fairly modest clothing on. Like I said I like tasteful, softcore stuff. I suppose if I had a male and a female kissing you wouldn't have said that.