Matter of Age

Well, I started in relationships young, when I was 15, I was spending quality time with a 13 year old, and we both thought ourselves very adult at the time. Then I had occasion to spend time with a few of my Mother's friends, one in particular, who taught me the ways of pleasing a woman, and also of the responsibilities of being with a woman in a relationship, and the support of that woman who pleases you so much. I was also schooled in the many responsibilities of raising children, and the costs involved. I got married the first time at 17, to a schoolmate, this lasted for not even a year, as we both came to realize we were not in any way meant to be together. Next came the marriage that lasted for 29 years, I was 19, she was 20. Through ups and downs, all through the late 70s and 80s, into the 90s I worked like a dog to be able to live like one. I put two kids through school to graduation, one through a 4 year business college, one though a trade school, and I always did the best I could do by my family.

I am 58 now, retired, disabled for life with a bad back and legs. I live with my Common Law wife and he two boys, she is 32. I still work as much as I can, I repair computers from my home.

When did I become "responsible enough" to be able to "handle a relationship?" I would say when I began to see my paycheck as not something fun, but to supporting a family with.

I was pursued, vigourously, by my 36 year old teacher when I was 17. It never felt right to me, and was tandamount to harassment in the end, especially when he professed 'love' which I certainly didn't feel ready for. Plus I don't think he was used to being rejected, haha, turned quite nasty in the end. I had a lesser, but similar experience with another teacher when I was 15, and with a guy who used to send me love letters to the place where I worked around the same time. I seemed to attract that 'type' immediately from puberty. With boys my own age, I was fine, liked all the awkward fumblings, but saw no reason to rush into anything, love could wait, it was simply the intensity of feeling that older men wanted to project upon me that I didn't like. It was, or felt, manipulative. However, especially with the teacher when I was 17, there were plenty of girls who would have traded places with me, and were envious of the attention that I hated. Most of them were already sexually active though, and an older boyfriend held greater status perhaps, I was happy staying a 'kid' for as long as I could, and chose to stay inactive in that way until I was 19 and had left home, and therefore had the privacy and freedom to fully enjoy that development. So many of the girls I knew had told me of their disappointing 'first' experiences, mine was great though, I wasn't rushed or pushed, quite the opposite really.

I kind of agree with the system that they have in much of Scandinavia and the Netherlands, where children, or rather young people of the same age, have no age of consent and can explore their sexuality without judgement, but are protected from exploitational relationships with those significantly older than them. A couple of years either way though, is nothing. And once you have reached emotional maturity, age means very little at all, except perhaps in the aesthetical sense.

reply to post by Biliverdin


It's good to hear stories like yours. So often you hear the bad things about young women and their first time. So much so that people start to think it's the norm.

It's not something I like to think about obviously, but I'm a father so I need to, but yours is the kind of story I hope my daughter can tell in due time.

reply to post by FunkTSkunk

As for my own case, I'm 16 and have a boyfriend who's 18. You all may think that this could be the stereotypical 16 year old speaking but he really does mean a lot to me, even if we're not going to run off and get married (we're not, no worries.)

That kind of ties in with the age of consent law, don't you think? What's the opinion on that?

Emotionally, and maturity-wise, there is ZERO difference between most 18 yr old boys, and 16 yr old girls. As for age of consent, you have to realize that in the US, a sex offender is a sex offender.

There is NO differentiation, so if you do the deed, and someone calls him out on it, it could potentially ruin his life forever. Now, personally, I think it's ridiculous. Kids are going to have sex at 16, it's a given, but since the law is what it is, I'm just trying to give you some honest truth here. Yes, it's stupid, but the potential damage you could do to this young man's future isn't worth you admitting you're sleeping with this guy. (We already know you are, just continue to keep it on the down low).

The other part of this is...you two probably think you're in love, and destined to be together for the rest of your lives and blah, blah, blah.

It's touching, and romantic, but not very realistic. NEITHER of you knows what you really want in a mate yet, nor even who and what you are yet... Simply put, you're both too young to really realize what it will take to make for a successful marriage. Don't shoot the messenger. I'm a guy who believes people should only marry in their 30's, because only then are they mature enough to handle it. Otherwise, you get married, have kids, and then 10 years later one of you is stepping out on the other one, because you never even knew each other when you got all entangled.

Sure, there are exceptions (and you're betting you're one of them). You aren't. Simple statistics state otherwise.

Now, I'm not saying you two shouldn't be together, or even not get married.
I'm just saying, make sure you REALLY know each other well, and have lived together a while as husband and wife, before you go rushing into parenthood, and then screwing up kids lives now, should you two decide it isn't the fairy tale you thought it was.

Ok, I'm posting this as a bastard step child to the Spanish guys' question about the 25 year old man and 14 year old girl.

THIS is WAY different from your situation. This isn't love, it's child molestation, any way you slice it. Not only legally, but morally as well. It has nothing to do with the simple math. In other words, this is a difference of 11 years...but if this was a 21 yr old and a 32 yr old, it would be perfectly fine. The reason it isn't, is beyond the whole LAW issue, the 14 yr old is NOT mature enough to make these kinds of decisions or handle this thing emotionally.

reply to post by Gazrok


Honey...the thread is 8 years old...so I think your response may be somewhat past that sell by date, they'll both be in their twenties by now

reply to post by Biliverdin


Well, I'm not the one who resurrected this thing....



Looks like Jesus isn't the only thing that rose from the dead in April....