As an expectant father, I sometimes get to thinking back on the classics, like that old educational film they made us watch in school: "The Miracle
of Life". You know the one, and if you don't, then you probably should, unless you're already intimately familiar with those little details by now.
But I can't help but feel it's dated... We need something more appropriate to the times, something more modern, that really gets down to the core of
what birthing a new generation of child means in this day and age. In short, the movie needs a remake.
Here's how I envision it:
(cue the deep throaty smoking man voice)
"In a world..."
(inside-womb shot, with various innards floating past the camera)
"...where nothing is as it seems..."
(one of the innards-floating past the camera turns out to be an eye that opens up and turns to look at the camera, which drifts on down the arm)
"...they silently wait, biding their time..."
(baby arm tenses, hand clutches into a fist)
"...until the pefect moment..."
(camera zips backwards out of the womb through a tunnel of fleshy stuff, with the baby following close behind, positioned like a flying superman, face
towards the camera, gaining.)
"...and by the time it strikes..."
(camera zips out of the womb to show an Emergency Room, doctors and nurses frantically bustling around a woman in labor. Suddenly the baby flies out
of her, umbilical cord still attached, striking a dramatic pose.)
"...it's already too late."
(bullet-time zips around the baby in a circle as scalpals and bedpans slowly tumble in midair and astonished doctors and nurses gasp in fear.
Afterward, baby lands on the ground, in yet another dramatic pose, fist to the ground. The baby looks up with a bloodthirsty glint in its eye)
(To the tune of a dramatic chorus (like the one in the new Bond flick or the Darth Maul fight scene) Baby begins a series of martial-arts ass-kicking
coordinated by Yuen Wo-Ping, flying around the room, using the umbilical cord as a bungee wire for added stunts, bouncing off the chest of one doctor
to punch another in the face, kicking backward to take out a nurse, head-spinning to take out the orderlies, etc.)
(Baby finishes beating up all the hospital staff and turns to face the mother and father, whom are aghast at the carnage. Baby reaches behind it's
(Baby pulls out a purple light-saber, and with a flourish, cuts its own umbillical cord, and then does a triple summesault through the window, arms
outstretched in a swan dive from the top story of the Empire State Building)
"...And a movie that's out of this world,"
(Baby lands on an alien space ship, pries open the cockpit, beats up the little grey pilot, and the last thing we see is the ship zooming off into
(title shot) "The Miracle." (because you have to use a shorter version of the title you're remaking.)
[edit on 4/26/2007 by thelibra]